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Monster Girl Islands 13 Chapter 2
🕑 Added 2021-06-13 13:58:57 +0000 UTC“Slow down, Ben!” Mira huffed from somewhere way behind me on the pathway. “We don’t know what this creature is… It’d be unwise to try and fight it on your own!”
He’s not on his own, Swaer argued with a cackle as his small, furry body zipped into my peripheral vision. It’s not my fault you guys are all slower than a bug caught in throatsilk!
Ahwara’s slender, pink-winged figure appeared at my other side, and I kept in time with my flying crewmates as we headed for the chicken coops. I didn’t stop my sprint as I continued on past the dragonkin palace and ran deeper and deeper into the overgrowth of the jungle. Eventually, I came to the clearing where the coop was located, and my entire body went numb.
Even though all the cages were still intact, several holes had been burrowed up from beneath the dirt under them. Holes that were surrounded by splatters of blood and a few stray chicken feathers.
Two of the coops had been cleaned out completely, though there were still three more remaining.
“I don’t know where this fucking thing is,” I announced to Ahwara and Swaer. “But we can’t let it eat any more of our chickens. Unless you guys want to go back to living without eggs and poultry on our menu.”
I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy, Swaer confirmed.
“How are we going to stop this creature?” Ahwara asked as she unfolded her iron fanblade. “For all we know, it could be long gone.”
“It’s not,” I reassured the Morpho woman. “Look at that blood. It’s fresh… I’m sure this bastard thinks our coops are some sort of all you can eat buffet, and he’ll be back at any second.”
“We don’t know that, though,” Ahwara sighed. “If he really just cleaned out two whole coops, then he could very well be full right now.”
Damn it, Ahwara was right. For all we knew, the creature could have just come up, snatched up a bunch of our chickens, and then returned to whatever dark pit he crawled out of.
That was when it hit me.
We could find out exactly where this thing was, even if it wasn’t actively hunting right now. And if this plan worked out, we could easily flush the fucker out into the open.
“Alright, Swaer,” I announced to the wind dragon. “I’ve got a job for you. It’s really dangerous, and pretty dirty… But it’s important.”
I’ll be the judge of that, the tiny red guy chuckled.
“You see those tunnels the creature has made?” I asked as I pointed to the distrubed ground around the empty coops.
Ohhhh, Swaer grumbled. I don’t like where this is going.
“I know, I know,” I agreed. “You’re the only one that could fit down there, though.”
So, what? the wind dragon mused. It’s not like I’ll be able to see anything down there. Those tunnels will be pitch black.
“You won’t even have to go in all the way,” I explained. “They should all be interconnected anyway, so if you stick your head down into the hole and use your wind breath…”
“It’ll disturb the beast, and he’ll come out to fight.” Ahwara grinned. “Great idea, Ben.”
I don’t have to go all the way in? Swaer asked, and his whiskers twitched lightly with fear.
“You don’t,” I confirmed. “Just enough to flush the fucker out.”
Okay. Swaer took a deep breath as I walked over to one of the empty coops, unfastened the uneven wooden door, and then opened it up for the dragon. The wind dragon’s whiskers flicked back and forth like two limp noodles as he hesitated, but then the little guy lifted up into the air and slithered into the coop.
“What-- what did we miss?” Marella gasped as she sprinted into view and then doubled over.
The three Cero women and the four dragonkin women were only a few paces behind my daughter, and everyone expressed their curiosity as they watched Swaer head toward the hole in the ground.
“Uhhh,” I inquired as I looked around. “Where are the babies?”
“We left them with Ainsley,” Marella noted. “She offered to stay behind and watch them while we followed you.”
“What’s he doing?” Sela questioned as she pointed to Swaer.
“He’s going to flush out the thing that’s eating our chickens,” Ahwara explained. “Be ready to attack.”
Talise and Hali both drew their seaglass daggers, while Mira and Sela clicked the ends of their spears together in a display of mutual respect before they twirled them around and held them at the ready.
Meanwhile, Ashanti pulled her short bow off her shoulders and strung an arrow into its string, and Batari and Rikuri drew their strange sword-spear weapons.
Ugh, Swaer’s high-pitched voice gagged. It smells like rotting meat in here!
“That’s not surprising,” I chuckled. “Considering there’s probably a bunch of chicken corpses in those tunnels. Just get this bastard to the surface, and we’ll all take care of him from there.”
Alright, the dragon announced. Get ready…
Swaer had the entire front half of his body stuck down into the hole, and then his entire furry figure puffed out for a brief second as he inhaled and prepared to attack. The next thing I knew, I heard the dragon let out a massive gust of wind, and blasts of hot air erupted from the surrounding holes like Old Faithful.
Then we heard the sound we wanted to hear.
Somewhere, deep within the ground, arose a gargled, annoyed shriek.
Followed by another. And then another.
“Tembori’s tusks,” Batari gasped. “There are multiple creatures!”
“Good.” Rikuri grinned as she tightened her grip on her sword-spear. “That means even more of them to kill.”
The shrieks continued from deep beneath the soil as Swaer blew out the blasts of hot air in long, drawn-out spurts, and then I noticed the ground was shaking a few feet away from the wind dragon.
“Swaer, watch out!” I called out as I flung open the coop door and sprang into action.
A small mound appeared at the surface of the soil seconds before one of the creatures popped up into the air like a dolphin jumping out of the water, but this thing was no fucking dolphin.
I quickly lashed out with my seaglass sword, and there was a yelp accompanied by a splash of crimson as my blade severed the creature’s head from its spine. The monster’s headless body went limp and slammed into the ground, and I got a better look at what we were dealing with.
The beast was about the size of a greyhound, with a body covered from head to toe in black, slimy scales. The creature had two feet located halfway up its figure that were attached directly to its snake-like torso, which itself tapered into two points on both ends. The things’s severed head laid there with its mouth agape, and I could see the rows of small, razor sharp teeth inside its maw. They were only about the size of a thumbtack blade, but there were hundreds of the damn things. The beast’s head was narrow, probably a feature that allowed it to burrow into things with ease, and its eyes were completely milky with no pupils whatsoever.
These were certainly ugly motherfuckers, but I didn’t really have time to admire them.
I heard the dirt stir behind me, and I was able to spin around just in time to see another lizard-worm burst forth with its jaws open wide.
I held my sword up vertically and braced for impact. There was the clang of bone on stone as the monster wrapped its jaws around my blade, and I quickly used its own momentum against it.
With the creature still on my sword, I spun around, raised it high, and then slammed it against the ground as hard as I possibly could.
The beast let out a whimper as it let go of my weapon and rolled to the left, and then it burrowed down into the dirt and out of sight before I could finish it off.
All around me, the sound of more approaching creatures caused the ground to tremble.
“Get ready!” Mira called out. “These fuckers of mothers are everywhere!”
Another one of the lizard-burrowers jumped out of the ground and dove straight for Sela’s legs.
Thankfully, the green-scaled dragonkin warrior was quick on her feet, and she simply jumped out of danger’s path before the monster’s jaws could clamp down on her. Sela parried the assault with the blunt end of her spear, and the dangerous creature tumbled across the ground with a furious huff. However, before the dragonkin woman could end her opponent, he flipped onto his belly, shoved his face down into the dirt, and burrowed away like a terrified mole.
“These creatures are fast,” Sela grumbled. “We must try to stay one step ahead of them if we want any chance at victory.”
“We need to worry about the chickens before we worry about victory,” I said as I just barely ducked out of the way of another burrower. “Marella and Swaer? Do you think you can defend the remaining coops while we handle these bastards?”
“I’ll do my best, Father,” Marella promised as she drew her seaglass dagger from her belt. “After all the training from Sela, and the sparring I’ve done with Arrick and Kehlaan, these ugly lizards won’t stand a chance.”
“Just remember,” I reminded my daughter and the wind dragon. “Your main objective is to keep the chickens alive, not to kill these monsters. Don’t try to play hero.”
I wasn’t even thinking about it, Swaer admitted as he pulled his head out of the burrow. Then the little wind dragon let out a slight chuff before he slithered into the air and zipped around the side of the chicken coop.
Marella dashed over to one of the remaining coops, popped open the door, and then shooed the chickens out of the way as Swaer ducked inside. The feathered critters clucked wildly and began to flutter around like mad when they saw the deadly dragon enter their pin, but Marella was quick to close the door behind Swaer.
My daughter then pulled open the door of the second coop, ran in, and took a fighting stance as she prepared to defend one of our most valuable assets.
Meanwhile, the rest of us were under a full-on assault.
Mounds of dirt sprouted up like we were in a life-sized game of whack-a-mole as the two-footed lizards emerged from the ground all around us. I was just able to dodge one of the beast’s jaws before I twisted around, lashed out with my sword, and nicked the fucker in the tail.
Blood spurted from the fresh wound as the lizard let out a yelp, but the blow wasn’t fatal. My enemy hit the ground with his head down and then disappeared below the soil with a spritz of brown dirt, and I turned around just in time to watch the Cero women fend off their attackers.
Rikuri snarled with rage as she flipped her spear-sword in her hand, spun around, and took a backward stab at the burrower. The tip of her crude metal weapon missed the lizard by inches, but she took another shot at the fucker. Without a second of hesitation, the hornless Cero twirled her spear-sword back into an upright position and forced it upward, and she skewered the worm-lizard right up through its lower body.
The creature shrieked in agony as its momentum was halted, but it didn’t let up on its assault. The lizard twisted its body around, opened its blood-covered jaws wide, and lunged at Rikuri’s throat.
Thankfully, Ashanti was on the case.
There was a thip of an incoming arrow, followed by a spray of crimson blood as the projectile stabbed through the side of the lizard’s head. The creature’s slender, forked tongue flopped out of its mouth as its entire body went limp, and Rikuri tossed its lifeless corpse off to the side.
“You can thank me for that later,” Ashanti teased as she readied her bow once more.
“Thank you?” Rikuri snickered. “After all the times I’ve saved your ass, I’d say that makes us even, if anything.”
“The heat of battle isn’t the time for bickering, ladies!” Batari grumbled as she sidestepped a jumping lizard, seconds before it would have latched onto her arm.
“What are you talking about?” Rikuri mused. “There’s never a better time!”
“Indeed,” Ashanti agreed as she released an arrow at an unsuspecting target. “There’s nothing wrong with a bit of friendly banter amongst friends, especially when the banter could be the very last words they ever say to each other.”
“Exactly,” the brunette, hornless rhino-woman said. “I don’t know about you, Batari, but I would hate for my last words to be something sorrowful or dumb.”
“That’s gonna be hard to accomplish,” Ashanti teased. “Especially the latter.”
“Careful,” Rikuri warned. “Or the next time I take a swing at one of these monsters, I might just ‘miss’ and hit your shooting arm.”
“You couldn’t hit a target that precise if Tembori himself tasked it to you,” Ashanti shot back without missing a beat.
“They make our banter look tame,” Mira chuckled to Sela as she parried an incoming worm-lizard. “If someone saw those two first, they’d think we were best friends or something.”
Hali and Talise, the two dragonkin women least akin to doing battle, stood back-to-back with their seaglass daggers drawn and held out before them. The womens’ hands trembled with fear as they awaited an assault from the jumping scaly fuckers, and I knew that even with all their training, it was going to be a struggle for them.
We’d spent a lot of time training these women to fight against the likes of orcs and wargs, but we couldn’t account for everything this crazy world could throw at us. Hali was a cook, and Talise was a healer. Even if they had basic combat skills, they weren’t natural warriors like the rest of my crewmates here right now. They couldn’t adjust their fighting styles on the fly or strategize three steps ahead of their opponent.
I just hoped they had enough of a killer instinct to protect themselves for now.
One of the lizard creatures sprang forth from the ground, and Hali let out a shrill gasp as she stabbed at it with her dagger. The dragonkin cook missed by half a mile, but Talise quickly yanked her to the right and out of harm’s way before the creature could do any damage.
The two dragonkin women tumbled to the ground, rolled for a second, and then jumped back up to their feet. Their eyes were wide as dinner plates as they exchanged a panicked glance, but they both started to laugh with relief.
Yeah, they’d be fine.
Then two of the black-scaled beasts jumped out of the ground on both sides of my body and attempted to entrap me in some sort of flank maneuver.
I tucked myself into a ball and sommersaulted forward before their jaws had a chance to stab my flesh, but by the time I was back on my feet, the fuckers were in the ground and gone.
Fucking hell. These guys were way too fast. Sure, we’d been able to kill a couple of them so far, but that had all been pure luck.
I glanced over to my right and saw just how frustrated Ahwara was getting with the situation.
The orange-haired butterfly-woman grunted and growled as she slashed at the worm-lizards with her open fanblade, all to no avail. The iron spines of her weapon slashed at nothing but air as she spun, slashed, and jabbed at the creatures that leapt all around her like a school of Asian carp.
“How are we supposed to kill these things?” Ahwara finally hissed. “They’re gone before I can even line up an attack!”
“Speak for yourself,” Ashanti teased. “I’m doing just fine.”
“You’ve only killed one,” Rikuri laughed. “And that was because I skewered him first.”
“I’ve hit several of the beasts,” the Cero with the shaved head argued as she released another arrow.
The projectile zipped through the air and barely missed the tail of a worm-lizard, which caused Rikuri to cackle with glee.
“You are aware ‘hitting’ isn’t the same as ‘killing,’ right?” Rikuri mocked.
“I don’t see you doing much better,” Ashanti mumbled under her breath.
Gah! Swaer’s high-pitched voice gasped from inside the coop. How am I supposed to see with all these clucker bird feathers everywhere?
Sure enough, the chickens were still going wild inside of the coop. White, black, and brown feathers fluttered all around the cage as the birds squawked and flew around the cage like dollar bills in a wind tunnel, all while Swaer twisted and turned around to watch them.
“Just attack anything that isn’t a bird,” I ordered the wind dragon.
Easy for you to say, Swaer mused. You’re not the one who’s stuck in a tornado of feathers!
“Hi-yah!” Marella shouted as she lunged out of the coop doorway at an incoming worm-lizard.
My daughter wasn’t able to land a killing blow on the beast, but her seaglass blade sliced a deep gash across the face of the bastard, and he retreated down into the dirt.
Son of a bitch. Despite our best efforts, the worm-lizards were still trying to get inside the coops.
I ducked down just as another black-scaled beast sprang from the earth, but this time, I tried a new approach. Instead of trying to dodge the creature and accidentally putting myself out of attack range, I fell to my knees, held up my seaglass sword above my head, and let the fucker come to me.
The worm-lizard let out a gurgled cry as his momentum carried him across the tip of my blade, and there was a tearing sound as his abdomen was sliced open and released his internal organs to the air. Warm, wet blood and guts rained down on me from above, and I shuddered as I bathed in my gory victory.
Yeah, I was definitely gonna have to throw this shirt out. Or soak it in a bathtub full of club soda, at the least.
I’d killed another creature, but the fight was nowhere near finished. I’d gotten lucky again, and we needed a lot more than dumb luck to finish this battle.
These lizards were obviously blind, so how did they know where to attack? Did they simply hear us moving around and talking? Do they navigate using freaking echolocation? Or maybe vibrations in the ground?
We needed to find out, and we needed to find out fast.
It was time for the Draco Rex to try a little bit of trial and error.
“Don’t make any noise!” I called out to my friends. “I think these bastards’ attacks might be based on sound.”
Oh, that should be easy, Swaer grumbled as he watched the chickens clucking and cawing around him.
The rest of my friends got the memo, however, and they began to move with the grace of stalking jaguars. They tiptoed around the landscape as they tried to lash out at their enemies, but they didn’t release any battle cries or playful banter.
However, the fucking lizards kept coming.
“Mira!” I warned my dragonkin lover. “At your feet!”
The golden-scaled dragon woman sprang backward in an instant, just as one of the lizards erupted from the ground in front of her. Mira wasted no time in skewering the bastard with the end of her spear, and the creature writhed in agony as she slammed it against the ground. Then Mira lifted up the worm-lizard once more before she started to bang it repeatedly into the dirt. Eventually, there was a wet pop, and the black-scaled beast went limp.
“So much for that theory,” Sela sighed before she parried another attacker.
Fucking hell. So their attacks weren’t based on sound.
These guys made plenty of noises, but they didn’t seem to be clicking like a bat or a dolphin.
That pretty much ruled out echolocation.
Maybe it really was simply the vibrations in the ground?
“Stop moving!” I hissed.
“Are you crazy?” Rikuri scoffed. “We may as well be widehorns on an open plain.”
“Just stop moving around!” I repeated. “You can still defend yourselves if you need to, but don’t run or roll or dodge. We are going to Kevin Bacon this.”
“Who?” Sela asked.
“There is a movie from my world where they fight ground worm creatures. It was called Tremors, and it was awesome.” I planted my feet firmly in place as I ducked out of the way of an incoming worm-lizard, but my lower body remained as motionless as a statue.
All around me, my friends began to copy my actions. The Cero women halted in place, while Hali and Talise stood as still as a deer in headlights. Ahwara hung a few feet off the ground as she beat her wings softly, while Mira and Sela stood firm with their spears in the ground.
Unfortunately, Swaer didn’t have the ability to remain motionless.
The chickens still jumped around the coop as they ran in circles and clucked, and I could see the frustration on the wind dragon’s face from all the way over here.
That was when the worm-lizards descended on the poor guy.
Dozens of dirt mounds appeared around the coop, and then the entire pack of the scaly fuckers leapt out with their mouths wide open.
Holy boar peckers! Swaer gulped when he saw the incoming assault.
The furry red wind dragon quickly extended his tiny paw toward the front of the coop, and his noodle-like whiskers began to twitch. Suddenly, the air around the entire chicken coop began to swirl in a clockwise motion as it howled like an incoming freight train. Dirt was kicked up into the air as the mystical tornado surrounded the coop in its protective embrace, and every single one of the worm-lizards was tossed off into the forest like a scaly ragdoll.
“That’s my bondmate!” Batari declared with a wide grin.
“I think that also just confirmed my theory,” I announced to the group. “They stopped attacking us when we stopped moving, and they immediately went to the spot with the most comotion. They’re fucking tracking the vibrations in the ground.”
“And what in Cacoo’s name do we do with that information?” Ahwara questioned. “We cannot kill them unless they are out of the ground, and they won’t come anywhere near us unless they feel us moving around.”
“That’s where you come in, my dear,” I explained to the pregnant butterfly-woman. “You and Swaer. Anybody want to trade places with the little guy?”
“We will!” Hali and Talise said in unison.
“You heard them, Swaer,” I called out to the wind dragon. “Get out here and help us kick these creatures’ scaly asses.”
The two dragonkin women darted toward the cage, and the vibrations from their movement was enough to attract the attention of the worm-lizards. Several mounds of dirt darted toward Talise and Hali as they ran across the battlefield, and I knew the bastards were prepared to tear the healer and cook limb from limb.
“I can take one of them,” Ashanti announced as she took aim with her bow. “But only one.”
“This is where you come in, Ahwara and Swaer,” I explained to the two airborne combatants. “If you’re not on the ground, these bastards won’t feel your vibrations. And if they don’t feel the vibrations of your movement--”
“They won’t know we’re even there!” Ahwara declared. “Brilliant, Ben.”
“Exactly.” I nodded. “You can both take them out from the sky, and they won’t have any fucking clue what hit them. Literally.”
Just then, about five of the black-scaled worm-lizards sprang from the ground with their mouths wide open and at the ready.
Ashanti shot one of her arrows into a worm-lizard’s side, and the fucker was knocked completely off his trajectory.
At the same time, Ahwara zipped across the landscape under the power of her wings, held her closed fanblade out in front of her body, and stabbed it into another worm-lizard’s body with a wet shluck. Then, while her weapon was still in the lizard’s body, she opened up the fan and sliced him clean in two with a spray of crimson.
Swaer got in on the action, as well. The little fuzzy wind dragon slithered through the air, inhaled deeply, and then unleashed a hurricane-leve gust of wind straight into the path of the incoming worm-lizards.
The dark creatures let out squeals of surprise as they were blown away into the jungle, and the path was now clear.
Hali and Talise jumped into the chicken coop, went back-to-back once more, and began to turn in a circle with their daggers drawn.
“Good job,” I commended my friends. “Now, try to keep that momentum up with the rest of us.”
“The rest of us?” Sela protested. “I’m not sure I like where this is going, Draco Rex.”
“Please tell me we aren’t going to be live bait,” Rikuri grumbled.
“I could tell you that,” I admitted. “But it’d be a filthy lie. I want you guys to cause as much fucking chaos as you possibly can. Stomp the ground… Kick up dirt… Whatever it takes. Just get those scaly bastards away from the coops and out of the ground, and then those three can do the rest.”
“So, our lives are in the hands of Ashanti,” Rikuri huffed. “That makes me feel wonderful.”
“She won’t miss,” I reassured the hornless Cero woman. “I’ve seen Ashanti shoot before, and I know we’re all in good hands. Besides, if she misses, we’ll have the other two to back us up. Now… Are you ready?”
My friends all gave me nods of confirmation, so we got to work.
I took off to the right with heavy, plodding footfalls. I made sure to stomp my boots into the ground as hard as I could with every step I took, and soon I saw several mounds of dirt appear around me.
Three of the worm-lizards jumped out with a snarl, but I was more than ready for them.
Or maybe I should say Swaer was ready for them.
The little red wind dragon shot over, summoned a miniature tornado out of thin air, and caught one of the worm-lizards in its clutches, and the creature screamed as it was flung hundreds of feet into the air and taken completely out of the picture. Swaer then quickly zipped forward with his mouth open wide and sunk his jaws into the second worm-lizard midair, and then he spun around and used the fucker like a makeshift sledgehammer. Swaer smashed the second worm-lizard into the first and sent that bastard rolling across the ground.
The lone surviving worm-lizard burrowed underground to safety as Swaer held his head high, with his opponent still in his jaws. The little red wind dragon then took a deep breath and exhaled sharply. As he did so, his wind breath literally tore through the body of the worm-lizard, and bits of blood and guts sprayed up into the sky like a geyser of gore. Once the beast was dead, Swaer simply flung its corpse off into the woods.
Seconds later, the first worm-lizard came back down, smashed into the ground, and went limp after a vicious wet “pop.”
“Nice job, Swaer!” I proclaimed as I scratched the furry dragon under his chin. “Two for the price of one.”
I turned to see several more worm-lizards now laid on the ground. Some of them were already dead, while others writhed in pain with arrows jutting out of their bodies and large gashes across their torso.
As I did the math mentally, I counted only one of the fuckers left over.
The one that had just escaped Swaer’s wrath.
Suddenly, I saw the mound appear across the battlefield, but my heart dropped when I realized where it was headed.
The bastard was going right for the coop with Marella.
There was no way any of us would make it there in time, so I had to resort to the most desperate of measures. I drew my pink-stone dagger from its sheath, held it like a throwing knife, and tried to take aim at the worm-lizard.
Still, I had no idea when he was gonna rear his ugly head, and I needed to be precise with my throw.
That was when it hit me.
“Marella!” I called out to my daughter. “Can you use your foresight right now?”
“I-I don’t know!” my daughter protested. “I haven’t mastered the technique yet.”
“Honey, I need you to try,” I said in my most calm voice, even though I was panicking. “Like, right now. Like… Now now!”
Without another word, Marella slammed her eyes shut, sheathed her dagger, and held out her arms like a meditating buddha. She whispered something inaudible underneath her breath, and my heart pounded like a bass drum when I saw the mound completely vanish.
Now, I had no fucking clue where the last worm-lizard was.
It was all up to Marella and me to finish the fight, and that would all depend on both of our skills.
I-I see him jumping out of the ground! Marella’s voice echoed in my head. He’s coming right for me, Dad!
“When and where?” I demanded via the dragonbond. “Just tell me when and where, Marella!”
My entire body shook as I waited for a further response, and I couldn’t even hear myself think over the sound of my rapid pulse.
Now! Marella cried. To my left, about ten feet out!
I hauled back and launched my dagger as hard as I could, right at the spot Marella had identified. The dagger spun end over end for nearly ten feet, and there was no sign of the fucker to be seen.
The tension in the air was so thick I could cut it with a knife, and I held my breath as I waited to see if my daughter was right or not.
That was when the mound appeared.
The last worm-lizard jumped out of the ground, and there was a dull “thunk” as the pink blade of my dagger stabbed into his temple. The lizard let out an inhuman hiss as he fell to the ground, writhed for a second, and then went limp.
I fell to my knees as I let out a long, deep sigh of relief and hung my head.
Holy shit, that was close. Had Marella been a few feet off with her prediction, or if I was two seconds later, she would be dead right now.
Instead, my friends and I had defeated our invaders, and we’d saved one of our most valuable resources from certain death.
Sure, the worm-lizards cleaned out a chicken coop in the process, but we still had plenty more that survived. It might take a hot minute to repopulate our supply, but that didn’t matter right now.
All that mattered now was we were victorious, and we were all fucking alive.
Which was something to damn celebrate.
