Richard McKay
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Constructive Criticism Part 1
🕑 Added 2023-09-30 17:16:19 +0000 UTCPart 1 is a commission and thus, will be public. Part 2 will be available to all subscribers.
Baelyn paced nervously though the cozy square footage of Cabin #7. It was kind of a weird situation, she'd been in here so long, and on one hand, there was that compulsion to keep moving, stay on her feet, and keep her eyes and ears open, but on the flip side, she was surrounded by some pretty comfy looking furniture. Once or twice, she'd sat down on the chair or sofa before catching herself, reminding herself that she was here to do a job, not lounge about. Not that she would have minded the latter. This was Trea's idea. Apparently, according to some of the more stodgy old runners, Baelyn and some of her fellow newbies had an 'attitude problem' or whatever, and after that inauspicious first chase, the decision was made to bring them across the lake to Draysil, the old guy running the resort. The name was familiar enough, basically the greatest buck ever to partake in the mating season chases, or so they'd always been told. Training, that's what they said, 'a night with Draysil will teach you more about the chase than 10 seasons with the boys we got, now.'
Although her first instinct would be to shrug off Draysil as over the hill, she couldn't say the old buck wasn't good - in the time she'd been ducking out in here, she'd twice seen him marching through the dark in the distance, the limp, amorously-drained body of one of the other girls Trea dragged out here slumped over his shoulder. She admitted that it was somewhat alarming that they apparently couldn't make that walk of shame back to the main office under their own power once he was through with them. But she was content to lay low and let the others run around clueless until they got picked off. Oh sure, she'd tried it their way briefly - that's why her traditional chase cloth was no longer tied around her waist. It took Draysil all of fifteen minutes to grab her and pluck it right off of her like a pedal from a daisy. Fortunately, Epheri was there to distract him and take that bullet - or ballistic missile, more like - giving Baelyn the chance to book it out of there. Good ol' Eph being the first one she saw being hauled away, a few moments later.
Seemed like a good time to take another peak.
Baelyn skulked over toward the window above the kitchen sink. She could barely make out the horseshoe pits in the distance but not much else. Over toward the living room window now, a glance out that way. The dark maw of the shadow-shrouded forest stood forebodingly a ways out, but there was little else to see beyond that.
Click.
Rattle.
Front door.
The doe dashed out into the center of the cabin, staring down the short hall into the foyer. She'd locked the door when she got in here. She wasn't sure if that was against the rules or not, but in hindsight, was stupid because it made it pretty obvious somebody was here. Worse yet, she could hear the sounds of key teeth raking over the lock mechanism. Her heartrate doubled and she could feel her knees begin to quiver. She didn't get it, she'd been chased before, caught even. What was it about that doofy old buck that made him so, well...scary? She began to scramble in place.
What the hell do I do?
She looked to the right. Kitchen table. No better plans. She dove between the chairs and the legs, curling her tail as tight around herself as she could, listening to the sound of the bolt turning over, and the door opening.
The creaks of the wooden floor squeaked out as the heavy feet of Draysil came closer, entering her obstructed view from beneath the table. He seemed to stop just a few feet from where she'd been standing seconds before.
"Alright, Baelyn," the old buck's masculine but affable voice called out. "Sorry to keep you waiting but...I could tell right away you weren't gonna move much after that first run-in, so I figured I'd grab the others, first."
That has to be a bluff, the hiding doe thought to herself, trying to keep her nervous breaths quiet. How could he possibly have known that?
"And I definitely didn't lock the doors, so...unless you had the sense to leave in the last few minutes..." Draysil stepped over to the back door, just past the living room, trying the knob.
"...Which you probably didn't, unless you had the foresight to lock this before leaving to try and throw me off...which, no offense, I don't think you did..."
The back door swung open, the meticulous buck pushing open the screen door just beyond it and peeking out onto the deck.
"...Yep, you're in here. So listen, if you're more of a hider than a runner, then you're gonna have these moments where a buck pretty much knows where you're at and it's just a matter of, you know...figuring out which tree you're behind," chuckled Draysil, meandering toward the bedroom. "What's important is that you don't panic. I can't tell you how many girls I mated, even back before I was all that good, just because they freaked out and pretty much just...served themselves right up."
Draysil's voice grew more muffled as he checked the bedroom. From her position under the table, Baelyn noticed he'd left the back door open. It was just a few feet away.
"Gotta admit, kinda pegged you as the type to hide under the bed...so nice job on avoiding that...pulled Seri out from under there just a little while ago over in #3, heh..."
She made her move, carefully maneuvering out past the chairs on all fours, as the sound of the bedroom closet door sliding open hummed through the east wall.
"Huh. Woulda figured it was one or the other."
Nearly close enough to touch the door itself, Baelyn's eyes widened and she drew in a quick breath as she heard him exiting the bedroom, coming back out to the common area. Calling an audible, she instead ducked behind the sofa. Immediately scolding herself for doing so instead of just trying for the door. What did he just get done saying?
"Oh, what...?" Draysil twisted around, the master craftsmen zeroing in on the bedroom door knob, which he could feel wobble as he brushed past. "Now when did that happen?"
Baelyn listened as the jiggling of metal against wood intensified, the buck's focus seeming to shift away from her to the knob.
"You know, the darn things are on hinges...no reason to be so rough on 'em, guys..." muttered Draysil, in an apparent scolding of previous guests. "Well...gives me an excuse to put in one of the nice ones."
Peaking from behind the sofa, Baelyn got her first good look at the immense and now-distracted buck since their confrontation, earlier. The intimidating face paint he and all the other bucks wore during a chase had been largely smeared away, no doubt due to the multiple, laborious encounters he'd had with Baelyn's contemporaries earlier in the night. He wore his specially awarded ceremonial chasing cloth, made for him in recognition of his status as the best of his generation. Seemed weird he'd bother to put it on after all the times he'd presumably taken it off tonight but, he earned it, made sense he'd want to show it off.
As he fiddled with the knob, Baelyn glanced toward the open door. Finally, even the great Draysil made a mistake. She readied herself, lifted herself onto the balls of her feet, counting down in her head...3...2...1...NOW!
Draysil's head snapped back in the direction of the commotion of Baelyn making her run at the door.
"Oh, dang," he said to himself, watching as the younger doe hastily worked the screen door latch.
As she burst through, Baelyn felt the welcome touch of the cool, night air, along with the thrill of a successful escape. She couldn't wait to get home, and tell Trea what she'd done.
