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102 - Match Number One

🕑 Added 2025-04-20 22:28:25 +0000 UTC

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Alex Rahr

Typos and she smile. and she smiled. it slashed to his arm. it slashed his arm. and stared maintaining and started maintaining met by Ushers met by ushers stadium in Mouding: stadium in Moulding: only about a hundred people in attendance right. only about a hundred people in attendance right now. (Also, it follows up with a phrase about more than half the seats being empty. Unless it's basically a school playing field and not a stadium, a hundred would be a lot less than half.) 100,00 views (either) 100,000 views (or) 10,000 views

Kamso Addo-Noble

Thanks. I didn't even notice. I'll keep that in mind when I'm writing and editing.

Windjigo

If I may, I feel like the author repeat characters' name a lot more often during action scene. Things like : - "Conrad had better durability and reaction time. Conrad's speed caught up, but TD increased his suddenly, to land a few more clean hits than Conrad could" chapter 54, three use of Conrad name in four lines - "Arachnid continued sending his spider legs at Tate and Tate kept dodging and waiting for opportunities to get close" chapter 102, two use of Tate in three words Personally, it kinda takes me out of the book or, at the very least, makes the scene seems a lot less fluid than it would be if extraneous uses were replaced by paraphrases like "the mundane", "his opponents" or even just appropriate pronouns. This is also just a problem during combat as, from what I remember, I never seen something like this in "slower" moments, which is weird (The closest thing is that, sometimes, you get three successives phrases starting with the same pronoun but I find this less egregious personally). Don't get me wrong, I like the novel (I'm not rich enough to spend money on it otherwise) but I do think that, while the characters are charming, the magic is interesting to learn about and the overall progression is fine, if a little slow at points, the actual prose is probably the weakest part of the story (which the current publishing pace, as much as I like regular chapters, probably doesn't help with).


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