The_Bizone
patreon
[TVM] 1. Alexa Theresa Hates Sharp Things
🕑 Added 2025-07-23 11:13:06 +0000 UTCDecember, 1848
“Grease the guillotine!
“Grease the guillotine!
“Grease the guillotine, with the Empress’ fat and tears!
“By the clergy’s bowels!
“By the clergy’s bowels!
“By the clergy's bowels, hang her nobles too!”
Those song-like chants from the crowd, accompanied by an upbeat tune of fifes and drums, drowned Alexa’s injured ears, as she looked down on the cold ground.
As if she didn’t matter, only she shed tears for herself, and no one else did the same for her. Even her allies, all of them on the gallows, gave her icy stares.
Then, as the crowd chanted to also kill her little sister next, the cold blade of the guillotine struck her neck.
The pain only lasted seconds.
“Is this seriously my nerd brother’s idea of a good story for me?!”
Alexa groaned. She was expecting to be entertained by this story, but she was bored. It was a great offense! Annoyed, she stowed the novel away on her bedside table, before yawning.
“That’s such a lame ending for this volume. The saintess and her friend's plot armor is totally reaching illogical levels. I can’t believe the poors are winning too. I should have dropped this one earlier…like, it’s so…ugh.”
She plopped down on her bed, disappointed. Slowly, she closed her eyes, as she whined further about the story.
“...If I were the Empress, I would never end up like that. Dying to a silly ‘revolution’ so pathetically. I hate how we share the same name too. What a waste of time…”
She couldn’t believe that her brother would give her a book like this, and expect her to be entertained!
You’ll relate to her, he says…
As if…she wasn’t anywhere close to this Alexa Theresa person. Why’d she even listen to that pig?
At least both sides of her pillow were cold. Finally, a smile overtook her face.
So comfy….
+++
“No way…”
Pink hair, pink eyes, and a face so gorgeous that she would never achieve it even if she paid for the most expensive plastic surgery, all that was in front of her.
She was that woman now.
Alexa continued staring at her image in the golden-framed mirror in front of her, as she felt powerful thumps in her chest.
“W-what…?”
I look exactly like her on the novel’s cover…minus the psychotic smile.
She squeezed her left cheek, leaving a faint pink mark on it. Then she squeezed it fully with fury, confirming her worst nightmare.
“It can’t be. I’m Alexa Theresa, from the ‘Iron Saintess’ novel!?”
She screamed, high-pitched. Then she trembled as she denied what was in front of her. Sure, she was the crown princess of this Empire, but just remembering the passages of what her people would do to her…
Her peaceful, safe, and comfortable life had just been unjustly robbed! She teared up. She didn’t deserve this. What if those cruel poors removed her head too?
No way, I can’t have smelly lowborns treat me like that!
Worse, some jerk whispered in her ears that a rich girl like her who lived an easy life was probably the best fit for this role.
It must be that filthy older brother of hers! That made her panic even more.
“So this is Isekai? Did I get sent to that world’s novel? Isn’t this supposed to only happen to boys like him? Like no way! Daddy, save me please—!”
“Your Highness!” A guardsman suddenly barged into her room, his hand on the hilt of his sword. “Did something happen?”
She stopped, looking at the first guardsman. Then another arrived. Then another. Then another. Suddenly, there was a small platoon of the Royal Guard in her little room. Worst of all, she wasn’t in her proper makeup.
It was shameful, and compromising, and how dare these guardsmen stare that way at her!
The poor guardsmen could only cover their ears in vain as a high-pitched shriek assaulted them.
“Hyaaaaaah!”
+++
“O-hohohoho~!” Princess Anastasia Florena von Wolgast laughed boisterously at Alexa. Naturally, Alexa regarded her little sister with great annoyance, as the little girl dared to make fun of her. “So you cried as if death itself arrived all because of a mere ‘cockroach’?”
Shut up. That was just my excuse!
Alexa did not reply. A lesser creature like her did not warrant Alexa’s attention. As her older brother would always say to these types of people—‘She’s just an NPC’.
Hmm…NPC?
The fact that a normal girl like her now used those words didn’t sit right with Alexa. Was it because she was now in an isekai situation, that her nerd brother’s mad ramblings were starting to resonate with her?
Now that she was thinking about that, she vaguely remembered that her stinky brother directed those words at her.
No, that wouldn’t do. Now she was doubly annoyed. The tiny pout on Alexa's sniveling face grew as she weakly poked her food with her fork.
“My. You look as if you’ll cry again. Perhaps I should give you a basket of those critters as a gift, for you seem so positively fond of them,” Anastasia teased.
“As if. I doubt you even have the ability to step anywhere close to a market that sells them,” Alexa defensively countered.
“Have I said that I’ll buy them myself? Please, I shall have our knights procure it for me.”
“What? How wasteful! To use our proud knights like that? I will never permit it.”
“But sister, are you saying that my wants are a waste? How mean!”
Alexa held herself back. A lady of her standing should always remain composed. Unfortunately, tears came out as she realized a crucial detail. This girl—she was going to be one of the reasons for her head’s unceremonious drop to a filthy, bloodied basket.
The fact that she could speak such words and threaten Alexa while remaining the epitome of cuteness and innocence wouldn’t change things.
Her loose tongue was a ticking time bomb!
Alexa remembered that once, this girl comically revealed details of a conspiracy involving Alexa Theresa, bragging to the saintess that they had an oh-so-genius plan that would destroy her reputation with her filthy lovers.
Of course, that backfired rather quickly.
It was a bit funny when she read it in the novel because that was cartoonish for the silly henchman of the main villainess, but now, she hates it.
I’m cursed.
I’m totally cursed…
She wiped her tears most elegantly with her handkerchief, befitting that of a princess. She also noticed that the way she handled her cutlery, cut her beef roast, and the way she ate and chewed seemed a bit more refined than what she was normally used to.
Even the way she spoke in the presence of others seemed more elegant, and she was doing it by instinct.
But her mind reeled at that sudden burst of wrongthink. Wait, more than normal? As if a fine princess like her ever had a ‘normal’ lower than these standards!
“Chef Mathieu, why are your eyes on me?” Alexa asked one of the servants watching over them, her face irate and tearful. “Is there a problem?”
“E-eh, nothing. It’s just that Her Highness is tearfully eating the food I prepared. If I may so shamefully inquire…did I mess up?”
“My mood is quite turbulent, and all of you appear to be staring at me too much. Are you all mocking me? It greatly annoys me,” Alexa crossed her arms.
Wait, why am I being…?
She didn’t understand it, but she felt like she was being unreasonable, the kind that would lead to her head being sliced. As an act of her endless benevolence, therefore, she tried to correct herself.
“And no, you didn’t mess up the food if that’s your inquiry. I believe this roast you prepared has been so fine that it might have even moved me to tears,” She looked away with a tearful huff. “So there’s your answer, good sir. Now, please ignore me. I merely wish that your eyes avoid me while I am less than presentable.”
I almost got myself killed over there. What if he starts a revolution? Think, Alexa, think!
“Your Highness, thank you so much for the praise! I’ll be sure to keep my head lowered at all times!”
“My, there’s no need for such an extreme—”
“Hmph, I don’t think this roast is that good though,” Anastasia whined on the side, interrupting Alexa.
“Anastasia, watch your manners,” Alexa chastised.
“I’m merely voicing my assessment of the food.”
Alexa died inside.
I’m totally dead if I don’t fix that loose tongue of hers! I wanna cry for like two days. This is so bad…
She decided to eat more food as her stress grew. She began to stuff so many of them, that the servants around her began to watch with growing unease. But Alexa didn’t care.
She needed food! It was the only way to bury the deep ache in her heart.
When she was done, she practically dragged herself with a painful tummy back to her room. It was a fancy, cozy little hideout for her. Fit only for a lady of her station.
A graceful smile grew on her tearful face for a second.
Until she remembered that one of the soldiers in the novel was so outraged by the luxury of her bed and room during the revolution, that he lay on it shamelessly for hours as the rest of the military looted the palace.
Now, she did the same, just with tears added into the mix.
+++
“Your Highness, you can’t lock yourself inside there for an eternity. It’s been two days! We’ve double, no, triple checked and there’s no cockroaches left in the palace!”
“I’m the exterminator! I swear with my life that there are no pests here!”
“Indeed. You can cut his head off if he’s wrong!”
“W-what?” Alexa shrieked, horrified. “Blood displeases me greatly too, so no!”
“But, Your Highness! We are extremely worried!”
Those muffled voices from her servants outside did little to help Alexa, as she continued to hug her lovely pillow, which was her only ally in these troubling times.
“Just leave me alone, cursed peasants!” Alexa replied to them, her face a mess. “And please, leave those biscuits and chocolates I’m fond of at the door. I’ll surely die without them!”
“But Your Highness, you might ruin your slender physique—”
“You dare? I am not fat! Not now, not ever! Can’t you simply do what I said and leave me be?!”
Soon, the shameless intruders at her door left. Alexa on the other hand buried her face on the pillow, embarrassed. Now, the people around her would think that a mere cockroach traumatized her so badly that she hid in her room for days.
To be fair though, those creatures terrified her. She never saw one of those critters ever, except at her school laboratory once! And she remembered she broke a beaker as a result.
Her little sister must be so amused by all this.
That little demonic gremlin.
These first days were a great blunder, but she was trying to manage her mental health here. After all, how would she pick up the pieces and create an actionable plan to save herself otherwise?
As they said, one must grieve first, then stuff themselves full of sweets, before facing reality. Those were the profound words she followed with her heart.
Shamefully, she soon left her bed and sneaked to check outside. As usual, placed in front of her door, was a basket of fancy sweets and biscuits, all in cute, colorful wrappers.
When she took it, her melancholic face, so pitiful that she hated it, was replaced with greedy giddiness for a second. It was so lucky that this little tragedy at the very least wouldn’t be the end of her lovely lifestyle.
Inside, she quickly dug through the sugary treat. This had been her source of sustenance for days. Stuffing them in an undignified manner into her mouth, her mind drifted back to that novel.
As the designated villainess, she appeared as this evil, almost comical, and petty ruler who ruled with malice against her people, and of course, someone who kept attacking the saintess and her little harem even when they were trying to “save” the world.
She wondered briefly if she could avoid all that. After all, she—a girl from Earth, had no reason to be so callous and evil. For example, the part where Alexa Theresa beheaded the saintess’ first lover all because he offended her, was surely never going to happen.
Right. That girl is so beneath me she totally doesn’t deserve any of my attention. Same for her shameless team of playboys!
Indeed. For what reason would she have to try and steal the saintess’ love interests so cruelly as in the novel? Bah, the saintess could have all those pesky pretty boy sons of dukes and counts for all she cared.
Alexa was a proper woman who surely needed no man after all!
Why be jealous and cruel when I can be a good Queen? I’ll be so kind that everyone in this country will fall in love with me. Then they’ll shower me with sweetness and affection like Mom and Dad.
She munched on another tiny, egg-like chocolate, as she rested her face on one of her hands, facing her study desk while sitting. The chocolate tasted so good. It was the perfect blend of cocoa, sugar, and milk, all mixed in a manner that produced chocolate that could probably compete in her original world’s market.
Indeed, this should characterize her reign. A sweet, nice thing. There would be no reason then for anyone to remove her if she ruled like this, as she would be an Empress who would give her people nice things.
Like cake.
If all of my smelly peasants have cake, they won’t even have time to behead me.
Her eyes lit up at that idea.
“...Sometimes my sheer brilliance really shines during dark times.”
You’re totally the best, Alexa!
Of course, it probably wouldn’t fix the gravest problem she faced though.
The Holy Empire’s covenant with the Sun Dragon, the powerful entity that kept the peace and security on the continent, ended.
The reason?
She lost the Holy Mandate because, unlike all the monarchs before her, her magic was garbage.
It was atrocious. Almost non-existent, and the monarch of the Holy Empire always had to be one of the strongest mages out there to maintain the covenant with the Sun Dragon, otherwise, the Empire would be without the dragon’s blessing.
Thus, her rule was characterized not by a benevolent era, with the Holy Empire acting as humanity’s bulwark against the Demon Horde, but instead, by corruption, rot, and a single woman’s paranoid rule to keep the Empire in her hands.
Every cruel thing she did, she did it all to gain the Sun Dragon’s covenant.
Once again, her morale dropped.
Ughhh…I still need to get stronger in that case. Stronger than the saintess herself. But the magic system of this world uses so much advanced math. Like, how will I even get good at it?
Sometimes, she envied those nerd guys at school like her older brother. She could certainly use their help now. No, why would she actually?
To accept help from such creatures…
They were too ‘icky’ for her.
She facepalmed.
What can I even do now? Every isekai garbage he showed me involves some smartass nerd who can do all kinds of things. I’ve got totally nothing! Like nothing at all!
She looked down at her chocolates. Now, she remembered something too. Those same things she enjoyed and believed earlier as a possible symbol of her rule were farmed by slave laborers in the southern plantations.
Great.
“No!” She bashed her fist on the desk. “Alexa, this isn’t the time to mope around. As the daughter of the greatest company in your country, what will your father want from you? That’s right, you must move this new country to the path of progress and wealth!”
She stood up, curling her fist as if she had discovered the greatest truth in the universe. Until her face reddened.
That sounded cooler in my mind.
Defeated, she looked around her desk. She noticed a strange book on the side. The cover was fully leather, and it reminded her of old-fashioned books. She didn’t touch it for days, because she mostly just slept and wept, but now…
She grabbed it, gingerly, and opened it. Her eyes widened as she read the first page of the book.
…Iron Saintess?
As she did that, a magical glow overtook the book, causing it to float above her. She watched as letters appeared from the thin air, before being absorbed into its pages. Its pages also moved and glowed, and the words and letters inside were changing.
Then, a glowing blue interface appeared in front of her face.
[WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF IRON SAINTESS! WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE YOUR QUESTS?]
She mentally nodded, and suddenly, the interface changed.
[Grand Quest: Regain the Sun Dragon’s Holy Mandate]
[Conditions/Quests Satisfied: None]
[Completion Rewards: You get to keep your cute, squishy, little head]
[Penalties for Failure: You’ll have a once-in-a-lifetime date with Mr. Guillotine]
“I…”
She gulped, then, she panickedly closed her eyes as she squeaked.
“I don’t like sharp things like that! Please, I’ll do anything, just get that ‘Mr. Guillotine’ thing far away from me!”
The book moved its pages like an excited entity would. She yelped while watching it, falling on the floor. That thing—it must be a psychopath!
[AWESOME! THEN YOU SHALL BE MOLDED INTO THE PERFECT QUEEN STARTING TODAY!]
[author]
Hope you enjoyed this one! More chapters coming this week!
[/author]
