odderkitten
patreon
Overdue Update
🕑 Added 2019-06-01 02:29:40 +0000 UTCMassive apologies for the extended absence. I have been really struggling to find my way back to updating because I keep being afraid of where to start, because everything is so far behind and I owe too many people too many things. The move and burnout followed by running out of my prescriptions has taken a bigger toll than I would have thought possible on my mental health. I have doing my best to focus on positives and take things slowly, and interacting with people one-on-one or in person has been pretty okay, and I'm doing better physically for the most part (not *normal* but *better* than I had been...)
The fuckiest thing is that I keep skipping time a lot. It feels like I go to sleep and wake up a week or two later. It's a huge mindfuck, and I really need to go to a psychiatrist but it's...really fucking intimidating because I always feel so frantic and vulnerable when opening up to a new person about this stuff, so I keep telling myself I'll do it "tomorrow" and, well, here we are...2-3 months since my last script ran out. WELP.
For everyone who is still hanging around on this Patreon or following me anywhere else, you have no idea how grateful I am for your patience. Every time I wake up and fall to sleep, my negative brain is sure someone's gonna send me hate mail and/or report me, demand refunds, etc because I'm falling through on everything and it's really what I deserve to be called out on. I wish I could just flip a switch and make my brain work. It's so goddamn frustrating.
I have a convention next week that I am completely not ready for. My mom is coming up in a few days to help some. I obviously hope to post more but I can't say for sure what or whether it'll be before/after this convention. I want to do so many things but friggin' dopamine has been so uncooperative.
I probably need to close the other Patreon to simplify things and delete most everything off this Patreon (tier/goal wise, not content! Content will stay!) so that it's less of a cascading failure feeling every time I try to log on. D: I think I need to build back up based on what I DO rather than what I WANT to do. This need to scale back is part of what has scared me off this last chunk of time, because it makes me so fucking sad to give up on so much of what I had promised/envisioned.
Tl;dr: sorry and thank you for the patience while I try to untangle my mess.
Comments
Tristan
It’s never a bad thing to try and focus on yourself and to get better. Everything will work out in the end!
Luna
Scaling back to what you know you can do is a great start.
