amyth
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Update for what has been going on in my life
🕑 Added 2022-11-07 01:20:35 +0000 UTCHey all.. This is incredibly tough to type but here goes ;.;
For context, I've been taking care of my mom and having her live with me since she had a large brain tumor removed from her pituitary gland back in 2017. The operation tragically left her all but blind and rather frail and she has needed assistance to get by since then. In the past 5 years there's been ups and downs but starting early on in 2022 she has been on a very steady decline and needed more help than ever with things. We weren't sure if her medication just needed adjustments or what and sometimes it would seem she was getting better but then her condition would begin to deteriorate again :c
Back in late August she was becoming -extremely- weak and was even having trouble breathing. I finally got her to agree to go to the hospital early in September once it got exceptionally bad and they soon discovered she had lung cancer and fluid on her lungs.
Once they drained the fluid through her back and she stabilized, she was temporarily transferred to a nursing facility to recover. While there, they treated her highly unprofessionally and when my Aunt came to see her they discovered she been left sitting on a toilet alone for hours without any help and developed occlusions in her leg. It took them almost 6 hours to get her back to the hospital and by that time they had to rush her to different hospital by helicopter to try and save her right leg. They didn't give us a choice of what hospital or even ask any of us before they did it and they ended up sending her to one that was over 3 hours away and in a different friggin state >.<
Using stints they were able to get blood flow back into her leg but sadly they were unable to save her toes and they had to be amputated. Had the crummy nursing home not dragged their feet I highly doubt it ever would have come to that and it was highly upsetting to say the least. Anyway, not long after that was over with she ended up having to be taken into the ICU. They discovered they needed to drain her lungs again and in fact they ended up needing to drain them so often that she ended up with permanent tube in her back to drain the fluids :c
Her lungs continually filling up like that was extremely concerning to say the least and the doctors were then focused on trying to figure out exactly what was causing it next. After a while it was discovered that bits of what she would eat and drink was finding its way into her lungs (aspiration from dysphagia I believe is the proper term for it). So with that knowledge, the hospital reached out to the primary medical decision maker, my sister, to get the go ahead for them to start using a feeding tube on her and my sister agreed to it.
Once they found out, the rest of my family was very upset by this decision and felt like they should have had a say in the matter. My sister was just trying to let the doctors do what they thought was best, of course, but with the feeding tube in her it was now almost impossible to get her out of that hospital and back closer to home. Going to see her was about a 6 hour roundtrip and it was very hard on all of us to be there with her as much as we would have liked ;____;
My family was working hard on finding anywhere closer we could transfer her to that could accommodate the feeding tube situation but there was very, very few options. They even ended up sewing the tube into her stomach instead of putting it down her throat but she still hated it to say the least. She begged us to get her out of there and to take her home and we were trying our best. In her fragile state we couldn't risk going AMA (against medical advice) and taking her home ourselves. The last time my other, adopted, sister saw her and was able to be with her she just wanted her to hold her hand cause she thought she was gonna die soon and didn't wanna die alone...
The next morning I got the call that they were taking her back into the ICU and at 5:50pm that same day (October 30th) she passed away from cardiac arrest.
I was able to talk to her about what burial she wanted when fears of the worst happening started to really take hold. She made it very clear that not being cremated was her primary concern. Unfortunately, my mother didn't have any sort of life insurance or burial insurance to speak of. My sister paid for one month of insurance when things started to really go downhill but when we called the insurance company they're basically only willing to reimburse her the one payment.
The state is only willing to cover the costs of a cremation if we can prove she was indigent (she very much was) but she didn't want a cremation. The funeral home wanted almost 10,000 for a burial (they're wanting to charge us almost 2,000 just for bringing her back home from that other hospital, 3 dollars a mile + a transfer fee since the hospital put her in a funeral home in the other state temporarily). We went back to the funeral home and basically pleaded with them a couple of days later and they took pity on our situation and we got the cost of everything lowered to 7,500 at least.
With that being said, In the time since she passed away I've been extremely busy trying my best to do my part to do right by my mom and at least give her the burial that she wanted. She was suffering so much in the end and was so far away from her family that I'm just utterly beyond heartbroken. Thankfully with the help of a few wonderful people I've managed to come up with enough money to pay my part and we have officially got a date set for her funeral.
My mother was honestly the only person in my family that truly supported my artwork and didn't judge me for trying to make something of it. She kept so many of my drawings growing up and was always very supportive of my doing it. I would not still be here doing what I do without her. She also instilled in me a love for animals - there was so many dogs, cats and even baby birds she gave a home to in her lifetime. And of course she adopted one of my sister's as well even though she was never well off. She had a huge heart to say the least and I miss her terribly already.
It has been painfully difficult typing this up and I know it's lengthy but I want there to be transparency and to also explain why I've been so quiet and scarce. I'll try to be more social in the server and such again with the start of the new year at the latest. I super appreciate folks being understanding during this time for me and I hope all of you have been doing alright in the meantime.
-Amyth
Comments
Reilly
I wish that I could have had a chance to say goodbye to her. But I will keep the pig plushie I gave her for her birthday as a fond reminder of her. May she rest in peace. 🌹
Reilly
I got to know your mom for a good while and she was always a sweet lady. She was very gentle and my Kraven always wanted to go say hi to her.
Spartan1113
Idk what to say... Just, take care and don't fall into depression. We are here if you need to talk, friends, familly, lover, you're not alone !
Haloren
My deepest sympathies for your loss, Amyth. Losing a parent's never easy, and it sounds like the whole situation was more than a bit of a trial. I do hope things wrap up as positively as they can for you, Definitely take what time you need for you and your loved ones!
Sousuke
I'm sorry for your loss and that is such a horrible thing for her to experience. You and your family have been through a lot and soon it will be over and she can rest in peace, how she wanted. Life always has things for us to endure, and you Amyth have endured a lot. I want you to know that take care of yourself and family first. Others here will understand
