odderkitten
patreon
New year, new Patreon format?
🕑 Added 2018-12-24 07:30:33 +0000 UTC
SO. I feel like a total shit burger about having let you all get charged monthly while I haven't been posting things. Getting a handle on how to recover from burn out - physical, mental, and creatively...it's been a fucking trip. So much challenging shit as well as unexpectedly amazing changes/opportunities, and moving to Madison - like, fuck, I could cry again right now thinking about how much more like home this place already feels. But brain chemistry is wonky about changing gears too quickly, and there's a bunch of personal and interpersonal stuff that I'm still processing and relearning...
I'm really sorry for not having had the courage to at least post a little sketch here and there, or even share what non-illustration stuff I'm doing from one day to the next. It's really hard to not overanalyze and get anxious about how stuff will be received. '___'
But ultimately I think this struggle has been good/essential, because I was trying too hard to do the same thing over and over, and kind of keep myself at a distance. (Even from myself, honestly.) I want to be more real, more accessible, vulnerable, and connect more directly to people - especially you all. Even though I'm very nervous about it, I am going to start streaming regularly. I might draw sometimes, or just be there to chat - or maybe even start playing games and sharing my thoughts on them? Because I have been struggling really hard with the balance of how to take time to enjoy myself when I feel like I should be working, and it makes me grow isolated from culture and stagnant, and uninspired. So I want to get experimental and communicate more directly - less of this text-dump stuff I've been doing.
I really want a chance to listen to other people's stories, and make a safe place to ask any questions and explore ideas. I might not be comfortable answering everything, but even practicing expressing that I am not offended but also not willing to answer is a skill I'd like to cultivate. (And learning how to manage energy/availability is a big thing, obviously...)
For those of you that really hope my art will be the same as it used to be, I'm not sure I can offer that. I don't know for sure what it will be. I will still deal with adult themes as well as cutesy stuff and Pokemon, and weird magical creature fusions - but just a heads up that it might get weirder, more intimate, less pin-up-y. Maybe. Probably. We'll have to find out together tbh.
Thank you so much to those of you who have stuck around despite my sporadic and excruciatingly slow growing pains.
I feel guilty about having accepted money while not giving you all what I promised - from commissions to regular posts to the thank you packages with I DO STILL INTEND TO SEND dammit. Just can't make it in time for christmas. But my shit is actually organized enough now - or 80% of the way there - so that these next few weeks can be focused on sending out rewards.
I might have to simply refund some of you for commission tiers though, because I'm not sure that I can unbury myself from the backlog of stuff I feel I can't complete because my executive dysfunction makes me freeze up so hard when I don't know what to prioritize. I will be deleting and simplifying the Patreon tiers at the start of the new year to end the cycle of self-defeating overambitious promises. Ugh.
I also want to change the Patreon payment format to be pay-per-creation rather than by month. This way I will have a clear incentive to finish projects and you won't be stuck paying for things when I'm not able to.
(Pay-per doesn't mean each post is charged, btw. I will still be able to make posts that are free, and you all will be able to put a cap on how much per month you pay. Feel free to make suggestions on how to optimize this for your interest!)
And I just wanted to make this a poll so you could reply easily I guess?? Idk D:
Comments
ME TOO. Though making progress in my physical health has opened my eyes to a new wild and inconvenient aspect of how my brain works - which...I suppose probably falls under a PTSD definition?? My brain has been a clusterfuckstorm of ups and downs, grateful and terrified that it'll get worse again, excited to be making progress one moment and then feeling utterly defeated the next. I am really looking forward to getting on insurance in January so I can hopefully find a therapist who can give some insights that I've not been able to find on my own - or even just be someone I can say the worst of my junk to without worrying about it hurting anyone's feelings. Even with as much as I've been able to talk to some friends and family, it's like my feelings over the years slowly clogged into a massive emotional bullshit-zit that is making me feel sore and pressured and distracted and disgusting. >n< Maybe a weird analogy, heh. And not trying to ask for pity or anything - I actually am very appreciative of this whole journey. I am blown away by how much my mind/heart have become able to connect more recently. Like - my capacity to actually feel emotions is way more intense than it has ever been. Music, art, movies, empathy for people that I used to just kind of write off as "normies" - it's like I've been rewired. (Which does make my sense of self a little bizarre/shaky, but I'm also curious and thrilled to see what the heck is next. :o)
Luna
Just happy to see you doing better. โค๐๐๐๐งก๐๐ค
kitty
You do you! But i think having smaller teirs where you send smaller prints that you have already draw and that are a monthly thing rather than a pay per commision type thing would be a good idea to! Dont get to stressed out! Take time for you ๐๐๐
