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Board & Conquest 78: Monkey Say, Monkey Do
🕑 Added 2025-07-08 09:01:15 +0000 UTC------
Her god wrestled with a giant stone monkey in the surrounding ashes at dawn.
Even though they had all received advance warning and the battlefield beyond Salamandra had been cleared of bodies and siege engines, it remained quite the shocking sight. Her god’s Idol had walked out of Salamandra’s volcano to duel his fellow god’s effigy in a fair battle.
While it annoyed Victoire that this spar had been the monkey god’s price for helping yesterday, she had to admit it did have a few benefits. Her god showcasing his power in front of the troops ought to revitalize morale after their last battle, and part of Victoire welcomed the distraction.
Her mind worried about Filou whenever she lacked anything to keep it busy with.
In any case, Champions and citizens alike had gathered on top of Neigebleue Castle’s towers and Salamandra’s city walls to witness the spectacle. Lord Horus’ flying pyramid had brought back the evacuated civilians in time to join the audience as the gods’ giant avatars faced each other. The battle began in a blur of speed and stone.
Lord Wukong’s effigy was surprisingly swift for its size and swung his staff with a trained warrior’s expertise, but Victoire could tell her god’s avatar would win the moment their weapons clashed. The blow had sent the stone monkey back with such strength that it nearly tripped and fell over. Sun Wukong immediately returned to the battle with a flurry of blows that would have overwhelmed any mortal’s defense, but failed to make Lord Wepwawet flinch.
It wasn’t that Sun Wukong and his avatar were weak, far from that. If anything, Victoire would say he had the edge over her god in pure martial skill… but skill was a bridge that warriors built to close the gulf of strength, and some ravines were too wide for anyone to close. Lord Wepwawet’s Avatar moved faster, hit harder, and seemed constantly aware of where Sun Wukong would move. He anticipated all of his foe’s movements and countered them in an instant.
Victoire could tell her god could have ended the battle with one unavoidable strike, but he remained on the defensive for now, as if to invite Lord Wukong to find the flaw in his impenetrable defense.
“He did help us, so I have to indulge him a bit,” Lord Wepwawet said in her mind.
Victoire’s eyes wandered to the stone monkey’s belt, where Lord Wukong had attached the shattered Valentinian Sword Teleporter’s pommel as a trophy. The rest had been collected by the magmorians for future study. Sultana Alexandrite had sent out scouts to see if other similar teleporters were hidden in the area, but didn’t find any.
“I don’t think we’ll find another one, at least so close to the capital,” Lord Wepwawet replied through telepathy. “That is not what worries you most, though.”
Such was the gulf in strength that her god had the time for small talk while parrying hill-shattering blows.
“Any news from Filou?” Victoire inquired through telepathy. She had been asking that question every few hours or so and dreaded the answer each time.
“He’s safe. I guided him through the sewers until he slipped out of the Valentinian capital through a drainage pipe. He’s hiding in a nearby forest away from Epona’s Influence for now, and I have sent him a wendighorn so he can sustain himself without approaching civilization.”
Victoire suppressed a sigh of relief. Her squire wasn’t exactly safe, but he was at least out of immediate danger.
“I told you I won’t let anything happen to him,” Lord Wepwawet reassured her while lazily parrying one of Lord Wukong’s blows. “Have a little faith in him too. Filou is braver and more resourceful than he gives himself credit for.”
Victoire scoffed. “You know I didn’t want a squire at all?”
“Oh? There must be an interesting story behind your association then.”
“I suppose.” Victoire took a deep breath. “After I left the Glarmes, I wandered through Verglane and settled in Narc. I would spend my days alternating between hunts and training.”
She had had a lot on her mind during that time, since she had been forced to leave the only home she had ever known and build another one for herself. Filou had been one of the local youths with dreams of becoming a great warrior.
“He kept creeping in to observe my training from afar,” Victoire said. “It was a bit annoying at first, but I grew used to his presence until he grew brave enough to ask me to train him. I refused.”
“Because he was young and green, or because you didn’t feel up to the task of training him?”
Victoire chuckled. Her god was quite insightful when he wanted to be. “A bit of both,” she conceded. “But he wouldn’t give up. He continued to watch me train and tried to emulate my moves in secret. I caught him trying to practice with the spear.”
“I assume it didn’t go well, considering his physiology.”
“No, it didn’t.” Filou spent more time trying to lift a spear than actually hitting anything with it during those days. Small wererabbits weren’t built for those weapons. “Yet he wouldn’t give up. Days and nights he would train by himself, and although it was futile… I also found it inspiring.”
Eventually, Victoire had ended up approaching Filou and taught him how to use a sword rather than a spear. She had supervised all of his training sessions afterwards, and before she knew it, they had become friends.
“When he asked to become my squire again, I did not deny him. At that point, he was already my student in all but name.” Victoire sighed on her side of the telepathic line. “How did he go from cowering from magmorians to infiltrating an enemy country?”
“One piece of encouragement at a time,” Lord Wepwawet mused after repelling the Monkey King’s latest strike. This time, Lord Wukong didn’t press the assault. He seemed to have finally wised up to the gulf in strength. “Maybe Filou will become a Commander one day.”
“He could?” That drew Victoire’s attention. “I thought only some Champions showed the aptitude to be Commanders?”
“Champions often ascend to being Commanders if they show the potential for divi–” Lord Wepwawet stopped himself, probably because he had almost said something he shouldn't have. “Potential.”
“Divine?” Victoire inquired, refusing to let it go. “Divine what?”
“Ugh… we’ll discuss that another time, Victoire. It’s something gods aren’t supposed to tell mortals until they reach rank ten or eleven. We should focus on the lunarians and Valentine for now.”
As much as his words aroused Victoire’s curiosity, she agreed to let go of the issue. She trusted her god to tell her everything in time, and he was right, they had more pressing matters to deal with.
The revelation that Valentine might have been infiltrated by lunarian parasites capable of avoiding her own god’s and other deities’ detection bothered her to her core. Bernard’s autopsy of Promesse’s dead lunarian parasites indicated they could only possess creatures with a nervous system and a ‘compatible’—aka non-dragon—intellect, which excluded magmorians, undead, slimes, and similar creatures, but included humans, werelings, andvari, and even demons and giants. The parasites could be anywhere or be infesting almost anyone.
Nonetheless, Victoire had tasked Rapoleon, Bernard, and Renarde to form an anti-lunarian counterintelligence task force to investigate the threat. Rapoleon’s talents as a rogue and assassin, Bernard’s understanding of their enemy’s physiology, and Renarde’s information-gathering expertise ought to produce results.
In any case, the gods’ spar came to an end when Lord Wukong conceded defeat with a polite bow, much to the acclaim of the observing crowd. Only one Champion hadn’t paid attention to the fight. Slimon instead spent his time glancing at Princess Treasure whenever he thought she wasn’t looking—and abruptly turning away whenever she vaguely turned in his direction.
“That creature is so beautiful…” the slime muttered to himself while his golem assistant stood beside him. “So… precious…”
“Are you developing a crush?” Victoire wondered. How did that even work? Slimon was a slime. Was his kind even equipped for love?
“O-of course not!” the slime replied, his gelatinous body turning so red it immediately undermined his response. “I am simply admiring the aesthetic of her… perfectly crafted chest and…” He all but began to melt in place. “Eyes full of caring…”
“Igor?” his golem said.
“I… I can’t take it anymore!” Slimon hopped away from the crowd. “To my lab!”
Victoire watched the slime leave without a word. Her gut told him that another ‘genius’ idea had probably crossed his mind.
She hoped it wouldn’t lead to trouble, but she knew better by now.
—----
Sun Wukong wasn’t as much of a sore loser as Wepwawet feared.
“This sucks!” the Monkey King complained when the gods returned to their shared realms of Influence. “This sucks so much!”
“Sorry,” Wepwawet apologized. “You might have had a chance with support, but the rank and stat difference is too great for you to overcome one-on-one.”
“No kidding, my Buddha Zodiac Protector is a mere Rank 9 construct and it didn’t even make you sweat!” Sun Wukong scoffed. “I would have totally destroyed you if I had my own Avatar!”
That might have been very well possible. Wepwawet was a soldier at heart, but Sun Wukong was a peerless warrior. One had trained in the name of efficiency, the other for its own sake.
“Maybe you’ll find a copy one day,” Wepwawet said. “The Titans have reactivated hidden quests to make banned Miracles available again. If my Divine Avatar works on Elphion–”
“Then it means there must be a related Quest!” Sun Wukong grinned ear to ear with renewed enthusiasm.
“Well…” Wepwawet scratched the back of his head. “I might have a way to give you a hint…”
“No, don’t tell me,” Sun Wukong replied immediately. “Discovery is half the fun. Being told the answers defeats the whole point of a quest for knowledge.”
A mentality that probably made him a wiser god than Ishtar. The goddess had demanded a heavy toll from Wepwawet in return for her knowledge, from trade agreements to recognizing her country’s ‘historical sovereignty’ over Valentine. Wepwawet hadn’t agreed to anything yet, and he was still considering what he could give away without compromising his own civilization’s position.
“In that case, let’s compare our decks,” Wepwawet said.
“Whoah, whoah, easy now, I’m not showing you my full deck! It’s proprietary!” Sun Wukong crossed his arms. “Imagine if the information within was leaked to outsiders!”
“Oh, true.” Wepwawet had been so used to simply comparing decks with Ganesha and Artemis because he trusted them to keep what they saw to themselves. Sun Wukong had a point, they should all be more careful considering all the schemers in their class. “In that case, we can only pick the Miracles that we’re willing to exchange.”
That proved harder than it sounded. First of all, the System only allowed a trade once per Miracle to avoid cheating on Quest completions, so Wepwawet couldn’t exchange Miracles he had already received from another student. That meant Ruin Excavation, Power Dice, Skill: Elephant Wisdom, and Flying Elephant were all out of the running. He also couldn’t exchange unique Artifacts like the Torc of Grand-Loup even if he could always obtain it again, because it would mean Sun Wukong would be able to summon the item to his side at inopportune times. Other Miracles like Castle Neigebleue, Pyramid Warfare, and the Oaths series were simply too good to give away.
In the end, Wepwawet selected two Miracles he was content to exchange and presented them to his classmate.
“One Pack to Bind Them All?” Sun Wukong stroked his chin. “You’re giving away a two point bonus to Strength and Vitality for all your troops? That’s pretty valuable.”
“It is, but the stat boost is relatively meager and my civilization has developed enough that it’s no longer a game changer,” Wepwawet explained. “I have accumulated many better buffs that make this Doctrine somewhat redundant.”
Mummy’s Call was the other option he was willing to give away. His wereling’s attachment to burying their dead and the magmorians’ insistence on melting their own meant Wepwawet had found little use for that Miracle beyond reviving giant corpses and a few fallen warriors. His deal with Ishtar should soon grant him a Miracle capable of fully reviving Champions too.
Sun Wukong examined the two Miracles, his gaze lingering on Mummy’s Call the longest. “I would be willing to trade this one for that one.”
A System screen flashed in front of Wepwawet, its contents immediately catching his full attention.
Animal Curse
Rank 7 Ritual
You can transform any number of creatures of Rank 6 and lower into a non-magical animal of your choice (such as bees, wolves, and dinosaurs, but not dragons or basilisks). The target retains their mind and senses. The transformation is a Curse effect that lasts for a full day.
“This Miracle is exceptionally strong,” Wepwawet noted. Although it was one rank lower than Mummy’s Call, it was far more versatile and synergized extremely well with his own Miracles, including Animal Kingdom. If I could transform enemy soldiers into beasts while they’re inside my Doctrine’s range, I could disarm them all without firing a shot or even turn them against their comrades…
“It is useful, but my Providence already lets me polymorph stuff at will so it’s quite redundant,” Sun Wukong replied. “Meanwhile, my people are very practical and won’t mind me raising a few undead soldiers to defend them with.”
“Then you have a deal,” Wepwawet replied as they completed the trade. A System notification immediately popped up in response. As he guessed, trading five Miracles with his fellow gods had allowed him to complete a Quest.
Quest: Magic Trader, completed! You have earned the Tomb Raider’s Punishment Rank 8 Prophecy.
Tomb Raider’s Punishment
Rank 8 Prophecy
When a creature steps within your Influence: you can manifest an A-rank quality trap anywhere within it. The environment must be able to support the trap, like a spiked hole having to be dug into the earth, and will vanish one day after its creation.
New Quest: Magic Merchant
Trade Miracles with at least six different gods.
Reward: Prophecy Miracle.
Six different gods? That meant he would have to trade with half of his classmates.
That… that would be exceedingly difficult. His trades with Ganesha, Artemis, and Sun Wukong had only let him complete half the set, and while his deal with Ishtar guaranteed a trade down the line and Axomamma had already voiced her interest in an exchange before, every other god was either one of Epona’s allies, a Titan stooge… or Horus.
“Why that face?” Sun Wukong inquired, with Wepwawet forwarding him the notification immediately afterwards in response. “Oh, that’s a tough one. And it comes with an expiration date too.”
“An expiration date?” Wepwawet asked.
“What happens if the Incursions wipe out most of us?” Sun Wukong replied with a shrug. “There may come a time when that Quest could be impossible to complete simply because there aren’t enough gods left to trade with.”
His words were harsh, but wise and true. Wepwawet grunted upon considering the possibility. Should each Titan wipe out one of his classmates per Incursion—an optimistic scenario considering he himself barely managed to defeat Whiro after Pele’s loss—then this Quest would likely become impossible to complete by the school project’s halfway point.
Some Quests will also likely become outright impossible to complete as Incursions continue to reduce our resources, Wepwawet thought. At least Magic Trader proved that the System takes trades that took place before receiving the Quest into account. There’s no time like the present.
“Do you still have beginner Miracles left in your deck?” Wepwawet asked Sun Wukong, an idea crossing his mind.
“I do.” Sun Wukong grumbled as he crossed his arms. “We didn’t all have the luck of fighting three B&C battles in a row to bolster our decks.”
The fact he considered it luck caused Wepwawet to roll his eyes. “Then I’m willing to trade you One Pack to Bind Them All for one of your beginner Miracles. That way I can overwrite it with my new prophecy.”
His proposal took Sun Wukong aback. “Are you sure? You gain nothing from this.”
“You did help me, and as I said, I was going to overwrite that Miracle with my new one anyway,” Wepwawet replied. “It’s a win-win.”
“True, but letting a potential competitor grow stronger may result in your loss in the future,” Sun Wukong mused.
Wepwawet chuckled in response. “Well, you are going to volunteer for the next Incursion. I have to make sure you’ll perform well enough that I won’t have to take the field myself.”
“And now you’re thinking like a true team player.” Sun Wukong traded him a copy of Smite in exchange for his One Pack to Bind Them All Miracle, which Wepwawet then overwrote with Tombraider’s Punishment. “Happy?”
“Very much.” While the boost from One Pack to Bind Them All would be missed, today’s battle had shown Wepwawet how versatile traps could be. It should provide some synergy with other Miracles too, since his Champions now resisted Fire and Frost-themed attacks.
“In that case, I’ll take my leave.” The Monkey King saluted his fellow classmate. “Good luck, Wepy. We’ll both have a Titan victory under our belt next time we meet.”
“I look forward to that,” Wepwawet replied with amusement as the Monkey King broke the connection. Sun Wukong’s bravado had a way of warming the hearts of onlookers, and Wepwawet sincerely wished him luck in his preparations for the next Titan Incursion.
Now that he was alone, Wepwawet considered his next course of action. Ishtar’s army would reach Salamandra sometime soon and then march onto the claimed Altars, which Epona’s allies had seized earlier, before they could entrench themselves. Alexandrite had insisted on sending a magmorian expeditionary force with them to rally her people and give official approval to the reconquest, so he would need to rank up Jasper, Topaz, and the others as soon as possible.
Meanwhile, he would also need to support Filou. Horus had made something of a mistake when he showed Wepwawet his map of Elpion, Altars included. Wepwawet had memorized it and found flight paths that would allow wereowls infiltrators to cross into Valentine from the north without catching a god’s attention. His plan was to have them drop infiltrators into Epona’s territory, have them link up with Filou, and then have them infiltrate Valentine’s old capital of Saguenay.
According to Victoire and the Glarmes’ archives, while the Republic transferred the country’s center of power away from the former capital when it overthrew the monarchy, the Royal Vault was still located beneath its ancient cathedral. Wepwawet needed to at least assess what it might contain and how much progress the Valentinians had made in excavating it.
He had the feeling that whatever was hidden inside might determine the course of the war.
A new notification startled Wepwawet out of his thoughts. He quickly checked the sender, and froze the moment he saw it. If he had a heart in his chest rather than Influence, he would likely have had a stroke on the spot.
From: Dad
Title: We need to talk about your relationship.
---------
Comments
Thisul Mendis
Thanks for the chapter!
Kody Ihnat
I so desperately ship Wepy and Horus.
