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Not That Kinda Cartoon
🕑 Added 2024-06-29 03:46:44 +0000 UTCAll other things being equal, Yogi'd had worse trips than the one ot Maximum Chrysaor's unnecessarily long and overcomplicated tournament. Meating the Freaky Fishfucker Guy had initially seemed like the worst moment in their entire stay in the paradise of an island that the group had landed at, and Joe had even wound up having to duel the Freaky Fishfucker Guy after a misunderstanding was created when Yogi and the gang ate the man's catch of the day.
As it turned out, his extremely poor grasp of English had caused a misunderstanding, and the Philipino eventually managed to get his actual thoughts across.
The misunderstanding about him putting his dick in the fish that the group had nabbed from him was cleared, and while it was a relief for Joe, Yogi and Stan who had no interest in eating a freshly fucked fish, Coffee had been so disappointed that she had immediately demanded the Freaky Fishfucker Guy make up for it with his body.
For about six hours.
Never underestimate a dedicated fisherman's stamina.
He also shared his wisdom, his time and most important of all, more of his fish with the hungry group. Not long after, however, they separated once more, leaving a dried husk of a man behind, who waved weakly as the group went back into the forest, a few tokens richer and with full stomachs.
For a couple minutes until they ran into some dude claiming to be the ghost of Setup Koiba, but who was so bat his job that he seemingly refused to believe Koiba wasn't dead and couldn't even pronounce his name right, kept putting an A where an O should've been. On top of that, all his monsters were clowns, of all things, and eventually he threw off his Koiba disguise to reveal that he, too, was a clown, although unlike the oversexed Dreamy Clown and Class Clown monsters that he had on the field, the first a milfy lady with purple hair in a yellow tunic over a pink jumpsuit that was basically painted on, with yellow stars, and the latter an extraordinarily thick younger woman in a learner's clownsuit, the fake Koiba guy was a proper, non-sexy clown.
"That was the most terrifying experience in all my life," Coffee stated. "Let's never mention the clown dude again. Everyone in favor say aye!"
"Aye!" the three men of the group chorused.
"Motion passes in the name of friendship with benefits!" Coffee said.
The quartet made it through the forest and, eventually, into Maximus Chrysaor's castle, where rather than finding a proper tournament venue like they'd been promised, they found instead that Maximus Chrysaor was already dueling Koiba, who was putting up a valiant fight even as he was being forced into the defensive.
However, it was obvious the battle was lost as Koiba was slowly brought to his end, but... really...
"What the fuck am I looking at guys," Yogi said, flatly, as he watched below, the duel that was happening. It seemed like everything was going swimming but...
"Do I look like I know the answer to that, Yog?" Joe responded, throwing his hands in the air. "Dude's a weirdo."
Big eyes, exaggerated features, absurdly huge pupils and no iris, hair that seemed to be one big piece, and of course, not a stitch of clothing to be seen. A blonde and a redhead with bodies that seemed to be made out of plastic were wrapping themselves all over Koiba, bending, twisting, warping and effectively giving physics and anatomy the middle finger by moving in ways that made no logical sense.
One of them was simultaneously kissing Koiba and bouncing her hips on his cock, while the other was stretching her arms to tease his nipples from behind while at the same time licking his dick and the other cartoon woman's pussy at the front of their bodies, and which one was which seemed to change at random interavals whenever the observer blinked.
Koiba let out a warlike roar and then with a flick of his hand tossed the redhead aside and pulled a card from his deck, laying it down with a smack, a dark hole opened in the middle of the dueling field and then absorbed the two women, destroying them immediately, and then disappearing.
"I'm not defeated yet!" Koiba shouted.
"But what will you do against my Cartoon Whorpie Lady?" Maximus Chrysaor, in all his extraordinarily flamboyant glory, with his long silver hair and perfectly tailored pink suit, stated, as he put down another card.
"His what now?"
"Are they even taking turns anymore?" Yogi muttered. "Also when and how did Miss February get here? I took your entrance tokens to get in!"
Miss February, inexplicably dressed in a playboy bunny outfit with an added strap-on, stroked her plastic cock and sent him a thumbs up. "I had extras," she said. "Hey miss Coffee, wanna go for a roll with me?" she asked.
"It's, uh, not really... a good time for it?" Coffee said, before approaching her and whispering something in her ear.
"Oh, oh damn... you need, you know..."
"Oh, no no, don't worry, Yogi's got my back," Coffee said.
"Really?" Miss February blinked. "Most boys-"
Yogi turned to her. "First, I'm not a boy, I'm a man, and I'd recommend not using that word, it can make you sound racist," he said. "Also second, if a guy's too embarrassed to buy tampons for a girl who needs'em, then he should shape up," he added, glaring pointedly at Stan and Joe, who looked aside whistling.
"H-Hey, guys... The duel waifus game is getting even weirder."
The two women and Yogi turned back to the duel, to watch as some sort of cartoon cat that resembled a famous but legally distinct tomcat diving into Koiba's pants, and then climbing up his legs, seemingly disappearing up his butt, causing him to seemingly get possessed, advancing on the Cartoon Waifus that Maximus Chrysaor had summoned, and opening himself up to be attacked.
The Whorpie Lady was at first a bundle of feathers, but then she opened her arms which were also wings, and showed off a body covered in pixelated censorship, but it was still possible to see that she was wearing bondage armor with spike tips on her nipples, and that she had all sorts of lewd writing and symbols on her body.
She was then joined by a giant fucking clam that opened up to reveal an extremely muscular red haired woman whose legs were instead half of a fish, complete with double finned tail. "Behold, my Cartoon Merbuilder!" Maximus said, "it is said that she can turn coal into diamond with the pressure of her butthole!"
Stan raised a hand. "I am extremely curious about where said butthole is!" he called.
As if hearing him, the Merbuilder turned around and exposed the spot where the fish tail and human upper body merged together, which indeed did have two magnificently huge orbs that started out as naked brown skin and became covered with smooth looking fish scales, almost like the skin of a shark at first and then having bigger scales that looked like glittering jewels as well as dull regular scales that eventually became most of the tail's covering.
The mermaid bodybuilder reached behind herself and spread her magnificently well toned ass cheeks to reveal that she, indeed, had a butthole even if she did not seem to have one at first, since the crack of her ass hid it. She also didn't have scales between the fat cheeks.
The Whorpie Lady pushed Koiba so that his dick slid into the Merbuilder's butthole.
About fifteen seconds later, Koiba let out a cry and came, spraying semen all over the Merbuilder's cheeks, but that was probably the most normal thing that would happen.
The movement began once more, as the two became dead set in draining Koiba's endurance with their Seductive Power, but of course, nothing could be as simple as just attacking his endurance directly to lower it to zero.
They began to twist and move around in impossible ways, like the Merbuilder moving her entire upper body in a one-eighty turn despite her tail remaining static, while the Whorpie Lady seemed to somehow get smaller, somehow managing to fit her entire body, the size of a regular adult human, around Koiba's head, seemingly wrapping around her and her legs and arms twisting and tying themselves into bows around Koiba's head.
Then, massive amounts of juice sprayed from where her pussy was acting as a sort of facemask over Koiba's mouth.
"I wonder if she tastes like chicken," Coffee wondered openly.
"Well the regular ones taste kinda like fish," Joe commented. "Trust me, I would know."
Miss February smirked at him. "You weren't complaining about that when we were dueling," she mentioned.
"I fucking love sushi," Joe said. "But I sure prefer to eat fresh."
"Well shit, that can be arranged," Miss February said, wagging her eyebrows and stroking the plastic cock attached to a harness on her crotch. "How... adventurous are you?"
"I'm willing to try anything once," Joe said, "just saying, if you wanna put it up my ass, you're gonna have to reciprocate," he said. "And also pay for the lube."
"Stop, stop, I can only get so wet!"
"Uh, guys... if you're done flirting... the duel's over," Stan mentioned.
"Did Koiba turn it around?" Joe asked.
"And where are Yogi and Coffee?" Miss February asked.
Stan pointed at the ground floor, where Yogi and Coffee were joining the defeated Koiba and the triumphant Maximus Chrysaor.
The latter looked quite contrite.
"If we're gonna duel," Yogi said, "then you're absolutely not gonna use those wack-ass cartoon monsters on me, got that?" he demanded, pointing at Chrysaor's chest.
"What's wrong with my Cartoon monsters? They're cute!" Maximus spoke, his voice trembling a little. "Do you just hate western cartoon aesthetics?"
"Depends on the cartoon," Yogi reasoned, "but it's just some degenerate shit, and honestly they just look a bit too youthful for me, you know, with the big eyes, the exaggerated proportions and the fact that they can shrink and expand at will is just... it just looks wrong in three dimensions you know?"
"Yeah, yeah, I guess that's fair, it's not for everyone," Maximus Chrysaor admitted. "Also you're surprisingly reasonable considering I kidnapped your lousy grandpa Saul, Yogi."
"I mean just because I came here to kick your ass and clear my name," Yogi said, making a friendly gesture with his hands, "doesn't mean I don't respect the drip," he said, gesturing at the tasteful pink suit, "and also you kinda made this game so you know-"
"I didn't make it though," Maximus Chrysaor said, clearing his throat. "I stole it from some ancient egyptian dudes. I'd like to remind you all that I am VERY british."
"But... you don't have a British accent. You don't even roll your Rs," Coffee said. "And I would know I find the British accent sexy."
"Well, my family's British," he ultimately said. "I'm a little bit from everywhere I guess."
"Oh, well, that makes sense," Coffee said, nodding. "Anyway, wanna have sex?" she asked.
"Ah, oh, sorry, I'm not really- I'm gay," Maximus Chrysaor said. "In fact I'm pretty much doing this just because I need to beat Yogi who beat Koiba so that I can take over his company and use the holographic tech to resurrect my husband via some egyptian magical bullshit and using his digitized brain to give his personality to the hard light construct."
Everyone stopped for a few moments.
Yogi and Coffee turned to Koiba, who was palming his face.
"You utterly foolish man," Koiba said, pointing his finger at Maximus Chrysaor, "did you not just think to ask?!?"
"... no?" he admitted. "I wouldn't have thought you'd have helped me defy the laws of nature to resurrect a man."
"Are you kidding? If this shit works out I'm gonna make SO much money from it!" Koiba said, "and we'll probably get a nobel prize or some shit, I'm in!"
"Huh," Maximus Chrysaor said. "I guess I did this entire tournament thing for no reason after all... Uh, you, you guys won't mind if I cancel it ri-"
"Bitch you promised me three million in prize money," Yogi said, "time to duel! But use something other than that cartoon shit, it gives me the heebie jeebies man!"
"Alright, fine, I'm pulling out the tentacle monster and anthropomorphic cosmic horror deck..."
Coffee heard Tentacle Monster and jumped in to duel Maximus herself. At first, he thought it would be easy due to her having basically no interest in Duel Waifus, but, well...
He really hadn't counted on her infinite sex stamina, and well, the anthropomorphic cosmic horror waifus and the tentacle monsters cared entirely too little for anything other than the tanned gyaru Japanese pussy they got to fuck.
That poor, poor Thousand Hole Restrict just didn't know what it was fucking with when it tried to absorb Coffee into its fuckhole dimension, but that is a story for another time...
Comments
BarrettSlayer
It like if Soul Master met yugioh and had a baby! Funny shit lol
