Bruce_Sentar
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AO 6 Ch 15
🕑 Added 2025-03-18 06:00:06 +0000 UTCMissy had once referred to Freya as "cow-tits," which really had been hard to imagine at the time, and I had just written her off as jealous. But seeing Freya in front of me for the first time, I absolutely concurred with Missy's description.
Freya was a motherfucking cow, sitting on her giant throne with a holier-than-thou, haughty expression. Her upper body had to be at least seventy-five percent breasts. She was an egregious representation of the female form, to the point that I thought I might actually have nightmares about a woman's breasts. A concept inconceivable before that moment.
It was almost hard to move past them to the rest of her, but I managed. She was tall, statuesque, with forest green hair that curled only at the very tips. She wore a long, green-and-gold gown, but it didn't really matter how it was cut. Everything would look absolutely scandalous on her, simply because even a modest neckline would always give way to those udders.
"Is he just going to stare?" Freya smiled at me. "You must be Ard."
"Udderly unbelievable," I said aloud, still struggling to wrap my mind around it.
"What?" Freya frowned.
"I mean, like, why?" I gestured vaguely at my own chest. "You have to have back problems, even if you are a god. Is that why your chair is so big? Look, I get that I’m a stranger, but you’re a goddess and can do what you want. Maybe make better life choices.” I shook my head, showing my disappointment.
"Excuse me, mortal? Did I give you too much respect by using your name that it went to your pea-brained head?" Freya asked, shifting in her seat to look me over more fully.
"No, he's always like that," Missy sighed. "Actually, acknowledging him probably worked in your favor more than anything else. He’s a bit vindictive." The mistress of the night was rubbing her temples. "Ard, we came here to show off godly magic, not..."
"I know, but I can't stop staring," I tilted my head, trying to work through her logic. "Just... Why? I don't understand."
"I mean..." Ditzy shrugged. "Doesn't your one maid have a prodigious chest? I can tell they were magically modified."
"Yeah, but that's, like, still within the realm of, I don't know… reality? I mean, I know you're a goddess and everything, and you probably can do godly things, but how do you stand without falling over?" I steepled my fingers together and put them in front of my lips, eagerly awaiting her answer.
"Enough," Freya roared, and magic ripped through the room powerfully enough that I got the sense that she was really pissed.
Missy waved a hand and blocked Freya's magic. "Really, now? He was just asking a simple question.” Her lips quivered as she held back a laugh.
“You should be careful, Hecate. If you get too friendly with the mortals, it never ends well. I know you were once mortal yourself, and you must have some lingering sentimental attachments to the buffoons. But they will never rise above simply being worshippers to empower us gods. We may give them tools that briefly make them seem like they could be our equal, or help them strive above their simple mortal coils, but they always have limits. And they die." That last she said with a vicious glint when he eyes shifted back to me.
"Well, we're going to test that theory," Missy shrugged, not backing down. "Ard here is doing magic you've never seen before. But this isn't between you and Ard, this is between you and me, Freya."
A storm began gathering around Missy.
Ditzy moved fast, she grabbed me by the shoulder and we nearly teleported away as the storm of magic grew to epic proportions in the Golden Hall. We were beside a pillar while the two goddesses stood in the center of the hall.
I had been brought with them to witness the battle between gods, a battle that was about to commence, and I was a little excited to see what magic they would use.
Freya remained seated on her throne. However, the way magic poured off her, causing the space around her to ripple, made me think she didn't really need to move.
In contrast, Missy was making hand gestures, weaving lines through the air, and doing something that appeared to take far more effort than merely sitting on a throne.
"So, is this the part where I bring out sparklers and start cheering?" I asked Ditzy.
"You really can't take anything seriously, can you?" she retorted.
"It's not that I'm not taking it seriously," I defended. "I just prefer to lighten the mood with jokes. Why not laugh to get through hard situations? It costs nothing."
"Well, if that's how you cope, then so be it," she conceded with a small smile. "You don't have to worry, though. In a minute, you'll understand."
"So, what's Freya the goddess of?" I asked.
"Well, classically, love, beauty, fertility, war, magic and cats," Ditzy replied.
I raised an eyebrow. "She seems to have more in common with you than Missy."
"You wouldn't be wrong on that," Ditzy pursed her lips. "That's also why Hecate came to me. She knew I would have a personal vested interest in keeping Freya in check. Speaking of stronger..." The energy around both goddesses was reaching a crescendo.
"But cats?" I asked, frowning. "Is there a goddess of dogs, too?"
"Probably. Aspects are one of those weird, esoteric parts of magic. Even the gods don't fully understand why they have the powers they do. And it's been so long that the aspects have just kind of baked into each of us. Suffice to say, if millions or billions of people all collectively think you are the goddess of cats... then think of each one of their thoughts as a teeny, tiny, little spell. But with such a large number of those thoughts coalescing together, it becomes a spell that's able to even challenge reality."
It was a grand idea. There were spells that took parties of mages to complete and those were huge. The concept of millions or billions of people working together for something… well I had no doubt that it could change the very fabric of reality.
"So if I somehow get everyone in the world to think that I'm the god of handsomeness, charm and glib tongues, then I would become the god of that?" I smiled to myself.
"You're halfway to convincing everyone already. So keep it up, and maybe…” Ditzy rolled her eyes.
“But you said classically. Is there something different this time?" I pushed.
"While we've been stuck on this planet there have been more than a few gods that have..." She hesitated. "Disappeared."
I made a noise of understanding. "Oh. So you think that someone who might have an adjacent claim to another god’s could suck up the other's power?"
"We know for a fact that Freya has killed several gods. We know she killed Echidna. Apparently, the Greek mother of monsters also had an aspect of fertility that Freya used to bridge the gap between them and swallowed her whole." Ditzy’s beautiful face turned dark for a moment.
I shivered. “Although she is now monstrously fertile, maybe she needs lots of milk.”
My grin faded as the two goddesses' auras finally clashed together, a crackle of energy so powerful I thought it would rip the gilded hall that we stood in apart, only it didn't. In fact, the gilded hall remained steadfast against the battering of magic swirling every which way.
Ditzy clicked her tongue. "We could have gotten Bast in on this, too." She rubbed her chin. "It would be good to get as much help as we can. Freya is not an easy foe."
Missy and Freya's auras continued to slam together like two surging storms, only for Freya to begin taking shape. Images of monsters, many of which looked kind of like cats, or at least cat-like, prowled out of her aura and rushed Missy.
I went to step forward, but was stopped by Ditzy’s hand on my shoulder.
Missy wasn't idle while the monsters charged. Huge, complex shapes emerged from her own aura, catching the monsters and binding them, suppressing them, only for Missy's own aura to surge, suddenly swallowing another quarter of the room and pushing Freya back. Though, while it looked like Missy was winning, Ditzy began biting her thumbnail.
"She's going too hard." Ditzy mumbled.
"I don't know, it looks like she's winning to me," I said.
"This isn't so simple. There won't be a winner and loser today. Well, there will be, but this won't be the end of the fight." She replied.
"Can you help?" I asked.
"We shouldn't. Not while Freya hasn't called on help either.” Ditzy answered.
“Is that like a formal rule, like bound in magic, or is that one of those ones we can call on help?" Seemed like a stupid rule to me.
Ditzy gave me a look that was eight parts beautiful and two parts judgment. "You're going to break the rules already, just by existing. But I suppose I don’t know if the rules apply to you yet. You certainly never agreed to them like we all have."
"Exactly, I was kind of thinking, because I wasn't part of this whole god club, that maybe the rules don't apply to me. You made it sound as if they are magically enforced for you and Missy." I waited, curious for the answer.
"Branded right down to our very souls," Ditzy said.
I shivered at the thought.
"All of the gods. Meaning Freya's not going to pull some sort of stupid shit either.” She continued.
My mind started swirling with possibilities. “Are there new gods that don’t have the rules?”
“There hasn't been a new god in a very, very long time, Ard. The rules were enacted and forged into both pantheons and gods themselves. No matter what we do, there's no escaping them. And as long as a new god joins an existing pantheon, they'll be bound by the rules as well. Even the demigods of old that rose up to full god status later when they joined a pantheon, were all bound by the rules. In essence, many would say, it is part and parcel to being a god." Ditzy told me.
"Got it. We don't fuck with the rules." I nodded firmly.
"Yes, Ard. We don't mess with the rules." Ditzy reiterated, looking me firmly in the eyes. The warning was clear.
Our conversation cut off as Missy and Freya's battle grew even more intense. Magic surged out and swallowed every inch of the gilded hall. Missy seemed to be wearing thin. Meanwhile, Freya was putting up a good front. I could not see any cracks in her magic at the moment.
"If Freya's so strong, why are we fighting her on her territory?" I asked.
But as the words left my mouth, Missy suddenly changed how her magic was being presented. There was a sudden flash from the goddess's eyes. The twilight cloak she often wore, spread about her shoulders, filling the air in Freya's gilded hall. The space was slowly being swallowed.
"Your Missy is actually a little special," Ditzy told me as the raven-haired goddess began to float slightly off the ground, similar to one of those majestic godly acts she liked to put on in front of me and my anchors. "She's the goddess of thresholds and transition, or you could say liminal spaces. That is, metaphorical doorways between two things or two stages. Not to mention, she's also the goddess of the spirits and souls. We are currently at the threshold of two souls."
As Missy's power crescendoed, a maelstrom of swirling illusionary images filled the night sky, as if each of them was a star hurtling through space only to grow into spirits of people and animals as they approached.
For the first time, Freya seemed nervous and cried out, "Thor, to me!"
With a name like Thor and the sudden thunderclap that boomed through the hall as he entered, I got the impression this god was at least fairly impressive.
Though visually he was not what I expected. Somehow when I thought of a male god I thought about a chiseled, seven-foot-tall, handsome as shit, muscular deity. Thor wasn’t that. He was tall, overly so, but with a pot belly bigger than Cyam’s and a messy red beard that billowed out, hiding what was most likely at least a triple chin.
"Got yourself in some trouble," Thor laughed, his belly heaving.
"Lend me your thunder," Freya held her hand out.
The red-haired god looked perturbed at helping her, but reluctantly, he materialized a hammer made of storms that condensed into dark steel before tossing it to Freya.
The cow of a goddess whipped the hammer back and forth as lightning raced out, diving into each and every one of the streaming spirits that Missy had unleashed. They exploded, one after the other, into an ethereal shower.
"Now would be a good time to call on that hunger," Ditzy reminded me.
I had been so mesmerized by the display in front of me that I had forgotten I had been filling up my soul and the palace inside of it with magical might. I reached out, trying to help. It felt like drinking from an empty cup at first, like all I was getting was air. But after a moment, something got stuck in my straw, prompting me to pull harder and harder until finally a trickle emerged.
Ditzy cast a glance my way, her eyes glimmering as her lips spread into a wonderful smile.
"Ditzy, give me a hand. I know you still carry around his spear." Missy called over.
The blonde goddess spun her fingers, and a golden spear that was far too large for her appeared in her hands. She tossed it over to Missy, who grabbed it and held it aloft before letting out a roar that belonged on a battlefield.
The spirits and souls gathered behind her like a cavalry charge, rushing around her, a surging force with ghastly weapons. They slammed into the lightning coming from Thor's hammer, shattering the bolts and swarming down onto Freya’s throne.
It truly felt that Ditzy's spear had completely turned the tide.
"Should I be nicer to you?" I asked, squinting at the blonde goddess.
"Oh, you're just now figuring that out?" She gave me a winning smile. "Perhaps we can move back towards something like Vicky." She gestured at the spear. "I am the goddess of victory, and to answer your unsaid question, that is Ares' spear." She looked slightly away. "Freya isn't the only god that's… perhaps… absorbed someone." She made a noncommittal wave to the side.
"Were you the goddess of war before or after?" I asked realizing she’d eaten another god.
"Before," she growled out. "I have always been the goddess of war. It's just no one remembers. Everyone thinks war and plants it firmly on Ares, and that bastard has been cocky about the fact ever since. When our pantheon finally broke up, he cornered me and demanded that we would make the most perfect pair." She rolled her eyes. "The god and goddess of war. We could charge through the world doing what we pleased. He was quite forceful about it, in fact." She squinted off into the distance. "All you need to know is that Ares is no more, and now, with his aspects taken by me, I can quite firmly say I am the goddess of war." Her face became serious.
As the charge of cavalry ghosts pressed Freya's magic and lightning all the way up against her throne, I was siphoning something incredibly small off as a gift every time the spirits and lightning clashed. The further that Missy pushed the battlefield towards Freya, the easier it became for me to take a sip of whatever I was pulling through.
The lightning god turned his attention to me and Aphrodite.
His voice carried calmly across the space, despite the raging chaos between us. "And who is this?" he asked, only for Ditzy to wrap her arms around me and plant a kiss on my cheek that befuddled my mind for a moment and prevented me from talking.
"Don't you know? He's my new husband. He's perfect in every way, Thor." She swooned and leaned harder against me. "He's the man you could never be."
Comments
Steve Woolman
Spelling correction: 'That last she said with a vicious glint when he eyes shifted back to me.' Should probably read 'That last she said with a vicious glint when HER eyes shifted back to me.'
Bru-
This series has always been about ridiculousness. This just adds to it so well.
