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Board & Conquest 25: Promesse
🕑 Added 2025-02-18 08:51:42 +0000 UTC-----
Filou and the others reached Insupportable’s lair soon after.
Victoire felt sorry for her squire. Filou had entered the dragon’s lair with newfound determination, his sword drawn and ready to cut through any enemy daring to stand in his way. He probably felt that this had been his fairy tale book moment.
His disappointment when he arrived to find Victoire free and the dragon already defeated had been… palpable.
“I, uh…” Filou cleared his throat as he stared at Insupportable. “I admit I expected dragons to act more…”
“Impressive?” Victoire finished for him. She had felt the same the first time Insupportable kidnapped her. Funny how storybooks all focused on a dragon’s power and little on their personalities.
“I am impressive!” Insupportable insisted while still trapped in his block of ice. Bernard and the other yetis made a token effort to hack at the ice to free him, but didn’t particularly look in a hurry to do so. “Look at me! Look at me! My scales shine like stainless windows!”
“Is it wise to let them free him?” Lourson asked Victoire. Unlike her, the werebear kept his warhammer ready to strike at any provocation.
“Lord Wepwawet told me he would summon a new Ice Barrier as soon as they destroy this one,” Victoire replied. And he should start by freezing his mouth next time. “Their efforts are for naught.”
“But they should not go unrewarded!” Alpine replied as she brought the yeti workers cups of warm milk, much to their joy. She then offered a pot’s worth of the liquid to the imprisoned Insupportable. “Would you like some too, oh great and mighty dragon?”
“Gimme!” Insupportable replied, which led to Alpine dousing his tongue with the beverage. “Delicious! When I escape this icy prison, Wereling Alpine, then you shall become my chief cook!”
“Oh thank you kindly, but I’m already self-employed.” Alpine then turned to grin at Victoire. “Sooo…”
Victoire didn’t like that look at all. “So what?”
“So when were you planning to tell us you were a princess?!” Alpine swooned with excitement. “I can’t believe you kept it from us!”
“For the last time, I’m not a princess!” Victoire complained before pointing her spear at Insupportable. “I’ve tried to tell this dimwitted dragon time and again, but he won’t let the truth get through his thick skull!”
“You are a princess!” Insupportable insisted, the ice restraining him cracking from his tantrum’s pressure. “A dragon does not make mistakes! I can smell your virgin princess aura for miles!”
It took all of Victoire’s willpower to suppress a blush of embarrassment, especially given Alpine’s smiles of excitement. She immediately turned to her god’s Altar for guidance. “Please tell me we can leave this lizard behind and move on to Promesse now.”
“I’m afraid not,” Lord Wepwawet replied through his Altar, his spirit manifesting in the room again. “The situation is critical.”
His sharp, no-nonsense tone immediately put Victoire on high alert. Her god usually faked solemnity to seem more restrained than he was, but now his wariness and caution sounded genuine enough.
Whatever threat awaited them in her old homeland disturbed a god.
Lord Wepwawet waved his hand and an illusion of Promesse formed in front of the group. Victoire immediately recognized the city's great stone walls, paved streets, and the ring-shaped Glarmes Keep encircling and protecting the Sacred Source. She vividly recalled how she learned warcraft there under many established knights’ guidance.
Her heart would have warmed at the sight of her old home, had the entire citadel not been frozen solid.
Every inch of stone and every roof was now covered in a thick layer of ice; she even caught a glimpse of human soldiers trapped on the battlements inside cocoons of frost. Icicles hung down from every surface like arrows and spears. Dark clouds circled the central keep, raining snow and hail upon the city.
“This is what one of my animal messengers is seeing from atop a mountain,” Lord Wepwawet explained with a grim scowl. “I assume this is the famous town of Promesse?”
“This… this can’t be…” Victoire muttered in disbelief. When Bernard informed her that the city had been frozen solid, she didn’t expect the situation to be so literal. “What sorcery could do such a thing?”
“A vile force has taken over the city,” Lord Wepwawet replied, his arms crossed. “An agent of the titans.”
Victoire’s heart skipped a beat in her chest, while her fellow Champions exchanged glances.
“The titans, my lord?” Lourson asked on their behalf.
“The great darkness I came to prepare you for,” Lord Wepwawet replied. “The force who settled in this city rivals even my power.”
“T-They’re a god?” Filou coughed, his voice trembling with fear. “Like that… that shadow we fought at Icefall?”
“Yes. They have raised an Altar identical to mine in this city’s center and used it to curse the land.” Wepwawet pointed at the clouds swirling above Glarmes Keep. “The titan invader is sapping ambient magic to alter weather patterns in the region. If this continues, blizzards will descend upon the south in ever-increasing waves.”
Victoire’s hands clenched into fists. She knew it was strange that a snowstorm struck them at this time of the year, and she had seen her god call upon the rain. Their situation would become dire if that weather affected all of Verglane by the time the magmorians launched their invasion.
Moreover, she worried greatly about Kale, Lord Raymond, and her former allies among the Glarmes. While she had left the order under less than friendly circumstances, the idea of her old comrades being at the mercy of a mortal-hating deity rattled her to her core.
“We need to retake the city,” she said without hesitation.
“Agreed,” Lord Wepwawet replied, albeit with caution. “Destroying the titan agent’s Altar will expel them from Promesse and let me establish mine in its place. However, if I can sense our enemy’s presence, then they can also sense mine. We’ll have a tough fight on our hands.”
Victoire would have lied if she said the prospect of fighting a god’s forces didn’t frighten her, but she didn’t hesitate in the slightest either. Not when she had lives and friends to save.
“I know Promesse like the back of my hand, including all the ways we can infiltrate it,” she said with determination. “Lend me enough troops, and I will lead the charge myself!”
“M-milady can count on me,” Filou said, her bravery inspiring him. “I will follow you into the jaws of death itself if I must!”
Lourson, always the calmer one, reacted with more restraint. “It’ll take us time to prepare and equip an invasion force.”
Lord Wepwawet crossed his arms and looked around. “I hoped not to linger in this place, but we’ll have to use it as a base of operations for the moment.”
“You cannot stay in my lair!” Insupportable protested, his eyes squinting with greed. “Not unless–”
“Don’t you dare finish that sentence!” Lord Wepwawet cut in.
His plea fell on deaf ears. “Not unless you become my minion!”
“Never!” The god glared at the dragon. “I’m no one’s servant!”
“Then why did you appear when Princess Victoire called you?” the dragon countered.
“Because I–” Lord Wepwawet choked, but failed to come up with a good explanation on the spot; something which amused Victoire to no end. “That’s not–”
“Ah!” Insupportable gloated. “I defeated you with logic!”
“It's sophism, not logic!” Lord Wepwawet shouted so loudly that the entire cavern trembled, much to his followers’ shock. “Stop using words you don’t understand!”
“L-Lord Wepwawet?” Filou asked with clear concern. “M-maybe you should calm down a bit… before t-the whole cavern collapses in on us…”
“I’ve never seen him like this,” Alpine whispered to Victoire. “It’s like he has become a whole different person.”
“You haven’t been around dragons long enough to understand his pain,” Victoire replied with a heavy sigh. “Give it time. You’ll regret it too soon enough.”
“I guess even a god’s patience has limits when confronted with idiocy,” Lourson noted while squinting at Insupportable. “I can’t say I blame him. I feel stupider just listening to this creature.”
Lord Wepwawet shook his head and began to ignore the dragon. “You know what, let us all give him the silent treatment.”
“I don’t need treatment!” Insupportable protested. “Dragons never get sick!”
Victoire took her god’s advice to heart and ignored him. “As much as I want to attack straight away, we need to scout ahead,” she said. “Let’s check if the paths leading to the city are still open and plan accordingly.”
That titan would regret threatening her home.
—---------
And so, Wepwawet set to transform Insupportable’s Den into an advanced command center.
“Minion!”
He first began by running a survey of the land through his Influence. The mountain and nearby cliffs were rich in iron, copper, and lead, while the terrain offered an excellent defensive position. On the other hand, ferrying down material and accessing the den would require some landscaping. A set of stairs built into the cliff and protected by Wolf Houses should allow Wepwawet’s forces to mine the area without exposing themselves to raiders.
“Minion!”
Victoire had immediately left with Filou and a few summoned wolves to scout the region around Promesse. Considering the defenses and the fact that the titan infiltrator’s Influence covered the entire city, attacking it would require significant forces and preparations. Wepwawet ought to check on Goreville and see if Roynimalia would be willing to lend him troops to assist in the assault.
“Minion!”
However, proceeding with these preparations required addressing the winged elephant in the room—no offense to Ganesha. Wepwawet had spent the last few minutes or so trying to think of a way to negotiate with the local yeti tribe, but he couldn’t focus due to Insupportable’s constant pestering.
“Minion! Minion! Minion!” An all-too-brief silence followed, quickly interrupted by a snarl. “MINION!”
“Will you shut up?!” Wepwawet snarled back in annoyance. “I told you, I am nobody’s servant!”
“Then why do you answer when I call you a minion?” the dragon snapped with all the immaturity only a centuries-old, self-absorbed flying lizard could muster.
“Call me that again, and I’ll freeze your head!” Wepwawet threatened, before realizing he had no reason to delay. “Wait, I changed my mind. I’ll freeze you now!”
“What?” While dragons were too stupid or arrogant to feel fear, the suggestion did rattle Insupportable. “You cannot do that! You are violating my rights!”
“Are you serious?” Bernard asked with a shaken expression.
“He’ll enter a state of suspended animation and free himself once the ice melts in a few thousand years,” Wepwawet reassured the yeti. “Don’t worry, I’ll protect you in his stead. In fact, Bernard, I would like to take you under my proverbial wing as my Champion.”
The yeti frowned in confusion. “Your Champion? You mean a mi–
“No!” Both Insupportable and Wepwawet cut in at the same time, though for very different reasons.
“A Champion is a noble calling,” Wepwawet insisted. “Should you agree to serve me and fulfill your duties, I can grant you great powers in return. I can make you faster than the wind, increase your strength, allow you to smell treasures for miles—”
“What?” So great was Insupportable’s excitement that the ice restraining him cracked. “Give me that! Give me that!”
Wepwawet ignored him and focused entirely on Bernard. “So what do you say? I will protect your home, improve your people’s fortune, and give you untold riches. All I want in return is your assistance.”
The yeti’s jaw clenched in embarrassment. He looked up at the god, then back at Insupportable, and fidgeted in place.
Wepwawet struggled against the urge to groan. “Don’t tell me you want him around?”
“Somewhat?” Bernard scratched the back of his head. “We’ve served His Glorious Majesty for so long that I just can’t imagine life without him.”
“Make an effort,” Wepwawet pleaded with him. Was this what mortals often called Stockholm’s Syndrome at work? “Please?”
“Ah! A Dragon-Minion bond can only be broken through death or starvation!” Insupportable boasted. “That is true loyalty!”
Bernard nodded to himself. “Yes, sorry,” he said after some consideration. “I mean, you’re obviously powerful, but I don’t know you and it’s more or less the same deal His Glorious Majesty gave us. I’ll stick with the master I understand.”
“Your 'master' is a pompous flying idiot!” Wepwawet snapped in frustration. “He makes chickens look smart in comparison!”
“Yes, but I trust him,” Bernard replied with a shrug. Tellingly, he didn’t deny that Insupportable was a dimwit. “I won’t agree to any deal without His Glorious Majesty’s approval.”
“Spoken like a true and loyal minion, Wereling Bernard!” Insupportable nodded to himself and then smugly smirking at Wepwawet. “Now make me a Champion! Now!”
A horrifying System notification showed up in front of Wepwawet.
Do you want to recruit Insupportable, Snowbound Dragon as your Champion?
“No!” Wepwawet snapped back without hesitation.
“Stop playing hard to get!” Insupportable snapped.
“Stop phrasing it that way!” Wepwawet complained. “You’re ruining the moment’s sanctity!”
“I want to be a Champion!” The dragon insisted. “I want to, I want to, I want to!”
Wepwawet winced as dozens upon dozens of notifications flooded his System UI.
Do you want to recruit Insupportable, Snowbound Dragon as your Champion?
Do you want to recruit Insupportable, Snowbound Dragon as your Champion?
Do you want to recruit Insupportable, Snowbound Dragon as your Champion?
Do you want to recruit Insupportable, Snowbound Dragon as your Champion?
Do you want to recruit Insupportable, Snowbound Dragon as your Champion?
Do you want to recruit Insupportable, Snowbound Dragon as your Champion?
Do you want to recruit Insupportable, Snowbound Dragon as your Champion?
Do you want to recruit Insupportable, Snowbound Dragon as your Champion?
Do you want to recruit Insupportable, Snowbound Dragon as your Champion?
“No, no, no!” Wepwawet protested again and again and again.
Unfortunately, more messages continued to flood his system interface.
Do you want to recruit Insupportable, Snowbound Dragon as your Champion?
“No!”
Do you want to recruit Insupportable, Snowbound Dragon as your Champion?
“No!”
Do you not want to recruit Insupportable, Snowbound Dragon as your Champion?
“No—” The word escaped Wepwawet’s mouth before he realized that the System prompt had changed. “Wait, I didn’t—”
Too late! Light enveloped the dragon, sealing an unbreakable bond Wepwawet never wanted.
“I am shiny!” Insupportable gloated upon admiring his own scales through the Ice Barrier. “I have become a treasure, creator of wealth!”
“I take it back!” Wepwawet insisted to the System. “Change my choice or I’ll file a complaint!”
No take backsie. He’s your problem now.
Gods damn it! The dragon was so annoying that it managed to frustrate the System into throwing in the towel!
Bernard shone on his own soon after, and a notification swiftly appeared to soften Wepwawet’s pain.
Bernard, Loyal Chief of Staff has become your Champion too! It’s a package deal!
Ugh… Wepwawet complained as he checked their stats. If he was stuck with these two he might as well find a use for them. Let’s begin with the good one…
Very useful. Not only was Bernard a well-rounded fighter—though he wouldn’t cast a spell anytime soon—but his crafting skills could be further enhanced with Masterworker, though he’d have to replace one of his existing Perk first. He would nicely complement Lourson’s and Alpine’s specialties.
And now… the other one.
Wepwawet squinted at the intelligence score, which was barely two points higher than Grudu’s.
“I want to smell treasures!” Insupportable demanded, his voice reminding Wepwawet of a spoiled brat. “Give me that power now!”
Wepwawet cursed his rotten luck. Any god would normally kill for a Commander unit with these stellar stats, but the dragon’s personality was simply… unbearable. His kind was allergic to any kind of discipline and he would likely go after Victoire the moment he escaped his bindings.
Unless… Wepwawet rechecked the dragon’s stats and confirmed that ‘Virgin Princess Radar’ was indeed a Perk. This plan might be stupid enough to work!
“Very well,” Wepwawet said as he raised three fingers. “I shall free you from your ice and grant you the power to smell treasures under three conditions.”
“I refuse!” Insupportable replied without even hearing him out. “A dragon does not take requests!”
“Let me try,” Bernard told an annoyed Wepwawet before clearing his throat. “Your Glorious Majesty, maybe we should listen to this living treasure’s petition. You would not refuse to hear talking silver, would you?”
“Mmm…” Insupportable squinted at the silver Altar. “True… a dragon ought to listen to his hoard.”
Somebody kill me now. “First of all,” Wepwawet said. “I want to refurbish this den into an advanced fortress to control the region and retake Promesse.”
“Your living hoard does not feel secure surrounded by thieves, and wants to recruit additional minions to protect your hard-won wealth,” Bernard ‘translated’ to his dragon master. “Those silly Glarmes have frustrated Your Glorious Majesty for too long and should be shown the true dragon way.”
“Wise!” Insupportable nodded to himself. “Civilizing those savages has always been my plan!”
Oh great, I’ve found a dragon interpreter. Wepwawet rolled his eyes. Artemis would be laughing at him if she knew… and she never would. “Next, I will need you to protect this lair and my citizens from danger.”
“His Glorious Majesty’s leadership is now required more than ever,” Bernard flattered Insupportable. “Your hoard pleads that you extend the Dragon-Minion covenant to all those that seek your guidance and protection.”
“And I shall graciously allow it!” Insupportable replied.
“Finally…” Wepwawet cleared his throat. “You’ll leave Victoire alone. No more kidnapping.”
“She's a princess!” Insupportable snapped back immediately. “She belongs in a hoard, not in the wild!”
“She’s not a princess, and I will prove it to you,” Wepwawet argued, preparing to switch Virgin Princess Radar for Treasure Hunter. “When I give you the power to smell treasures, true treasures, I’m sure you won’t notice her at all anymore.”
“Your hoard’s magic will sharpen Your Glorious Majesty’s senses to the point that they can detect a higher breed of royalty,” Bernard translated. “A pauper like Victoire will no longer be worthy to register to Your Glorious Majesty’s enlightened snout.”
“A higher breed of princess?” Insupportable asked, his eyes widening with interest. “Is such a thing possible?”
Like a true professional buttkisser, Bernard went straight for the jugular. “Everything is possible for a dragon, Your Glorious Majesty.”
“Of course it is!” Insupportable nodded to himself. “Agreed, agreed, agreed!”
Wepwawet glanced at Bernard with deep and profound respect. “You’re very good at this.”
“Decades of hard-won experience,” the yeti replied with a sigh. “My sacrifice has spared others many headaches.”
Wepwawet had the feeling he would count among that number soon enough.
-----
Comments
David Ford
Changing the prompt was truly a masterful move
Jordan Lopez
So a higher level of princess is a goddess right, there no way Artemis won't not get kidnapped lol and find out about weps situation right lol.
