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Straight from the Sauce
🕑 Added 2025-02-08 02:26:23 +0000 UTCThe Uchiha Clan was gone. Dead, dusted and buried. It had been exterminated, down to just two members, one of whom was an international criminal, and infertile besides, and a not yet academy student from the Leaf. The only one who had been spared the massacre of his clan, the young spare heir, Sasuke.
This had left the boy with just two objectives in life. It was his dream, nay, his ambition, his reason of being, his entire self.
"To kill and destroy the man who slaughtered my clansmen... and to revive the Uchiha clan," the boy himself would explain, with a dark and brooding demeanor, an unsubtle and dramatic declaration that got the girls in his class swooning.
Indeed, even many of the people in the room were swooning even as he paced in front of the group. He had commandeered a classroom with the blessing of the Headmaster of the Academy and the Hokage, and had been allowed free rein for his ambition.
He turned around to face them. Fifteen girls his age. No, not girls anymore. Women now. Among them some he recognized, one was the highest scoring Kunoichi of the year, Haruno Sakura, and the other was the actual best kunoichi in their year, Yamanaka Ino, as well as a gaggle of his other classmates and even some that he didn't know.
It didn't matter.
"Since the first once is... incredibly difficult, I'll be putting most of my focus on the second one while training to achieve the first," Sasuke explained, crossing his arms. "I've summoned and gathered you together because I've decided that now that I've become an adult of both mind and body," he said.
He really just could not understand what went through these women's minds, because when he stopped to think about what was going on in his life, he just could not comprehend what made them think getting in on his situation was a good idea.
"Each of you has passed the three previous screenings," he said, looking over each of them. They were all at least Genin level kunoichi and they were all combat capable as well as having at least one specialization, as well as having no conflicting bloodlines that could potentially hamper the expression of his own.
On top of that he had also made sure to cut the chaff, one of the academy teachers had been a good help in cutting out all the kunoichi that had no potential.
"Congratulations," he said, remembering the script he had written with help from the Hokage, "but the real test starts now. From today onward, all fifteen of you will be moving in to the Uchiha Compound, where your ability to live as an Uchiha woman will be put to the test, and based on your performance, I shall choose the one who will become my wife and help me rebirth the Uchiha Clan, with all the privilege and fame that accompanies being a Clan Mother."
He nodded as there was some excited murmuring.
He pulled a scroll from one of his pouches and activated it, pulling it open and spreading it, just in time for it to launch a bunch of kunai with keys tied to them. Of course, every kunoichi in the room caught them with ease, otherwise they wouldn't even be allowed in the room in the first place.
"Of course, each of you will also be put to the test to check your ability to raise and train the future Uchiha children, so do not expect to have an easy life of plenty and idle indolence!"
He looked at them all. From the strangely familiar blonde with baby blue eyes on the furthest left end, all the way to the jade-eyed pink haired Haruno Sakura, whom he had to admit was one of the more promising candidates.
He nodded, and gestured to them all with a sweep of his hand. "Gather your belongings, each of your keys corresponds to an empty home in the Uchiha district. Worry not, they are not previously owned, I've already had the empty homes demolished and rebuilt."
That wasn't even an exaggeration. He had needed to do a lot of cleaning up because that man didn't surgically slay the Uchiha, he also reduced many of their homes to rubble or cinder.
He didn't even wait for a response. If they didn't come, then they were out, as simple as that.
Not long after, all fifteen were settling on the compound in their assigned homes, and Sasuke was visiting them one by one, to check on them and gauge their progress in adapting, and he gave all of them the simple instruction to gather in the Uchiha private training ground.
"Today, I shall be conducting the first exam of the final trials for the selection of the future Uchiha Clan Mother," Sasuke said, "and it will be a simple one. We will all perform the same basic training routine," he said, "this is the routine expected of all active duty Uchiha, we will work our way up to the active duty military police drills, but first we start with the easier and simpler training."
They looked at each other, and Sasuke ignored the murmurs, turning around.
"First... we start with body conditioning. We run laps to warm up, keep pace, whoever falls behind will be automatically failed!"
He then took off at a light jog, and slowly started to ramp up the speed, gladly surprised to see that they were all keeping up. The entire body conditioning would take a good half hour, and then the real training began, katas, ninjutsu drills, even the more complex parts, he did not hold elemental affinities against the ones who didn't have the superior Fire affinity, of course, but it did detract from their points.
That was the first day.
The second day, he started pushing them. The first one to fall off and not be able to get back into step was kicked out. Then the third day, the second, and the fourth, a third woman fell off.
He wasn't even putting them through his own training, but as it escalated to the Military Police training, he had cut half of the women down, from 15, to 8, and then 6 when he moved to the training expected of the Uchiha leader's family.
It, surprisingly, didn't take that long for that number to be cut in half one last time, as 3 were left of the initial 15.
He was genuinely shocked to see that three got to the point of being able to keep up with his personal training. Sure, they couldn't do it for long, Sakura and Ino would be basically dead by the time the training finished, but that other blonde, whose identity Sasuke just couldn't put his finger on, seemed to be able to keep up with ease.
He was sure he'd be aware of any kunoichi this strong among his classmates, sure the academy was huge and had many different classes, but he was for sure certain that in all his ten years of academy training he'd never even heard of a kunoichi stronger than Sakura or Ino.
That intrigued him.
That said, now that he had the strongest of the lot, it was time to start testing other things. Surprisingly, all three of them kept their living quarters neat, they were all used to and capable of living alone, and despite how stupidly clingy Ino and Sakura could be, they understood that an Uchiha Matriarch must be independent and able to act on her own.
However, he still had a lot of tests to run them through, a lot of questions to ask, which was why he invited all of them to his home, and had them sit for dinner on the big table. Being able to cook for oneself was a duty of all Uchiha, and so he'd had them demonstrate their capacity for kitchen management.
Unsurprisingly, they were all capable.
"What do you do if a traveling peddler snubs you and demands to speak to your husband?" Sasuke asked.
Being able to maintain important conversations over dinner without losing your pace was an important skill that all clan leaders ought to develop, it is the best way to be subtly threatening without pushing your luck too hard and stepping on someone's toes when you didn't mean to.
Sakura took a sip of her tea, clearing her throat as she began to speak. "Lodge a formal complaint with whatever asssociation or guild he belongs to, and spread rumors of his incompetence and attitude."
Sasuke nodded.
Ino followed next. "Hm, I'd follow him to his home and attempt to discover embarrassing secrets to blackmail him, or if sufficiently wretched, expose them for daring to insult me like that."
Very good, an Uchiha mistress should never allow herself to be disrespected.
Finally, the weirdly familiar blonde shrugged her shoulders. "Punch him in the face and take his stuff anyway!" she said, brushing back one of her pigtails as she continued to eat.
Perfect response. An Uchiha who is denied what they ask for politely should and must proceed to take what they desire by force.
They were all promising.
"What then, if your child is falsely accused of being party to a crime they did not commit?"
"Utilize everything within my power to prove their innocence," Sakura said firmly. "Go through all legal means!"
"Same, but go through all illegal means too," Ino agreed.
The other blonde seemed to think for a few seconds. "Frame whoever is framing my kid of a crime right back to distract everyone!"
Again, all three very promising. Damn, narrowing it down was simply not happening. All the other questions returned the same.
That left... the final test.
"Alright, it's time for the very final test. All Uchiha couples undergo it," he said, clenching his fist. "Before any talks of marriage between two parties are finalized, it is expected that they will engage in carnal relations to ensure sexual compatibility."
"Oh, yes, does that mean-"
"Oh man I've been waiting-"
Sakura and Ino almost leaped into each other's arms, hugging each other, eyes twinkling as they seemed to have caught on to what was going on.
"Wait, what's that mean?" the third girl said.
"That means we're finally going to, to do it!" Sakura gushed.
"To do what? Spar?"
The other three looked at her.
"What? Did I say something dumb?" she asked, glaring and puffing up her cheeks.
Sasuke hummed. She had an absolutely killer body that made both Ino and Sakura look positively ghoulish by comparison, an innocent face with rounded cheeks and deep soulful blue eyes. Her golden-blonde hair was as radiant as the sun. She was as pretty as pretty could be, and after a few weeks, Sasuke had realized, she was also about as dumb as she was pretty.
Frighteningly clever, nice and carefree, prone to violence, and also somehow very stupid all at once. A perfect Uchiha really.
"That means we are going to," Sasuke had to resist the urge to frown, "have sex."
There was a moment's pause.
"Okay this prank is suddenly no longer worth it."
A poof of smoke later, the stunning pretty blonde faded, and in her place, was... still a blond, except it was a dude.
There was a moment's pause.
"Oh my god I feel so betrayed right now," Ino said.
"NARUTO!?" Sakura screamed. "You, you- you asshole! We trusted you! We let you do our laundry! Even our underwear!"
"Which you did a great job with, by the way, you still need to tell me how you handle the mesh because I can never get it as spotless as you do," Ino said. "And, oh, my goodness, you REALLY need to tell me what softener you use, I've not been so comfortable since I lived with my mom."
"I hope you didn't do anything weird with my panties, you creepy weirdo!" Sakura accused.
"Why would I do that? I have my own!" Naruto said, pointing an accusatory finger at her.
"Are my panties not good enough for you, huh!?" Sakura accused back, grabbing Naruto by the lapel of his black and orange jacket, which in hindsight should've given him up from the start, shaking him.
"Ergh, that's not what I mean, your panties are lovely but I'm not some creepy panty sniffing weirdo!" Naruto said, panicking a little.
"So you say but I bet you're wearing a pair right now!" Sakura accused, which made sense because Naruto was indeed wearing the same clothes he'd been wearing as a woman. Sakura looked him up and down. "And... why are your legs so much better than mine!? How many squats!? How do you shave them!? What's your secret! SPEAK, BASTARD!"
Naruto was being shaken relentlessly as Sakura stopped asking questions and just screamed out her frustration.
Ino joined in, demanding Naruto reveal the secrets to the beautiful hair and skin he had, realizing that though he was no longer in the shape of a voluptuous woman, he hadn't changed his appearance that much.
"ENOUGH!" Sasuke shouted, separating them at last.
"Anyway, I'm out, I was going to keep this up until the wedding and then surprise you but this just ain't worth it anymore," he said, raising his hands.
Sasuke shook his head. "No way, that doesn't make sense, how could I not tell?" he asked, stroking his chin. "And-" he pursed his lips, glaring at Naruto. "Fuck it. Transform back, you're still in the running."
"W-what!? But Sasuke, he's, he's a man!" Sakura complained.
"That's right!.. wait if he comes back can I still leave him to do my laundry?" Ino asked.
"Yes?" Sasuke responded, mentally marking Ino up some points, owing to her willingness to use any advantage presented to her like a proper Uchiha.
"W-What, no way man, that's weird!" Naruto said, crossing his hands and pushing Sasuke away. "I might be wearing panties but I'm not into-"
"I'll let you have unlimited budget for Ramen," Sasuke countered.
A puff of smoke burst from the ground and covered Naruto, who was suddenly once again a stunning blonde with an hourglass figure and 36Fs. "Alright we're back!" 'she' called, winking and striking a sexy pose.
Sakura palmed her face.
"You know what I don't even care anymore," she said, grabbing Sasuke by the collar. "I'm going to fuck your brains out now."
Sasuke's eyes narrowed.
Okay, Sakura... might just be pulling ahead in terms of a proper Uchiha wife. But he'd have to test all three of them to be sure. Very, very thoroughly.
