zandravandra
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A Look Back At 2018
🕑 Added 2019-01-01 03:04:34 +0000 UTCHey hi folks! The last twelve months have been a lot. Let's take a closer look at them.
Those of you who follow me on twitter may have noticed that I say goodnight every day before going to bed. It's an old habit from IRC (not wanting folks to think I'm rude for not replying because I'm actually asleep) that, over time, turned into saying something positive each day. That, too, eventually changed; it became a way for me to look back at the day and figure out what I had learned from it.
Let's do the same with 2018.
I started the year with a bang, releasing Cat Wishes—my second light novel—a few minutes before at the end of December 31st, 2017. And it worked out? Much better than I had anticipated, in fact; the boost that my Patreon got as a result finally put me within basic income range. Maybe I could make this thing work? Maybe I could be an author. As, like, a job.
Due to rising print costs, I set up a kickstarter to pay for the first run, and that too worked out way beyond my expectations. Also, running a crowdfunding campaign and then mailing out dozens and dozens of book takes a lot of energy, turns out! But I kept going, and segued directly into my next book.
It was supposed to be Plant Lamp, but something else caught my eye: an idea about a protagonist who got a part-time contract to become a witch's familiar. I'm not quite sure why, but the concept got me so fired up that I poured myself into the book. In the end, I wrote more—way more—than I normally did, which made for a book much too big to be printed the way I usually did. I went with a well-recommended print shop that handled bigger self-publishing projects and Substitute Familiar, my first perfect-bound book, was born. I also set up a kickstarter for that one, and good gosh did that one ever work out.
Good thing, too, because I was about to undergo surgery. Major, life-affirming surgery; an operation I'm still recovering from today.
Something else that had been taking up my time for the first few months of the year: dealing with ever-present anxiety about the surgical procedure. I'm an anxious person. It's something I've been working through for a while now, and though I've made strides, I'm still nowhere near being free from it. And believe me, not a day went by that I didn't freak out about a potential complication or legal technicality that would take away what I had wanted so much all these years.
But the day arrived, and I came out the other side intact. Better, in fact! The overwhelming surge of confidence I've been riding since has been nothing short of astonishing, and every so often I surprise myself doing and saying things I never would have dared to before. I feel like a more complete person now. There's still lots to work on as far as getting better goes, but I can finally look at myself, and see what I can improve, and that means so much.
Recovery was a lot for the first few months, and it still is. But during the weeks when practically all my time was taken up by physical therapy, I still had a story I wanted to tell; a fourth book, Feline Therapy, that went some places I normally never go. It's still a book I wrote, it's still a story that I hope can leave readers in a better place than where they started, but... it gets heavy in some places. It can be a lot. But after enduring seemingly never-ending waves of anxiety and exhaustion, it was a story I wanted to tell.
As time went on, my books also started going through more editing passes, both by my editor, my proofreaders/collaborators, and also by some early readers in my discord server who gave some much-needed input. Writing may look like solitary work, but it often takes more than one person to make a really good story. I'm grateful for everyone who helped bring my books to the finish line this year; I hope to write many more in the next one.
I'm so eager to write in part because the last few months have been very hard creatively. In my overzealous desire to get back to work despite a prolonged recovery, I ended up exhausting myself severely on more than one occasion. I went to conventions again! I attended events, spoke at panels, gave presentations, participated in get-togethers... All the while promising a slew of short stories in addition to the next book. It was a lot. Maybe too much, turns out. I ended up neglecting the most important people in my life, and I ended up neglecting myself. I wanted to do everything and I almost did. I did write one of the aforementioned short stories, A Drink To Amanda—my first book DLC—but couldn't manage much more.
I can't keep this pace up. Not for another year, not even for another month. So I'm going to take things one step at a time. I want to make it to 2020, after all. And beyond!
So that's what my resolution for 2019 is: learning to pace myself. I want to hit the ground running when 2020 comes around, and not struggle to make it across the finish line like I did this year. This means getting better organized, figuring out what's reasonable for me, and traveling less. This means ensuring that I don't become a giant ball of stress because of all the deadlines looming over me, or the dozens of projects I still haven't completed yet. I want to make sure I leave myself room for what I can't predict, what I can't expect.
I want a healthier, more energetic Zandra for next year. And I'm going to do my best to take care of her!
Because I want to write those short stories, and those other upcoming light novels, and the next Substitute Familiar (because oh right, it's going to be a trilogy)... I want to do all these things. I just gotta take my time.
Thanks for being with me this year; I literally could not have made it this far without your support. You give me a strong foundation I have built upon, and hope to keep building on in the future.
We made it! Let's congratulate ourselves for that. Let's take care of ourselves—because we're worth it, and we deserve it—and let's keep making wonderful things together.💙
Comments
Félicie (Taxouck)
May you have the greatest year of your life yet in 2019, Zandra!
