cheyenne barton
patreon
process: trying to get back on track
🕑 Added 2019-03-10 20:23:30 +0000 UTChellooooo friends! i wanted to write a little blog post to sort of let y’all know what’s up. (this is gonna probs be rambly and all over the place jsyk)
we’re settled in to the apartment (woohoo!!) save for two boxes sitting next to my desk, which means that it’s time to find my work routine and get back on my shit. this is something i am very embarrassed about, but i have a really hard time sticking to deadlines and creating consistent work and putting pressure on myself to actually finish things on time. it’s like the stakes for myself aren’t high enough or something? which is strange because i have a lot of external factors (like you guys!! and folks on youtube/insta, and my customers for my shop) putting pressure on me to create (as in, there are expectations i need to meet — not negative pressure, but there are people across multiple platforms waiting for me to make things). usually external obligations are enough for me to get off my ass and get stuff done but it seems like it’s not, as i keep talking about wanting to have a consistent schedule and make things more regularly and in a more timely matter. i have like 3 days of semi productive work, followed by several days of exhaustion and complaining and me being all anxious and not following through on a schedule that i set out for myself. it’s something i talk to connor about a lot, and it keeps happening and i am so desperate to break this cycle once and for all. i am very tired of making excuses for myself. people constantly tell me that i need to “take a break” and be easier on myself, and i think that’s true!! but i want to have some semblance of a proper routine, a proper work week, where i’m able to get to the weekend and be like “i did a lot of good stuff this week!! i deserve a break!” because i currently never feel like that. i never feel satisfied at the end of the day, cause i reality i maybe do 3 hours of work and spend the rest of the day zoning out on youtube. it could be my anxiety acting up and trying to sabotage me, or it could just be me avoiding responsibility and not taking myself seriously.
sarah knight talks about in “get your shit together” the power of Negative Thinking. so instead of saying “i want to be this kind of person”, it is far more motivating to say “i DO NOT want to be this kind of person ANYMORE” SO! we’re gonna try that! i’m gonna start putting my nose to the grindstone and doing the shit i constantly talk about so that i don’t have to complain anymore about how i feel like i’m just wasting my time. i want to make a lot of cool stuff, and i don’t want to be consistently late on content here for y’all anymore, so instead of just talking about getting my shit together i’m gonna do it. i’m going to be kind and gracious to myself in the process, but i’m not gonna be lenient and wishy washy. i want to take things a day at a time and do my true damndest to do all the things i set out to do. i will have to do things i don’t want to, and change is uncomfortable and scary, and discomfort is the only way to grow. i don’t want to be the tired anxious person that i’ve been for the past however long anymore. my anxiety will always be a thing but there are ways to manage it and i have to learn to work through it.
“you can’t expect to get much done in life if you only work on the days when you feel good” — jerry west
so here’s this little list! this is the most important stuff for me to finish this week, and i’m gonna go day by day to make my schedule as i tick things off the list. this is stuff I HAVE to finish this week!!! i’ll check back in on friday and let y’all know how this new mindset is going. i want it to stick so bad cause i’m tired of being in this weird gross exhausting cycle of self sabotage. it’s going to be weird and uncomfortable and THATS OKAY! everything doesn’t need to be pleasant all the time!! for instance, i like filming videos but i don’t really like editing — it takes about a solid 30 minutes of editing before i get into the groove of it and switch over into “this is actually quite fun and creatively rewarding” mode. but those 30 minutes are so frustrating and i don’t like them and it’s why i don’t upload videos regularly. SOMETIMES U GOTTA DO SHIT U DONT WANNA DO
if i practice this habit of self discipline enough, i know it’ll get to the point where i can just be like “okay i have to do this thing sigh whatever LETS GO” instead of internally griping about it for hours. i am hopeful and i’m not gonna get too brainy about things and just sit down and do the things!!! i love y’all a lot!! thanks for everything!!
I AM NOT AN ANXIOUS TIRED PROCRASTINATING PERSON! I AM A DOPE BUSINESS OWNER FOCUSED ON GROWTH AND CREATION!!! WAHOOOOOOOO
love u 💕💌✨🌿
xx chey
Comments
Tessa Dang
I'm excited for new stickers !!
Robyn L. Neal
This speaks to me on so many levels. I set goals and deadlines for myself and when I don't meet them I get upset with myself and feel like I'm falling behind (or worse, thanks anxiety). Something I've noticed though is that some of that has been my failure to break down my goals and do them in chunks. I also have noticed I haven't given myself flex time for, say, not feeling well or having my sciatic pain put me down and out. What helps me is creating a list but ONLY concentrating on one thing at a time, until it's completed (a smaller chunk of the big goal that is).
cheyenne 🌠
ahhhh you’re too kind ;—; i just want to make sure i’m paying y’all back properly!! for such kindness!!!
Shelly
Your to do list looks like an amazing and ambitious selection of awesome stuff!! Just remember though, if you don't get it all done it's okay! I can't speak for all of us but I know that I've never been disappointed in a negative way that you haven't recently uploaded content, or if you upload things later than anticipated, because you don't owe it to us! We are just here to support you doing whatever works for you! Getting to see what you get up to is a bonus :)
cheyenne 🌠
yes!!! exactly. trying to remember this too and take it a moment at a time xx
Rain's Dollies
So much of the things you talk about is exactly the way I am in life. Routines and regular work is so hard to bring myself to do. I'm beginning to understand some of the causes for it, but making an actual working plan is so hard. Saying "you can do it" and similar comments don't always help, but I know you have a great support team here and elsewhere when you need it. ❤ I hope you have nothing but success coming your way.
molly mumford
you are going to be amazing 💫✨
Leah Wilton
I was literally reading your guy's book when I got this notification! On a more serious note, I also think it's important to remember this isn't just going to happen overnight. As much as we all wish we could wake up tmr and live the Ultra Productive Life™, that's just not how it works. It's a process - like anything else. An individual process, but we're all also going through it. Wishing you and Sophie the best 🐈
Klarisse Gepilano
Cheyenne!!! I have to say — I’m going through a similar thing and this post has been quite helpful, like a little helpful seed. I’m hoping it grows into a seedling and maybe a plant, idk. It really happens that I have these deadlines, some that were set for me, that I find hard to meet. I can say I’m just so tired and I need a break, but overwhelmingly it feels like maybe I just need to get my shit together and get work done even when I don’t feel good about what I’m doing! 😬😬😬 Hang in there! We can do this!
