SanPenguino
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Aztec Magical Girl Preview Pt 1 Rev2
🕑 Added 2025-06-30 03:03:05 +0000 UTCRevised Chapter One. Once again take a look and let me know what you think. I'll probably do one more pass and then post to DA, at which point stuff becomes canon.
Changes from the previous:
Cut down Sunny's initial intro, because it happens again when we meet her in person.
Cut down Lyta's intro, her info has partially been redistributed in the text so the reader picks it up more organically.
Added a section where Selena browses (unbranded, generic) social media, mostly as an intro to Lyta, but mentions some other characters so they don't just come out of nowhere. I think social media is a good way to get a sort of a look at people and things, but one that's partial and possibly misleading. Also stands to reason that Selena would spend a lot of time on it.
Small change to Ira's initial dialogue where the commercial job he's offering is more acting rather than modelling. The thinking is that Selena wants to be an actress - she picks up modelling jobs because she needs the money but doesn't actively look for them.
Marcela now asks after Selena's family and talks about Lyta a bit more.
Miscellaneous small rewrites to sentences to make them flow better, grammar and typo corrections.
Added proper Spanish punctuation where needed, and fixed some spelling.
Unresolved issues:
There's no reason Sunny and Selena wouldn't have gotten a place together after college to save money. Not having them live together is meant to show Selena struggling and a bit isolated. Maybe I'll address it in Chapter 2.
Selena says she talked to Manolo about the Kid Chido photoshoot about halfway through (we don't see it happen) but he's still surprised to see her there. She may not have told him he would be there, and we can always put it down to him not being all that bright.
The photoshoot dissolves into chaos in the early afternoon at the latest (sun is high), night then falls while Selena is driving from Beverly to East LA (like a 45 minute drive). Traffic can suck there, but that seems exceptionally bad. This needs to happen for the story to work, so I'm going to keep it and hope no one notices.
According to the vision serpent, it's roughly September (teōtlehco on the Aztec calendar). I want to include the Day of the Dead into the story, but a lot has to happen first, so I'm thinking I should move it back to Summer. Teōtlehco is "the month the gods arrive" so works for a god arriving, but the second day of any month is sacred to Quetzalcoatl, so there are other options. Alternately, it just runs ahead to the following year.
Give it a read and let me know.
-D
