DarkTechnomancer
patreon
Fates Parallel Chapter 298 - Restraint
🕑 Added 2022-11-30 19:52:30 +0000 UTCYoshika bit her lip and paced circles around Eunae. With Pan Jiaying gone, she hadn’t bothered to maintain the projection of the world around them, so the two of them had perfect privacy within her soulscape.
“We need to fix this.”
Eunae winced and nodded.
“Of course. The very moment I’ve made progress in my technique I’ll—”
Yoshika stopped her pacing in front of Eunae and cut her off.
“No.”
“Pardon?”
“No. I don’t mean we need to add this to our eternally growing list of problems to figure out later. I mean we need to fix it. Here and now. Pan Jiaying volunteered to help—partly out of self-preservation, but still. We owe it to her to make things right.”
Eunae huffed irritably.
“I agree with you in principle, of course, but just saying that isn’t going to make it any more plausible. If it was as simple as you’re making it sound, I’d have already repaired the scar on your soul.”
“I never said it was simple, only that it’s necessary. Eunae, the scar on my soul may be out of reach, but Jiaying’s wound is fresh. We have time to stitch it up before it can get worse, but we have to do it now.”
“Yoshika, I don’t know if that analogy fits, and even if it does, where do I even begin?”
Yoshika gritted her teeth. Eunae was her friend—one of her best friends. Even without the geas forcing them to remain together, there were few people in the world that Yoshika trusted as much as her. Normally, her humble attitude was endearing—despite her background, she always treated people as equals, and Yoshika loved that.
But now, her self-loathing and lack of confidence was holding her back. It was holding all of them back, and causing real, measurable harm to Eunae and those around her. It had to stop.
“Eunae, have you seen your own soul? Have you truly looked inward to examine what it is that makes you who you are?”
“Yoshika, I’m a cultivator—mediocre though I may be—of course I have.”
Yoshika closed her eyes in focus, and the world around them shifted until the two of them stood on top of a vast, frozen lake. Eunae blinked and looked around in surprise.
“What’s this?”
“During my breakthrough to the third stage, this is where I created my self-image. You’ve been stuck at that bottleneck, right?”
Eunae sighed.
“As a mage, yes. I’ve been trying to bring my other disciplines up to parity in order to unify my cultivation, but Hyeong Daesung and I have both struggled in that regard.”
“Setting Dae aside for a moment, what’s been the source of your struggles?”
“I’m just not as talented as you are, Yoshika! I know you surround yourself with incredible geniuses, but not everybody can soar through the ranks in a few years. Most of us require years or even decades of practice to get anywhere close to your level in even a single discipline!”
Yoshika shook her head.
“Those are convenient excuses, but do you really believe that? Everyone in your family is exceptional. Misun is the youngest xiantian cultivator I’ve ever met, Haeun is some kind of spiritual savant that learned to cast without talismans at seven years old, and you think that your gaze is the only thing that makes you special? I don’t believe it.”
Eunae grimaced bitterly.
“Of course you don’t! You can’t! You put me on a pedestal because you have to. You’ve seen what my power does to people, Yoshika! The only reason you have so much faith in my abilities—the only reason we’re even friends at all—is because of this horrible curse. Without it, I’d be nothing—and I’d have no value to you as a friend or an ally.”
Yoshika surged forward, gripped Eunae by the collar of her robe and swung her arm forward, only for her hand to stop inches from Eunae’s face. Eunae chuckled sadly and stared down between them.
“You see? It’s insidious. You only think you’re in control of yourself, but even here in your domain, you can’t bring yourself to act against me.”
Yoshika squinted her eyes shut, bit down hard on her own tongue, focused all of her willpower, and reared back to headbutt Eunae. She felt a searing pain throughout her soul, but she ignored it and forced herself through. Her forehead collided with Eunae’s nose, causing her friend to rear back in pain.
“Ow! H-how—how did you do that? Ancestors, even my nose is bleeding—aren’t we just supposed to be illusory constructs?”
Yoshika rubbed her forehead and shrugged, trying not to let herself tremble from the ache deep in her soul.
“That doesn’t mean we can’t do very real damage here—Yue taught me that. Eunae, don’t you dare question my friendship! The scar on my soul wasn’t put there by you—it was put there by an idiot spirit that doesn’t understand the first thing about real human relationships. My faith in you is my own—I’ve seen what you are, Eunae. Look!”
The frozen lake dropped out from under them, leaving them standing on nothing as it shifted around to form a mirror stretching out forever in front of them.
In her reflection, Yoshika was Jia and Eui, the cat and the rat, Heian, all of her family and friends, and somehow—in the strange, impossible logic of dreams—just Yoshika. The essence of her true form, captured in a single impossible image.
Eunae’s reflection was completely different. Fiery green chains erupted from her heart and bound her head to toe. They pierced her ears and covered her eyes in a grim mockery of the veil she wore, they tied her arms and legs to her body, and then they chained her to the invisible ground—holding her immobile.
Eunae held one hand up to her mouth and reached out with the other to touch the frozen lake. Her reflection didn’t move with her.
“What—what is this?”
“It’s who you really are. The truth of your soul, reflected back on you—or, at least my interpretation of it. I can’t promise that this isn’t somehow affected by my biases, but I don’t consciously control what gets reflected here.
“When I broke through, I had to create myself from nothing—figuratively and literally. Rika probably had to do something similar. I think that’s the part of the process that drew the attention of the tribulations, but that’s just my guess. You need to look at yourself, Eunae—really look.”
Eunae stared at the mirror for a long, silent moment before tears began to streak down her face.
“I—I don’t know what this means...”
Yoshika sighed. She felt a little guilty about forcing her friend to confront herself like this.
“I don’t know how much you remember about forming the sacred art we used against the Magma elemental. Bringing so many people together with Melody of the Dreaming Moon and Absolute Awareness was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, and I needed support from everyone to do it.”
Eunae frowned.
“Everyone but me, right? Rika and Ja Yun filled me in.”
“Right. Your inner spirit rejected it, at first. You were brought into the technique, but she blocked you from contributing—accused me of trying to steal from you. After some convincing, she did help form the sacred art. At the time, she insinuated that I don’t know you as well as I think, and I saw the essence of your soul—the core of what might become your domain. Control.”
Eunae hugged herself and shuddered.
“Am I doomed to become just like her—a monster obsessed with controlling everything and everyone?”
“I won’t lie to you, Eunae. For a moment, I worried about the same thing myself. No matter who you are inside, you’ll always be my friend, but I don’t think that’s who you are. Look at yourself, Eunae. It’s not other people you feel the need to control, is it?”
She stared at her reflection and shook her head.
“Maybe not, but...don’t you think I deserve these chains? When I loosen them, people get hurt. You, Pan Jiaying—even Ja Yun said that Misun is right about me...”
“We both know she didn’t mean that, Eunae. And your sister just doesn’t understand you. She doesn’t see how much you struggle. She only sees your failures because it’s all she knows how to see. Don’t take this the wrong way, but your family is a little bit messed up. Even little Haeun seems like she’s ready to collapse under the pressure of their expectations at any moment.”
Eunae chuckled and shook her head.
“You’re not wrong. But even so, what can I do about it now? These chains are part of me. They are who I am. I couldn’t get rid of them even if I wanted to.”
“They may be part of you, but you haven’t accepted them. You still consider yourself separate from them, and they hinder you—they control you. But only because you let them! Self-control isn’t just refusing to take or acknowledge power, Eunae—it’s accepting that power and the responsibility that comes with it.”
“But what if I become like her? What if I become another Seong Heiran?”
Yoshika stepped behind Eunae and drew her into a tight embrace. In the mirror, Jia, Eui, and all of their friends and family joined them in support and solidarity.
“Isn’t that what we’re here for? You’re not alone, Eunae! You have friends that love you for who you are. You have Rika and Ja Yun. Your family back home might suck, but you have another one right here, and we all care about you. We won’t let that happen to you.”
Eunae took a long, shuddering breath, squeezing Yoshika’s hands tightly before she nodded once.
“Thank you, Yoshika. I can’t express in words how much that means to me. I think I know what I need to do now, but I need your help.”
“Just ask.”
“I have...a feeling—a tiny inkling of how I might take hold of my own bonds and gain some control over my power—but it’s not enough. Ja Yun says that you can share thoughts and memories directly?”
Yoshika stepped back and nodded.
“I can, but it’s a pretty intense experience. I had to really carefully pare down certain ideas in order to share them with her. What did you have in mind?”
“Two things—I assume you observed my power with your Absolute Awareness when it attacked Pan Jiaying?”
“I did.”
“Then that, certainly—and don’t worry about paring it down. I need to face it in totality, regardless of how difficult it may be. The second is...more personal, and perhaps unreasonable.”
Yoshika shook her head and chuckled.
“Eunae, you can ask me anything. I can’t promise I’ll answer or agree, but I’ll never judge you for asking.”
Eunae smiled.
“Thank you, but I think you really will find this an unreasonable request—can you give me the memory of your first breakthrough? From all the way back in the cave on Mount Geumji—when you first became Yoshika.”
“That really is personal. I don’t mind sharing it, but it won’t be a perfect memory—I hadn’t developed Absolute Awareness yet back then.”
“That’s fine. I think it will still help.”
“Alright.”
Yoshika focused intently on her memories. The first was still fresh in her mind—something she’d already planned on sharing—so it was easy to isolate it into a singular concept. Her experience with the Avatar technique had also expanded Yoshika’s ability to manage and compartmentalize memories and experiences for the purpose of sharing with others.
“Okay, it’s ready, brace yourself.”
With their souls already partially connected through Yoshika’s Melody, there was no specialized meditation required. Yoshika reached out with her domain and allowed the part where she’d isolated the memory to overlap with Eunae’s soul.
Eunae immediately dropped to her knees and gritted her teeth.
“Ancestors, it’s so much!”
“Focus, Eunae! You can do it!”
Yoshika knew better than to try to ease up or pull away. Eunae’s greatest strength was the ability to withstand any burden—usually the ones she placed upon herself. After a long minute of concentration, Eunae’s breathing finally returned to normal and she wiped the sweat from her brow.
“Okay, I have it. Thank you.”
“You're welcome, but that was the easy part. This next part is going to be almost pure emotion, and that’s always a harrowing experience. Get ready.”
Eunae nodded, and the two of them sat across from each other. Yoshika meditated on her first memories. It was a tumultuous experience—she was worried for her life, confused at the nature of her own being, and desperately trying to withstand the power being forced on her by the decaying mote of divine essence left behind by the demon Jianmo.
That moment had catapulted her from a pair of novices who had only just begun their exploration of cultivation, into a single united being with a transcendent power that even now she didn’t fully understand.
It was perhaps the most personal moment in her entire history. More than Eui’s confession of love to Jia, more than Jia’s eventual acceptance of that love...maybe not more than their first kiss or other intimate firsts. Yet it was still an extremely deep and meaningful experience, and she shared it freely with Eunae.
Their souls overlapped, and the two of them sat like that for what felt like an eternity, basking in the shared emotional turmoil. When they finally drew apart, both of them were crying. Eunae wiped at her eyes and chuckled nervously.
“Oh my, you weren’t joking.”
Yoshika smiled sadly.
“Nope. Are you alright? Did you get everything you need?”
“I think so, yes. Give me time to meditate on it—I don’t know how long this will take.”
“I’ll be right here with you.”
Eunae closed her eyes in meditation, and Yoshika did the same. Once again, Yoshika focused entirely on her soul sight, shedding away the layers of distractions until the only thing left in her senses was Eunae’s soul.
The bright blue core of Eunae’s soul glowed with a greater intensity than before, and the roiling storm of green flame began to churn and fluctuate as Eunae seized control of it. The core of Eunae’s soul drew the storm into itself even as more gouts of fire erupted from all sides.
Slowly, bit by bit, the fiery storm began to lose the fight. The core grew as the firestorm shrank away into it, and the bursts of new flame grew smaller and less frequent until at last the endlessly deep core of blue essence stood alone and immaculate.
But Yoshika could still sense the turmoil within—it wasn’t over yet. The core began to implode on itself, shrinking back to its original size as flames once more erupted from its surface. This time, however, the flames were controlled—integrated into the core rather than interfering with it. When Eunae’s soul finally stabilized, the core was surrounded by an aura of gently flickering green flame.
Yoshika opened her eyes, to see that not much had changed about Eunae, physically. But she could feel that the strength of the essence around her had magnified greatly. She even sensed the edges of a proto-domain like that of Ja Yun.
“Woah, did you just unify your cultivation?”
Eunae smiled and nodded.
“I did, yes. I realized that part of the reason I’d been struggling with it was that I was subconsciously trying to keep my soul separate from the rest of me. As if I was worried that my power might infect my other disciplines somehow.”
Yoshika looked at the frozen mirror and gasped. Eunae’s reflection still showed her bound by chains of green flame, but they no longer held her down. The chains were hers, and their restraint was only symbolic. The pale green flames enveloped her entire body, just as they had in Yoshika’s soul sight.
“Is that...what you want?”
Eunae glanced at Yoshika before taking a long look at herself in the mirror and nodding.
“Yes. It’s better this way. You’re right about accepting my power as part of myself, but I also need to remember what it represents, and what could happen if I let it loose entirely. My bondage isn’t just a state of helplessness that I’ve forced myself into—it’s...a choice. That matters, I think.”
“Do you think you might be able to control it now?”
“A little bit, perhaps. I think it’s going to take a lot of practice, but...I don’t know how to describe it, exactly. I can feel my power now in a way that I was never able to before. It’s frightening, but it also gives me hope.”
“And Pan Jiaying?”
Eunae winced.
“That’s a tall order, but you’re right. It should be done as soon as possible, before the changes have a chance to permeate through her soul. I’ll try, but I can’t make any promises.”
Comments
Katherine
This was a nice chapter.
