VoidHerald
patreon
Board & Conquest 119: Family Therapy
🕑 Added 2025-10-25 09:45:22 +0000 UTC-----
Hestia’s Heart was both the right mix of family-friendly and exclusive.
Artemis had booked a table on the uppermost floor, right next to an open window offering the couple a splendid view of Mount Olympus. The area was decorated in a subdued, artsy Greek style with plenty of columns, marble statues, and even an indoor fountain.
“Told you this place was chic,” Artemis boasted once they had been seated. She had come wearing a traditional chiton dress woven with solid moonlight and stars, which fit her really well. “You can see Grand-Uncle Helios’ chariot rise in the sky at dawn and sunset as he bathes thousands of worlds in his light. It’s quite the spectacle.”
“Does he get attacked each night like our sun?” Wepwawet asked, having come wearing a sharp suit of ebon cashmere that his half-brother Anubis had gifted him.
“Nah, our Titans are nowhere near as relentless as yours. Typhon is the only one with any real guts to take on my dad, and he only does it every few millennia or so. Our side of the cosmos trembles each time he does.”
“And Kronos?”
“Ugh, he’s a child-hating dick with a kink for eating young people. He hasn’t tried to take on pops since he walloped him during the original Titanomachy, but he does harass his grandkids.” Artemis sighed. “Sorry I brought him to Elphion. Pops gave me all the info he had on his deck, so I swear I’ll kick his ass in the next round.”
“We’ll kick his ass,” Wepwawet replied with a smirk. “No way I’m letting you retire your grandpa without assistance.”
“Now you’re speaking my language,” Artemis replied, grinning. “But let’s not talk about work right now, I feel like that’s all we do lately.”
“Sorry, sorry, it’s just I have a lot on my mind lately,” Wepwawet apologized as he stared at the menu. Artemis was right, they barely shared moments together that didn’t revolve around Elphion these days.
“So, how is it going with Little Victoire?” Artemis chuckled. “She’s rising through the ranks super fast.”
“You tell me, it feels like only yesterday she was a lone Rank 2 in the middle of nowhere.” Wepwawet beamed with pride. He was exceptionally happy with most of his non-dragon Champions, but he had the biggest soft spot for Victoire. “She’s going to ascend to divinity in no time flat at this rate.”
“I can’t wait for it! All you’ve told me about her makes me believe we’ll get along splendidly.” Artemis smiled mischievously. “We could adopt her into our pantheon.”
“The Greek one?” Wepwawet inquired. “I… no offense, but I don’t think she’ll get along with your dad and brothers.”
“No, no, I know that,” Artemis replied. “I meant our Pantheon.”
Wepwawet blinked. “You want us to form a Pantheon of our own?”
“We could once we graduate,” Artemis pointed out. “I mean, you burned down bridges with your dad, I never fully fit in with my Pantheon, and I’m sure Ganesha would love to join in too. That would let us adopt Miss Brocéliande and that Thoon fellow too, since he seems on the cusp of divinity as well from what you told me.”
She had a point. One of the perks of graduation was that it would allow them to legally form their own pantheon split off from their families. Groups like the Loa, started out as offshoots of older ones they sometimes managed to eclipse in power and influence over time.
Besides granting the couple the ability to put claim on new worlds, forming a pantheon would also allow them to sponsor local gods to join the Nexus, the same way the likes of the Celestial Bureaucracy or the Greek Pantheon allowed the likes of Sun Wukong and Hercules to ascend ever higher. These deities would then attend Mytholo High and repeat the cycle.
“Isn’t that a bit premature?” Wepwawet asked with some uneasiness. “I mean, we’ve only been going steady for a year. Founding our own Pantheon and adopting new deities is a big, big step. We haven’t even built a functioning afterlife for Elphion either.”
“I know, I know, I’m just putting the idea on the table,” Artemis replied. “We still have to graduate and all, but I think it would be better for little Victoire to grow up away from all that Egyptian dynastic dispute nonsense. It’s not good for a newly adopted young goddess to be surrounded by all that negativity.”
“You’re not wrong,” Wepwawet admitted. Although he and Horus had more or less reached something of a settlement, he hadn’t talked to his father since he left the house last year. Astarte kept him informed of things now and then, but he wasn’t ready to return to his dad so long as he continued projecting his wishes onto him.
Artemis’ aunt Hestia, an elegant Greek goddess with a crimson veil of woven fire and long chestnut hair—as in literally made of chestnut—arrived to take their order. “I hope you are enjoying the view,” she said upon greeting them. “The two of you look lovely.”
“Thanks, Auntie,” Artemis thanked her. “I’m glad you could get us a table.”
“I couldn’t turn my favorite niece away,” Hestia replied kindly. “I must say you are in luck, we have had a whole slew of surprise reservations lately. Might I suggest a Dionysus BC Millésime to go along with tonight’s surprise?”
“Surprise?” Artemis asked with enthusiasm.
“Shush,” Wepwawet teased her. “I’ll take a bottle and a black soup.”
“Same,” Artemis replied with trepidation. “Come on, don’t make me wait!”
“For a goddess of the hunt, you should learn patience,” Hestia teased Artemis. “Two black soups and a surprise coming right up.”
Wepwawet suppressed the urge to smile once Hestia brought them the dishes and drinks, alongside his surprise: a miniature of a deer made out of stone with wood antlers and moss hooves. He could tell from the way his girlfriend squealed at it that his gift was a complete success.
“What’s this?” Artemis asked with impatience.
“A Stonedeer,” Wepwawet explained as he introduced his surprise. “It’s a Rank 5 Elemental I cooked up at Neigebleue Castle for you. Come on, check its stats.”
“Forest Boon I, boosts the stats of all Beasts and Plant types… Heal Pulse I, heal Poison and Disease for everyone in the vicinity…” Artemis covered her mouth. “Greenfoot II, restores nature with each step?”
“I know how sad you are about the ecological damage the Brood has been causing to the Wyld,” Wepwawet said. “A few of them should help you restore its entire ecosystem in a few years time.”
“Aww, Wepy, you shouldn’t have! I love it!” Artemis moved to kiss him on the forehead. “It makes my own gift look so quaint in comparison!”
That took Wepwawet aback. “Your own gift?”
“What, you thought I wouldn’t get something for you for our first year together?” Artemis snapped her fingers and materialized another miniature in front of Wepwawet: a bottle of spray. “Here’s something my crafters cooked up.”
“Bug spray?” Wepwawet inquired, more confused than anything else.
“No, anti-dragon spray,” Artemis replied, filling her boyfriend’s heart with hope. “It sprays the smell of lead and poverty, which repels them without fail! They can’t take it at all, I’ve checked!”
“No way…” Wepwawet was almost brought to tears by this kind, thoughtful kindness. “I… I don’t know what to say…”
“Just tell me you’ll try it on Insupportable,” Artemis replied with a wink.
“That’s a promise,” Wepwawet said as he tasted his soup and delighted in it. This evening was off to such a wonderful start, he couldn’t think of anything that would ruin it.
And then his father showed up.
Wepwawet spotted him entering the restaurant with Astarte and his half-brother Sobek, blinking twice in disbelief as he briefly wondered if his godly senses were deceiving him. He likely would have had a heart attack had he been a mortal being. His girlfriend quickly noticed his unease and turned around. “What the–”
“Hey, Wepy!” the crocodile-faced Sobek greeted his half-brother with bellowing laughter. The result of a one night stand between his father Set and Aunt Neith before either of them got married, he was a powerful god in his own right, if much more solitary than Anubis. “Long time no see!”
“What are you doing here?” Wepwawet replied, completely flabbergasted.
“No need to make that face, my ungrateful son,” Set said with a prickly tone. “It is only a fortuitous coincidence that the father you abandoned and betrayed would reserve a table right in front of yours at a popular restaurant.”
“Your father has empty nest syndrome and decided to take Sobek on a night out,” Astarte informed Wepwawet with clear annoyance. “He didn’t tell us you were here.”
“Seriously?” Artemis didn’t hide her displeasure. “You wanted to ruin your son’s one-year relationship anniversary? Is that what this is about?”
“It was a pure coincidence that I reserved a spot at this restaurant after my estranged son’s lovely girlfriend did it the day before,” Set replied, blatantly admitting to setting this up.
“How can you even be out there at night?” Wepwawet asked. “Shouldn’t you be helping out Grandpa Ra fend off Apep?”
“Don’t you remember, my son?” Set asked with a wide smirk. “When a Titan registers to attack a world, they cannot attack others. Since Apep has been busy with Elphion, I’m having a once-in-an-eon vacation!”
Artemis pouted and exchanged a glance with Wepwawet. They were both considering leaving this place on the spot.
However, Astarte was too kind a person to let her husband ruin the moment. “Don’t worry, it’ll be as if we weren’t here,” she said, glaring at Set. “We will let you enjoy a quiet moment as a couple without bothering you.”
Wepwawet didn’t particularly believe it, but he was unwilling to just storm out after having just been served. He and Artemis did their best to enjoy their soup while his family sat at a table nearby and proceeded to order for themselves.
“So, Sobek,” Set said as he looked at the menu. “Have you disappointed any parental figures who put all of their hopes on you lately?”
“Set…” Astarte warned.
“Uh, not particularly,” Sobek replied, being a bit oblivious when it came to social interactions. “If anything, I try to take good care of my Champions and followers. So many gods abandon reptilian civilizations, and I’ve got to pick up the slack.”
“Of course you would,” Set said with a nod, “because you are a good son who calls his father every week, unlike some gods who don’t appreciate their parents’ efforts.”
Artemis glared at him. “Are you seriously trying to shame your own son in public right now?!”
“I’m not shaming him, I’m guilt-tripping him!” Set snapped angrily. “He abandoned me for a year and hasn’t called since!”
“Uh, you kicked me out, Dad,” Wepwawet pointed out, trying to stay calm. My gods, we’ll have to find another place to eat.
“Because you betrayed all the hopes I’d put on you!” Set complained, his arms crossed. “Now I hear you have moved into an apartment with your girlfriend without informing your father? What next, you are going to adopt a local deity without introducing them to your own blood? How can you just live your life without even making a bid for the throne?”
“Because I don’t care for it, and I’m not suited for the task,” Wepwawet replied. He had had a year to make peace with that. Managing Elphion’s squabbling Pantheon was already an arduous task, and he had no wish to take even more responsibilities.
“Your son has nothing to prove, Set,” Astarte added. “He’s living his own life.”
Even Sobek came to his defense. “It’s okay, Dad. I don’t run the Egyptian Pantheon, but I already oversee dozens of worlds.”
Set pouted, only for his eyes to widen once he spotted someone else entering the restaurant. Wepwawet glanced in that direction and choked at the sight.
Horus’ family had just entered the restaurant.
His cousin was here, alongside his mother, Isis, the regal, green-skinned god of the dead and Underworld, Pharaoh Osiris, and a young Egyptian goddess with calf horns that Wepwawet identified as Hathor, Horus’ new fiancée he had begun to date a few months back. While the younger gods blinked in surprise upon seeing the other side of their family, their parents only exchanged glares of hatred with their counterparts.
“No need to make that face, bastard,” Isis told Set. “It is only a fortuitous coincidence that the family who shall inherit the throne of the Egyptian Pantheon would reserve a table right in front of yours at a popular restaurant.”
“Are you serious right now, mother?” Horus asked, his eyes glaring at his parents with fury. “Did you really turn our once-a-month family dinner into a show?”
“It was a pure coincidence that we reserved a spot at this restaurant after my hated brother booked a table the day before,” Osiris replied, his voice terribly high-pitched since his brother Set had castrated him. “Still the cuckold, Hyena-Face?”
“Still impotent, No-Schlong?” Set replied cruelly. “We both know your wife falsified the paternity test.”
Isis’ eyes shone with hellfire. “You little–”
“Isis, aren’t you supposed to be sealed for the next five millennia or something?” Astarte asked with venom in her voice. Although she wasn’t interested in the Egyptian Pantheon’s dispute, she had come to loathe Isis since she tried to attack and sabotage Wepwawet on Elphion. “Or did you grease a few hands to get a plea deal?”
“I have been stripped of my creator goddess privileges and lost half of my mana access thanks to your husband’s scheme,” Isis replied icily.
“Hey, I didn’t sabotage one of our Systems in a way that benefited the Titans!” Set snarled with anger. “I didn't even think you would dare to go that far!”
“Yeah, all the other Pantheons are giving us a wide berth for fear we’ll sabotage Systems we’re involved in because of your stupidity!" Sobek added angrily. “You are a cheat and a traitor!”
“Don’t you dare talk to my wife like that, you overgrown lizard!” Osiris shouted back.
Oh my gods, they’re the same, Wepwawet thought as he observed Horus’ parents. He had hoped that his father would be the only one petty enough to carry on with that pointless rivalry, but as it turned out, those two were just as bad. They’ll never let it go.
Artemis had had enough and rose up. “Okay, we’re leaving.”
“Agreed,” Wepwawet replied.
Of course, Aunt Isis couldn’t resist taunting him. “Are you running away the same way you abandoned the fight for the Egyptian Throne?”
“Big talk from someone whose nepo-baby son couldn’t even get his classmates to elect him!” Set replied before smirking ear to ear. “I’ve heard he even voted for my superior seed!”
“That vote was tampered with!” Osiris all but shouted, disturbing the other patrons and causing Hestia to notice the ruckus. “And I will obtain the proof of it soon eno–”
Hestia waved her hand. Set, Astarte, Sobek, Osiris, and Isis immediately vanished in a flash of light, leaving only the younger gods.
Artemis whistled, her anger turning to respect. “How did you do that, Aunt Hestia?”
“I am the goddess of home and hearths. Under this roof, I am even stronger than Zeus.” Hestia sighed. “My apologies, I thought you had planned a family gathering of some sort–”
“It’s okay,” Wepwawet reassured her. He was used to it.
“I swear I didn’t know,” Horus insisted. “Hathor and I will pay the bill and take our leave–”
“You can keep the table next to us, it’s fine,” Wepwawet reassured his cousin.
“Yeah, you’re a prick, but you shouldn’t have to pay for your parents’ behavior,” Artemis added.
“We could turn it into a date night of our own,” Hathor suggested with a smile that reminded Wepwawet of Axomamma. “I like this place, it's very fancy.”
Horus hesitated an instant, then took a seat at the table next to Wepwawet and Artemis. “We came here to celebrate mother’s plea deal, even if I think she didn’t deserve one,” he admitted. “I thought my parents would move on now that you’re out of the running for the Egyptian Pantheon’s throne, but apparently not.”
“They’ll never let it go,” Wepwawet replied with resignation. “That feud runs too deep.”
“There has to be a way to get them out of our hair,” Artemis complained. “Doesn’t your Pantheon have a way to settle disputes for good?”
“Yes, B&C battles,” Wepwawet replied. “That was how Mom forced Set to back down from the succession in the first place.”
“Is it true that Lady Nephthys dealt Lord Set his one and only defeat?” Hathor asked. “I’ve heard the rumors, but…”
“Yes, she did,” Wepwawet confirmed. He had heard the story a thousand times whenever his father drank too much. “Mom doesn’t look like it, but she’s a superb B&C player, and she knew how to play my dad like a fiddle. I don’t think he would accept a challenge from her again, though.”
Artemis scowled. “Maybe you should be the one to challenge him at B&C then.”
“What?!” Wepwawet choked. “Me, fighting my dad?! Are you insane?!”
“You can totally beat him,” Artemis insisted. “I mean, you’re the best player in our class besides Sun Wukong–”
“Debatable,” Horus grumbled.
Artemis squinted at him. “I’m sorry, who defeated Hastur again?”
“I tied with him and provided key intel that led to our classmates’ victory!”
“Anyway, Wepy, you haven’t lost once, and you even defeated your aunt when she held all the cards,” Artemis said, ignoring Horus’ glare. “You know all of your dad’s tactics, too. I’m sure you could take him on.”
“I’m not so confident,” Wepwawet replied with unease. Although his strategy had changed since he arrived on Elphion, his dad had much more experience and a near-unbroken winning streak. “He would never accept a duel, unless I agree to press a claim on the succession if I lose. It’ll be a whole mess if I lose.”
“Yes, sure, there’ll be a risk… but if you win, we can put all of this behind us.” Artemis took his hand into her own. “Wouldn’t it be nice to deal with your family without that stuff getting in the way? I can tell it eats at you still, and I can’t stand it.”
“It does, but…” Wepwawet bit his lip. “It’s just… if I lose, it’ll reopen old wounds. Countless mortals worlds beyond Elphion will be affected if I’m forced to reenter the running, and it’ll play right into Apep’s hands. I don’t think it’s worth the risk.”
“Yeah, I get it…” Horus crossed his arms. “Still, maybe I should beat up my parents too…”
“Horus!” Hathor replied, aghast.
“What? I’m sick of their constant disputes and schemes distracting us, especially now when Apep is besieging a world under our protection.” Horus crossed his arms. “If we could defeat our parents at B&C and strong-arm them, they’ll have no other choice but to end this stupid feud.”
They were insane. Him, beating his dad at B&C? One of the strongest Titans ever had tried to do that for eons and continuously failed. What hope did Wepwawet have?
Nonetheless…Nonetheless, Artemis had a point.
This pointless family feud would only end in a Board & Conquest battle, one way or another.
----
Comments
Void Herald
In some myths, he is yes; likely because they're both associated with danger/borders of the kingdom.
mhaj58
If/when you include bonus content for B&C this battle between Set and Nepthys definitely needs to be written. Set is depicted as an unmatched warrior in the pantheon. Isis had to get Nepthys to give her Sets secret name to beat him. I can’t wait to see your take on that.
Diego Urbina
Not familiar w Egyptian mythology. Sobek is Set's kid?
Lizy Flore
Honestly at that point I’m not sure whether to blame Ra or pity him…
Lizy Flore
Oh hell yes, I’d pay double to read that
Lizy Flore
You know, I first thought that this chapter’s title was really misleading, but it might be more on point than I thought…
Publius Decius Mus
With all that squabbling, it's a wonder they hadn't succumbed to Apep eons ago.
George R
Great chapter thanks
Federico Bellavista
What if... A 2v2 B&C battle. Horus & Wepy on one side, Isis (or Osiris, but I think she's the one wearing the proverbial pants in that household) & Set on the other. They hate each other so much they won't be able to strategize for shit, while Wepy & Horus have an history of forming truces and teaming up when the need arises.
Lucy Severine
Obviously I can't speak for the effects on gods, but this is one of the myths I dislike lol
Lucy Severine
... Just checking, but you know that castration doesn't raise a human's voice, right, lol? If you've gone through testosterone puberty, then that's a permanent drop that only practice and effort (or vocal surgery) can undo
Antony444
Lol, Wepwawet is completely right, Set and Osiris are equally bad. Kinda should have expected it, after all Isis was ready to break all the rules to get Horus on the throne...but man, the Egyptian Pantheon is particularly screwed up. I thought the Olympians were already a model of disfunctionality, but it appears Set and Osiris alone are trying to see if they can beat Zeus' womanising and a few other things...
Void Herald
Sorry, chapter briefly appeared as behind the Overlord Tier rather than the B&C one. I swear Patreon's UI is super unintuitive XD
