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Where the Fuck is Andre?! (Custom)
🕑 Added 2023-09-02 04:42:51 +0000 UTCI was concerned!
I mean, who wouldn’t be if they hadn’t heard from one of their best friends in over a week? So after 8 days of radio silence, I decided I needed to pay Andre a visit. Who knows what’s happened to him. Did he have a random stroke at 34? Was he suicidal and I just didn’t know it? They say it’s the funniest ones that are usually hiding the most.
I knocked on his door. No answer. I peeked through the blinds of the window in front of the living room. Nothing. Trudging to the other side, I checked the window to what he always called the “storage room”. It was always locked, and probably stock-full of junk, but it was worth a shot just in case.
The window was higher, I had to stretch up on my tippy-toes to peer over the ledge. I couldn’t see much, but it was definitely a lot brighter than I expected. And were those walls…pink?
There were some sort of prison bars poking up. Like window bars for security, but they didn’t go all the way up. Was it a…crib??
Did that motherfucker have a baby and not tell me? He’s not even dating anyone! No way he knocked someone up and kept it all a secret from me! He tells me everything. Well, apparently not everything.
In a fit of rage, I stomped through the door. Andre always leaves his doors unlocked no matter how many times I’ve told him not to.
The house is quiet, there’s no sign of Andre. But down the hall where the “storage room” is, I could hear a faint harmony of music. As I drew closer down the hall, it had the familiar tune of Mary Had a Little Lamb. But there was more. It was, babbling? It didn’t even sound like a newborn baby, it must have been older. How long had he been keeping this from me?
The baby was clearly awake, I could hear lots of rustling and squeaking of plastic. But it seemed to be very…rhythmic? Definitely louder than I would expect for a newborn.
Andre was nowhere to be found. I decided I should check on this baby that I didn’t know he even had.
I creaked open the door, immediately the rhythmic squeaking stopped.
“Andre? Are you in here–”
When I tell you, my jaw DROPPED.
Andre had a on a fucking diaper! He immediately tried to cover himself up, but he was stuck on top of his little blankie, and resigned to using a fucking teddy bear to hide his face! Like, he really thought that must have made him disappear.
“Andre what the fuck is this…?” I gasped, looking around, trying to take in all of the overwhelming stimuli.
“What are you doing here?” Andre squeaked behind his Teddy Bear. His voice sounded so…small? Pitchy?
“Andre, are you wearing a diaper?!” I screamed in bewilderment.
The answer was staring at me with a giant, pink poofy pair of pampers, but I still couldn’t believe it!
“It’s not what it looks like!!” he whimpered.
“Uh…I think it’s exactly what it looks like…”
I’d heard about them. Those…what was it? ALDB’s? But I never thought I’d see one, and I certainly never thought my best friend would be one!
“Is that why you haven’t been answering your phone?? Because you’ve been rolling around in a crib and a diaper??”
“I–ye–no!” He stammered.
“This is incredible…” I said in awe, trying to take in everything in this ridiculous room. “I mean you didn’t just put a diaper on, you went all out!”
He tried to babble some other nonsense but I was having none of it. I had so many questions.
“Do you…use the diapers?” I asked. “Like…do you pee in it?”
He looked so embarrassed, like he was trying to crawl up inside himself and die.
“You do, don’t you?!” I laughed uproariously. “Aww!! Did you already piss yourself?? I mean…did someone wet their wittle diapurr??”
My teasing must have given him some sort of reaction, because his eyes went wide and he was shivering in a much more…excited sort of way.
“Okay, but don’t tell me you poop in them. Pleeease don’t tell me you shit yourself!” But my question was quickly answered by the wall of pungent smell that smacked me in the face as I stepped closer.
“Oh my GOD'' I gagged, covering my nose. “You actually crap yourself! You make poo poo’s in your diapurr wike a wittle fucking baby!!”
It was like he was caught up in a mixture of embarrassment and being incredibly turned on.
After my giggling finally ceased, I settled down and collected myself. “I’m gonna ask you a question and I want you to answer honestly: are you hard right now?”
His flushing face told me everything I needed to know.
“Ohhh this is RICH!” I laughed uproariously. “I mean…all this time! I had no idea you got off inside of a pair of pink pampers. Do you have any idea what kind of a loser that makes you?!”
He said nothing, just continued to hide behind his little teddy bear.
“I want you to finish.” I told him.
His head peeked up, like he didn’t hear me right. “What?”
“Finish what you were doing.” I repeated, sitting in the rocking chair.
“Y-you want me to…cum?”
“No, I want you to make cummies.” I grinned, proud of myself for cumming up with that so quickly.
“But this…you’re my best friend! This is weird!” Andre whined.
“No…this is weird!” I exclaimed, gesturing at everything. “But I want you to show me how you do it. I gotta see this. You don’t put your hand inside of that nasty thing, do you? Do you just…rub the outside or something?”
“N-no…” he said in the smallest possible voice.
“Well, watta you do?”
He seemed to be cursing himself internally as he rolled onto his belly.
Again, I had to contain my laughter.
“You…hump it? Like you’re trying to be a real man by humping a pair of pissy, poopy pampers??”
He buried his face into his pillow as if trying to block out my jeers. But I started to feel a little bad, so I stood up next to him, rubbing his back like a concerned friend.
“Do you have a pacifier?” I asked, “will you feel better if you’re sucking on a binky while you do it?” His face turned purple as he pointed to the nightstand. There–among the overwhelming array of various dildos, buttplugs, and these little metal cage things–was a big pink pacifier. At first I’d mistaken it for one of those realistic dildos. But when I picked it up, I found that the rubber nipple had been replaced with a big rubber dick.
“So…” I said after another moment of trying to soak it all in, “This is what you like to suck on??”
He seemed so ashamed, but he also didn’t protest too much when I slid the 4-inch paci into his mouth. He even suckled on it appreciatively, like it put his feeble little mind in the right place.
“Now…” I gestured, “Let the show begin!”
I sat back onto the chair and pulled out my phone. He didn’t seem to like that too much.
“What? I just want to make sure I remember this moment forever!!”
He tried to protest behind the big ‘ole dick in his mouth, something about how he’s not doing that in front of a camera.
“Oh I think you misunderstand,” I told him, “You are going to do everything I say from now on. And if you don’t agree, I will tell every single one of your new girlfriends exactly what you’re into. You know…how to please you juussst right!”
That seemed to convince him.
“Now…let’s see how long it takes you to make a goo goo inside of that giant ass diaper.” I smiled, knowing our friendship was about to get a LOT more interesting.”
