Michael Clark
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Butcher of Gadobhra Chapter 538
🕑 Added 2025-10-27 07:36:41 +0000 UTCThe Second volume of Butcher of Gadobhra is out on Amazon. Audible should be along soon.
I'm working on editing the third book for Butcher and the fourth for Tunnel Rat.
Lots to do, but I did take a couple of days off and made the journey down to see my second grandchild, Jaime. They've had trouble with her sleeping and wanting to be walked all the time. I was quite happy to hold her, and she fell asleep on my chest as I sat and rocked. She and her mom both got a four-hour nap, and I got baby time. Then her older sister, Alice, got home. She's three now. The first thing she showed me was her Nerf swords that someone gave her. I gleefully went outside with her, armed with our trusty swords, and made up stories for an hour for Princess Alice to act out. We found so many monsters that had stolen her cookies. I'll have her playing DnD by the time she's six. Dinner was my pulled pork enchiladas that we'd made and brought down. Fun times. Going down again in a couple of weeks.
This is my way of explaining why I didn't write on Thursday and am only posting one chapter of each story. Baby time took precedent.
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Marcy had two problems at the moment that held back her forces from moving through the jungle silently: Tulip and Vern. Marcy knew that her girl was trying hard to move around trees and not through them, keeping down the sound of her passage. And while Tulip made noise, they were noises that any village scout might hear when a wild thunderbeast decided that she needed to get somewhere, and the jungle was in the way. Tulip, for all her size and noise, was not the problem.
Of the two, Vern was probably the noisier one. His bearers had enough trouble walking through the jungle without his constant harassment, complaints, and glorious plans for the future. Vern's ranting and his habit of smiting small animals and birds could alert anyone within a mile that something odd was traveling their way. He would rush off into the jungle, then race back to the group an hour later, several charred creatures carried along as trophies. The lizardmen following the small force would stop and cheer, and the priests would give a small speech. That had to stop, and after the first day, she'd had enough. She solved the problem using her usual mix of threats and violence, two things that had served her well so far with Vernon.
After the second day, she'd had enough and used Tulip to neutralize Vernon. The thunderbeast was used to carrying priests and squads of the smaller lizardmen into battle. Marcy had Vern's small tent erected on the wooden platform in the center, along with a comfortable chair, side tables for food, and other small comforts. His palanquin was left below, still carried by Ricardo and his group. Marcy was taking no chances of Vern smiting things from atop Tulip and accidentally hitting her. His three Senior Priests, Scalesofgray, Smallwebbedfeet, and Curiouscamoflage, were happy to ride atop the thunderbeast in a place of great honor, near Challenging Lesser God-Emperor Uncavarn. The priests selected a squad of twenty missile troops as an honor guard. The real guards were Varcel's Vixens, sitting and relaxing around him. Vernon had kept his grumbles to himself, not wanting to argue with the entire HR department for the division.
Also riding along with the three surviving skylizard riders who had landed and expressed interest in serving UncaVarn. Marcy's idea of having them land and take off from Tulip was met with great joy, and one or more were constantly scouting from aloft and reporting back to the Marcy. The mercenary captain was taking no chances with Vernon or the priests, and rode atop Tulip in what used to be the driver's seat. She didn't use the reins anymore, preferring to talk to her mount and discuss the route. Tulip preferred this as well and was becoming more skilled at finding her best path forward.
In her wake came the veteran mercenaries, recruits, and their lizardman auxiliaries. Traveling behind Tulip along her trampled path was considerably easier than forcing their own way through the jungle or going single file along small paths. That was the job of the scouts, both mercenary and lizard, as they advanced ahead of Tulip and covered her flanks against ambushes.
Surprisingly, to everyone who worked at ACME, Dr. Barklight had actually become the intrepid jungle explorer he'd always roleplayed. For weeks, while the recruits drilled in Sedgewick, he had explored the swamps to the north and the deep woods to the south, sometimes accompanied by a helpful local guide who showed him the ways of the wild and how to push the limits of what he could accomplish. He had a large number of stories about horrible situations that ended in his death, but from each one, he'd come away learning something and increasing his skills.
His Junior Explorer class had upgraded to Wilderness Explorer, and he had gained a swamp wyvern companion named Prudence. Prudy, as they agreed she should be called while on the job, was the first egg of the 37th clutch of the Swamp Matriarch. Barky (as she called him) had recovered seven eggs stolen by a group of players looking to make a fast fortune on the black market. Barky had snuck into their camp and added a potent extract of Blackwart to their stew pot. It had no immediate effect on them, other than making them very susceptible to a slow-acting poison made from swamp adder venom and yellow spotted toadstools. As each of them felt the sting of a blowgun dart, they fell to the muddy ground, blind and paralyzed. He retrieved the stolen eggs and then relieved them of any valuables and magic items. As an afterthought, he stripped them and tossed their clothes into the swamp, leaving them to the mercy of the mosquito swarms.
The lizardmen scouts were highly impressed by his junglecraft, and more by his companion. Wyvern was close to the language of the lizardmen. Barky was still learning it and had trouble with some of the hisses, but Prudy was able to act as an interpreter when needed. Prudy, Barky, and four of the best jungle scouts now led the expedition toward the first village they were going to visit. The villagers of Small-Jewel-in-Sunlight were surprised when the visitors arrived. It wasn't uncommon for traders to travel through, or the dreaded visits of the Senior Priest who glanced at their village briefly before raising the yearly tribute once again. But a thunderbeast, an army, especially with the strange pink-skins, accompanying the Senior Priests made them quiver and prostrate themselves. When they beheld the radiant visage of Lesser God-Emperor UncaVarn, many were unable to rise and do the obligatory cheering of praise. But UncaVarn was merciful and descended from his majestic mount without smiting anyone and greeted the Village Leader with praise.
Marcy had timed their entrance so that the rising sun illuminated Tulip from behind, with UncaVarn standing atop the thunderbeast. He descended carefully, with Varcel making sure he didn't fall on the way down and ruin his entrance. His palanquin was waiting for him, and he advanced into the village with his priest going before him and singing the Traditional Chant of the Challenging God-Emperor. The villagers quickly rose from their abasement and began singing along. The village chief came forward and began the traditional lament, starting with how many cursed births had robbed them of herd beasts, the crop blight, marauding raiders, and all the other traditional woes of villages that wished their taxes were lower. Halfway through, Curiouscamouflage stopped him.
"Praise be to the great pyramid. Now is a time of plenty and lower taxes, so says Challenging Lesser God-Emperor UncaVarn. Please accept these blessings from the hands of his pink minions."
Several soldiers brought out small bundles. Certain animals spawned in the Menagerie in great numbers and were sucked into the butchering pens of Gadobhra at regular intervals. One of these was the Hellpig. They were a great source of ham, bacon, and razor-sharp enchanted tusks that could be crafted into Tier two knives and short swords. Sales had become slow lately, with nearly any player who wanted one able to pick one up from merchants in many cities. Billy had sent a few hundred with the expedition, assured by his tame priests that such things would be greatly appreciated in the villages.
Scalesofgrey took the best of the weapons and personally presented it to UncaVarn, who waved his hand over it in blessing before the priest presented it to the village chief. Along with that came sedge beast hides, a barrel of apple brandy, and a half-dozen honey-smoked hams. "UncaVarn, in his great generosity, gifts this to you as a memento of the occasion of his visit. Each of your warriors shall also receive a similar, but unblessed weapon. UncaVarn also gifts your village with this fine leather, potent drink, and tasty meat.
There was much rejoicing.
When the cheering died down, Smallwebbedfeet brought forth a large book, similar to those used by imperial tax collectors. "Let us now discuss your blessed and totally voluntary offering to UncaVarn."
The chieftan nodded and began again, "It has been the worst of times...."
The priest stopped him, "I see by the marks on your hut that you normally offer one stone weight of gold. Your mine is small?" A stone weight was roughly ten pounds of gold, a considerable sum for a small village such as this. Villages were generally situated near seams of gold, but after hundreds of years, many had dug too deep, into harder rock, following the deeper seams.
"Yes, yes. Very small, the hard rock breaks our soft picks, and it takes many weeks to break the stone to scrape more gold from the rock."
"Ah, but no longer. I have a special gift for your village." Pink minions brought out two Dark Steel picks with Ironwood handles. "With these, you will easily mine more of the shining metal for UncaVarn."
The chief looked over to the ceremonial offering stone in the center of the village. The shining metal placed there was sent to the Great God-Emperor himself. "But what of our normal offerings? Surely...."
"Surely you want to know more of the Great Shining Pyramid? Of course you do! A great pyramid of shining metal that will enrich your village! You're excited to join up, of course you are!"
All three priests began speaking to the village. "You only have to offer one stone weight of shining metal to UncaVarn, whose minions will take it directly from your village. He will bring you gifts in exchange that will help you enrich your lives and let you mine more shining metal."
"What to do with the extra? Why, that is where the Great Shining Pyramid comes in. Extra shining metal can be used to buy shares in the pyramid. Each stone weight of gold buys your village one share in the pyramid. As the pyramid grows, so will the gold you have donated, enriching your village and letting you buy more gifts, while your gold stays safe in UncaVarns' blessed vaults."
"When your village has donated ten stone weights of gold, you may reserve your spot on the pyramid!" A large banner was unrolled from the top of Tulip's shell, showing a golden pyramid with UncaVarn at the top, and three pyramids under that. Five triangles were in the third layer. The name of the current village was written in one of the triangles of the second row.
"See where you stand? Small-Jewel-in-Sunlight is offered the first chance to join the great pyramid, before we visit more villages nearby! Such an honor! "
"And while it is an honor to join so high, it will be so much better once your village has become vested by donating ten stone weight. Then your spot is secure, and your wealth will grow. For each village below Small-Jewel-in-Sunlight will pay part of their offering to you! As more villages join, more will tithe upwards."
"Yes, that's right! Part of the shining gold metal offered to UncaVarn will be distributed back to those villages that have vested within the Great Golden Pyramid! Your gold will grow. Your blessings will grow. And year after year, the offerings of other villages below you will trickle down to you."
"Yes, this is a great honor, and one you must hurry to take advantage of. Soon, we will travel to Small-Pond, Great-Boulder-In-Sand, and Ugly-Tree. They, too, will wish to join the Great Shining Pyramid. Those who vest first will take the top places and reap the greatest rewards."
"And, we have a lovely catalog of gifts that can be earned with the wealth earned in the Shining Pyramid!"
The priests knew that most villages hid their gold, using it to trade with merchants or holding it for years when nothing could be mined. Some had large hordes from earlier years. How to coax it out of them had been a problem the priesthood had never solved, until now. The three Senior Priests had been amazed at the cunning of DammitBilly as he explained the great pyramid and how it worked. He was a great, hidden challenger who lurked behind UncaVarn. It didn't take much coaxing before the village produced ten stone weights of gold, and the great Ceremony of Vesting began. A minion brought forth gold paint and drew the village's symbol in their triangle, proof that they were vested.
It was only after the Ceremony was over and UncaVarn had left, along with twenty of the village's young warriors, that the chief spoke to the village. "We are greatly blessed, but UncaVarn advises caution. The true God-Emperor will be upset when we don't tithe to him. He has told me how to avoid the wrath of his priests. We must say 'oh woe, the minions of the false God-Emperor descended upon us like locusts, stripping our poor village of all wealth.' They will be angry, but their wrath will be at UncaVarn, who takes this upon himself to protect us. When they come, we must hide our new gifts, damage our huts, and make faces of despair. In this way, we may save more shining metal to gift to the Great Shining Pyramid of UncaVarn when next he appears."
Hiding wealth from the priests was a traditional game played by all villages; this just added new ways to play. They began the work of breaking the hard stone with their new picks and hiding the shining metal they mined. In the evenings, they waited for their turn to hold the catalog of blessed gifts, anxious to see what things they could select from the bright, colored catalog left for them. Truly, it was a time of great plenty.
Comments
Peter Smith
See this is where it becomes great, Vern will challenge the dragon emperor to a board meetingand use depictions of his advancements and growth to depict why as god emperor he has a greater claim to the pyramid, and then when vern beats the dragon, he'll turn around and claim that by defeating the dragon he now has claim to everything the dragon claimed as its own, including its ownership, and then force the dragon into a contract that turns the pyramid lands into a great warzone for both empires with the villages as conquer zones to claim. Every conqueror point held for a week is equal to one small stone of gold, and can be used in exchange for gold within the great pyramid, however you can only hold up to 1/10 the amount of conqueror points as the amount of gold you have invested into the puramid. However the empire has the opposite, for every small stone earned from holding onto the conqueror zone you can transform into conqueror points which cna be used to pay a war tax to Hades for release of soldiers and mercenaries killed in the Imperial challenger Wars. There is a nice long list of things you can buy using conqueror points including temporary buildings in each zone, such as a monthly gold mine subscription, a war shrine, which gives your zone buffs dependant upon which god you choose to subscribe to this month, and most importantly a living reset, which will allow you to pay the price for bringing back a dead person in exchange for their previous tier of advancements. It's cheaper than the war return function but worth more than 7 years wandering in hell.
Ender419
Indeed!! We are happy that you are getting more time to spend with the family. The chapters will come whenever but family time must come first!
RedInkQuill
Lizards fall for the oldest trick in the world, the golden triangle and the shining catalogue.
Exrotes
Surprised there's no callback to the Draconic Pyramid from when Ozzy made the poor decision of not becoming a dragon.
Kensai
UncaVarn needs a Greek chorus behind him when showing the Way. Back in the day, WKRP in Cincinnati had a wonderful example of this. I still get a giggle every time I hear "Steak Knives" praised with such ardor. The Dead Sea Scroll Steak Knives would be a powerful addition to Ozzy's arsenal, available for a love offering of just 5 GP or more. https://youtu.be/j8mhZdoC5qc?si=bQyN_ohZ64ioSYDG
Engineer4God
Tank oo fur da chap!
Raymond Horn
Baby time always takes precedence. Thanks for the chapter!
Chivatha
Ahh pyramid schemes… separating fools and their money for time untold.
Dudedorey
Truly Vern represents the one great Evil, the MLM
