Avyck3721
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ch 71
🕑 Added 2025-03-15 16:41:19 +0000 UTCWe wound our way through the town, its dirt paths uneven and tangled, as if they had been made without thought. The deeper we went, the worse it got—buildings thrown together from whatever materials were on hand, roofs patched with mismatched wood. It smelled like sweat, damp earth, and old smoke.
The more I saw, the more I appreciated Jared. I had expected—hoped—to find a thriving faction, one ready to take on the induction’s challenges. Instead, I found a settlement slapped together in a hurry. Nothing here was built to last. It was survival, nothing more.
Then, we reached it.
A white house stood ahead, glaringly out of place. It had pillars—actual pillars—like something ripped from a Midwestern suburb and dropped here without care. I hated it immediately.
Its placement in this town felt jarring—too clean, too precise, a stark contrast to the chaos surrounding it. The yard was pristine, the bushes trimmed with almost obsessive precision. It was an oasis of order in a town that barely held itself together.
What did that say about Jordan? The contrast gnawed at me. What kind of man kept himself so separate from the ruin around him?
Tom stepped forward and knocked, the sound sharp against the unnatural quiet.
The door cracked open almost instantly. A young woman peered out. “Hey, Tom. What’s going on? Is Jordan expecting you?”
From where she stood, she couldn’t see Ellison.
Tom’s voice was casual, but measured. “He’s not expecting us, no. But we’ve got some new visitors, and I’m sure he’ll want to meet them.”
She hesitated, glancing at us. Still not catching sight of Ellison.
“Okay. Hold on.” The door clicked shut.
The guards stood stiffly, not speaking, not looking at each other. Tense.
When the door opened again, she waved us in. “Jordan’s in the front room.”
We stepped inside. Finally she caught sight of Ellison and recoiled, her breath hitching.
Ellison didn’t react. He just stared ahead—stoic as ever. With every moment my respect for him grew.
As we moved in, I briefly wondered what Mischief was up to. Probably getting into some kind of trouble. He’d be around soon enough.
The house smelled like fresh wood and expensive oils. Every inch of it was pristine. Comfortable in a deliberate way, like it was trying too hard.
“Tom, come in!” called a friendly voice from the front room.
We were led to where the voice had come from.
The room was just as spotless as the rest of the house. Two comfortable-looking couches sat across from a coffee table, with a pair of chairs facing a small fireplace. The mantle was neat, with flowers and a bowl with smooth flat rocks.
Seated on one of the couches was a man with silver-gray hair, dressed in a loose wool sweater and khaki pants. He was clean-shaven, his appearance carefully maintained. The whole thing felt weirdly formal—like I was about to ask the man’s daughter out on a date.
We stepped into the room, and the man—Jordan—rose to greet us.
“It’s good to meet you. I’m Jordan. Would you mind introducing yourselves?”
Jordan’s smile was easy. Practiced.
I gave an awkward wave. “Hi, Jordan. I’m Layton. This is Nick, and that’s Ellison.”
His eyes barely lingered on Ellison. “I’m sure there’s a great story behind how the three of you ended up traveling together. Especially you, Ellison.”
Instead of recoiling, he smiled. It didn’t take a genius for me to see that I was out of my depth here.
Ellison spoke for the first time. “It is quite a story. You don’t seem as… put off by my appearance as I expected.”
Jordan laughed. “Well, I have to say, you aren’t what I was expecting. Then again, I also wasn’t expecting the apocalypse.” He raised his hands. “Yet here we are.”
Huh. This guy was way different than his guards. What’s with him? Shouldn’t he at least be a little surprised by Ellison?
“You’re not weirded out at all that he looks like a deerman?” The words just slipped out before I could stop them.
Jordan snorted. Ellison covered his face, exhaling slowly like he regretted everything. The guards shifted uncomfortably, eyes flicking between us.
“I suspect he does more than just look like a deerman,” Jordan said, still amused. His gaze settled on Ellison. “Ellison, is it safe to assume you’re not human?”
Ellison’s response was measured. “I’m not. I’m a Guildian, but I can see why Layton made the comparison.”
Jordan nodded. “This is not a conversation I thought I’d be having today. I’m not complaining.” He gestured to the seats. “Let’s all sit and get to know each other better.”
He turned to Tom and the rest of the guards. “Tom, you can stay, but we don’t need everyone. I don’t think our guests are violent. Are you?”
“No! We’re definitely here peacefully.”
I groaned internally. Was that too much?
Jordan chuckled. “See? Let’s get comfortable!” He gestured towards the other couch again. “I don’t know about you, but I have a lot of questions.”
The guards left and Tom took a seat next to Jordan.
I looked at the couch, it was so clean. Then I looked at myself and my comrades. We were not clean. Not at all, especially me.
It must’ve been obvious what was going through my head because Jordan spoke up.
“Oh don’t worry about that, Layton. You’ve been traveling and that couch has seen worse. Go ahead, make yourself comfortable.” He gestured to the couch a third time.
Still feeling insecure I found a seat on the couch. Nick and Ellison followed my lead.
“You have a nice place here. It’s weird to see so many houses.” I said reclining into the couch.
“Thank you Layton. At the risk of being too forward, are there not any houses where you are coming from?”
“Well we do have houses now. But there weren’t any that made it through the transformation.”
I point my thumb behind me. “Not like what you have here. Plus Ellison isn't really from here so they didn’t have houses yet.”
Ellison had given me some ideas on how to conduct myself when meeting new factions. I was trying to remember everything but it was a lot. So I had decided I would just be myself.
Jordan considered my words. Personally I had never seen any value in not just being clear and open when meeting someone. Ellison tried to help me understand that we should exercise caution with what we share. “Not everyone has good intentions,” he had said.
I wasn’t naive. Logically I knew the risks to oversharing and being direct. But that just wasn’t the world I wanted to live in. I’m not a politician or master negotiator. Jordan on the other hand….
“That is very interesting. I had wondered if our experience here was the standard. Come to think of it. Heather?” He called into the other room and waited for her to enter. “Would you mind sending for Cassie?”
Heather nodded and then left. “Cassie is a former faction leader. We merged our factions recently. I think she should be included here if no one has any objections.”
I shrugged.
“I don’t have any problems with it. Your faction has waayyy more people than ours. Ellison told me not to ask but I can’t help but want to know. How is everyone adapting?”
Again Jordan laughed lightly.
“Layton, you really aren’t one to beat around the bush are you? Since you brought it up. Maybe you wouldn’t mind sharing a little bit about your faction so we can get to know each other better? You have me at a disadvantage since you have already seen so much of ours.”
I looked at Ellison briefly. He gave me a look of defeat. He already knew I had thrown all his advice out the window. Still I decided to throw him a bone.
“Ellison, is there anything you want me to leave out about your people the Guildian’s?” In response he sighed and looked at Jordan.
“Jordan. You might be wondering to yourself, much like I did when I first met Layton. ‘Is Laytons abrupt and open nature some strange tactic to set me at ease?’ If that is what you are wondering, it’s not. It is just who Layton is.”
While Ellison was talking I realized if there was something he wanted me to leave it, he wasn’t about to say what it was in front of Jordan… Whoops.
Jordan smiled “So much the better. Maybe we could all take a page out of your book Layton. If there are some topics you’d wish for Layton to avoid I am happy to leave the room with Tom so you can discuss it in private?”
Damn this guy was smooth.
If I didn’t feel it before I really feel it now. Jordan is in another league, the only thing was I had to be playing to be in the league right? Jordans responses felt calculated, manicured. It just wasn’t in me to conduct myself that way.
“I don’t think it would help even if you did. Layton is just who he is. Besides, we really have nothing to hide.” Ellison was like Jordan. Maybe it came with age? Except… I felt like Ellison was still more authentic than Jordan.
“Ellison is right. I’d prefer to believe there is no reason to play politics. Our faction is small. We are less than 200 members last we counted. The majority of them are actually like Ellison here. What would you like to know?”
My dad had always told me you can learn a lot about someone by the questions they ask. It showed you what mattered to them.
“Fascinating… Did you both share the territory when the world changed?” Jordan asked with genuine interest.
“No. I started the change alone and my family grew little by little. Nick and his group were the first to join. They stumbled upon my territory and asked to join, I’m glad they did. It wasn’t until a little later Ellison and his group decided to come on board. They have been a huge help and with them we’ve made great progress together.” I had to force myself to stop talking. It was my habit to overshare.
“So I take it that you are the faction leader then?”
“In name mostly. I consider our steward Jared to be more our leader. I considered bringing him along but he has other things on his plate right now.” Man. Compared to Jordan I felt like a little kid.
Jordan was taking all this information in stride.
“Layton. I can’t help but notice that you look no older than 20. Leading a faction so young… and the way you tell it both factions chose to join you. Correct me if I am out of line, but I am a bit confused. If you feel like Jared is more the leader, why did you not make that official?”
It was obvious Jordan was looking for more. My dad had also told me that honest people don’t feel like they need to hide their motives.
“Oh I tried. I told him the EXACT same thing. But he refused, it’s part of why I respect him so much. He felt I should stay a faction leader so here I am.”
I couldn’t help but wonder a little what Jordan might be thinking.
“Here you are… You obviously already know that I’m the faction leader here. I’ve found it to be a heavy weight on occasion.” He paused letting the words sink in a little. “I feel like there is so much to talk about, but maybe first you can let me know more about how and what brought you to our territory?”
Was it just me or was he posturing? Jordan had touched on it but then moved on, like it was just a casual comment. But nothing felt unintentional with this man.
Both Nick and Ellison had warned me to be delicate with how I broached this next topic.
“I earned a map in a dungeon that showed us where you were. We came because I have a creeping feeling that something big is coming, what it is I’m not sure, but something feels off with how this system works.”
I shrug. “I know I sound a bit paranoid. Even my own faction feels I’m being…dramatic…. Still I wanted to come and let you know we are here and whatever is coming we want to work together.” This is probably not what Nick or Ellison had in mind…
I let Jordan process. His next words came slowly.
“Well Layton… that is… Huh.” This was the first time I had seen Jordan stumped.
“I know, I know. It’s a lot. Plus it doesn’t help that I have no clue what it is that’s coming.” I started feeling frustrated. I was here but to be honest I hadn’t even put together what I wanted from Jordan. To warn him? But that wasn’t really it, maybe part of it. Why had I come?
I started to feel flustered and looked at Ellison. He smiled. Just barely. But I saw it.
Can you see what’s in front of you?
My pace started to slow. “Jordan I guess what I am saying is that we are here and we want to stay and be as helpful as we can be. Maybe even establish some type of partnership, trade even?”
Jordan had seen it all. He was sharp. He missed nothing. If he was thrown off before he had collected himself.
“Layton. I can tell you have already been through a lot. Truth be told, we have faced our fair share of problems also. I won’t go into details now, but I can tell your heart is in the right place.”
Jordan stood and walked to the fireplace to lean on the mantle. “Leadership is a double-edged sword. As I am sure you are well aware.” He toyed with one of the flowers.
“Take our faction for instance. Everyday I have to balance just how much people should be subjected to. You no doubt noticed the state of our territory?”
“Yeah, it’s a mess. Jared would lose his mind if he was here.” Internally I cringed. But it was a mess.
Jordan smiled, and shook his head.
“I can tell you’ve adapted well to the changes of this world. You carry yourself with confidence. We have many just like you here, they want to fight, want to grow. I’d consider myself in that camp. Same as Tom here.” Jordan rested his hand on Tom’s shoulder.
“Layton. Can I share my biggest challenge with you?”
I shrugged. “Yeah sure if you think I can help.”
Jordan began pacing. “What do you do with people that don’t want to fight? People that just want to be saved without being willing to save themselves?”
I considered the question. It didn’t really compute. “What do you mean?”
“When the world changed it broke many of the people here. There were many who decided not to face the tutorial, choosing to ignore the warnings. My…. my wife was one of those people.”
He cleared his throat. “The tutorial was not kind to those people. It was a dark first five days.”
“Oh, uhh… I’m sorry to hear about your wife…”
In my head I couldn’t stop the thought from entering. My dad would NEVER leave my mom behind, he would drag her kicking if he thought he was protecting her. Still I tried hard not to judge Jordan.
“Thank you.” Jordan briefly dabbed his eyes. “So many people here still haven’t come to grasp the situation we are in. As their leader, I have taken on the responsibility to protect them until they find their way. But what if they never do?”
“I guess that means you just have to be strong enough to protect them, if they can’t protect themselves…”
The words feel dirty on my tongue. It doesn’t seem like the right answer. Jordan smiles again.
“Spoken like a true leader.” He stopped his pacing and gave me a hard look.
“Layton. I am glad that you found our faction. I think you might be just what we need. You said that you would like to stay and help? What is your class and level if you don’t mind sharing.”
“I’m level 30 and I’m a healing class.” He didn’t really need to know about my evolved class. But why all of a sudden did I feel the need to hide it?
“Level 30!? You hear that Tom?” He whistles
“You're a higher level then I am. And a healer class to boot. We could definitely use someone with your skill set! Why don’t you stick around a while? We have a raid coming up in a few days. If you are willing I’d love the support. After the raid we can talk more about what a partnership might look like.” he pauses. “And where on earth is Cassie? I had hoped to introduce you.“
For just a second, I could’ve sworn I saw a flash of something in Jordan's eyes. What was that? It reminded me of what I saw in Mischief's eyes. Before he gained his sentience, back when he tried to eat me.
I shook my head. It was probably my imagination.
Comments
Avyck3721
No spoilers but I think you’ll like how it goes 😉
tibbish
"What do you think he should do?" If it was me I'd play dumb in front of the town leader for a day or 2 and have my panther bud scout out the town and look for more solid details. If something turned up shady, like people disappearing under very strange circumstances that lead back to Jordan or his crew, then try and lure the town leader and his lackeys outside of town and assassinate them. If nothing was found but the spidey senses are still tingling make up some BS that you have to leave and go. Something is clearly wrong with the place and Jordan and just because it isn't obvious doesn't mean the skills' are lying
EsZeus
Hair grows back. Just don't let it pull you down 😂
Avyck3721
My girlfriend just thinks I'm perfect.
Avyck3721
haha well I'm glad you continue to stick around, even if you make me want to pull out my hair occasionally
EsZeus
Interesting is subjective haha Frustrating? Yes. My girlfriend would agree 👍 😂 But yes, I love to discuss. And I leave positive and negative feedback all the time. Problem is: negativity is often way more remembered than positive
Avyck3721
EsZeus how are you one of my most frustrating and yet interesting readers at the same time!?
Avyck3721
That’s a great call out. Haha the verdict is still out on those 2😉
EsZeus
Also how Leyton reacted and how easily he decided with the 2 humans they saved from the dungeon :)
Avyck3721
I see your perspective. So far Layton has had what I would consider three main interactions. One, with Richard. That ended poorly, mostly for Richard to be fair. Then we had Jared. Which ultimately came with a mixed bag but ultimately was positive. Third was with Ellison in which he deployed the same straightforward open communication which also ended positive. Outside of that there have been few opportunities for negotiation. I considered Ellison leading the conversation however Ellison is more of a consultant to Layton in this interaction. Could he exercise more caution? Definitely, a lot. I guess we’ll see how things go
EsZeus
But Ayvck, DON'T let this feedback pull you down. Take it, read it, and if you don't agree, just continue. The worst that can happen is you letting feedback dragging you down :) Never my intention. And most of others are of the same opinion.
EsZeus
And what he should do differently? Everything. That's the whole point currently. The whole conversation feels off. From the start 🫠
EsZeus
He should be WAY more cautious. Or you could let the Deerman lead the talk because he comes from a very harsh world and knows these basics. After Richard and everything else these scenes should be more realistic in itself. You as the author create a world and universe. So it should always stay realistic in this created frame. But what the MC and the others encountered so far, experienced? It should have lead them to be way more strategic, careful and overall everybody should have learned and grown somewhat from the past encounters. Thats why my original comment said "plastic", because the interaction between the characters, who SHOULD have grown by now, are feeling off. You know; You introduced other worlds and real living beings to the MC which he had fought against in raids & dungeons. You tried to give him some moral and ethical thoughts. You tried to introduce a kind of character growth. But at the end there was none. He learned nothing from such hard Truth, it feels like. He gave Jared the management of the faction, so he saw his strengths and weaknesses. But here it feels like he suddenly is someone else again. Many different things that are jumping into my face as a reader. This is just feedback. I can't give you exactly what you should rewrite and how, in which words. But I, or we(?), can narrow it down and describe whats bothering 😊
Avyck3721
He might act naive but what I’m asking is what has he given away or how would you recommend he behave differently here after the first conversation? Speak less about his own faction? Give a scathing report on his state of affairs as they are without context?
EsZeus
The problem is, I think: If you describe an overwhelming naive main character, it makes the story unbelievable. No overwhelmingly dumb or naive character can really grow without plot armor. So you saying multiple times by now, that the MC is just "naive" doesn't make it more believable to read. How can someone like him survive then without plot armor? If it's a learning curve, ok. But it's happening too often and by now the character should have grown. Like someone else mentioned: his class could hint. The Deerman could hint at something. There could be a nagging in the back of his head that something is wrong. I think the main problem is the unbelievable character and how he reacts currently so far :)
Avyck3721
Totally. What do you think he should do?
bob barker
he has shared the approximate quantity of people in his territory. Now all this scumbag has to do is start a media campaign blaming Layton's faction for the disappearances, and then scumbag's faction would get energized, gain levels, and launch an assault
tibbish
I would add to that the MC has already had a lil' experience with his class hinting, or even leading him outright, to clue into things. And yet here he seems to be blowing off some real warning signs like its nothing. I don't expect perfection or impossible levels of competence here but if you know you've got something that can drop hints that something is wrong with a situation why blow that off?
Avyck3721
Ps I actually really appreciate you challenging this and it helps me think through my intentions
Avyck3721
Yeah I really get what you’re saying and I think even Ellison would agree. But I don’t know, maybe there are red flags but what should Layton do? Just immediately distrust Jordan? Tell him off like Jared had done earlier? Layton is undeniably naive, even to a fault. He acknowledges the red flags but what has he shared that hurt his position?
Jeremiah
I agree with EsZeus. It seems like despite all the incredibly obvious red flags that layton and Co. Are still caught off guard, see no issues, and give up far too much info. It would seem much more natural if they recognized the red flags and were on edge / trying to pinpoint the source of those red flags while still trying to maintain a cordial front. Unless there's a specific goal for your writing it this way developing the narrative for the next couple chapters in a specific direction, it otherwise feels a bit contrived.
Carolyne
Thanks for sharing this chapter.
Avyck3721
Yeah dunno what to tell you. I’m doing my best, I guess not everyone is going to like it🤷
EsZeus
The whole scene, the talks, the characters? It feels wrong? Is there mind manipulation? If not, this feels very "plastic" and the interaction is very flat. Or maybe I am just wrong. Dunno, really. And Leyton... Not sure. 🙈
