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Chapter 94 - For the Record
🕑 Added 2024-02-22 07:49:45 +0000 UTCI actually did get a bunch of followers out of that – mostly adventurers.
...And a handful of priests begging for “special Classes” or something.
Whatever.
I fed them some line about proving themselves to me before I’d consider it, but I’ve apparently established that while I’m a truly terrifying god – which I absolutely am, they should be terrified of my glory and majesty and uhhhh. That I’m approachable by mortals, or at least by mortal ascendants.
Which, is good?
At least I think it is?
(Well, you’re at least better than most gods, even if you’re an asshole who makes demented decisions on a whim,) Nyx points out.
Hey! I’m getting better!
She stares at me with an eyebrow raised.
I am!
(What you mean is that you’ve enlisted trainers to teach you to make less demented decisions, or at least less frequently.)
Same difference, I shrug.
My former Assistant sighs as I stride into my throne room.
Huh.
Izahne is actually back in her old place waiting for me. I didn’t expect that, she only just moved back in.
Taking a seat on my throne and stretching out to relax, I glance around the room and...
Well. And I don’t know what. I don’t really know what I’m expecting. I absentmindedly brush Izahne with Consume to hear her softly gasp...
...
Did I do that harder than usual?
...
Oh.
Right.
She’s still mad at me.
“Sorry. Was that too much?” I ask quietly.
“You...”
...
“Me?”
My wife lets out a muted sigh. “You don’t have to do that. Not right now anyway.”
I glance toward her, mostly with my eyes. “So you want me to later?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know yet, okay?”
“Alright,” I say with a small nod.
...Why is Olive radiating satisfaction? As a matter of fact, where is she to begin with?
Well, whatever.
< Shadow, > her voice intones in my mind.
Not that I have any idea what she means by that, and that’s fine.
As if she’d been waiting for the perfect time to make her appearance, Vivianne approached the throne and kneels before it like she does most days to give her morning report about planar happenings.
…
Seems to be mostly normal stuff so far… a bunch more adventurers moved in, mostly around the dungeon town…
***
Ah, I’ve found it! I’ve finally found it! The plane where my destiny awaits!
Now if only I could get my party anywhere near as enthusiastic as I am… but of course, I can’t blame them. They aren’t the chosen one, reborn in this universe to tame it, to bend it to my will!
It doesn’t matter that they already had mayonnaise, and it definitely doesn’t matter that most of the planes have more advanced technology than my past life! This plane, this wild, wild plane… I will make it mine.
But first… dungeon raids are an absolute must!
The marketplace in the square leading to the entrance is packed with hawkers, pushing wares and services to anyone who will listen, but thankfully, I stocked up elsewhere earlier – for much cheaper! The prices here are crazy! Who the hell would pay 250 enni for a lesser healing potion?
At least the sharpening services are nice and quick, and not too ridiculously priced, especially for the speed.
What strikes me as the most odd though is how all the priests and priestesses seem to be worshipping the same god? Considering how diverse most religious casters are, I’d expected the usual hodgepodge here, but no. It’s all just “Praise Nemesis” or “Nemesis’ blessings upon you” or “Oh blessed queen of hunger” this or that or whatever.
But I’ve never heard of this god, so they must not be that big of a deal.
Anyway, on to the dungeon! The entry fee was surprisingly cheap, so on we go.
“Be sure to keep an eye on the corners, this dungeon has a reputation for ambushes,” my rogue says.
No, as a matter of fact, I haven’t bothered to learn their names. They’re all extras, after all. NPC’s, without real souls! Which is hard to believe at times, considering how real they act. In fact, I wouldn’t have believed it if the goddess hadn’t told me so herself!
Also, the other gods are all just masks she wears… it doesn’t really make much sense to me, but who am I to question a goddess?
I haven’t actually seen any threats worth my time yet – so far just a mix of weak undead and more of those plant monsters from outside the dungeon, so I’ve let my party handle them…
But now we’re at the boss room, on floor ten.
…Which means it’s my time to shine, and also claim my share of the loot! Drawing my Sunfire Longsword, I focus my mana into the hilt and charge headlong at the huge treant.
***
Just how deep does this dungeon go? The rumors are that it has in fact been cleared, but only once… and the party that cleared it refused to comment. Well, other than profanity apparently? Word is that one of them was quite foul.
The midboss on floor 115 still wasn’t much of a challenge though, not for me. After all, it was only level 190! I was already level 250 when I entered, so of course it makes sense to only fight the fun enemies. My healer ran out of MP on a few occasions, but I just threw them another potion and kept moving.
We’ve just entered floor 120 though, and it opens onto a safe zone… now if only this universe had save points as well! Not that I think I’d have to stoop to save scumming… but it’d be nice to have the option to redo decisions if there was a better option.
…And my entire party just, sits down on a set of wooden furniture that seems to be growing from the floor.
“What are you doing? The boss room is right there. You’ve all gained levels, don’t tell me you need to rest. You have plenty of SP.”
The mage is lucky I want her combat buffs or I’d kill her myself right now for that eyeroll.
And the rogue points at a sign I’d been ignoring, so I actually bother to look at it.
…
“That’s not a recommended level sign,” I absentmindedly comment.
With a huff the healer mutters under his breath, “Yeah, no shit.”
“Rude!” I shout as I brandish my sword at them. “But I’ll forgive you… for now. It’s not like you can go against your programming, after all.”
“What the hells is this idiot even talking about?” the mage whispers to the others.
The healer whispers back, “No idea.”
But I don’t care.
The sign before me reads:
EXERCISE PATIENCE AND AWAIT YOUR TURN.
AN AUDIENCE IS YOUR REWARD…
AND YOUR TEST.
***
I don’t know who this impatient idiot is, but they’ve apparently been pounding on my boss chamber door since before my travel maid brought me here.
And for that, they can wait a bit longer! I stretch out in my throne and form a tea table in front of me with a gesture. “Olive, let’s take tea. I’m not in a hurry to talk to… whoever that moron is.”
With a small bow, the fox spirit produces a silver tea set – fancier than the one Epione pilfered – and starts preparing my favorite leaf.
“Make enough for the others too, if you would,” I say, glancing around the room at my retainers.
They’re hesitant at first, but I’d made the table plenty big for all of us to sit around it, though I’ll be attending in my throne.
Because of course I would.
(Yes, because of course you would,) Nyx repeats, her tone dripping sarcasm.
Oh shut up. You get tea out of this too.
(Whatever.)
…
And I take my time, too. A good half hour later, I’ve finished my tea and sweets (also truffle based, apparently – I wonder where exactly Olive gets them all?), so I guess I’m as ready as I will be to deal with idiots.
…
What, not going to comment? I thought I set you up pretty well there.
My former Assistant sighs. (There’s no point when you set it up too well.)
I shrug and reabsorb the tea table.
“Rose, let them in.”
As soon as the doors open, some human with blonde hair and extremely shiny armor charges into the room, and then suddenly comes to a halt.
“Wait, they really did mean an audience?” they say as their eyes sweep my royal setting. “I thought it was some kind of joke about a king of beasts or whatever.”
I can feel through their collective bonds that my retainers are bristling at the idiot’s tone, but I choose to speak before they act.
And I sigh, letting ash scatter. “No, fool. Most in the presence of a god allow their host to speak first, but I’m feeling patient today. Explain yourself.”
A look of relief flashes across their face as three other humans much more cautiously enter the room behind the idiot. “Ah, the goddess! I should have known, it wouldn’t make sense to have an audience with anyone else on this savage plane! Are you here to congratulate me on making it this far? To reward me again?”
I… have no idea what this human is talking about. And it must show on my face because they continue, “Or are you not? The sign said something about a test…”
“Okay, shut up,” I interrupt, dissipating enough of my ash to darken the room. “It doesn’t sound like I’m whatever goddess you’re talking about.”
I stand and spread my feelers in an undulating mass around me, a distorted halo of writhing ash. “I don’t even know who you are.”
“I see! You’re a different… god… or, ‘god’? Wait… Wait! I get it!” they say as they slap their forehead with a grin. “If I’m the Hero protag of this game, then obviously there has to be a Demon Lord! And you fit the description perfectly!”
Wait, I think I heard something about that… who said it, was it that damned rabbit? Heroes and Demon Lords or whatever?
…But I definitely don’t have that title…
I doublecheck just to be sure and yeah, nope. Don’t have that one.
“Which means we need to have our climactic battle! God…dess, I really wish there was a save point in the last room! What kind of game design is this? If I die I have to start over at the beginning? That’s so dumb!”
I let them rant for a while. A lot of it doesn’t make sense anyway.
(He seems to think he’s in a video game,) Nyx comments.
Huh. Are those ‘game’ terms then?
Ooh, flat stare.
