Michael Clark
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Butcher of Gadobhra Chapter 493
🕑 Added 2025-04-11 01:24:22 +0000 UTCAs evening arrived, the pace of digging and chopping down trees became frantic as Corporal Thune drove the recruits to do as much as they could to prepare for the evening. They had a vague idea of what was about to happen, but that was enough to make everyone work as hard as they could. Piecing together any bit of information gave Thune the picture: As darkness fell, the rabbits would leave, and the undead would claw their way out of the ground, made strong by the endless death of their kind. Zombie and Skeletal Rabbits between Levels two and three would attack anyone on the hill, swarming over anything living, biting, clawing, and going for the jugular vein with their huge teeth. He made sure every recruit got the picture and took the upcoming fight seriously.
They piled the dirt three feet high around the square deck with its tall pole and small crow's nest and dug a moat around the area. This gave them a steep slope to defend, broken up by a maze of sharpened stakes to break up the hopping horde. More stakes were in the moat, sticking up from the pile of brush, logs, and tinder. Some of the men had cooking oil or hard liquor in their packs, and Thune ruthlessly requisitioned the flammable liquids, dousing the center of each side of the moat. Three of his recruits had minor Fire Mage spells, and he was relying on them to set the moat ablaze if needed. Light for them to see through the gathering doom was provided by four lanterns hanging from the crow's nest, giving them a small ring of light to fight in.
"That's good enough. Well done. Squad one, take ten minutes to piss in the bushes, eat, or whatever you need to do to be ready to fight. Squad two gets ten minutes to sort themselves when squad one is done. After that, we stand ready in our new home until something happens. We're going with five men per side. We'll start with a defensive wall, sword, and shield. Myself and the three reserves will be armed with spears and assist at the corners or kill anything that gets through. I expect things will get worse as the night goes on. Questions?"
"What if we get a boss?"
Thune smiled, "Then thank the gods for blessing us with some Enhancement points."
Nearby, Ozzy and Ben watched as an invigorated Vernon trudged up the hill. He started to make a speech, but Thune insisted that he get to the top of the pole and be ready. Vernon liked the idea of doing his speech from the top, but after climbing the long ladder, he forgot as he saw the small shelf with snacks and mana potions. Ozzy handed Ben a gold piece, "You called it. He went for the snacks and lost interest in everything else."
"Some people are motivated by glory. We've got old Vern on such a tight diet that there was no way he would pass up a cookie. And the cookie made him look at the shelf and check through the items to find the sausages, potions, and the other cookie. I'm trying to idiot proof this operation."
That amused the Butcher. "Like building a big, experimental contraption and burying it underneath them?"
Ben looked at the Butcher suspiciously. "As a matter of fact, yes, how did you figure it out?"
"I was looking for a place to bury the barrels of sedge beast brains I've been soaking in a Dark Mana concoction Suzette cooked up. Looks like black syrup. Nothing better to attract the undead. I lifted the platform to dig a hole, and what do I find? A hole with a strange contraption. Saved time, I dumped my brains in the same hole. Now tell me what that thing does."
Ben sighed theatrically. "Found out because you're too lazy to dig your own hole. Well, I suppose I can try to explain the theory in small words. I've adapted some of Uncle Damien's mana absorption apparatus to work on a broader spectrum than ambient storm energy in the hopes that the death and destruction of the undead will release enough Death and Dark aspected mana to recharge the large battery buried under the pole. This way, Vern can Smite all night long, fueled by the bunnies trying to eat his protectors."
"The man does love to Smite."
"Doesn't everyone? Oh, sorry, forgot you can't call down the wrath of the gods on your enemies. Maybe someday you can join me and my buddy Vern in the Cool Kids Club."
"You do understand it's not too late to turn you into pepperoni?"
"Quiet, that's a state secret! We wouldn't want our little lizard buddies watching in the VIP lounge to overhear. And I think the show is about to start, all the living bunnies are diving into their tunnels."
"Your big words do bring up a question, though, this isn't going to explode like the last time you set up an apparatus like this? I remember being close to that one, and didn't like it."
"It shouldn't. Firstly, this is a far less complex device, and a bulky prototype at that. It stores enough mana to recharge the blasting rod we made him, and absorbs a little mana when things die around it. Undead are a lot of mana with a few decayed parts creating the structure. Hopefully, he gets a few recharges from it. But...how much Dark Mana did you put in that barrel? Are we talking a little brushed onto each brain to give them a better scent?"
"Barrels, four of them, I had a lot of extra brains."
"How much in each?"
"Oh, hard to say, the brains were soaking it up, and it was pretty thick. Call it ten gallons a barrel, forty in all."
Ben spent a minute trying to think of any effect that might have on his battery, then shrugged. It would probably just give Vern a few extra charges. Probably.
"Well, I hope you know if your ill-advised and totally uncalled for modifications to my mad science end up killing Vern in some painful way, that I want 50% of the credit."
Ozzy grinned, "I can be generous. I'm sort of hoping for a giant brain monster that will crawl up that pole and eat him."
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The lizards Ben referred to were three under-priests sent on a special mission to offer the blessings of the Great Pyramid to Baron Dammitbilly of Gadobhra. They had arrived that morning. Ben had been summoned to the ACME tower, where he had met Scalesofgray, Smallwebbedfeet, and Curiouscamoflage. There had been much bowing between the Baron and the lizards, the lizards and Ben, and then Ben and Billy. With the informal greeting ceremony over, Billy surprised Ben by talking in the lizardman language with them, somehow fluent and able to approximate their throat hisses and clicks. He pointed to Ben, the underpriests had nodded in understanding.
Billy said to the Courier, "These fine fellows are ambassadors of some sort from Vern's ex-city in the south. They left before he got kicked out and came here to offer me some gifts and butter me up, just in case I managed to oust Vern from his lofty position. Smart fellows, used to political infighting and corporate backstabbing. Don't underestimate them.
I gave them a brief explanation that I have indeed shaken Vern's pyramid. I hear there's a little show starting at nightfall. Get them a good seat and let them watch, but not get too close to the festivities."
A very curious Ben had taken the three envoys to the battlefield, left them with Rolly to watch over them, and gone to fetch 'snacks'. Billy had given him a list. They were now sitting on small pillows, eating from jars of pickled snails, apple tarts, and candied cherries from the Fae lands. Their meeting with Dammitbilly had been brief but memorable. He had been waiting for them as they entered his lands, an honor guard of mechanical killing machines arrayed in a small show of force. They had practiced the human speech used in the Empire along the way, but had been thrilled and honored when Dammitbilly understood their native language, even managing the proper throat clicks. The only mistake he made was neglecting the small hiss that denoted they were junior under priests and not full priests of the great pyramid. It would be rude to correct him, so they stayed silent on his small mistake.
Dammitbilly's knowledge was vast. Not only did he know of their city and its customs, but he also had a keen insight into the power structure between factions and within the priesthood. But more, he knew their approximate place in the Great Organizational Pyramid! He explained that all great societies used such a structure, and illustrated his points by showing the top 11 layers of the ACME corporation, the clan that both he and Revered and Ranty Unca Varn belonged to. It had changed their outlook on so many things! Not only had Unca Varn fallen from his lofty position in his clan, but he was now beneath Dammitbilly and his Challengermate, Baroness Layla.
The Baroness had presented a challenge to the three priests. Unca Varn had rarely ranted about her, or at least not as much as Dammitbilly, and they were unaware that she shared in position in the Great Pyramid of ACME. They had only brought gifts for Dammitbilly, not understanding the complex symbiotic role she played, as both co-ruler with Dammitbilly while also trying to usurp his position, and rise above him. They recognized that the constant challenge between them had sharpened their claws. It was a power structure unseen in their city, and would make a fascinating tale to tell if they ever returned.
In a quandary of what to do after they had gifted Dammitbilly with gold, rare spices, and a ceremonial axe, they offered her their own honor guard. She circled the group of eight-foot-tall warriors, inspecting their armor and weapons. "They'll do. We'll see how the ghouls react when I visit the Red Chapel with them." Relieved, the priests explained the situation to the warriors, who took the news well. Fighting their way through a thousand miles of monster-infested tunnels was fun the first time, but the return trip would have been boring. The news that they would be escorting the Baroness into the local dungeons raised their morale and wiped away any lingering doubts about relocating to a new home in the chilly north. They were bred to fight, and dungeons were much warmer than this chilly courtyard.
After a tour of the northern city, they were given access to the great Tower of ACME. The tour had been made more exciting by no less than five attacks from mutated animals and demons made from raw meat. The Baroness' new Honor Guard showed their capability, charging at any threat to her and chopping it into bloody parts with their diamond-toothed wooden axes. The priests noted that the Baron took just one of his mechanical guards, who matched the entire honor guard in speed and killing. It was an unsubtle show of power that made them thoughtful.
But the best was yet to come. Dammitbilly revealed that Lesser God-Emperor Unca Varn was actually in the city, and training for war.
"In fact, I think he'll be fighting tonight against a horde of undead. He puts on a great show when he gets going. Not something to be missed. Sadly, I've got a lot of paperwork to catch up on and must converse with the ascended great ones of ACME in the outer world, but maybe you'd like to observe?"
And that's what brought them to a comfortable spot on a small hill, with tasty snacks, as Unca Varn climbed to the top of his tower and yelled at the darkness.
"Well, let's get on with it. Stupid rabbits... can't be bothered to come out and fight."
Somewhere, a drum began to beat. Moldy paws clawed their way from the earth, sniffing the air and smelling brains. To the soldiers, it was as if the night was suddenly filled with hundreds of glowing red eyes that began to advance on their position.
Comments
MadRat
Leave it to unca Vern to raise a flag. Thx for the chappie ๐๐๐
Stefan Muntean
yea would be very hilarious if Vern gets some draconic upgrade, legacy with pyramid scheme
Felix H.
Oh this is gonna be fun! A fortified position, with an incompetent commander and a lot of greenies. Either they all get wiped out, or we will see a hero arise from the mess
Engineer4God
Tank oo fur da chap!
NameGame
Zombies, pickled snails, giant brain monsters, and candy. This has a distinct Halloween feel to it. Idk how you come up with this stuff, but I love it. Thanks for the chapter!
Exrotes
I'm curious how Billy compares to the stories of Barons of old. I'm assuming random monsters killing dignitaries is completely expected since it's a city sitting on multiple unrelated dungeons.
Tim Nash
I think you mean a corporate hierarchy that operates like a lizard culture.
Exrotes
All this talk of pyramid schemes makes me hope Unca Varn manages to unlock the draconic pyramid scheme for himself and picks it before anyone can stop him.
JC Silver
Oh how I love and find myself constantly in awe of your ability to create fresh fantasy societies and relate them to the mundane. A lizard society that operates on a culture akin to a corporate heirarchy?? I don't know how you do it Walrus. TFTC!
Andrew Denton
Man, I can't wait for this to be in book form, so the action doesn't stop.
