Jzz
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The Bad Girl - Version 1 of the script (2023)
🕑 Added 2024-07-09 14:48:58 +0000 UTCHello there,
The current version of The Bad Girl is actually our third version of the script. Its final version reached the point where we currently are in the story (the rest was only a draft. Since it was 1 page per month at the time, I didn't feel the need to be 30 pages+ ahead final script wise).
The script was mainly meant to be SFW. If you remember (assuming you were there last year), The Bad Girl was supposed to be half SFW and half NSFW, with the latter being non-essential to the comprehension of the story, only adding bonus information and flavor.
It ultimately changed for the better, as now the emotions feel more genuine.
Also, I thought that the first version had too much dialogue for its own good (I was just letting my mind wonders at the time, trying to find an angle for the story). Yet, I think you might be interested in that first script nonetheless.
That script was written at the end of 2022 and the beginning of 2023. Please know that that version can still work in the "canon" of the current version, as there are no contradiction between them. This version can even be seen as a bonus.
Hope you'll enjoy it nonetheless o/
The Bad Girl (Version 1)
[Description of a previous Mask (that mask, both a MacGuffin and a metaphor of the one Diane is forced to "wear" everyday, is no longer in the current version) and its security]
Crimson Paw [showing the mask to its former owner, a Corrupt Governor]: And I’ll sell it to you for… Eeeeh, I dunno… Let’s say a million
Corrupt Governor: That’s mah… You stole mah… ! Why you!... [recompose] Alright, alright. You demonstrated that there are flaws in my system. AND THAT… needs a reward!... Allow me then to handle the transfer. Security!!
Crimson Paw: Bummer. That’s another hundred K by head. [kick everyone in a sec] Pretty sure a drawing-into-dirty-money guy like you can do the math, right, Mister Governor?
[Narration. Wallet full of money closing. The Crimson Paw leaves with it.]
Governor [not recognising that the Crimson Paw was a lady]: He’ll pay for that!
Security: You actually did, sir.
***
Wolf [in a bar, talking with Diane]: Wait, that guard really said that?
Diane/Crimson Paw: I know, right? So, after the Crimson Paw got “his” money, the governor decided to put his precious mask in his personal deposit box instead. And then…
Wolf: What?
Diane: The Crimson Paw showed up behind him and handed him the key to his own box. And then “he” said: “I’ve made space for your mask, sir. No need to thank me”.
[Both laugh.]
Diane: The governor was sooooo maaaad!
Wolf: So, that’s how that dirty bastard’s reputation was ruined and his run lost! Didn’t know that the Crimson Paw stole from politicians as well!
Diane: That pig was sooo corrupt, it was an easy pick for “him”.
Wolf [teasing]: Some say that if “he” was still around, “he” would find all politicians to be an easy pick. Well! Too bad he’s in prison now, right?
Diane [teasing]: Are you defaming a representative of the state, Mr Wolf? I didn’t know you’d want to be back with “him”.
Wolf: Come ooooon, Madam Governor! There’s no one more supportive of your past exploits than myself! I’m better where I am now.
Diane: And yet you hadn’t heard that story! What a fan.
Wolf: What can I say? Some people are better than others at hiding their secrets.
Diane: It’s rather easy, so long as it doesn’t become-
Wolf: Personal. Yep. I remember. Personal secrets are truuuuly the worst [look at her]
Diane [give his look back] : Yeah. They make you do stupid things. I can’t think of anything that is even remotely close to how bad they are.
Wolf: Hehh, I may have one or two ideas of reeeaaaally bad things worse.
Diane: But let me guess : they’re secrets too? [teapot expels steam]
Wolf: Maybe, but you know how terrible I am to keep those. Just like you, Governor! [point her tail shaking by his look. She hides her tail back, blushing and laughing awkwardly.]
Diane: Never play poker with me!
Wolf: Where would be the challenge? [Look around then clear his throat] Seems you have all the information you wanted, m’am. See? Bad guy all reformed, well and clean in society.
Diane [masking sadness]: HUM! Yes. Everything is in order. I’m glad to see that you’re doing well, Mr Wolf. Justice has truly done wonders on you.
Wolf: It sure has. Here, let me help you. [help her to put her bag on]
Diane: Thank you.
Wolf: See? Nothing stolen! As pure and innocent as a newborn!
Diane [doesn’t even look at her bag]: I hope the statue we’ll build in your honor will be sufficient to depict your purity.
Wolf: Aah, don’t bother with a statue! A golden medal is enough. [wants to pay the addition in front of the barman who looks badly at him. Search for money but has just some pieces. Genuinely concerned] Ack. I thought I had enough for both…
Diane: I-I’ll pay, Mr Wolf! Think of it as a reward for your new life as a free citizen!
Wolf: How nice of you, Governor. I… truly… appreciate it.
Diane: Are you sure you’re okay?
Wolf [slowly nods and turns toward her]: … Are you?
[Diane looks at him a sec, then searches for her money and finds a flower.]
Wolf [leaves the bar]: See you next month.
[Diane feels sad.]
Diane [to the barman]: Weren’t you supposed to give a chance to Mr Wolf?
Barman: Heck no! I don’t want him stealing my cash!
Diane: Are you implying that the justice didn’t do its job?
Barman: I’m just sayin’ that bad seeds don’t change. Why are you doin’ those meetings with that scum yourself anyway, Miss Foxington? Haven’t ya better things to do?
Diane: Mr Wolf and his former crew are my responsibility. It’s my job to ensure that they have truly been redeemed. AND they have.
Barman: Well, that’s yar opinion.
Diane: The opinion of the governor of this state, yes.
Barman: ‘Haven’t voted for ya. Won’t do it next week either.
Diane: And that’s your most formal right, mister.
Barman: Damn right it is!
Customer: Oh come on, she’s had a good run this term!
Barman: That’s the thing. She’s too good. ’s not right!
Diane: What is that supposed to mean?
Barman: There’s no such thing as an honest politician. We all know that you’re hiding something! You’re too good to be honest.
Diane: That’s… messed up!
Barman: And now our oh-so-good governor’s indulging a citizen! See?! My point exactly!
Diane [leaving]: Believe what you want. It’s a free country.
Barman: It sure is, miss, it sure is. But that wolf? Better not be!
[Diane enters in her little car, pissed.]
[Transition to her at her office, with a female adviser.]
Adviser: Okayokay, I know the state may look in a bad shape right now, but aside from some minor events…
Diane: ‘Minor events’? You mean the gigantic wildfire?
Adviser: Yep.
Diane: The super storm?
Adviser: Uhu.
Diane: The biggest earthquake of the century?
Adviser: And the meteor. The second one, of course. Mhm! The first one was before your term after all, hahaha! The odds.~
Diane [deep sigh]: We were supposed to do so many great things…!
Adviser: Wehell, the economy is still breathing… a bit! You did a great term, Madam Governor! You shouldn’t have trouble beating your rival at the elections then you can finally realize your plans!
Diane [not convinced]: Are you really sure about that?
Adviser: Aw come on! You’re the most honest politician ever! And the Bad Guys have been caught partly thanks to you! What could go wrong? [Diane grimaces] Just do me a favor and don’t read the polls, alright? Everybody knows they’re crap anyway!
Jimmy Crystal [entering the office, visibility super pissed]: Are you implying that my journal is full of lies?
Adviser [struggling to face Jimmy]: I-I-I… was meaning-u-uh…
Jimmy [fixes a moment then hits the shoulder of the adviser]: Hahaha! I’m just messing with ya.
Diane: Mr Crystal. I was expecting your visit sooner.
Jimmy [eating snacks]: Aw, you know how it is. Overwhelming schedules, a world to conquer, an election to run. We are busy people.
Aren’t we, Diane? [put a picture of her today with Wolf at the bar]
Diane: What’s this? Are you spying me?
Jimmy [acting naive]: I was hoping you’d tell me. You see, one of my guys was trying to take pictures of some bar for its advertisement, and you just so happened to be there… with Mr Wolf.
Diane: Your point?
Jimmy : Diane… That… guy did a lot of wrong. I simply fear for your security!
Diane: I’m touched, Mr Crystal, but I’m certain I can handle myself just fine. Mr Wolf is my responsibility, so it’s only natural that I track how well he adapts to society.
Jimmy : For years?
Diane : Just to be sure.
Jimmy : …I’m relieved! It’s true that both of you seemed to be having a really good time there. I suppose then you have no objection to my journal releasing that picture to advertise the bar where people can be so happy? After all, nothing bad is happening there, right?
Diane : Don’t tell me you’re gonna release your journal with such a picture? It would be a terrible advertisement!
Jimmy : … Because of Mr Wolf?
Diane : Because of the angle.
Jimmy : … That’s a fair point. The “most honest politician of our country”, huh? I appreciate the insight. We wouldn’t want people to start thinking the wrong things about that bar, right? Then I suppose you can keep it. As a souvenir.
Diane (fainting sadness) : But what about your precious journal?
Jimmy : Oh, don’t worry, Diane. I have many, many pictures. I suppose we won’t see each other before the great debate?
Diane : Like you said, Crystal, “overwhelming schedules”.
Jimmy : I can’t wait. [nods and leaves]
Adviser : Jerk!
[Diane collapses in her seat, tired and frustrated]
Adviser : Why are people so mean with you? You work so hard to make everybody’s life better! Is it so hard to be grateful?
Diane [looking at Wolf on the picture] : Yeah… I try to make everybody’s life better… May I have a moment, please? I have a lot to think about.
Adviser : Oh! Certainly! I’ll make sure no one bothers you, Madam Governor.
Diane : Thank you.
Adviser: Ah! By the way! I can confirm that the ambassador will be present at the gala.
Diane : Noted.
End of that version.
The version 2 was like the current version 3, but with a different tone and no definitive script, so there's nothing worth showing.
Comments
Jake
Gotcha, gotcha.
Jzz
Well, it's not like there's a French version anyway, so better go for the right lines right away. Besides, in most shows/movies and so on, I'm used to the English version, so it's easier to come up with lines that the characters would say in that language. For example, I always try to imagine the character saying the dialogues with their voice, to decide if it feels natural or not.
Jake
Okis. And interesting. Do you do this so it's easier to collaborate with other artists, without having to translate stuff down the road?
Jzz
It's shorter and fast paced but mainly because it's only dialogues, which ultimately would slow the visual down. From afar, by looking at the pages, you'd have seen that nothing much happen, so it'd have had to be short o/ Nope, written directly in English, but corrected it afterward.
Jake
It's an interesting angle. Feels shorter, fast paced compared to the one now which takes its time. I must ask: was this written in French initially? The English is on point. I'm merely curious of it, since it's your native language.
