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The Fox Hole 39
🕑 Added 2025-01-03 07:19:48 +0000 UTCChapter 39: Baku Burgers
– Haru –
I was standing tall in my massive 30-foot-tall nine-tailed fox form, squaring off against Danzo Shimura, who sat perched atop his grotesque orange elephant summon, Baku. My golden tails swayed behind me, kicking up dust and air.
"You should have just come with me willingly!" Danzo shouted, his voice sharp and filled with that condescending tone he always seemed to have.
I let out a guttural growl, my voice rougher and more feral in this form. "You should have just not been a dick!"
Tsunade and Rias stood on my back. One of them looking far more thrilled than the other.
"Let’s fucking go! Kaiju battle in the middle of Konoha!" Rias cheered, practically bouncing with excitement. Her crimson hair whipped around wildly from the wind that my tails kicked up.
"No! Let’s not fucking go!" Tsunade whined, pinching the bridge of her nose. "All the money our village just acquired is going to go right down the drain to fix all the damage!"
"My family is filthy rich. We’ll cover all the costs," Rias said, brushing off the concern like it was nothing.
Tsunade’s attitude changed instantly. "Oh… in that case… let’s fucking go! Kaiju battle!" she cheered, pulling a scroll from between her rather large tits. She unfurled it, and in a puff of smoke, a sake bottle appeared. She took a big gulp and let out a satisfied sigh before passing it to Rias. "Want some?" she asked with a smirk.
"I don’t usually drink, but sure. It’s Tsunade herself who’s offering it to me, after all," Rias said with a giggle. She tipped the bottle back and took a big gulp.
Almost immediately, I felt her sway a bit on my back.
"Um… are you okay, Red?" Tsunade asked, steadying her.
"I’m… hic… I’m feeling awesome! Let’s get ready to rumble!" Rias cheered drunkenly, her words slurring after just one sip.
"Holy crap, she’s a real lightweight, huh?" Tsunade chuckled, taking the bottle back from her. She wrapped an arm around the younger but no less busty girl and patted her shoulder reassuringly. "Don’t worry, Haru. I’ll keep Red here steady. You can go crazy and kill that traitorous mummy."
"Traitorous!?" Danzo snarled, his face contorting with rage. "Everything I’ve done has been for Konoha! Attack, Baku!"
Baku let out an ear-splitting trumpet from its trunk, the sound so loud it shook the air around us. I instinctively folded my massive fox ears against my head to block out the noise.
"Shut up, you oversized ingredient!" I barked, opening my jaws wide. A wave of blue fox fire roared out, the flames crackling as they tore through the air toward the elephant.
The large elephant raised its front legs high and slammed them onto the ground. A shockwave rippled across the Inuzuka clan compound as a 20-foot-high wall of earth popped up in front of the elephant to block my fox fire.
Tsume and Kiba started shouting, calling for all their clan members to retreat. "Get out of here! Everyone, fall back now!" Tsume bellowed, her voice sharp and commanding.
The surviving ROOT members didn’t look like they wanted to keep fighting either. The battle had escalated into something far beyond their level.
"Get back here!" Danzo screamed at his ROOT soldiers, his voice filled with rage. None of them obeyed. At least half were dead, and it seemed the survivors weren’t as suicidally loyal as the ones who had already fallen.
"Haru! Use tackle attack!" Rias drunkenly cheered from my back, her enthusiasm showing no signs of slowing down.
"What the hell is tackle—woah!" Tsunade had to stabilize herself with more chakra to keep both her and Rias steady as I lunged forward.
The ground trembled under my weight as I charged. My large fox feet dug into the earth with every step. With a guttural roar, I slammed through the molten-hot earth wall that Baku had raised. Chunks of earth flew in every direction as I barreled through.
Danzo’s eyes widened in shock as I collided directly with the massive elephant. Larger didn’t mean stronger, though. Baku was thrown back violently, its massive body crashing into the ground with a loud thud.
Danzo wasn’t as fortunate. He was thrown from the elephant’s back and hit the ground hard. Before he could even react, Baku’s massive weight came down on him, crushing him. A few seconds later, he reappeared in a shimmer a couple of feet away. Another Sharingan eye on his right arm was now closed. He had just lost another life.
"What the hell is going on!? How’d he survive that?" Tsunade shouted, her eyes narrowing as she stared at the old man.
Rias slurred her explanation with a giggle. "Each of those Sharingan on his arm and in his face is an extra life! We just have to rip it off or keep killing him until he runs out of do-overs!" She laughed and hurled a blast of her Power of Destruction at Danzo.
Danzo, still focused on getting Baku back on its feet, didn’t notice the blast until it hit him. I don't think he could sense the attack coming because it had no chakra in it. That’s something I’d have to warn Naruko about in the future.
"Hell yeah! I got him!" Rias cheered, ripping the bottle of sake out of Tsunade’s hands and chugging it again. "How come I don’t drink more often? This is so much fun!" she shouted, then started randomly firing off blasts of Power of Destruction. The already-ruined buildings around us crumbled even further under the assault.
"Stop destroying my compound!" Tsume shouted from the other side, her voice full of frustration.
"I’ll pay for you to rebuild it all!" Rias shouted back, waving the sake bottle in her hand. "I’ll even throw in a hot spring!"
“...”
"Destroy as much as you want then!" Tsume shouted, her tone immediately shifting to excitement. Wow, these kunoichi were shameless.
I made a mental note to never serve Rias alcohol in my restaurant. This was chaos I didn’t need repeated.
Danzo reappeared next to Baku, who was now back on its feet. His face twisted with hate as he snarled, "Damn you all! Without me this village is nothing!"
Dude wasn’t having a good time…
Tsunade stood on my back, her arms crossed and her expression dark as she yanked her sake bottle out of a pouting Rias’s hand. She took a deep swig, wiped her mouth, and glared down at Danzo. "Give it a rest, Danzo. You literally have yourself to blame for what’s happening here. How exactly is it that one of the elders of this village has his own army, and yet I, as the Hokage, was never informed about it?" She tapped her foot impatiently on my fur, waiting for a response.
Danzo’s reply came in the form of a sneer that made my blood boil. "Hmph! You should have never been Hokage! You’re nothing more than a foolish drunkard! I thought this village was rid of you after I had your lover and brother assassinated, and yet you still crawled your way back and took the position I’d earned after years of dedicated service!"
Rias let out an audible gasp, her eyes wide with shock. I’m pretty sure that single confession sobered her up a lot.
It certainly sobered up Tsunade. Her face twisted with raw fury, and before I could react, she launched herself off my back like a springboard. I winced at the sudden weight shift, but my discomfort was nothing compared to what Danzo was about to experience.
Danzo didn’t even get the chance to open his mouth before Tsunade’s fist collided with his head, punching it clean off his shoulders. His body dissolved into a shimmer and reappeared a few feet away, another Sharingan on his arm closing as he lost another life.
That didn’t save him. Tsunade was on him again in an instant, her face a mask of rage. This time, she grabbed him by the torso and literally ripped him in half at the waist with her monstrous strength. Danzo managed to scream this time, a sound of pure horror and agony, before his body faded again, another life burned away.
Baku, Danzo’s giant elephant summon, trumpeted loudly and charged forward to help its master. Its massive feet shook the ground as it moved.
"Not happening," I growled. My nine tails lashed out, wrapping tightly around all four of Baku’s legs. The elephant’s eyes widened in what I could only describe as fear as I smirked at it, showing off my sharp teeth. Without hesitation, I lifted the massive beast into the air with my tails and slammed it back into the ground with enough force to make the entire village shake.
I lunged forward, sinking my razor-sharp jaws into the elephant’s thick throat. Baku thrashed wildly beneath me, its massive legs kicking out and its strong trunk trying to push me off. It struggled hard, but it wasn’t strong enough. Blood pooled beneath us as the beast’s movements slowed until it finally stopped completely, lying dead beneath me.
Rias floated over to me, holding a stick she’d picked up from somewhere. She poked the massive elephant’s body with a curious expression. "Aren’t summons supposed to disappear when they die?"
I tilted my head and stared at the unmoving body. "I guess not?" I said. Honestly, that thought relieved me. I was already salivating at the idea of cooking the meat from this behemoth. Would I have ever eaten regular elephant meat back on Earth? Absolutely not. But this wasn’t a regular elephant—it was from another world. Alien meat, basically. At least, that’s how I justified it to myself as I imagined making giant burgers when we got back.
As I considered my culinary plans, my gaze shifted to the side. Danzo wasn’t looking too good. One of his eyes had been gouged out, and his arm had been ripped off. Tsunade stood over him, breathing heavily and looking absolutely furious. She was using his own severed arm to beat him over the head until he wasn’t even conscious anymore. The sight was equal parts brutal and satisfying.
Finally, some legitimate ANBU operatives arrived, their masks hiding what was surely a mix of fear and unease. Tsunade didn’t seem to care about their reactions. "Get this piece of traitorous trash out of my face," she snapped, pointing at Danzo’s limp body. "If he escapes, I’ll have your fucking asses!"
The masked men flinched but quickly obeyed, picking up Danzo’s battered form before roof-hopping away. I didn’t envy them one bit.
Tsunade made her way back over to us, wiping some blood off her hands. "Well… that was a shit show," she said, exhaling deeply. "I never would have thought Danzo was responsible for… all that."
"Did… did you not read the manga Yasaka lent you?" I asked, shrinking back down to my normal form.
Tsunade shook her head. "I don’t want to live my life based on someone else’s portrayal of my world, and I didn’t want any of my ninjas doing that either. So I made it clear that no one was allowed to read it. I still stand by that decision, despite everything that was revealed."
I could respect that. Sometimes I think my life would’ve been a lot more interesting if I didn’t know anything about DxD when I reincarnated. But on the other hand, it’s also worked out in my favor. It’s about fifty-fifty.
Tsunade glanced down at Baku’s massive corpse. "Huh? I thought summons were supposed to disappear when they die."
"That’s what I said!" Rias exclaimed, throwing her hands up.
I chuckled to myself, glancing back at the elephant. "Well, disappearing or not, this guy’s getting cooked when we get back..."
Tsunade crossed her arms and gave Rias a pointed look. "You seem more sober now."
Rias’s cheeks flushed as she nodded. "I used some of my demonic power to purge my system… sorry about… all that."
Tsunade waved her off. "It’s fine, as long as your family covers the damages."
Rias tilted her head. "Does your village accept gold?"
Tsunade’s eyes practically lit up at the question! "Why yes, we do…"
The two women walked off, deep in conversation. I had no doubt the Gremory family was about to get reamed on repair costs, but considering they were richer than any human country on Earth, it probably wouldn’t make a dent.
I turned my attention back to Baku’s massive corpse, scratching my chin as I considered the logistics of dealing with it. How the hell was I going to fit this behemoth through my front door? I muttered to myself, "Hm… I might need to go get Harry and have him shrink the elephant down for me. But then again, I’m not sure the inside of my restaurant is big enough to unshrink him."
The more I thought about it, the more likely it seemed I’d have to butcher him right here in the village. Just as I was debating the best approach, Tsume and Kiba walked over. Kiba looked like he’d been through hell—cuts, bruises, and torn clothes—but he was grinning ear to ear.
"Damn, that was an awesome battle!" Kiba exclaimed. "Too bad our house got smashed, but there wasn’t anything really important in there anyway."
I raised an eyebrow. "What about things like… baby pictures or something?"
Both Tsume and Kiba gave me deadpan stares.
"We Inuzukas don’t do that sappy shit," Tsume declared firmly. "We live wild lives in the moment!" She leaned closer, a mischievous glint in her eye. "Speaking of wild, how about you and me find a building that’s still intact and you can show me what kind of true alpha you are, handsome? I’m all pent up after a crazy fight like that."
"Mom!" Kiba groaned, his face turning red. "He’s still Naruko’s boyfriend… and that Rias girl too, I guess." He shot me an envious look.
I politely turned down Tsume’s offer. Maybe if I wasn’t already in multiple relationships, I would’ve reconsidered. She definitely had that savage MILF vibe going on—like if Princess Mononoke grew up and got thicc!
Changing the subject, I cleared my throat. "Anyway… do you guys know a good place I can butcher Baku here? I’m planning on making some giant burgers. I’m skipping straight past quarter pounders and double quarter pounders and going for the full pound."
Kiba’s grin widened. "Damn! I want one!"
Would it make some people sick? Probably... But seeing my customers’ faces when I drop a burger that big in front of them is going to be priceless.
…
A couple of hours later…
Plop!
"What in the unholy fuck is this, Haru!?" Naruko exclaimed in shock as I dropped the largest burger I’d ever made in front of her.
I’d already tasted some of the meat earlier. Baku… you were absolutely delicious. The meat was so tender it almost felt like a waste to grind it into burger patties, but I was a kitsune chef on a mission to go where no chef had gone before!
"That’s a Baku burger," I told Naruko. "It’s a limited-time item, unfortunately, unless I find a way into the summoning realm. But I’d kind of feel bad hunting innocent sentient animals."
As a Yokai, I should feel bad about it…but pretty much all Yokai eat meat so…
Naruko poked her burger with her finger before picking it up and taking a large bite. She immediately started moaning at the taste. "Holy shit, this is so good! This came from a summon animal!? Do you think they’re all this delicious? Do you know how to make frog legs?"
"Nee-chan! No!" Naruto whined, sitting next to his sister. "First of all, they’re toads and not frogs! Second of all… NO!"
Naruko whined at first but eventually shrugged it off. "...Fine, I’ll just enjoy the meat while it’s in front of me." She started chowing down aggressively on her burger. Naruto followed suit, and damn, these twins could eat.
Kakashi and Sakura were eating at a more measured pace, but they seemed to be enjoying the Baku burger just as much.
"So, how was your mission?" I asked. "You guys missed out on a lot while you were gone."
"Yeah… I guess we did," Kakashi chuckled. "I’m glad Danzo is finally going to face justice for his crimes."
Sakura jumped in. "We were just babysitting some noble’s brat for a few days. It was super boring." She waved her hand dismissively. "But enough about that!" Sakura fluttered her eyelashes at me. "How have you been, Haru-kun?"
"...He’s been just fine, Sakura," Tsunade said from behind her. Sakura jumped, spinning around to face the older woman.
"Tsunade-sama! What are you doing here!?" Sakura asked, her face red with embarrassment.
Tsunade grinned. "I’ll be stopping by a lot more often to meet up with my new king occasionally."
"King?" I asked, turning to see Rias smirking.
"Hell yeah!" Rias declared. "I wanted a ninja and got the best one in my peerage. I told Tsunade how devils could live for almost forever, never grow old, always look young, and get amazing magical powers—"
"She had me at ‘looking young,’" Tsunade interjected.
Now that she mentioned it, I noticed that the subtle illusion Tsunade supposedly kept on herself to look younger was gone. She genuinely had the body of a woman in her late 20s, and she seemed very happy about it.
"What about the village?" Naruko asked, her brow furrowing.
Tsunade waved her off. "It’s fine. I’m still going to be Hokage for the next couple of years before passing on the hat. After that, I’ll serve the village for a few more decades until I’ve essentially given a full lifetime of service, and then I’ll leave.
Rias nodded. "I’m totally fine with that. Most of my peerage members have their own lives anyway since we’re all still young, but I know we’ll all be together more in the future."
"Congrats, then, Rias," I said before gesturing to the grill. "Do you want your own Baku burger?"
"Damn right I do!" Rias replied with a grin.
“Bring me one of those too!” Rias’s new busty blonde Rook agreed. “And some Sake too, because my new king drank all mine earlier!”
Rias giggled. “Oooh? Can I have some sake too, Haru?”
“…No.”
XXX
I was thinking about writing a lemon at the end, but I was just too tired to write one at the moment. I might add one in later or I'll just save it for a future chapter.
Comments
Przemyslaw Szczepanik
Oh yea, Fairy Tail is pretty much the most overdue connection world at this point, for reasons already mentioned
Rycork
Rias is a winner on several points: Tsunade can be a mentor to learn how to fight or be strategic. She can train Asia more in medicine. And her role in the group is a tank and a heal, a deadly combination.
Vinicius Vieira
Well he already kissed Tsunade, and akeno is rias package dial, so It doesn't have to be ALL redheads, thought If It have to be ALL redheads he really need to conect with fairy tail, one of the best oyakodon is there
Chase Garcia
Hope we see Garp or Luffy from One Piece
Ariakan
i didn't remembered that episode. thanks!
Przemyslaw Szczepanik
Ah, a man of culture I see here. Both definitely get my vote. Problem is they're not redheads though. If we're going by Disney princesses it would probably have to be Ariel, Anna or Merida. I don't see how Ariel would end up in a restaurant, Anna warrants NTR alert and Merida... well... no. Just no.
Maxime Cusson
Unfortunately no. He has mastered the Art of Speed Eating. There is literally a filler episode of Naruto where team seven tries to uncover his face and he eats in front of them in the moments they are distracted.
The Milf Emperor
please make Tsunade a official member of Haru's harem. Tsunade best girl along with Yoruichi.
WhatAFungi
So Tsunade hopped up on rook power could punch a continent in half, right? Great chapter!
Ariakan
wait...Kakashi was eating...so...he took off his mouth mask willingly with everyone around him!?!?!?! :O
Vinicius Vieira
Well, she got the best ninja for her peerage, ty 4 the chap, and kaijuu fight for the Win, by the way, Quick question, If a Disney Princess apears, Will we have a musical? Jasmine and Elsa are the best ones in my opinion
