Patrefans
Jcb112 from patreon
Jcb112 patreon

Wearing Power Armor to a Magic School (159/?) WiP 1

🕑 Added 2026-01-17 22:11:24 +0000 UTC

Comments

Andrew

I like how Emma drops into procedural idioms 'for the record' - it really shows how much she drilled for this. And also how respectful she keeps her composure. To me at least, it shows how much she's grown into the position (though she was pretty professional from the start). And while I kinda agree with the feeling of urgency, I think there's a mismatch between us, the reader's narrative urgency and Emma and the GUN's. The suit's probably already burst uploading an absolutely gobsmacking amount of data while they chat. I was expecting minutes, but hours is enough time to sync a lot of data and chat for a while, which takes a lot of the tension out of the situation. I'm having a great time at least. This whole situation's a blast.

Google Google

The more I read you're kind of right on that point. If I was Emma I would probably just cut him off saying yes it's a f****** dragon let's get to the point or something like that

ANTIcarrot

I am finding this exchange a little frustrating. Not to put to fine a point on it, but there is a reason the military, and military scifi, uses brevity codes. Once they know they're talking with the real Emma, and that there is a therat to Earth, there really should be a sense of urgency, and I'm not seeing that in this draft. Example: "Is that a fucking Dragon?!" "Yes, it is. " Emma said immediately. "Now about this exestential threat to Earth..." From there it really should skip to how Emma is talking to them. Then to a Friend / My Enemy's Enemy distinction. Then to how much time they have. That is the bare minimum of information they need to establish as quickly as possible. If Mekis can't do that Li really should immediately step in and take over. Once they learn they have two or three hours, then they can start get into the weeds, and Mekis can have the line back.

Jacob

Emma's next sentence: "said offending party is also currently, but likely not perpetually, dead"

A B

Sounds like she’s about to drop one of these on Li “ Si vis pacem, para bellum”


More Creators