nekonyamicon
patreon
Chapter 183 - For the Record
🕑 Added 2024-08-27 18:54:59 +0000 UTC…This isn’t working.
Once again, I’ve tried a number of different things… and again, even the words of creation are failing me.
I tried removing the title, thinking maybe we needed both for it to be in effect… but I simply got an error about ‘cascading’ something-or-other. The same thing happened when I tried to remove the Trait.
It was a bit more drastic, but I even tried to remove the Mantle of Devotion itself, stripping it entirely. And that? That produced a whole litany of warnings.
Apparently, Mantles weave through a god’s Akashic Self entirely. I suppose it makes sense, considering how much they fundamentally change us even if just in minor personality quirks…
My last attempt was to change how Domain: Devotion worked with the Record itself, and this time got a series of warnings about how destroying a Domain would have the same effect as removing it from all its bearers, including Izahne, which I already know would kill her!
It's so incredibly frustrating! Why doesn’t anything just work!?
I sigh to myself. This, all of this, leaves me at an impasse.
Powerless.
I’m powerless again.
I don’t know what to do.
It’s… not entirely bad, I’ll admit.
I’ve probably been happier than I’ve been in a long time… at least I think that’s what this feeling is called. Astraea felt it an awful lot in my past life. I spent a great deal of time with Olive then, as well as passively leading my ants as they scurried about their colonies…
Waking up with Izahne every morning, her lithe body sprawled across me… is a good experience. It still feels right.
And I can’t tell whether it’s genuine or a compulsion… but if nothing else this has confirmed that compulsions do indeed affect the gods themselves.
So I’ve had no choice but to seek her out every day, at least in the evenings, so we can end the day in each other’s arms.
…Which again, isn’t a bad thing… at least for me.
But I can still see the torment in my wife’s eyes, somewhere deep in the back where the flicker of her hate still burns.
She doesn’t want this, and I don’t want to force her into it if she truly doesn’t want this.
And she’s wearing down, I can feel it. The first sign was when she dropped her resistance to our link, insisting she didn’t want to hide her true feelings, even her conflict, from me anymore.
The next was the morning I woke up with a bare skeleton atop me instead of my supple wife, gently flickering with a ghostly purple flame and bearing glowing golden eyes that strongly resembled her own.
“I want you to see me,” she’d said. “The real me. I’m not undead anymore, darling. I’m death itself. That’s part of what the Mantle does, I think. I don’t like this body though, it’s too unfamiliar, so I just use my transformation Skill all the time.”
But I’m not sure why she’s worried about it. In my eyes, she’s still incredibly beautiful, whether in a mundane or otherworldly sense.
Either way, she’s her, and she’s beautiful.
…Which is definitely the compulsion.
The most worrying part though, is how through our now open link, I can feel her straining will getting weaker.
It’s happening again.
It’s happening all over again.
I’m feeling her break. I’m feeling her lose a part of herself, giving up on what she seems to deeply think is a losing battle.
She even insisted on forgiving me, for everything. Tinkering with her memory… she should never have forgiven me for. It was antithetical to everything she’s tried to teach me… people need to be allowed to choose.
Her being in no frame of mind to choose was no excuse. And even then… when she was Hades, she’d explicitly asked me not to restore the memories she’d repressed, and I did it anyway.
I couldn’t stand to see her suffer any longer, and I didn’t know how to end her suffering without freeing her from those memories.
Some small part of me hoped the tiniest bit that she’d see that I’d saved the memories I’d removed, so she could relive them – remember them – any time she wanted.
But that wasn’t enough, because of course it wasn’t. It never would have been, nor should it have been.
…
Ruminating is getting me nowhere.
At least the compulsion allows us to go our separate ways, although those strong emotions still have a firm hold on us both.
And so, I’m doing the same thing I’d done the last time I was powerless to help her.
I’m asking others for help. Which, is much more difficult than before I was Astraea… I am so, so prideful now, and seeking help feels like admitting that I’m weak. That I could be taken advantage of, or even killed by my enemies.
So I have to work around it.
Asking Eros was a mistake though.
“Wait, that’s a problem? You’re supposed to want that to begin with! You’re supposed to have intimacy with your partners, it defeats the purpose otherwise!” she’d said. “If there’s any kind of problem it’s mine, why with her and not me? In fact, right now we could-”
I didn’t let her finish, instead rapidly opening a rift and tossing her bodily through.
Of course, since I hadn’t frozen her movement this time, she simply teleported back and complained about how it was “so mean!”
And I didn’t care. I still don’t.
Next I tried Livvie… and she simply gave me a sad smile. Then she projected a series of memories…
The hundreds and hundreds of years she’d spent trying to learn how to prevent a fixation from taking hold. And it almost worked.
Almost.
In the end… she found there’s just no way to fight compulsions placed by the Record itself. Individual ascendants, even the gods themselves? Those can sometimes be resisted.
But not from the Record itself.
Vivi had no idea at all… she’d never had to deal with compulsions to begin with, because Astraea had simply brutally murdered anyone who attempted it in her presence.
And I can’t just brutally murder the Record without destroying everything.
Branching out was my next option, and so that’s what I did.
Abaris… died a long time ago. Many humans I once knew have. Thankfully, it would seem they’ve at least been spared my wrath from my dark times… they were nowhere near the unnecessary destruction I’d caused.
Unsurprisingly, Mimir is nowhere to be found. He’s wanted nothing to do with me ever since the mess with the vampires, immediately teleporting entire planes away any time I’ve tried to open a tear near his color.
Dolos… I didn’t bother with. If he was willing to help I’m sure he would’ve made an appearance. He’s definitely watching, after all.
“Kill her, you don’t need her anyway. She’s a distraction,” is all grandmother said. And I’m not going to do that. Obviously.
Which leaves… not many people. Tathra had no idea, but said he’d put his ear to the ground in case anyone he knew did… His former master had heard a handful of rumors, but none of them made sense! Why would a second compulsion cancel the first? Knowing how the Record’s rules typically work I’d anticipate a stronger compulsion, so I’m not even going to try it. Too risky.
So then.
Eris.
I’m sure she’s going to be very happy to see me.
…And as I exit my freshly-torn rift, I can see that I’m right! As demonstrated by her rapier at my throat again.
“Hello, old friend,” I say with a smile. It’s not like her sword can actually hurt me anyway, I’d just disperse and let it pass through me.
We simply stand in place for a moment before Eris sighs and finally lowers her sword.
“So tell me, how are your dungeon cities doing? Well? They’re probably doing well, especially if you’ve ordered them to do well. Dungeon monsters are very loyal.”
“They’re… they’re fine. What do you actually want?” the goddess of strife answers, dripping exasperation.
“Well…”
I spend the next few minutes explaining the issue between Izahne and me, her face gradually shifting more and more into discomfort a I continue.
When I finish, the first words out of her mouth are, “Well. That’s… Well. That is a thing that is happening then, isn’t it?”
“It certainly is, and I’m trying to find a solution. Do you know a way to eliminate or limit a compulsion related to a Mantle, Trait, and title? I’ve tried everything I could think of, and I do mean everything.”
“Hmmm…”
Eris spends the next few minutes pacing and muttering to herself, noticeably still holding her sword. Does she think I’m going to randomly attack her? Well, I’m not.
Probably.
“Woah, wait. What did you just say?” I suddenly cut in… she definitely said something relevant…
“Hm? Heavens and hells? Your plane isn’t one, so it doesn’t matter.”
“No, but what if it was? What’s the difference?”
She looks at me like I’m stupid before sudden realization crosses her face.
“You really don’t know, do you? Heavens and hells amplify divinity. You’d be stronger there, so you and your wife might just be able to resist whatever compulsion that is.”
Grabbing her by the shoulders, I ignore the sudden fear she’s radiating strongly enough that I can feel it even without a bond of any kind.
“You need to tell me everything about that, and you need to do it right now.”
