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Chapter 89 - For the Record
🕑 Added 2024-02-14 07:38:56 +0000 UTCContent Warning: depression, self harm, implied attempted su*cide, mind control/noncon, body horror
you've been warned.
this is a dark chapter.
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“I have no need for failures.”
Her words echo in my ears and burn themselves into my mind.
How? How did it come to this? Lady Epione… she told me to monitor Nemesis, to keep tabs on them to make sure they didn’t become a problem.
That’s what she said…
Isn’t that what I did?
I’ve never tried to be anything but loyal… did she want me to do something else? Then why did she-
[Warning: Class has been revoked. Source Divinity: Epione]
I… What?
…
Losing strength in my legs, I fall limply to my knees.
My Class?
She took my Class?
…For this?
Confused, I check my Status…
[Status]
[Name: Pearl]
[Race: Human]
[SYSTEM: TYPE C – Level 26 – XP 4300/27000]
[Inherent Skills: None]
[Class: None]
[Class Skills: None]
[General Skills:]
[Dimensional Storage 11]
[Identify 15]
[Stealth 8]
[Language]
[Interplanar Common]
[Traits: None]
[Titles:]
[Spurned of Epione]
It’s gone.
It’s all gone.
All my work…
My prayers…
Everything.
I feel arms wrap around me, words of surprise and comfort at the recent turn of events, but I can barely make out Izzy’s voice from the noise in my mind.
What do I even do now?
***
“Come on, Pips. You need to eat.”
Omorth always was the caretaker type, even though he’s so different now. I guess some things never change.
He doesn’t even need to eat. I’m pretty sure he can’t.
But he’s still making the time to look after me, even though I’ve been laying around for the last week.
I don’t know what else to do, though. Everything I’ve done, everything I’ve worked for… it’s all gone.
I’ve got nothing left.
Other than this pastry I guess… but it’s hard to enjoy even that.
It’s hard to believe that I used to take all this for granted. I was on my way, ascendant, gaining levels and learning spells and Skills…
I don’t even have the Skill I need to cast holy magic anymore.
Maybe I’ll just go back to sleep.
“Is the human still broken?”
“Ah,” I mumble, “you were here too?”
Nemesis levels a glare at me. “I’ll take that as a yes.”
“Would you show some compassion, Lady Nemesis? For my sake?” Izzy says, pulling at the ash monster’s sleeve.
How did I even get here? It feels like everything has been going so fast since we met them… I was a normal priestess in a normal party, all good-natured people with goals of getting stronger…
And then out of the blue, we’re following this thing around, and suddenly they’re Izzy’s… wife? Spouse? And now they’re a god of some kind?
Why am I even on this gods-forsaken plane?
Why am I here at all?
I should have just stayed at the orphanage. Maybe I could have just taken over for Sister May like she wanted…
It’s my own fault, of course. I needed to see the planes. I needed to do something with my life, something more than standing still.
A fine wave of ash washes over me, and the food I still haven’t touched.
“I guess,” Nemesis answers, “but she should really just get another Class. It’s not like she died or something. Some humans look forward to starting over, don’t they?”
Izzy shakes her head slowly. “Some do, yes, but most only start over after maxing out their Class and deciding they want to start over. She didn’t get that choice; it was made for her.”
“Her System level is definitely high enough to have some Class options, though… what else is she going to do, turn to mold on her sheets?”
The others in the room inhale sharply, but I ignore it. Just like I’ve been ignoring everything.
“Screw it, I’ll just give her one. I can do that, right?”
What?
No.
Don’t do that.
Don’t give me hope.
It’ll only be a matter of time before you don’t need me either.
It’ll only be a matter of time before you throw me away too.
“Hm?” they mumble. “Nevermind. Apparently I could if I didn’t, I don’t know, have a messed up soul or whatever? It just gave me an error. Haven’t seen one of those for a while.”
Maybe I should feel bad about it, but I breathe a sigh of relief anyway.
***
I left the house today.
Omorth and Izzy forced me to. They said I needed to, for a change of scenery if nothing else.
But I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do here.
I’m sitting on the edge of the fountain in one of Moonside’s many community squares.
I’d consider just leaning back until I fall in and surrender myself to the wraiths filling it in place of water, but I already know they wouldn’t harm me.
I already know that for a fact.
It’s a sign, I guess. I’m stuck. There’s no easy way out. Even the monsters are watching me, I’ve got half a dozen wraiths following me everywhere I go now. I couldn’t just wander out into the razorvines… if I tried, Nemesis would be here in a flash with Olive and Izzy. They’d just drag me back.
Maybe someday I’ll get used to this emptiness. I had no idea I was so dependent on her guidance and support.
Even though she barely ever talked to me. Which, I guess I can’t blame her for. She’s a goddess, and I’m replaceable.
With more strain than before, I rise to my feet. I never did have a lot of stamina, but it’s been waning. And I’ve lost weight.
Sighing, I continue my directionless, meaningless wandering.
***
I heard Izzy crying today.
She’s been following me around lately, always willing to strike up a conversation about anything or nothing.
But I can tell that this is wearing on her.
That I’m wearing her down.
That’s my fault too.
She’d insisted on sitting for tea with me earlier. And I asked her what she was trying to accomplish. I told her that she couldn’t save me.
I told her that Lady Epione had already damned me, and she should too.
It surprised her. I know it did. And I don’t know how to describe her look of hurt.
I’m tired.
I’m so tired.
…
“Are you still not done?”
I look up to see Nemesis, glaring at me again as usual.
I harden my gaze. “What in the hells do you want? No, really. What do you want from me?”
They float closer until we’re only a few inches apart. “What I want, human, is for you to stop hurting my wife with your stupidity.”
“And what? You’re going to hurt me? Kill me? Fucking do it already. I didn’t ask for your people to chaperone me around.”
I’ve only seen the ash monster truly upset a few times, but it looks like I’ve managed to set them off.
“I WOULD LOVE TO,” they boom, echoing from the garden walls. “But I won’t because that would make her cry even more! Don’t make me mess with your head, mortal. Don’t make your problems my problems too.”
We glare at each other in silence for a moment.
And then they smile. A truly unsettling smile.
“Or, you could let me take responsibility for you.”
I take a step back in shock, and Nemesis responds by taking a matching step forward.
“Tell me,” they rasp, “you were her possession, weren’t you? You did everything she told you to. She was your pillar. Right?”
My eyes widen as I continue trying fruitlessly to back away, but still find myself nodding slightly.
And then I feel my back touch the cold stone of the garden wall, and they box me in with an arm to each side.
“It seems to me that you just need a new pillar. And I have the perfect candidate. Izzy likes you anyway, so it wouldn’t do for you to die a pointless mortal death and leave her without. So you’ll belong to her.”
I feel a sudden grip on my mind, as though I was forced out of my own head to spectate.
“If you don’t want this life any more, then I’ll take it for myself. You’ll belong to her, and to me. I won’t let you run from this any longer. I won’t let you hurt her any longer.”
And then their voice sears my mind with the heat of a star.
YOU WILL BECOME MY AGENT. YOU WILL BECOME AN AGENT OF THE ALL-DEVOURER, THE QUEEN OF HUNGER, AND FIND NEW PURPOSE BY MY HANDS AS LEAST AMONG MY ATTENDANTS.
I shudder, and then it happens.
My body starts to change.
What’s…
What’s happening to me?
Unbidden, my Status rolls in my mind.
[Status]
[Name: Pearl]
[Race: Nightmare Mimic (Hunger Elemental)]
[SYSTEM: TYPE C – Level 26 – XP 4300/27000]
[Inherent Skills:]
[Devour 0]
[Mimic Lure 0]
[False Body 0]
[Class: Herald of Eternal Hunger – Level 0 – XP 0/1000]
[Class Skills:]
[Aura of Lethargy 0]
[Corrupt Flesh 0]
[General Skills:]
[Dimensional Storage 11]
[Identify 15]
[Stealth 8]
[Language]
[Interplanar Common]
[Shadowborne]
[Traits:]
[Blessed of Envy]
[Blessed of Hunger]
[Blessed of Night]
[Bound Will (Nemesis)]
[Impure Soul]
[Titles:]
[Agent of Nemesis]
[Child of the Stars]
[Corrupted Growth]
[Queen’s Servant]
[Spurned of Epione]
My body slops to the ground at the same moment I regain control…
But…
How do I move?
What?
…What?
I try to curse, but all I make are squelching sounds…
At least I can still see… From… way too many angles…?
“Well, that wasn’t quite what I expected, but it looks like you at least don’t have to worry about that whole mortality thing now, and you have a Class again.”
I rotate my vision in the ash monster’s… Master’s direction, as much as I can.
“First things first, congratulations I guess. Whatever. But you’re useless as a ball of feelers and mouths and eyes, so why don’t you just go ahead and use that False Body Skill you have?” they impassively say.
Which… they’re right. I can feel it, and what it does.
So I use it, and the next thing I know I’m standing upright again, in a long black robe with a deep hood that mysteriously doesn’t block my vision…
Nemesis nods. “I see. The feelers are still going to stand out, but it’s not like anyone is going to mistake you for a human any more anyway. Go, and present yourself to Izahne. Remember, you belong to her now. And no more being sad or whatever! You live to make her happy. Now go.”
I blink my… many eyes, but my feet are already moving.
Comments
Nekonyamicon
ngl, some of this was channeling the emptiness and aimlessness I feel when bipolar depression gets me bad.
Riley, Glutton of All the Foods
Izahne is going to be very upset, I feel. And I halfway expect the next chapter to start with Nyx saying something to the effect of "You're an idiot!" However, if I remember my brief glimpse at the preview, it is going to be another heavy chapter, so that probably won't happen. It was well written depression! The only thing missing if I were to compare it with my own would be rumination. Having the same depressing thoughts multiple times in a row or over a very short time. Thank you for the chapter!
