Post "Valentines Day Basket Giveaway Contest! :D" by "ChristineHMcConnell" from patreon

Lydia Cordova

I soo soo wish you would do a picnic basket idea 💡

Kim K

I'd be the cat burglar who breaks into homes to pet their cat!

Lori Bo

If I could do anything. I would break into various vehicles and hide stuffed toys that laugh like a baby when you move it. So that when they drive over a bumpy road the toy goes off laughing in the backseat. Name: what was that? Lol

Megg Sohn

This is hysterical and awesome! Thank you Christine! <3

Jotei

Hello, I cannot find the recipe from Valentine's episode :( Can anyone guide me please?

Tasha

The B&E Bride. I break into the houses of wealthy, handsome men and secretly start living in the hidden corners of their massive houses, coming out to read their books, lounge on their furniture, drink their gin and take luxurious bubble baths. The only sign of my presence is the occasional darned sock, mysteriously appearing casserole or a faint trace of lipstick on their forehead after a suspiciously deep sleep.

Summer Rose Barnes

What brands and where can I find the liquid latex please?!

Therese Smith

I would absolutely be the Carb Killer who’d bore my victims to death by my incessant talk about bread making. And if that didn’t kill them, my insistence that they try every bread experiment would. 🍞

Effy

Strangle my husband with my lingerie and be known as the Merry Widow

Rachel Lopez

I would be known as the lawn lurker, and anyone who was known for being a crabby Karen or a grumpy old man would wake up one day to toilets sitting all over their lawn just like The Help.

Effy

Lady Petrichor I’d take up residence in a state where collecting rainwater is illegal and then use that water to to plant flowers in peoples yards. I’d start small at first. A flower here, an herb there. Then slowly people will notice their yards are becoming fantastical gardens. I’d be marked by the signature scent of post-rainfall when it hasn’t rained in weeks.

Orealgreenleaf

"The Pedophile Punisher" I think it's pretty self-explanatory who I'd be taking out. 🤨🔪🍆

Erin C

Granny Nightshade... I'd wait till I was an old lady and have a boutique bakery and I'd poison some of my baked goods. No one's going to suspect the sweet little old lady with the cupcakes to die for.

London Ellis

I’d be “The Deady Bear” and my crime would be dressing up as a giant teddy bear and sitting on people’s porch with a note that reads “From your secret admirer”. After they bring me in I’d kill them by ripping their hearts out.

Germaine

I earned the title of "The penis ninja" by an old work colleague. I spent weeks finding imaginative ways to hide post-stik notes with phallic doodles on for him to find through out the day. He never saw me hide them and couldn't believe how many I locations they could turn up in.

Sketches by Sabine

I’d do a Robin Hood and call myself, Red Coinetta. 🙈

Knittykittycraft

I'd be "The Midnight Mender", quietly stalking people to figure out what they need most, then figuring out a way to give it to them. Most noted crimes- matching shelter animals with families that have wanted an animal but can't afford the cost. All of the food, toys and other supplies needed mysteriously show up in their cupboards at regular intervals. Vet bills are mysteriously paid anonymously. Sneaking into someone's home and replacing all of their worn out clothes with responsibly sourced, handmade clothes that were somehow *exactly* the right size and style. That one dress that they absolutely love but has become so worn out they're coming to terms with maybe needing to let go of soon has been mysteriously duplicated with a few thoughtful touches ("how did all of this get here....WHAT...AND IT HAS POCKETS?!"). Mysteriously matching up strangers that are near one another who have similar needs/wants. A lonely, misunderstood, but crafty teenager finds an anonymous post card saying that a neighbor down the street also loves crafting and could particularly use some company after the loss of their spouse. My signature would be leaving the victim's favorite baked goods at the scene of the crime with a little hand written note containing a pep talk, words of sympathy, etc. Most victims say the deeds are really kind, but the attention to detail is kinda creepy and unsettling.

Brittni Mason

If you were a notorious criminal, what would be your crime and what would your nickname in the press be? If I were to a criminal name would be Marie Antoinoneck ( Marie Antoinette) for obvious reasons. I would just poison cakes for unpleasant customers and remove there heads.

Selina

My name would be Serotonin. I would become known known for telling and leaving behind horrible jokes and puns. I'd break into museums and art galleries to set up visual gags and leave people quaking as every other sentence from my mouth is a joke. I would even leave written ones in public places.

Wednesday

A toxic dose of formaldehyde injected into the blood stream would be my signature. The desceased victims would be meticulously processed with the full art of embalming in mind. When finished they would be placed in a coffin ready for an "open casket" viewing. Each coffin would be dropped off discretely at random morgues througout the country, all unnamed and unidentified. I would take pleasure in seeing how long it takes the authorities to correctly identify each of them!!! The press would know me as . . . MORGUETICIA. Like Morticia Addams but with the word morgue in it.

Elizabeth Goans

I would simply be known as The Artist. I would stage my victims and their... various parts as famous works. ...too dark?

Emmie

I'm a singer and my pinup/burlesque/emcee name is EmmieLou so Screamin' Siren or Screamin' EmmieLou. Luring those who prey on others in ANY way (emotionally, physically, mentally, etc.) with my singing and mysterious, pinup sex appeal, to a very unpleasant and untimely death.

Cecilia Gray

The Cat Creeper - I would go around the city rescuing cats of all ages from bad owners and the dangers that come with living a life on the prowl

Aisling Doherty

I am a tattoo artist , so I’d be calling “the killer inktress”. I would tattoo bad peoples foreheads, labelling what they are and what they done.

Aisling Doherty

I have a fear of loosing teeth , so if I wanted to be a criminal , I would use my fear because it would make me stronger. I would be called “tooth fairy bonds” aka tooth fairy and Barry bonds the baseball player. I would would wear baseball clothing with embroidery wings on my back with a baseball bat made from gums and teeth from my victims, I would knocks their teeth out and use them for my bat. BATTER UP !

VikkyFishwick

Last time I went to York Dungeons I got 'put on trial' for dancing naked and bewitching people so that would definitely have to be my crime, I would be known as 'The Godiva Dancer'

Athena Pennington

The Golden Girl Killer- I would slay with my sass and hide the bodies in the back lot of Shady Pines

Ashley Miller

Al Catpone - infamous cat crime czar of Chigato, Illinois. Wanted dead or alive for illegal catnip dealings, hosting purr-easys, and pimping tail curling action in the alleys. Must be found soon, before all Friskies and Whisker Lickins are gambled out of stock in stores near you.

Letha Anderson

Lethal Dosage - I’d go about cramming delicious treats into passerby’s pie holes willy nilly, of course ;)

Elise Antonio

Putrescent Piper - I gain a following rats, pigeons, raccoons and other urban wildlife to come at my call and violently overtake residential contaminated trash, recycle and compost bins and re-sort the waste with killer precision into the correct receptacles in the dead of night bwahaha. Calling card would be to leave the most insidious note of shame on their bins to NEVER throw organic matter into the bin or ELSE

Megan Hayward

Sonata Slasher- I would be known for taking the lives of those who slipped through the justice system and when they were found, "Moonlight Sonata" would be left playing

Monica Lopez

My crime would be plundering ancient graves and my nickname would be “The Corpse Collector”.

Ann Bromley

I'm Dr. AnneThraXXX, and I'd leave my victims as macabre, interactive art installations.

Jakface

They’d call me Jak the Clipper (my artist name is Jakface) and I’d leave collages of where to find my victims at crime scenes made of clip art and magazine clippings! Every time you’d hear a loud, sharp Snip Snip, you’d know I was coming with my big shears! ;)

Haley Foster

I think my crime name would be Mama. My "crime" would be destroying those that hurt children and helping those who were hurt to rebuild themselves.

Janaya

I would call my self the eraser only because I would kill those who hurt animals and using my computer skills erase any knowledge of them off the planet to cover it up

Erin Solomon

Sadly another one of my crimes would be accidently taking people's ideas for Christine's patreon contests😹 whenever I comment I always seem to have the same post as 2 to 3 people before reading😂

Nikki Ruhl

The Banshee of Bradenton. I wander around the estates of the wealthy and corrupt wailing for their demise.

Alan E Marling

Al the Grave-Dancer, wanted for disturbing the peace at local cemeteries.

Tina Leverton

Mine would have to be dead eyes,i would burn all finger prints off and take their eye balls out so the dead could see no lies and harder to identify

Amanda skye Fray

I have a strange fantasy for when i'm old and going senile. I want to make the most delicious cookies and throw them aggressively at children passing by. I feel like it would be incredibly confusing but also teach them a life lesson. Sometimes the best things in life can be scary, but at the end totally worth it. 😂 My name would be "The Cookie Cutter"

Wednesday

Debbie Drowner I'd stuff my victim's mouths with Little Debbie's treats and drown them. Just your average American girl sending her victims off to a sweet demise!

Lara Sovulj

My nick name would be Snow White in the press because, I would drown my victims in a tub full of bleach and then leave an apple for the police at the scene. Spookyyyyyy lol

Judy K. Zamlen-Spotts

I found a wicked good Victorian home for sale: Trulia.com. 285 N. 3rd St., West Farmington, Ohio, 44491. This house...is totally a future Paranormal Survivor episode, no doubt!

Kelly Skelley

I’m sure I’m way too late to the party for this contest but I think I would be the character I created for our local haunted attraction, FrightWorks. I would be ‘Mistress Malicious’. I would create a haunted house with a carnEVIL theme, with myself being the ‘Mistress of Ceromonies’. Disposing of victims in the most gruesome and unusual ways, then placing their bodies in my haunted scenes. I would squeal with delight at the comments of “wow! That looks so real!” Muwhahaaaaaaaaa! Of course, I’m not truly malicious so I would have to be a vigilante killer, sending a special VIP (very idiotic person) invite to those specific people to my haunted house. There has probably been a movie or five made just like this. And I love them all! But yes, that would be me.

Sara E Briggs

I really like this! Would make a great horror series too! Lol

Louise Thorpe

The Beard Bedazzler: waits until those with beards fall asleep then proceeds to decorate the beards with festive seasonal fripperies.

Kim Madden

I would be The Quilted Killer. I would use all of my victims clothes to add to my collection of mismatched quilts. Which I would then donate to charities that the victim would completely oppose....

Serena Safawi

Villain of the Vine: I would sneak into peoples homes at night and switch out their grapes with a bunch full of the mushy sour ones that I personally glued to each stem. Every grape is a bad grape ....

Michelle Sanchez

Name: Friendly Neighborhood Felon Crime: Inflicting pain (and sometimes a deserving death) in a Karma-like way on anyone who is incredibly cruel, mean and grumpy to those undeserving souls that can't defend themselves - those undeserving souls could be human, animal or other!

Lindsey Lamouille

Name: Crescendo Crime: Pirating mediocre music stations playlist and putting classical music in its place.. I think the world could use more whimsy..

Kirstin

"the snow queen" - If i get angry or agetaded my eyescolour changes and becomes this intense cold frozen blue. My husband says my stare could freeze anbody who dares looking me in the eyes.

Youli Youla

I would call myself "the collector". I would kidnap pretty girls and transform them into sumptuous collection dolls. Then I would stage them in beautiful decor to make them have tea with old porcelain.

Debbie Holland

Being a criminal with super powers I would siphon colors from earth leaving black and shades of gray for all to enjoy their secret lairs while shooting the stolen colors into the atmosphere to remind all that looked to the sky that there is beauty in both realities. The press would know me as the Spectrum Spinster.

Stevie Dunphy

I think I'd most likely be 'the Cleaner' - on call to clean up bloody messes for anyone who needs it as a day job, of course, but also making those who commit dirty deeds of their own disappear like a grass stain in a tide commercial.

colleen quinn

I'd be called "The Other Mother" and I would sew buttons onto all of my victims eyes (like in Coraline) for crimes of fashion!

Chris Cornett

Here are a few of my aliases: The Boston Stringler, can't hang Christmas lights for sh*t. And I use them to strangle carolers. Maxxed Marauder, max out them credit cards. Then I strangle the store clerks for declining my purchases. Gluten Free Glutton (AKA GFG, a la BTK), when I make some new GF goodies and they're surprisingly delish. I eat waaay too many and don't save enough for my guests. So, I strangle them. Dead Fundy, notorious for giggling and having too much fun at funerals. *See previous stranglees. Allegedly...I have a partner to help me carry out my crimes. My dog - Abominable Adelaide. While she seems as sweet as red-colored corn syrup, she can be a bit of an unruly demon. She has a, umm, very sturdy leash. For, you know, strangling. (Fun fact: Her real name was inspired by Addie/Adelaide in AHS Season 1.) **Some of the aforementioned accusations, crimes, and nicknames may or may not be applicable in real life.

Papercraft B

Papercraft Pete, I cant quite imagine what horrors someone can wrought with paper mache but the idea that one maybe could is pretty haunting in itself.

Dracokiro

I’m probably too late but I had to think about it. I’d be the black pearl cookie. Because I think I’d be an accidental serial killer. Just because I have extremely bad luck and I’d feel so guilty I’d send the families cookies. I like to make cookies for friends and leave them on their doorstep.... so mix that with my bad luck.... “black pearl cookies” (Steinbeck + black and whit cookies).

Brianne Mullins

I think I'd call myself Mean-Muggin' Bri and scowl at people while I pick up their litter, particularly their cigarette butts. I would make a collection of said trash and leave it in their bed for them to find.

L

I would want to be called Bubblegum Boo because when I finish my crimes (of the candy variety) I would DISAPPEAR like a ghost and was, rumored at least, to always be chewing gum ~

Patty's #1 Fan

Severed Head Collector. I'd hit up the morgue, remove the head on a newly deceased individual, and then tastefully leave a balloon with a smiley face on it in place of said head. Highly convenient & much more fun than traditional wig display.

Meredith Kiyomura

Living in LA and SF you soon realize that strict overpriced metered parking and insane parking signs that contradict themselves normally lead to an extremely expensive parking ticket. And they always come at the worst time and in general seem to hurt those with low incomes the most. While I couldn’t see myself hurting a Meter Maid, no matter how smug they may be, I could see myself wreaking havoc on all the inanimate objects needed for parking enforcement. A small amount of hydrofloric acid squirted into a parking meter will take it down forever. Slashed tires on all the parking attendant vehicles will put their ticketing progress to a crawl. And, a well placed back end system bug could wipe all parking records and oddly return money to violators for the past year. They would call me the Murder Maid.

Carey Netzloff

I think I’d be Mr. Christmas. I would sneak into peoples homes and place one, slightly dark/disturbing Christmas ornament in the back of thee.... that would only be discovered when the tree gets taken down..... and no one would know where it came from!

Brooke Cochran

My crime would be deleting all the other comments in order to win all of Christine’s creations for myself! Mwuahahahaha. Name..... Curious Commenter? But would probably be more well known to everyone else as “wow what? That girl won again?”

Adrienne Young

The 5-Alarm Marm...I have 5 alarms set to help me get up in the morning to go to work...because if sleeping in until the very last minute (and then get ready in an utter panic) is wrong, then I don't wanna be right. My other alias is Melatonin Mabel. ;D

Sherrie Potgieter

Moonshine Mae .....Bootlegger

cassandra staples

The Bitchy Bandit. If you don't hand over that cup of coffee Right Now....

Heidi Eschedor

The lonely heart grabber. I’m a notorious taker of people’s affection without anything in return. Not even a nice compliment. Very bad.

Stephanie

The Stealthy Shoe Snatcher: stealing ugly shoes from people in the dead of night.

Sara Caudill

The Grammar Garroter, because of my love of alliteration and my frustration with and hatred of grammatical errors.

Jill Poudrette

Crime: Serial Killer, of course, because I love serial killers. Nickname: The Glitter Killer because my love of glittering crafts would eventually be my downfall...

Donna Blue

Lady No-Kids.. I eat up all the pretzels at Disney World

Nurul Asyiqin Mohamed Fadzil

The Devil of Death (a spin to the Angel of Death)

Peggy

i apologizes if sharing a link is disrespectful

Peggy

i just have to share this, though you may have seen it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYAp4rm9VSE&feature=youtu.be&fbclid=IwAR3PLkOXmWo0I0rdZPZaCc2U2rHDz5Zmho0SAYYPjgrfdk2BA21TXe1A7qY

Jacy

This is a collaborative effort with someone who knows me too well. He says my crime is not returning library books on time, ever. I have therefore dubbed myself the Forgetful Librarian; because even though I work at the library, I still don't return my books on time. Terrible!

Donna Blue

Amazon Crime - I shop online too much

Camilla Shaffer Hayes

I'd be The Infector. Intimidating to be sure, but my evil powers are infecting people with catchy tunes; you just can't get it out of your head, like a love song that's stuck on repe-pe-pe-pe-peat.

Ariel

Name: Rage Quit A gal who games and beats everyone's highest scores...causing many to rage quit in anger...destruction of tvs and game consoles almost always a possibility.

Lisa Pompilio

First I would like to say it’s been my dream to do a Silence of the Lambs skincare line called Silence of the Limbs. Also I love you. Picture it, Brooklyn 2020 THE CATNIP KILLER STRIKES AGAIN! Once again the mewing of house cats and feral cats alike has left Brooklyn residents in terror as The Catnip Killer, known for breaking into her victim’s houses, covering the house and homeowners in catnip and leaving them to be tripped, smothered and then devoured by the voracious feline appetites of their soft kitty, warm kitty, purr purr purr companions. Detective Fletcher described the scene as “just crazy” and “novel worthy diabolical”. The victims cats, Mr. Snuggle Britches and Rankle were found sitting in the carnage that was their owners licking their paws and looking disinterested. Detective Fletcher notes “nothing was taken, Some things were knocked off of counters but that’s normal with having a cat”. A possible suspect described by neighbor David Collins as a “young woman who was dressed like my grandma” and was last seen skipping away from the Graham house with a basket. Next door neighbor Miss Clarice told reporters “I can still hear the purring”.

Christina

This video and basket are so fun!! 😻✨💯 Love seeing everyone’s crimes and nicknames. My friends always call me the Swiss Miss but now I’m thinking that could be more sinister!!!

Ivy Bombshell

Ms. Craftination, Some say that the death of her Husband was a tragic accident caused by an avalanche of half made projects and crafting tools; others say he was slowly poisoned by her cooking and stumbled on a stray cotton reel. But all agree , she looked fabulous when the police turned up to question her.

PB Goodfate

Princess Bitter, who's eloquent sarcasm is so brutal its considered lethal!

Miss MozzyDee

Name: The Rockabilly Renegade. Crime: Stealing all modern music from all radio stations and substituting 1950s/60s rockabilly, rhythm and blues, oldies, etc so that's all they have to play! Holding stations hostage and forcing them to play up and coming rockabilly artists of today! <3

Nicole Jonsson

Name: The Wheels of Justice. Crime: Flashmobbing/disrupting public spaces (like schools, libraries, churches, professional offices) or places of business that aren't accessible to people who use mobility devices and aren't ADA compliant. (Shocking how often this is the case!)

Nicole Jonsson

Name: The Wheels of Justice.

Denani Schmitt

Name: Foxy Robin Crime: Stealing credibility from people in power who abuse that position to lie and giving the credibility (and therefore power) to people genuinely trying to do good!

Carrie A.

I’d be named “The Seven-Ten Split”*. My crime would be dining-and-dashing, but only at restaurants across the street from 7-Eleven stores. *A term from bowling

Maknae_Bisou

I would be "the cat napper." Known for sleeping random places and disappearing stray cats.

Kim Gorman

"The Cannibal Banana" - I go to grocery stores in a banana suit and eat bananas in the produce section while making meaningful eye contact with grocery shoppers. When police or security are called I run away leaving a trail of potassium laden banana peels in a slippery death trap trail.

Ann Levesque

The Postmistress, I always ring twice.

MichelleShari

Michelle “sticky paws” Lee ... feral and abandoned felines magically disappear from the wild and reappear in my house. True story ... just ask Kannika, Sela, Maya, Salem, Hex, Ember and Wicca... and their subsequently rehoned siblings! The ghosts of Mali, India, Malaya, Raven, Minoux, and tiger would agree.

Alison Cedeño

The Bondage Bandit - for trespassing into people’s backyards and unchaining chained dogs.

Big Rich

I would be Crazy Cat Maker. I would take a pen laser and shine it through the windows of homes that have cats. The cats would then go crazy trying to catch the red dot, and tear up the furniture and knock over any figurines and knick-knacks that are in the way. When the owners come home, they would blame the cats. Would that be evil? Yes, it would...but think of the fun!

Sterling Marie

Known as - The Meddler The crime - Caring too much

Amanda Hakala

Name: Grandma Mothballs. Crime: Living at an old folks home I got bored. Eventually, I noticed that so many of the other residents had some great antique pieces that I wanted for myself. I initially offered to buy the pieces, but I was always turned down because they told me I smelled like mothballs and they didn't want to give their pieces to me. Eventually I saw a piece that I couldn't live without - an antique mirror. The owner wouldn't sell the piece to me and laughed at me for my smell, so I decided to take it for myself. I took some of the moth balls that these people complained so much about and I crushed it into a powder. I invited the person over for some tea and spiked their tea with enough moth ball powder to kill them. That person died a few hours later and I was able to procure the mirror for myself through an estate sale. Once I started I couldn't stop - I slowly started to take out all the other individuals who had items that I wanted.

moendli

-Mim Mimera- Crime: Steals old rice brooms to fly around the world. Steals old and forgotten Edwardian skirts and blouses here and there to dance around a bubbling cauldron in the moonlight. Always with a raven on his shoulder. Nobody knows where the magic will take them next.

Mariah Westhoff

The Magpie Menace I just can't help myself when it comes to shiny things 😭

Cache Tepes

I’d steal roses for the people I love. Either on special occasions or when ever I felt they needed one. I imagine the newspaper headlines being something like “The Floral Fiend” or “Rose bandit strikes again”. I have to lend inspiration to the people who inspired this idea as well. On my 18th birthday my 2 best friends showed up at my house with a stolen bouquet of roses. The flowers them self were massive and I’ve kept some of them dried to this day. Something about stealing the flowers for someone else made it seem like they are all the more committed and the roses smelt sweeter.

Allison Jones

As an experienced ER nurse who HATES distracted drivers I would follow and kidnap distracted drivers (or drivers who go slow in the fast lane or don't use their turn signals). I'd then force them to complete my "don't drive like a total jerk and pay attention to the road" reconditioning course and when I let them go they would be am amazing, courteous driver. I'd be the Pavlov Highway 'Napper.

Jessa

"The Purrpetter" -- because my crime spree would be politely breaking into people houses to pet their kitties, and then leaving everything else untouched.

Sarah

Gluefinger! She's the gal, the gal with no finger prints...She has no touch...Glue strings are too much...A sloppy craft greets you around the bend...Your sticky end.

Bridgette Bennett

In tonight’s news, three more Phoenix residents have fallen victim to what the police are calling the Moist-sock Monster. One 47-year-old man says he was targeted while dressing after a shower at a local fitness center. Just after putting on his socks, he recalls, he stepped into a large puddle of water. He insists the puddle was not there moments before and claims it could only be the work of the Moist-sock Monster. Another local couple says they were both attacked in their kitchen on Thursday evening while doing dishes. Both sock footed, she only had one foot affected while he suffered moisture absorption to both feet. Totaling 22 victims so far this month, the public are demanding answers from the police on when these senseless attacks will stop. More news at nine.

Monica Aranda

Queen B the honey nabber- Raiding Beehives -

Ms.K & the KOOL Kids

I would be called the Bride Collector. I would travel the world rescuing child brides and women married under coercion or facing genital mutilation. I would steal them away at night and take them to a safe rehabilitation place. And after i'd taken them i'd leave a note on the bedroom wall, written in lipstick, telling the ex-husband i'd be watching him until "death did us part."

Ms.K & the KOOL Kids

i adore this

Caitlyn ODonnell

The Kiss Reaper- I'd go around poisoning people, in various impossible to detect ways, who have cheated on their lovers, spouses, and partners. Any who chose to betray their "love" to satisfy their lust would be on my radar. I'd leave behind a midnight blue kiss mark on my victims cheek. My busiest day would be Valentine's day. Setting right the wrongs of people who have strayed from Cupid's arrows in favor of the pleasures of flesh.

Saltywench

I would be a sheep rustler stealing and releasing/repatriating all the sheep into the far back wildernesses of national parks where they could live and breed massive herds of wild sheep in safety. They would call me Baaa'd Momma.

Kate Wojcik

“The Baker” - I like to think I would be a Dexter style serial killer (only killing terrible people). However, I would also bake tasty treats (i.e., pies, cupcakes) to match the theme of the murder (e.g., maybe a bleeding cupcake with a knife stuck in it) and then send them to the police. Mostly so they have a nice tasty treat while they deal with a bummer of a murder; but also so they can find the body before an innocent bystander does :)

Jennifer Gray

Absynthe - I create madness, chaos and paranoia wherever I go allowing me to commit any crime I want while society is distracted. I might be avenging a wrong, I might be creating a wrong. Who knows?

Julie HeartCommunity

“Fickle Font-leroy” I lurk in the still of the night, searching and correcting signs that are misspelled, flipping over upside-down 3s at gas stations & destroying any inappropriately used font styles. I get really worked up when I see a “Back to Skool” sign.

Lisa Parker

My crime would be a fun creative crime. I would steal dogs in my neighborhood one at a time for a day or two. I would give the dog a great hair cut, a cool hair dye job, shave some areas and paint some tattoos those spots (real ones would probably hurt the dog.). After all the primping I would dress it up in some really nice clothes that I had spent the previous year making or stockpiling in preparation for my crazy plan. After that I’d put the dog in a beautiful basket bed with a bling dog tag on the collar with my tag line “The Couture Cruella.” Then I would return the dog back home. I think that would be really fun and a little creepy if someone did that to my dogs.

Jenn Daughty

I break the pronunciation of words, they call me the Word Mangler. I turn your country's name into a united steaks, your beloved fictional characters into unrecognizable psuedo synonyms of their former selves all the while perplexing you, because it doesn't sound that bad or sometimes it sounds better than the original.

Taylor Nagy

The Dubious Dog Walker- those caught mean muggin my mutt are never seen again 👀🐶

Jamie W

The Troll Slayer... I'd track down commenters that say unjustified awful things on the internet, put them face to face with their subjects, and force them to apologize. In front of their mothers.

Kayla Johnson

Hi, I'm Daisy James! I'm and every day small town girl who likes coffee, gardening and classical music. To the media I'm known Perilless Persephone. Like the queen of the underworld, I'm mischievous, elegant and every spring my victims are pushing up daisies in the garden. Cheers!

MecaniqueFairy

The fairy godmother - I would help good peoples to get revenge on person that did truly horrible thing to them by granting the "jerk" their wish or dream but in a twisting / nightmarish way!

Sophia Z

Stealing hearts - a thief of hearts - I would rip them out and resurrect them with real love, compassion and respect back into the world - call me Dr. Valenstein 😻❤️

Patricia Kurowski

The Crafty Abandoner - I would create little treasures that I would leave for people to find and bring them happiness.

Angie Loyd

The Collector - Conveniently loves clumsy husbands that fall down stairs and other series of unfortunate events. Good thing all those husbands leave life insurance money to collect. The Collector takes inspiration from Debbie Jellinsky. If ever caught, the Collector would claim that a little glamour and death are a girl's bestfriend.

Val Van Alstyne

Samantha Hain- a mysterious woman who sets fires and dances around them in costume. (But no animal sacrifices of course)

Marauge

I'd head up a ring of international jewel thieves, robbing from the uber rich to give to the poor. The press would call us The Diamond Ring.

Kirsten Perez

Christine- on an unrelated note...https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/53-Park-Pl-Winsted-CT-06098/2105254229_zpid/

Katie

Sourpuss - Cat burglar who steals lemons ;)

Glenda Sotolongo

The K9 commandeer. I'd steal puppies from puppy mills!

Michelle Perry

The animal avenger - a vigilante for animal revenge

Roseanna Lacas

I would be Cracklin Rosie. Every time I kiss someone, they get a zap of electricity!

Tara Flint-Hollins

I’d be the Torturous Teacher.

Kristen Lazarev-Stanishchev

Curly Sue Killer

Annalee Halstead

Breaking the bones of my enemies and leaving them behind still alive but unable to move. Name? Gingersnap... I'm a red head, of course. :)

Paulina Colonna

The Navigator. I’d steer you down the wrong path.

Carlos Ponce

Nickname: Doris the Impaler. Crime: disgruntled bake off loser who breaks into homes in the dead of night to impale your baked goods as revenge for loosing to Grandma Dixie’s famous chocolate Peruvian pie. Bwa ha ha!!!!!

Anna Jones

my crime would be stealing cats- and my nickname would be catnapper (both for stealing and pretending I'm asleep when I'm going to be caught).

tiffany

The "Tell But Don't Kiss Me Garlic Bandit", for stealing and eating all the garlic from the grocery stores and farmers markets.

Teigan Ash

The Mousetrap Menace. Setting mousetraps for people, NOT MICE. We’ll see how they like it. Imagine coming making your way home downs dark alleyway, and SNAP! The trap finds its mark on your BIG TOE. The mousetrap menace strikes! Going to sit down at a movie theater and CLACK! The trap claps back. Sorry about your buns! THE MOUSETRAP MENACE STRIKES AGAIN!!! Hardly a murderer, but mischievous nonetheless, watch your cheeks, earlobes, fingers and toes, you could be next!!!

Jared Malone

They'd call me The Nightcrafter: I take trash and recycling from your bins on the eve of trash pick up and turn it into up-cycled gold. When they wake up, on their front door would be the piece I've made for them, like a cat bringing dead presents to the door. Reminds me of Tyler Durden stealing fat from liposuction clinics and making soap from it...

Angela Banner

Mis Fortune - I have a job of telling peoples futures in a carnival, but if they are terrible people I follow them home and cause bad luck. Legos on the floor, car running out of gas, just... a lot of bad luck. It would be a period of misfortune. XD

Mike Robertson

I would be Momentarily Mike. It's so insignificant but it bugs me when people use 'momentarily' to mean "in a moment" when it's defined as "for a moment". So my crimes of general tomfoolery (breaking and entering and rearranging your things) would be introduced by a calling card saying "Momentarily Mike will be in your house momentarily". People would rush home or prepare for my arrival when it turns out I've already been there #wordCrimes

Theresa Clay

My nickname would be the Puppy Snuggler, because I would sneak into people's houses and snuggle their puppies!! I would lurk down the street and pounce on a puppy being walked and snuggle it! I stalk puppies in dog parks and snuggle them! I snuggle all the puppies!!!! Mwahahahahaha!!!!!!

Jennifer Faria

“The Bitter Baker: Woman Incinerates Belligerent Customer In Bakery Oven, Makes Pastries With Ashes, Serves To Low-Tipping Patrons” I am the third generation in my family to work at the oldest bakery in town (est. 1936!) We have an ancient, massive revolving tray oven that can definitely accommodate a few bodies. 🥴😇

Missy DeHoyos

I would be known as “The Farmers Market Cuddle Monster”. I would visit different farmers markets and stalk dogs on leashes. I’d strike at the most inconvenient time, when the pet owner is trying to leave. I’d start cuddling the dogs and giving them belly rubs and kisses against the owner’s wishes! 🐶🐺

Andrea Fowler

They'd call me the "Widow Maker." I'd help women who needed to get out of a rotten marriage by seducing their husbands and poisoning them, torturing them, and belittling them (to death) - whatever their wives requested. And after their wives reported them missing or dead, none would know the wiser! 🕸🕷💒⚰☠🍷

Riona O'Faoladh

Oh "guilt" is such a tricky word; it implies remorse. What I'd be guilty of, I suppose, would be frightening someone to death. I would strike fear into the hearts of those who enter my haunted houses, and then use their bodies for props in such a way that they'd never be noticed by authorities, so that way when they found out, they'd have to spend years putting them all back together again. I haven't quite gotten that far, but I have had a few pants wetters. It's always better when their screams turn into tears. And as for my name of infamy, I'd love to be known simply as "The Red Wolf".

Taryn Bonke

I’d be in trouble for conspiracy I’m sure my name would be madame mist as I’d always be slipping through their fingers

Melissa

I would probably commit a crime of losing my mind when things around the house aren’t put back. My boyfriend some how finds a new home for nearly everything! I would be committed for being an OCD Maniac! Criminal name; Weezer with the OCD. I have a mild case of asthma but can joke about it. :-)

Justine

My criminal name would be They’re Their There and I’d be a serial grammar corrector. The plot twist is that I’d have bad grammar and when my criminal name was spoken aloud, people would have the need to give others a pat on the shoulder.

OK Marie

Caring Kim. the girl who cares WAY too much!

crimsonerotica

crimson kisses, i'll leave a red or bloody kiss mark on my victims

Bethany Lau

I’d like to be notorious for painting mailboxes - perhaps with the secrets you’d like to hide, or something nice you’ve done lately, or just a pretty new look. I’d be called simply, The Painter.

artemide tauridea

Corpse Bubble. Silk skin and immortal glow! The soap "Corpse Bubble" will make you beautiful even after death. Made only of natural ingredients: lavender, vanilla and 100% human parts <3

Desiree Murphy Reno

The Mad Hatter - I’d invite animal abusers to my own “special” tea parties...

Melissa

I'd be the Hankhank - no yarn would be safe from my clutches!

Emily

I would be the Puppy Pilferer, prowling at large. Pinching poor puppies from their piteous parentage and positioning them in pleasant places. NOTE: I'm allergic to 99% of this basket. I just wanted to join in the fun of the comp. 😊

Naama

I'd be known as the Cat-napper because I'd be found napping with cats in strange places (other people's living room, under a bed, up a tree, the laundry basket, a closet...). Nothing harmful, just a little friendly breaking an entry, I might even leave some cookies behind! (though they might be for the cat...)

42392hayley .

The Waldo Wacker- Editing out Waldo out of every Where's Waldo to drive people insane!!!

Heather Anderson

The Kiss Kiss Bang Bang killer, I'd shoot my victims then leave a trademark kiss on their forehead in bright red lipstick

kimberly Flanary Starr

I would be a serial flasher ! All over the world i would be known as the boobie bandit.

Kalina Simeonova

Crying Catwoman - my crime would be breaking into Petsmart and rescuing all the kitties while crying over them at the same time :( because everyone deserves a furever home, even the adults!

Autumn Hoibakk

The Couverture Crook....I would be infamous for stealing all the best chocolate in the world for my own personal use in my culinary lair!

Vi

I cannot shame tossers so I’d be like Dexter, a anti-hero; by moving all the garbage a tosser throws out into nature back into their homes. Toss junk ford wrapper put your car window? Sure. Next week, you’ll find mouldy burger wrapper in your bed. I’d called myself The Catcher.

Averie K. Fraser

I would be the Scream Queen and my crime would be scaring people to death!

Cass

The Feather Fiend. Crimes would be vandalism but always leaves a fire insignia nearby in the shape of a feather. :>

ARosa

I'd be the 35MM Menace! I love old movies (especially horror movies) and would sneak into theaters and replace the film that's playing with Nosferatu or something else awesome. Hopefully this could increase the awareness of and appreciation for vintage films!

jackie alvarez

*I reveal that the hand covering my body have weapons and then fight off and kill the two officers that came in.

Lorraine Lopez

Cat Lady Matchmaker - finding the perfect rescue cat for people even when they dont think they want or need one, but they fall in love so they have to adopt!

jackie alvarez

My staple would be hands. Every good serial killer has a thing and mine would be, hands. And I would steal people hands, and I would be called the “hand burglar.” And the police would say, “why are these hands missing ?” They start investigating and I have a mess up at one my killings and they find out who I am and find where I live. The police bust the doors open and say, “put your hands up” and I come into the light covered in hands from my victims and respond, “which ones?” They come over to me and try to handcuff me but have no idea which ones are my actual hands. Then I reveal all the hands covering my on my own have weapons, and fight the two officers that came in. Then, I remove and dispose of the hands and police officers bodies and set my home on fire and drive away in a cop car to never to be heard of again. Until............

Colleen Diane Sakane

I typically wouldn’t hurt a fly, as that is my true nature, but I’m going to admit to something I haven’t told anyone outside of my immediate family and closest colleagues. Please don’t judge me, fellow serial killers, as I can only take just so much. During the spring and progressing into those very hot and sometimes “humid” summers, I have tended to, prepped, planted and fertilized my precious batches of tomatoes, only to realize that they are being devoured by those nasty green monsters, the Tomato Hornworm. I pluck them off one by one and place them in that hot green recycle bin without an ounce of guilt knowing full well that they will slowly suffocate and die. I can’t help but, go out back and continue this ritual as often as necessary to keeping organic and to protect the summer bounty making this a serial offense. I shall now be dubbed, “The Vindicator of The Vine”

Lynn Weingarden-Marston

Name: Nocturnal Crime- publicly embarrassing those who don't respect quite time from 11PM to 7 AM in apartments and semi-de-attached housing. Leaving notes to discourage unwanted and loud behavior. Example: Good Morning! WE hope your exorcism was successful last night! We do ask, as a courtesy to us and the other neighbors on this floor that you limit expelling demons to Friday or Saturday nights. Thanks you and advance-

Tina Canova

I would make animal abusers subject to the same treatment they imposed upon animals. I would be named Viseartemis.

Britt Thompson

Oh no! I forgot my crime! I am Daggum Britt and my crime would be moving things around peoples houses jussssssst slightly enough that they start to go crazy! Like if they leave their watch on the nightstand I would move it to the dresser, and then when they start looking for it I would move it back to the nightstand when they weren’t looking. And then when they figured me out they would exclaim “Daggumbritt!” (Like Daggum it but Britt )

Sarah Noe

I would be the Nitpicker, wandering the streets with a pair of thread scissors and a seam ripper to remove the basting from people's coat vents.

Red Queen

The Mayor of Nothing- I go around greeting random strangers giving complements, cookies, and buy the coffee of the person behind me in line. The tell tail signs are hand made dresses with pockets and peppermints.

Lynn Weingarden-Marston

We had a friend in college like you. We called her FED EX. Because we knew she'd absolutely positively be there over night.

Kate Liset

I would be the Porcelain Doll. Wearing head to toe vintage, (with exquisite hair and makeup) I would wander through museums and try to scare children by faking my death, spitting blood or trying to convince people they saw a ghost!

Lynn Weingarden-Marston

Honey, that just makes you a sidekick LOL!

Sundeep Budwal

The Cinder Block Killer - trap annoying people in cinder blocks and leave them there to contemplate their wrongdoings until they perish!

Blair Bartley

I would be The Candle Maker - I would chop people’s heads off to salvage ear wax to make artisan candles to sell in my Etsy store.

Laura Brewer

I am a nail tech and ex hair dresser. I have for some time thought of writing a mystery book using DNA. Every day I come home with other peoples hair and nails on me. I sweep up all kinds of DNA that isn't mine. I could do all kinds of things and leave other peoples DNA behind. The prefect crime. The Beauty shop Bandits!

Joshua Packer

Pablo Picutso - I paint and sell photos of where I leave my victims buried bodies

Tess Annett

I would be known for as "The spoiler alert bandit" As i can always predict whats going to happen at the end of a movie, and it makes my boyfriend go insane, how i get it every time. If I was a criminal...in my free time i would just go to movies and sit right in the middle, saying outloud whats going to happen.

Mina Hernandez

In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, my “crime” would be finding a busy couple who would be just too busy to do something special on Valentine’s Day for their significant other. I would sneak into their home and decorate with baskets of roses, chocolates and a romantic dinner. I would hack into their cellphones and send a message to each person saying “I have a surprise for you, meet me home. Love you Valentine”. When the couple gets home, they would think the other person setup this romantic, Valentine’s backdrop. As they relax, eat and drink the chilled champagne I spiked to make them sleepy, I would come in and slaughter them and eat their hearts with some fava beans! My name, of course, would be: Bloody Valentine’s HeartBreaker. 🖤💔🖤

Dwoira Scheffer

Gallivanting Galilea - notorious for climbing into the beams and rafters of buildings and quietly entertaining the masses during classical dull cocktail hours and cotillions 🖤✨

Cora Kathlea

I would dress up as krampus because he’s scary looking and I’d run around violently throwing cookies at people (because I love baking cookies) and I’d be known as the true Cookie Monster.

Erika Spinosa

Probably, "The House Plant Killer", cause I cannot, for the life of me, keep a plant alive 😭 no matter how hard I try to keep them alive they end up all shriveled and dried! 🌱💀

Kirsten Perez

The Grey Gardens Granny- I'd lure unsuspecting people into my dilapidated house in the Hamptons with offers of tea, which is of course laced with arsenic. I'd bury them in my organically 'fertilized' garden and use whatever valuables I strip off of them to care for my 800 feral cats.

Soulsorrow

The Fly Herderer... “In a land where murdering animals is illegal, he herders them instead! If you have flies, and live in Wales, call the herderer” I tend to ‘herd’ the flys out the door/window instead of killing them. As it goes I have a talent for it...wish I had a better talent tbh

Kathleen Bennallack

My crime: eating the melty parts off the edges of the ice cream straight out of the container, scraping it all around, leaving a round ball of ice cream sitting in the middle of the carton. My name: The Demon Carver of Sweet Street.

Heather H

The Fly Flogger! I'd be known as the one person who could kill flies with one smack. I'd be the savior at all outdoor picnics. ;)

Mina Murray

I correct grammar and punctuation and leave comments on factual errors in library books. Some news sources don't think it's much of a crime, which is why they call me The Marginal Criminal.

Ashley T

When my husband and I were still dating, we were lying in bed discussing serial killers (coincidentally this conversation was one of the things that fully sealed the deal, that this was the man for me.) We were talking about how some have such creepy sort've cool names like The Night Stalker, and The Zodiac and some have decidely less creative names like The Green River Killer. My future husband then said "Man, I'd be so pissed if I went to the trouble of killing someone and the news ended up giving me some lame name like The Muddy Murderer because I disposed of the body near a mud puddle or something." We both burst out laughing at how stupid that name was and it's become a bit of an inside joke. So that's my submission, The Muddy Murderer because I dumped the body near a mud puddle or something. I hope everyone finds that special person that they can have conversations about serial killers with 🖤

Charlisa Belle

I would assassinate people who are involved in dog fighting rings, my nickname would be Mother of Bitches.

Lilly

What they'll call me, the Devilish Mortician I will have my own Parlor but the bodies coming in won't be resting all in one peace!😈 in my back room of horror where the bodies or Prepare, that's where the nightmares begins cutting the skin and Preserving it for my own Twisted fashion sense to have hanging like Prizes on my wall or even Throw rugs on the floor, and I won't Get caught because these bodies are getting viewed from their waist up with clothes and make up covering them or most likely getting cremated and whatever remains goes back to the families! Wahala☠

Aunt Debbie Halloween

Aw that's so sweet.

Aunt Debbie Halloween

Please come to my house Tidy Troll.

Lauren Ferrell

I would be the murderess known as the composter. Nothing would go to waste, I would feed my plants and fish with the bodies of evil doers! Committing their bodies back to nature to cosmically atone for their sins against her!

Sara E Briggs

"The Witch Crafter." On every lunar eclipse, I would enchant and bring to life all of the creepy crawliest Christine creations. I would create a Ginger dead army from the Patreon bake along to do my bidding, while flying in the night sky on "Blanche Deveraux" with Pubert the bat as my trusty familiar, and the apron as my cloak of invisibility.. My creatures of night would run amok and terrorize all that do not craft or bake!! !!And I would bring along Professor Poof as a very cute and fluffy distraction!.....muhahahaha!

Whitney Haddad

My “crime,” would be taking or freeing animals from abusive situations. Whether is be a neighbor, circus, animal testing facilities, slaughter houses, etc...etc. Then helping find them homes, sanctuaries, shelters, or fosters. My name would be The Animal Avenger or The Animal Advocate.

Thommy Deah

My mom passed away in January and while us kids were going through her things, I found a letter about how back in the 90’s when her best friend had died she and her friend’s daughter devised a plan to sneak into the funeral home. Their intention was to place something in the door so that it could not be locked up for the evening and go back later that night. My mom’s reasoning was that she did not want her best friend to be alone prior to being buried. So for my mother’s crime name I would call her “ Maddened Morgue Mother.”

Gina Radford

On my way......

Fraser Poorman

“The Kernel” My crime? I travel to corporate offices and ride the crowded elevators. When leaving to get off my floor I state “I smell popcorn”. My victims inhale deeply as I pass gas. The doors close. Engulfing them in my devious delinquency. 🍿 💨

Unholy Savior

This just in, someone has gone around sabotaging industrial refrigerators at local restaurants and stores we call them Chill Charlie.

Taci

Fancy Feast- I would feed your cats then feast on you

melissa

My daughter who shares my patreon for you said to tell you she would be the Cat Burglar. She would break into peoples home and draw cats in random places.

Kayleigh Dz

If you adopted from kill shelters it would help increase their funding thereby allowing them to care for more animals and decreasing the number they have to euthanize. With enough funding, any shelter can be come a no-kill shelter.

Nicole Bartholomew

My name... the Battleaxe. I would write.. F. You got schooled behind them. Targets? Those who prey on the helpless. Drug kingpins, high level dealers, sex traffickers, pedophiles and child abusers. I would make the world a safer place by removing them from the equation. I wouldn't kill them all, some just need a good asskicking. They would get summer school. If they were repeat offenders, ISS. Those expelled would gain a big red x on a website showing their pictures. I am not sure how I would kill them... but you'd find them tied to a desk.

Kayleigh Dz

I have a deep love of cultivating poisonous plants and a separate obsession with baking. One day I would be pushed too far by some entitled jerk. My two hobbies would combine for vengeance in the form of their final sweet treats. I would be known as the Baneful Baker, primarily utilizing wolfsbane (my favorite plant) in my deliciously deadly treats.

SilvaAndBold

BREAKING NEWS: This week multiple murders were reported of people who got away with their own crimes. Throughout the city, over a dozen bodies have been found in tact but one important part is missing: their heads! Where did they all go you ask? We found them all clipped to clothes lines hanging from the trees deep in the forest. The main mystery is that there were more heads hanging than bodies found. Watch out folks for THE HEADLINER! This crazy killer is on the loose looking for justice. Your head might be on line next.

Emily Draughon

My crime would be chasing bad drivers down on my commute home and "taking care" of them before they murder someone with their recklessness. They'd call me Mad Max.

Megan Beisser

I’d be notorius for hunting down trophy hunters, who kill beautiful wild animals for “sport,” along with my hubby. You know, the ones who post those pics on FB and Insta. They think they’re all tough and stuff holding dead tigers or standing in front of a dead elephant. I’d be known in the press as Megan “The Trophy-Hunter Hunter.” We’d tie ‘em up in their skivvies, take pictures to show our trophies off, and then let the animals have their way with them.

Paige Songer

The Necromanteion or "Oracle of the Dead". I would bring the dead back to life, but we all know that not everyone who comes back is the same as they were before.

Ken Sutton

I would be known as Anti Claus. Dressed in a black Santa suit, with Gothic punk hair style and a long black beard, I would go around taking all the presents for myself! Muahahahaaa!!

Justin

Nickname: Dairy Poppins Crime: Popping into dairy farms at night disguised as Mary Poppins and setting all the cows free.

Bizbot

The Glitter Bomber. I would go around planting glitter bombs at the homes and businesses of people who spread hate and intolerance.

Erin

I would be a hitman called the Fatal Florist. My business front would be flower shop where depending on what bouquet the client ordered would dictate how they wanted the target killed.

Kevin W.

First off, this is a great question. Mine would be the Bowery Brawler. I’d just fight people who littered in the Bowery.

Le Bizarreum

My wish if I was a serial killer will be to have a cat army and each cat will attack people for me 😂 so police will never find me! The Killer cat lady 🙀

Marielle Bodenheimer

I would be known as The Knitter. I would not only steal every bit of yarn I could find but also transform it into living creatures which would help me steal more yarn. Slowly we would take over the world with crafting!

Katrine Skovgaard Rasmussen

The Reversed Fortune Teller - I tell fortunes about people's pasts and change them. You don't know what you will get, when you come to me - but it will be something different.

Denise Osborne

The lesser known 'Friend of a Friend' I'm the one they call on to help with a job.

Andrea Valenzuela

Confectionary death Doctor, id be a killer that knows baking goodies is the best way to heal the bad people .... each of my confection will have poison in it 😈

Rachel Guy-Whittle

The Canal Cleaner - a distant relative of Jenny Greenteeth (sidebar it’s a awesome legend here near Pendle UK and definitely worth a google) I’d hang around unloved canals and waterways with a small Victorian black-jack under my cloak to bonk people I see littering on the head, letting them fall into the water so the river can do the rest.

Julia

Julia Ghoulia she tied men up and forced them to watch horror movies...

Tamara Connolly

I would be The Serial Filler, sneaking out into the night to fix potholes.

Amber L Haden

Ardent Amber, thief of fine chocolates and small dogs!

Nancy Ann

“The Natural Order of Things” ... an estate planner with a great exit strategy ...

Áine MacDhubháin

“Annie Maul” I would be a serial killer and I would kill anyone who harmed animals. 🖤🐶🖤

Morgan Wanner

Gas Guzzler I would break into cars for joyrides and return the cars on empty.

Angie Holman

Arson Angie. "Burning down houses one glue gun at a time."

Sarah Cortez

Killer sal, I would kill everyone on here because they all have such great ideas that they all deserve to win except me!

Aubby

Black Death for poisoning idiots that needed it.

OliviaOoky

I'd be known as the "Button-eyed Baroness" No one has caught a glimpse of my face beneath my dark hooded coat and gown, only two dark sinister and soulless eyes that resemble two giant black buttons. I lure folk into my home to be added to my collection of live "dolls" sitting around the house. Everyone is unable to move, and all you can see are tears dripping down their cheeks from their freshly sewn button eyes. Baroness is here for you sweeties!! 🖤🖤

Karl Beck

"Mr. Iamaperson " my crime is pretending to having fallen down a well and needing rescue - a la the Simpsons 'Radio Bart' episode. (side note at first I thought that "Mister I am A person" was Catherine Martin's line from SotL, but then realized its actually Tracy Lutz line in Freeway ---different seminal 90's serial killer film.. Freeway!)

Corbin Coniglio

The Cat Burglar - I just break into people's houses and run around knocking things off shelves at 3am and then leave.

Mackenzie Marie DeFore

The Crooked Caretaker. I would steal items and food and give them to people in need, particularly students at my school. If I see that they have worn down shoes, I would steal some and sneak them into their back packs. Or if my neighbor couldn't afford rent that month, I would rob a bank and take only the amount that I needed, then slip it in their mailbox.

Jasmine

God dammit. This is good.

Liv

Whisper of Monster I’d break into people’s houses and paint monsters on every wall one shade lighter or darker than the wall paint color

Amanda Amacher

The Fashionista... I'll make myself a lovely skin suit >=}

maleny

i would either be called the gold digger, known for digging the graves of deceased rich people and stealing whatever valuables they’ve been buried with. the kicker? i don’t sell it OR keep it for myself. it’s all about them not having it because screw the 1%. OR i’d be babe ruthless. men try to scare/take advantage women but don’t know i’m following them. plan of action? bludgeon them with a baseball bat of course. these men are looking to score but end up striking out and running all the way home..or crawl

Katie Brunero

Crime: sewing tails on people. Nickname: The Tailor.

Stephanie Hillegas

Steph the chef....Hannibal Lecter inspired meals 😂

Pilar Marshall Torres

The Reckless Repurposer. I never use an item for what it was intended for. Instead I find new, interesting and dangerous ways to use them.

Gina Brusati

My name is Gina but my killer name would be Mama GiGi. The Italian girl who kills innocent men with her deadly Spaghetti. Pasta la vista, baby. ;D

Jo

We need the Turn Signaler here in Queens, NY!

Gina Radford

I would be the Turn Signaler. I would drive around and people that didn’t use their turn signal properly would be kidnapped and sent to purgatory (AKA my basement) where they would be forced to drive around in child size cars listening to Baby Shark until they learned their lesson.

Miss Vincent

The Coronary Thief - Found guilty of ripping out the hearts of men.

Kani Dang

Serena the Siren - luring all those around me to a horrifying sleep, a never ending nightmare where my victims wander in their own mindfog with no way to escape, no way to wake up.and no way to end their own lives. They would be stuck in limbo lost in their own mind forever.

Robert Baumander

I am guilty of leaving a very messy kitchen in my wake after I cook dinner. I am referred to as The Chaos of the Kitchen

Suzy Homemaker

The Cincinnati Cat Cuddler. I will pet any cat I see, and I have the scratches to back up that claim.

Jolee K Stark

The unshackled - running around in the night untying/releasing abused and mistreated animals

Libby Donovan

I am Boston Blanche, Blanket Stealer. My husband goes to sleep wrapped in a cozy blanket and wakes up blanket-bare and as frozen as an ice cube.

Amy Elizabeth

I am a long time foster for basset hounds for the Basset Hound Rescue of Socal. My crime would be luring basset hounds into my pup-truck with sinister treats made from your baking book and I would grab them with a net. My crime name would be "Basset-net Night Howler". I would then take them to my house and head a basset hound party. (yes, I am obsessed with them to say the least lol)

Tammy R Dowden

The Tomato Terror--known for surreptitiously dropping off plastic baggies full of home-grown tomatoes anywhere and everywhere as a result of over-planting!

Stephanie R Eddington

The Powderpuff Siren. I'd lure catcallers down dark alleys, knock them unconcious, then tie them up and make them all pretty. When they're found (alive, of course) they look so gosh darn cute! All gussied up! Because we all know that the only thing that matters is unwanted "compliments" from strangers, right? I'm just helping them get to the point where they get catcalled too!

Sara Estridge

Omg mine is similar! And I posted it right after yours hahah! 😂 we think alike

Contessa Velasquez

Midnight Mama.......Ive been known for killing all of those fevers that my boys have in the middle of the night! 🖤

Jasmine

'Pillow Penny' My victims would be international. Ranging from different ages and nationalities. I'd steal an oz. of pillow stuffing everyday within a span of a year and watch people suffer with their uncomfortably deflated pillows. Eventually, I'd watch them toss and squirm and fluff their pillows to be comfortable again, but to no avail. They look for a different pillow around the house, but whoa! It's the same thing. That's because I dont just steal it from one pillow but from all of them! I'd be there, in the corner, smiling at their pain. And the worst part. I'd get all that stuffing and make my own pillows, thenhen sell it to them. Me, making a profit and fortune out of their misery!!! No one is safe. Bwahahaha! _(:3」∠)_

Holly Reid

My crime would be breaking into people's houses and organizing their stuff. I am the Tidy Troll and I am here to be annoyingly anal retentive!

Sara Estridge

I wouldn’t be known as the criminal, but rather the criminal’s extremely lazy neighbor on the other side of the wall. “Had she not been dead asleep into the late hours of the day, she would’ve clearly heard the cries of victims next door screeching over high caliber torture devices. Now known as ‘The Beldam Sloth of Northfield’ we have yet to reach her for comment, but she is slowly being lured out of her townhome, corndog scent in the air, by what the police are calling a ‘food truck ruse’.”

Robyn Moore

My crime would be: Snatching jack-o-lanterns off of people's porches, baking them into pies, then leaving before and after polaroids in the victim's mailbox. Jackie-O-Nasty strikes again!

The Moksha Witchery

The Couch Napper. I break into people's houses and take naps on their couches.

Rachel Winters

I would be the "Seneca Falls Sleeper" or the "Steering Wheel Sleeper" - my crime would be falling asleep in inappropriate places. I've actually, on MULTIPLE occasions, had people call store security to check on me in parking lots for resting my head on my steering wheel and nodding off 😅😂 Imagine getting jolted awake by a knock on your window to see a team of 8 people on cell phones and walkie talkies surrounding your car, ready to call in a dead body or someone passed out on drugs, when really you're just a really tired mom with hypothyroidism 😂🤣😭

Katie

The Cocktail Carouser. For destroying all those cocktails ;)

Anna Mallory

I would be the MALICIOUS MOLLY MAYHEM!!!!!! I may look cute and adorable in my tutu, but do not be fooled. I sneak in close to my victims with my innocent eyes (see pic in link below. This is the only known photo of my crimes!) and strike. With my trusty Slappy doll and a butcher knife I slay all who stop to pet me! Muah hahahahaha BARK! https://imgur.com/a/x9DFimr

Samuel Gomez

I'd want to be a type of anti hero where i like murder abusers of all kinds. Someone who finds people who commit things like human trafficking or other horrors and just bruttally torture them. Classic tied to a chair, waterboard, rip off nails type of torture. My name would be Sinister Slayer or soemthing like that. Lol

Janet

In a deep moonlit seaside garden lives a woman who lures men into the garden with her siren call and there they make passionate love and flowers spring forth from the ground. For you see...Verbena the Succubus was cursed by a sea witch and trapped in the garden. To break free she must create flowers for a hundred years. Her only crime is making love and is that really a crime at all?

Racheal Jones

My real name is Racheal Jones, but as a criminal, I would kill dozens of people in order to build a little cathedral made of bones for my cat, Minion, to live in. They would whisper my name in fear, and that name would be Bonesy Jones!!!! Oooooooo!!!!!!

Emily Thompson

Compost Queen - she WILL tell you that that thing you're about to throw in the trash is actually compostable.

Laura Heck

I am Falkor. My crime is telling neverending stories.

Dawn Hargy-Louden

My crimes would be of a most hideous nature. Victims would sleep in their beds whilst I crept through their homes removing all their clothes from their closets. And in the night I would stitch the seams 2 inches tighter replacing everything in the closet as I had found it. In the morning my victims awake to the baffling mayhem of every piece of clothing they own being slightly too small. Another nefarious act by the Terrible Tailor.

Missy Gadlage

Buying all the sale items when baking supplies go on sale. I'm the cupcake countess!

Sophie Weeks

Using a broom to beat people who tell me to smile--the Grim Sweeper!

Michelle DeCesare

The Grumbler, known for having all the pugs.

Jinxd

my only crime was loving this channel so flipping much ♡♡♡

Dawn Eldred

The Fabulous Bandit....in the dark of night, I would find dreary people and dress them in wonderful, upcycled costumes!

Katherine

Mother of Bunnicula: I would take bunnies from bad homes and shelters at night and house them in a luxury shelter with giant barns with protected rabbit runs for them to play in outside during the day. Also, some funny ones: Tom Shanks: The teddy bear stabber. Smackith: Unexpected smacks for the face when people are rude. Totes McGoates: The goat tipper! Rattlecage: the graverobber.

T’ana

I love history and my crime would be forcing people to watch period dramas, docs, etc- with their eyes sewn open! Haha I would be known as the historic optometrist. Happy valentine's day! ❤❤❤

Mr. Tyler

Elaborately gift wraps victims remains. Dubbed by the press as ‘The Gifter’

Sarah

I would go around grooming feral cats to look like little lions as the Mane Man.

Cherie Savoie Tintary

“Soda Pop Slurper” -drinking all da pop in the house.

Novympia

1929. A luxury liner off the coast of Gibraltar has sounded the alarm after 2 railroad tycoons are discovered dead in their respective state rooms, the corpses appearing to grasp at their throats. A bewildering perfume lingers as the Master-at-Arms spots a twinkling light streaming away from the ship toward shore. The brandy was laced with nightshade. Looks like the work of Bella Donna.

Jessica Fisher

The Cat Burglar- Stealing from kill shelters only.

Aunt Debbie Halloween

I am Retfilpohs - the reverse shoplifter. I take some of the (too) many decorative items from my own home and surreptitiously place them in random booths at Antique Fairs.

Tadgh Kirby

Cereal Killer. I'd be an anti-hero who would beat my victims with a bin bag full of Rice Krispies.

Kasia Gryziak

Rotten Pit- I try to grow a plant from every fruit I eat...

Emily Harvey

I'd plant community Gardens by night, and fill in Pot holes. I'd be known as the Mysterious Nighttime Gardener!

Knit 1 Code 2

The Yarnibomber- massive yarn bombing of corporate headquarters.

Aunt Debbie Halloween

OMG so funny!

Katelynn VanGrinsven

My name would be Rose Nylund and I think you know my crime. ;-)

Jane Roser

Calamity Jane. I destroy every tech gift given to me because I refuse to read the operating directions and can figure it out on my own (but I never do)

ColetteNicole

I've unintentionally murdered 3 wash machines, 5 ironing boards, and 2 steamers in my lifetime, So I'd like to be known as The Laundress.

Whitney Perkins

I would sneak into my local graveyards every new moon to put flowers on all of the graves and plots. Then I would leave a card at the gate that said "Yours truly Flora Knight"

Cheryl Browne

The Brownie Ploppin' Hood. Random breaking and entering of places in need of chocolately baked goodness. 1. Make super stealthy entrance into target abode. 2. Plop a heap of chocolaty goodness on victims pillow. 3. Sprinkle cocoa powder in artistic manner to form a "B". (Note: do NOT sprinkle cocoa powder near victims nose if you want to make a clean escape). Sometimes known to pair up with The Salty Margarito... another local bandit who gifts midnight pitchers of his namesakes beverage along with a plate of salt. :-)

Cari Bacon

KweenCheese - I eat all of the cheese that is laid out for buffet at parties. And I have no regrets about any of it.

Cian O'Doherty

Delores double dip, a serial double dipper ruining all the dips and sauces at party's, events, and functions. Truly a force to be reckoned with.

Kathryn

I would be known as Scarlatina. A devious ginger harlot with a penchant for robbing rich men blind after charading as their nurse. Little did they know, I was the one 'spicing-up' their morning coffee. "My word, does this taste like arsenic to you?"

Kirsten Perez

The Havisham Horror- I'd appear in a tattered rotting bridal gown and old smeared makeup to those who have cruelly jilted a lover. Then they would learn how it feels to have their heart ripped out. My dilapidated mansion would be filled with jars containing these trophies. Happy Valentine's Day!

Ashley Blue

Dicey Dorothy, infamous for killing women in their Golden Years over cheesecake. Known Accomplice: Scicilian Sophia, sharp tongued, silver haired trickster, who won't think twice about bonking you over the head with her walker, or pilphering your purse. Both women last spotted in Miami.

Yvonne Villalobos

Thrifting my current nickname, "Evie". On the eve of every holiday, I shall break into stores and gather the best decorations, candy and gifts for my loved ones. I would throw epic parties without spending a dime.

Hilary Magoteaux

Just call me Mr. Steal-Yo-Girl ...... I'd engage in polygamy..which is a crime depending on where you live

Bec

In the same vain as buffalo bill I’d probably use the name Poisonous Persephone. My crime would definitely be hunting down loggers or corporate big wigs who help damage our forest and wide life. I would then use poison derived from the Strawberry Poison- Dart frog and end their lives. (Or at least make them very sick.) My calling card would be a stamp of the frog straight to the forward of my victims, hopefully in permanent ink.

Branwen Frost

I can't think of anything I would dare to do to another human being but I have been accused of being an Ice Maiden and my last name is Frost... my SPY name on the other hand is Wicker Chicken (get that reference!!)

Piper Hoffman

The PUN-isher. Because I love puns and sharing is caring, I’ll write clever jokes/stories riddled with puns and slip it under doors and in mailboxes for people that need a good laugh or groan. That’s how eye roll 😁

Paulette Mickle

If I were a notorious criminal, I would want to be known as "The Snake" because like snakes, they're not only sneaky & can go unnoticed at times, but they can also be vicious with a bite that can render their victims.

Sharon Mikell

Berry Scary : murder by nightshade

Blythe

The Blithe Beheader

Amanda Hall

I have thought more about this in recent days than I care to admit. I would 100% pull a Poison Ivy- getting revenge on greedy industrialists on behalf of our planet. And I certainly hope I'd earn the same moniker a my inspiration.

Sarah Wilson

Oh no, non-poisonous. I'm a benevolent trickster, not a murderer.

Tammy Steed

Stumpy Steed because I am short and people make fun of my last name ... so my revenge would be a dish served cold with a special added ingredient. Could be homemade ice cream with love or laced with arsenic.... 😜

Jessica O'connor

I would be the Puppy Pied Piper, Although my crime wouldn’t make me a lifer, I would stalk around from town to town luring all the dogs Black, white and brown To my beautiful farm next to the lake Where they’d be spoiled with Treats and cake They’d never be sad or lonely again They’d never see a cage nor rusty chain And they’d be forever happy And never feel pain.

Kelsie O'Night

I would be the Night Librarian and my crime would be stealing all of the books that libraries are required to destroy. Some I would keep, some I would send to prisons and schools, some I would send to foreign places. Years from now police would finally catch up with me in my secret home in the forest. Bookshelves cover the walls. There is not a piece of furniture that doesn’t have a built in bookshelf. As they look through my scrapbook detailing all of the places the doomed books were sent, they come to a silent agreement. “Oh no, we have the wrong person.” They say. “Sorry to bother you, ma’am.” I smile and offer them tea.

Jessica Dillon

Haha. All of these are so creative and creepy. I'd just be the nacho bandito - coming to steal your nachos!

Ruth (The Horned Witch)

Ooooh, I'd be The Mara. Using psychoactive drugs and trickery, I'd break into the homes of horrible people- rapists who got away with it, politicians who cut funding for schools or campaign against LGBTQ+ rights, child abusers etc- and create a living nightmare for them to spiral into. Sounds in the night, visions, horrific whispers of their crime, until they either turn themselves in or go mad from guilt. Could also call me the Djinn, because Djinn whisper horrible dark things into your ear and drive you to madness and evil.

Brittany Holden

Umbra Mortis, shadow of death, responsible for determining cause and manner of death of thousands, but carries death around where ever she goes, because of her fascination and desire to be the voice of those who can no longer speak. Her crime is being so passionate that she deters most mortals from her presence, and when she becomes bored she creates the ultimate puzzles of death to see if anyone else can solve it. She’d go undetected for over a decade until someone as intelligent as herself puts the pieces together connecting her to all the mysterious deaths previously unlinked across the country.

AnastasiaDeleon .

I’d be the leader of a yarn bombing group called The Midnight Chain Gang. We’d yarn bomb anything and everything in the cover of night, especially the things of sour people who write about us in a poor light. ;)

Paula Osborne

I am actually the black widow. All of my ex lovers are dead, this is true, but not by me, they all mysteriously died. And the new guys i meet who do me wrong something always happens to them. True story. Beware, date me if you dare.

Jenna Homan

Only poisonous ones?

Sarah Wilson

I'd be the Secret Gardener, and I would plant flowers in people's front yards in the dead of night.

Arlyn Romeo

I would establish myself in the New York art scene, meet and great all the prominent art dealers and collectors from Sotheby’s, Christie’s and Phillips art auctions. Once gaining access to new collection pieces in the dead of night, painting over these art works I would use my new clear coat of paint “Le sommeil profond”. Which after 48 hours it would start realising a psychedelic scent. The new owner would be in a deep state of sleep, a nightmare would happen taking them into the painting and feeling they never being able to leave. The nightmare would happen again, and again and again. I would be known in the underground art world “Nightmare Maiden”

Sara Sweeney

Girl, me too

Claire Abernathy

The Banshee-An elusive public nuisance who appears out of the fog to torment the truly evil by suddenly screaming in their face

Sara Sweeney

My crime would be spending far too many hours of my life revelling in my own company drinking coconut margaritas. Which is totally an okay thing to do, but I feel like I’ve crossed the acceptable line and it’s bordering on illegal now. The press would call me Shit-faced Sara.

Sonja Corterier

I would be a "salt n battery" because I would replace every saltshaker with sugar and steal the batteries to every remote or toy out of guys, who made my friends cry, I suspect I do not have mach criminal energy. I am not sure I have enough energy to make anything" serially" ;)

Angie

The Gory Girls (aka The Golden Girls) a squad of elderly lady serial killers that each have their own speciality - Blanche the Southern Belle Butcher, Sophia the Stone Cold Slasher, Dorothy the Diva Of Death, Rose the Romantic Reaper.

Melanie Dunn

I love to make friends and family hand made gifts, it is what I am known for. So I would be "The Kraft Killer" Killing my victims with kindness and thought, one gift at a time! The Spelling would be Kraft after Randy Kraft the serial killer ,otherwise known as the Freeway Killer.

Brittany Toliver

Hmm... I'd be the Kookie Cutter... I'll take my victims and use their parts for baked goods. Of course they'd be devilisly delicious and infamous! With everyone curious about the ingredients... Top secret! I'll start with a cute and quaint corner store than work my way up to owning a distribution! You know the more I think about it distributing my tasty morsels would be quite easy... Have you heard of Girl Scouts?😈

Teresa Pundsack

I would steal everyone's left shoes. It wouldn't be violent and it wouldn't be threatening but it would be really annoying and they would call me "the hobblin' goblin".

sophia king

I would be a serial killer that skins her victims. the press would label me as Mother Husker

Ash

I 100% would bake children into pies or cookies. I would hope my name would be the Gingerbread Witch!

Julia Persson

Bloody Demon, I would cover people in fake blood when they sleep (and give their pets some snacks and pets)

Rebecca Craft

I would be a hacker who hacks into databases and erases people's student loan and medical debt. Even school lunch debt!! I would be called Charon the debt collector! Charon being the ferry person who takes you along your journey on the river Styx.

Brenda Hunt

The Finger Annihilator, guilty of finger stabbings and glue gun burns.

Peggy Christie

Hmmmm....I’d break into all retail stores with mannequins on display and dress them all in red clothing and accessories, while wearing a mask or covering on my face. The Masque of the Red Dress.

Claudette Marco

The Derivative Killer. Working on a bachelor's degree in math, every time I mention math, that person is killed by boredom. As a math tutor, I see people commit scholarly suicide as math murders their hopes and dreams of succeeding in school. But, finding the derivative doesn't have to be derivative. Math is fun! At least that's what I write on their college-ruled paper with the blood of their pencils...

Lynda Romolo

I’d be a”Black Widow” & I’d be known as “The Kiss of Death”. Do my kisses burn? Do they take your breath? You’ve got lessons to learn... I’m the Kiss of Death 😘💀 Happy Valentines Day dearest Deadheart 💔💔💔

Kelley Hines

When I was sent to the clink in 1947, I was known throughout the Big Apple as the Ricin Rockette. My crime you ask? Apparently too much ambition! I deserved to lead the kick line and when other gals passed me up in line, I showed them what real talent looked like! Just a little crushed castor seed on the bottom of my heel, the powder released in the leading lady’s direction during our finale kick, and bam! It was curtains for her by the next evening’s cocktails. Would have gotten away with it too if my shoe hadn’t flown off during that matinee and nailed the producer!

Megan

Name: The Greek. Crime: hacked FBI and committed random acts of kindness

Monica Adams

I'd be a bank robber all over the world, known as the silent mockery.

Tiana Byers

I know I will not get picked for this, but I would be the Russian Roulette. I drink vodka and get in bar fights with celebrities, dead or alive, starting with Ernest Hemingway. Also I will spare Diane Keaton but I WILL fight her collection of turtlenecks.

Nichole Monson

Nightshade Nightingale, the voice of all creatures and avenger of the voiceless. Going after poachers and those who thrust death and injustice on the innocent living things everywhere.

Krista Scholl

I would be the Lingerie Bandit. My calling card would be a piece of naughty lingerie at the scene of the crime. I would be known for breaking into houses.

Camie

Monkey mom- my kids coined this for me as I can’t stop straightening hair, wiping faces or picking zits when necessary... it’s a problem 😬

Kia Kurtzmann

The Seam Reaper - ripping open porely stitched seams to do it proper!

Britt Thompson

I would choose my name that I have on here! Daggum Britt! Like “ Daggum it”but Daggum Britt! So whenever someone discovered my crime they could also exclaim “Daggum Britt!” and it would sound like they were both shocked and impressed lol.

Angela Bell @angbellart

My name would be The Underpaid n Dangerous. Notorious serial killer of peoples portrait dreams, but only when they don't want to pay me a rate I deserve (or call my side business a hobby...I pay taxes dammit!)

Nina Jensen

Heart-Shaped Coffin - Destroyer of all nearby chocolates

Sonja Tompkins

I would be a cat burglar. Climbing in the upstairs windows of people that are treating cats inhumanely and rescuing those cats to find them a better home. My nickname would be "The Tooth Fairy"....because there would be a trail of glitter from the window to the beds of the offending humans and when they wake up, their teeth are all gone. ;)

Terry Dawn Blake

The Word Nerd. I work by stealth, hacking into the social media accounts of only the truly worthy, correcting the spelling and grammar of their submissions. The FBI would not only have me on their 10 Most Wanted, but also The Most Needed.

Stephanie Harmon

I would be known as the Cat Caper, so rescuing far too many kitties off the streets. Or maybe, the Cat Napper.

Raquel Burt

Hello and Happy Valentine’s Day ❤️ I would be know as Sweet Tooth Sally . I would break into Sweet Shops and Bakeries and select their most beautiful sweets and slip away.

Jennifer H

The Dollhouse Killer. I would leave a miniature murder dollhouse scene ( like the Nutshell Studies of Unexplained Death) on the porches of detectives before I committed my crimes, all the clues would be there to catch me !

Arwen Steinacker

also, I read that there was once a serial killer nicknamed “the Giggling Granny” and I would LOVE for that to be my nickname when I’m older, except instead of killing people my crime would be feeding people too many sweets and baked goods.

Andrea Pate

Pate the Interstate Bait. Bad drivers on the interstate are immediately attracted to me like a magnet. I affect everyone differently. I cause accidents by making everyone behind the wheel simultaneously be distracted with their phones. I cause drivers in front of me to drive extremely slow and the people next to me to swerve outside their line coming into close contact with my car. I also think “Morgan Scare-child” would be fitting. I go around hiding from children and then pop up in front of them and scream “Booo”.

Susanne Tassin

I mean, if I'm going to do a crime that is worthy of prison, I would be a vigilante taking out sex traffic offenders. I would make sure all of the news outlets had copies of the evidence too. They could call me Bella Donna or Hemlock Suzie.

Wendy Ramsey

The Short-Fused Slasher, I would go on a murder spree getting rid of really annoying people. The movie theater talker, loud chewers, the one uppers, negative Nancy’s, line cutters, etc. lol

Claudia Garcia

I would be known as The Geriatric Snatcher. Reason why is because I would break into nursing homes and kidnap the elderly and take them somewhere special. My husband was in a nursing home for a month and it broke my heart to see some of the abandoned elderly there. I know it's still kidnapping but in a loving reason. 🖤

Arwen Steinacker

I’m going to make this about my cat, and say that if my cat were a notorious criminal his crime would be stealing people’s sleep (because he has a talent of coming to my door and meowing loudly as I’m drifting off to sleep), and his nickname in the press would be The Notorious B.O.Z. (Burgler of Z’s)

Craig Bornstein

Lacey Knots - crime: tying people’s shoe laces together and other nefarious irritating pranks and scares.

Diane Lewandowski

My “crime” would be sneaking into people’s backyards to give treats and toys to doggos that aren’t allowed in the house. I’d be known as The Serial Treater.

Sinister Sarah

Grave robbing and black market organ sales. They wouldn't be able to pin me down, so they would instead name the crime spree "The Mary Shelley Murders"

Craftygal89

I would steal college textbooks from the (rich) universities to give to the poor (students). My disguise: a beanie. They'd call me: Robin Beanie.

Alexis Harquail

The Choxolotl. Crime: eating too much chocolate

Nichole

The Confetti Pusher. I know it sounds silly but I would snap people with confetti to make them smile or scare them away. Dual purpose.

Bay Mehl

Namaste Away. I would organize secret yoga events where we play hard rock and metal music in the middle of quiet subdivisions. My goal: bring yoga to the community and spread the idea that, just like with music, yoga can be used to fight depression and anxiety.

Andrea

The Seam Ripper I cross stitch as a hobby but on one fateful night, I discover that the best fabric to use is human skin.

Nicholas Frig

Not once, not twice, but three times now I have unknowingly pulled into a funeral procession and was too self-conscious to pull out so I wound up going to the graveside and sitting through the service before paying my respects to the family and making a quick exit before anyone realizes something is up. I would call myself the Mixed-Up Mourner. (This is real life story. Like...seriously.)

Gemma and Amber Marino

The Dog Gone Bandit: “She’s nabbed another nipper!” I’d travel around the cities rescuing abused pups.

Pamela Raglin

The Reading Rioter. Caught on film holding an appropriate sign, standing still and reading while protests and riots rage around me. Why? Makes as much sense as this world does.

MichelleShari

Michelle “Valentine” Lee, Valentine’s Day Black Widow. Take care what is in your chocolate bouquet ...

Christopher Cunning

The Fletcher Killer: Followed Jessica Fletcher throughout The New England townships killing various people, but leaving enough clues for the acclaimed writer to accuse a known associate, whom I have conveniently hypnotized to confess whenever she accuses them of the murder......

Margot Shteir-Dunn

The Pringle Prowler, and my tagline would be, "once she starts, she can't stop." My crime would be eating too many potato chips.

Suzanne Zorich-Feathers

The Kindling Sisters- Where Rose and myself provide a jilted lover service of lighting requested objects on fire 🔥 Due to Rose’s inability to drive, I provide transportation to and from said arson. Kindling services include, but not limited to: The “Combustible Clothes Closet,” “Roses Roof Rarity”, “Why is There A Burning Effigy On My Front Lawn?” “Flaming bag of Raccoon Poop” *please note this service costs extra due to Rose’s insistence on setting a fresh bag aflame and yelling “ Hot Cha Cha!!”

ErinBlythe Sanders

I'd murder anyone who was ever mean to a puppy and I'd be The Paw Professor

Hilary Albert

The Pet Peever. I would anonymously torture my victims by subjecting them to their pet peeves as they go throughout their normal daily lives

This Enchanted House

The Bob Villa Bandit. I would steal beautiful old homes before contractors could rip out all the beautiful old fixtures to make it an "open floor plan"

Luke Huelskamp

Bat Boi , I move in the night. I creep into various places on business and let loose a hoard of bats . Dropping off a letter at the post office? NOPE ! Filled with bats. You can imagine the madness that would ensue.

Rachel Castorena

I’d be known as the Confidence Killer, who’s crime is being too legit to quit.

Kim Thongdee

Free bird would be my name my crime breaking in to animal testing places and stealing all the furry babies to take to a sanctuary.

Laura Alexander

I would honestly help the voiceless. Rescue animals and children from abusive situations and perhaps even take revenge against the abusers depending on the severity of things because I’m a huge advocate of justice.. “an eye for an eye” type of thing. My name would be Smitten Kitten. LOL

Sabrina Hymel

Since childhood, I have been the one to break off pieces of pie crust from cooling pies. Also known as the Crust Mouse.

Chance havins

Be a cat burglar whom sneaks into the homes of wealthy people and, slowly, over time, steals all of their silver and rearranges their furniture, making them think they are going crazy, till all they have is 4 walls

Chance havins

I was gunna post this exact same thing haha!

Inez Diaz

My name would be "The Lazy Susan" My crime makeing a ton of food for everyone but NEVER CLEANING up after myself 🤣🤫

Nathalie Riegler

I would leave you my key under the mat ;)

Linsey

My crime would be arson (but only condemned building) and they would call me Phoenix.

Sarah Bear

The Pancake Batterer on a spree of breakfast home invasions.

JANE EMBLEN

I was (past life) the notorious "Apple Pie Snatcher" who would thief pies from the window sill. Not any pie, just the apple kind. Left a nice collection of pie pans after my death but sometimes I would return nice pie pans and re take new pies, just the apple ones. 🤪😬🍎🥧

Linda Wyatt

The Dishware Deviant or The Dinner Time Terrorizer. I would punish people by forcing them to listen to silverware being scratched on dinner plates.

Nevermore

Me? = AKA -The Bedside Abandoner. 10s of confirmed abandoned books left partially read to die a slow, dusty death on a crowded bedside table. Library card revoked. Unrepentant. Known to buy multiple novels at once and never crack them open. To be read list is in the hundreds. Attempted rehabilitation via Audible, though wishlist continues to grow in addition to book purchases.

Nya Wolf

The Keeper. My crime would be fostering and rescuing animals and then I'd just end up keeping them no matter the kind of animal, horses cats,dogs,reptiles humans,etc.

Melissa Santucci

Me next, please! I'll leave a key under the mat. ;)

Sydney Linders

In a future where books are being burned for their subjects, I would steal them and cultivate a huge library. I would be called “The Bookkeeper.”

Monique Nicole

The McConnell Kidnapper. I'd be well known for kidnapping Christine McConnell and keeping her in my basement until she teaches me how to be an amazing crafter, baker and interior designer. Haha.

Jaci Boland

"The Cat Snuggler" This sicko hugs cats against their will and shows them entirely too much affection.. she usually lures in her victims by giving them cat appropriate treats!? The Horror!! 🤫😂😸

Nat Caleti

I would have a double life as a criminal. During the day, I would be a baking supplies thief known as Dark Sweet. And at night, I would fight against women violence killing or threatening abusive lovers/husbands known as Lady FemmeAvenger.

Nikki

Sooo I can’t think of any creative names or crimes right now.. but this reminds me of this guy my grandpa used to ride bicycles with.. he was friends with him for years and then one day the guy gets arrested.. BECAUSE HE WAS GOING AROUND CUTTING OFF PEOPLES PONYTAILS!!! I shit you not, his nickname was the Ponytail Bandit.

Simón J.

My criminal name would be "The mask of the red death", and my crime is wearing too much red, even in weddings and funerals haha :P

Jeanette

Jean Splicer...for carving out the fatty part of thighs that cause them to rub together

Angela Rovatti-Leonard

The Cunning Crafter. My crimes? I would hide in craft stores, just at closing, and spend the entire night creating with all manner of craft materials. Leaving my creations behind would be my calling card. No one would ever be able to apprehend me thanks to my stealthy and swift Avenging Unicorn.

Melinda

I'd be the Retribution Warden. My crimes would be secreting away abusers of animals where they would be treated in the same manner in which they treated their animals. Once their will is broken they would be rehabilitated and sent back into society.

George Martz

My husband and I are a crime duo, they call us "The Salutations". Our crime? I furiously wave at you from across the street until you panic and wave back, only for you to realize that it was towards my husband who was walking behind you all along. Ooh the shame.

Lisa

My name would be “The Inconvenience” and I’d go around slightly rearranging furniture. Not to make a place look different but enough to insure that someone is bound to run into it with a hip or knee.

Jordin Gaspar

The Homewrecker, men have been saying women belong in the kitchen little did they know that was the last thing they'd want😈

Lucy Wolski

I would make deadly but delicious pies and be called the Pie Killer of Raven Street. 🥧🥧🥧

Erin Solomon

Cat Mobile Meirin- I would steal terribly mistreated-unwanted cats from their owners, and swap each kitten into a loving home of choice. Like Robin Hood with a twist! (I used to let cats stay in my home & pick them up off the streets during storms to feed them. Mom cat’s would bring their kittens to me & my grandmom for help. The name cat mobile is from one of my old usernames online lol)

Karysa HorrorHoneysKitchen

Name: “Dwight from the office” What is my perfect crime?: I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.

Megan

Fun fact: my dad used to work in a hospital in Santa Monica, and he told me of a story where he treated Anthony Hopkins! My dad said he was assigned to check him in. He had no idea who Anthony was so he treated him like any other person, got all his info (he said he didn’t realize at first because of his accent lol). He stepped out of the room to finish processing when a couple of his coworkers came up and started asking him all these questions “what’s he like? Did you get an autograph? You do realize that’s THE Anthony Hopkins?” Etc. and THATS when he realized who he was. When he came back into the room he was super obviously nervous. He said Anthony laughed and said he was really thankful that he had treated him like a normal person because not many do. My dad says that he actually offered him a job as his personal nurse! (Which he declined!! Crazy!) So I could’ve been the daughter of Anthony Hopkins nurse but I’m not :’)

Lisa Marie

My crime would be stealing abused & neglected animals from the owners homes, and then chaining up & neglecting said owner. A good old-fashioned eye for an eye. My nickname would be la revanche....French for the vengeance/payback.

Karysa HorrorHoneysKitchen

“The Texas Medusa” Because I really LOVE snake themed jewelry, so I’d just steal a bunch of snake themed jewelry BUT I’d be really flirty and stop people in their tracks.

Ashley McDonald

I would be "Loquacious Lilith," a demoness who spends her time dragging grammatically incorrect, illiterate souls to the depths of hell, where they will be tortured for all eternity with grammar lessons about proper punctuation, enunciation, and the differences between homophones such as their, there, and they're. It should be noted that I would only torture the souls who had access to education in life and simply chose to ignore their lessons. The mind is a terrible thing to waste (and taste).

Kelli Quinn Kolgrimma

The Cackler. My signature would be my cackling laugh.

Ashley

“The Stuffer” I would kidnap people and force feed them all kinds of new recipes I bake.

Delaney Drake

I'm not really funny, so I'll go dark. I'd be called The Nanny. I'd go into people's homes, all nice and sweet. Then the minute their kids got annoying, I'd punish them according to their annoying behavior. Nailing tongue to the table if they spit, sedating or straightjacket for those who hit, sewing mouth shut for whinners. I'd wear different outfits to disguise my true look. Fran drescher or Robin Williams' old lady outfit. #donttellmyboss

Megan

If I were a criminal I wouldn’t want a name. I’d want to try to complete as many murders as possible before being known; so killing in random states, different ways, making one seem strange and the other “obvious”. If the press caught on, I’d try to make myself seem more like a man to throw people off. As I’m writing this I had a fleeting thought that I’d be called the “nationwide killer” but that just reminded me of the Allstate commercial.

sarah callet

"the madeleine amateur", I'll kill my preys after a lovely dinner, with the same dessert : homemade madeleines , that I will enjoy only after the work done. But I'm not very careful at my job and I leave crumbs of these marvelous cakes next to corpse everytime ! Hence the not so professionnal but cakes admirer madeleine "amateur".

Nebel_the_bat

I am called the guerilla fairy. I am secretly planting plants alls over grey cities and near boring looking roads and placing self skulpted spooky creatures in hidden spots. That would look great and be really fun (and is illegal where I live, even the planting part). 😈👻🧚‍♀️ 💖

GrumpySteen

My crime would be some sort of civil disobedience related to environmentalism. My press nickname would probably still be Grumpy.

Melissa Larrieu

Lorena Bobbit, I would be a vigilante attacking and killing sexually violent criminals and sex trafficking rings. I would have many disguises and leave a calling card of a partly smoked cigar left behind on the bodies of my so-called victims. During the day they would call me Kitty Larrieu, research attorney for the DA but don't be fouled by the cute name because this kitty has claws, and she'll rip your dick off.

Kris Rose

I forgot to mention that if the person were to ask why I was doing this to them, I'd simply reply, "Karma, bitch."

Brittany Perez

My name would be: Big Butt Brittany. My crime? Ruining all family and work events by twerking too furiously and making everyone uncomfortable. Aka my real life right now. ❤️

Nathalie Riegler

My crime would be: stealing rabbits which live in bad posture. (I have already 8 rabbits ^^). As I don't think I will make it in the international press, I think my nickname would be in german. They would call me "Hasenfänger von Österreich" - translated "rabbit catcher of Austria". This is a reference to "Pied Piper of Hamelin" - translated "Rattenfänger von Hameln". I hope you all know the story. Be nice to your bunnies otherwise I will steal them and cocker them. muhahaha

Emmaline Williams

I used to knit to relieve stress. I wasn’t that great — I could really only knit a square, but this worked for scarves and baby blankets. I would use these giant knitting needles, like comically large, and would sit at the back of my classes in high school and knit on movie days. If someone gave me grief over it, I would be inevitably start bitching right back and waving these huge weapons around. Anyway, if I had snapped (and who knows, I’m only just starting grad school, there’s still time) and lodged one of those big ass needles in someone, they would have almost certainly called me The Knitting Bitch. At least they should — somewhere in the dark recesses of tumblr, it’s still my username.

Charlotte Sandodden

"Charlotte exposed", the crime being a vixen way too fond of indecent exposure, woops.

Robert Rosas

I would chase people around with a thunder tube and call myself The Rolling Thunder.

Rebecca Mendenhall

Snack Attack, eat everyone's snacks.

Pamela Fadden

Triple H because I am known as the Halloween(Queen) Hearse(driving) Homemaker(can create anything) everyone knows me in my town for all 3 things year round so it really is my nickname

Kelly Ornstein

Literal Literary Linus. I’d leave random ransom style notes for things that aren’t actually stolen, more obvious helpful, or . Like “ yOu aRE aLmoST OuT oF MiLk.” “yOur neIGHbOR CAlleD.” Imagine waking up to a handmade note about something in your home

Lady Tano

You can call me Texas Tano. But my friends call me Lady. One of Satan's most lucrative succubus and the most notorious pizza slut in this union you call America. I'm wanted in 200 counties for gluttonous activities where I lure unsuspecting pizza men into my house to suck the soul from their bodies the only evidence left behind is a withered corpse and an empty pizza box. Yeehaw!

Shannon Avery

B-T-Clay. I’d dispose of my victims in a kiln. Corpus delicti amirite? Jeez that was a dark thought to have before noon..

Ruth McCleskey

Ruthless Ruth: Killer of those who don't empathize

Jennifer Treviño

My crime would be paying off the negative balances schoolchildren owe for their meals. They’d call me...The Lunch Lady. (Hairnet not included.)

Crystál Fernández

Being a nurse I know it’s not ethical and we’re supposed to be non biased but if I had to kill someone I would target patients with criminal backgrounds such as pedophiles, murders (ironically), rapists, those guilty of child/domestic abuse, etc. Especially those that have hurt children and repeat offenders. Sadly repeat offenders of child abuse and sexual abuse do not get enough jail time imo. I would be called the Angel of Mercy.

Aimee G

Look into the group known as the Black Mambas. They are badass women going after poachers.

Aimee G

Ridiculous Roo: purveyor of pranks that no one can escape!

Stella7.0

Crime: I would hide out in the wilderness. Most likely in some remote place in Africa and capture/kill any poacher who is out to kill endangered animals. Why because they have no defense and it frustrates me that humans can kill these endangered species with only a slap on the wrists. I’d probably train some wild animal to be my hunting buddy... a lion or a honey badger? I’d be called Huntress and my buddy Hannibal... or Rex 😅

Bettie Noire

The Sew-cialist...hear me out. I'd undermine consumer culture by breaking into people's houses to repair their old clothes and electronics and leave helpful pamphlets for maintenance. My handy henchmen would of course be called The Sew-cialites.

Lacevampire

I would be the Dairy Phantom and I would get in trouble for grazing my cattle in the cemetery for that sweet cemetery grass 👌 And I would sell the cemetery milk at an exorbitant price touting its revitalizing properties

Pamela Belsham

I , in real life create custom and theme journals for all occasions weddings, new babies, traveling, just because, etc. I have a studo filled with paper and paper gear to go with it. I think I would be known as Paper Cut Pamela.......you may not die immediately, but one day perhaps in 20 years perhaps even more, death will come collect you. You have been warned.

Katherine Young

I think I would be the Craft Master... I would take people out with super crafty touches of flare. Knitted bondage, decoupaged coffin, and pop-up ransom cards! 😂

melissa

My husband watched me skin and take a part three rotisserie chickens the other day. I was making homemade chicken taco soup. As i was skinning and taking them apart my husband says to me oofff you do that pretty easy. Then winced when i pulled the legs right off the carcass. So i guess i would be killing people, and taking apart their bodies using what i could for soups and meat pies. I would only commit the murders during the winter and since i live in upstate ny it all falls neatly into place. Cannibalism is a fascination of mine so this would be pretty on par. They would call me the wendigo. Which in native american lore is known for cannibalism among its people. The way i am killing and cooking everyone and only during the winter fits the mo of this type of cryptid. I realize i may or may not have given this a lot of thought. And no i am not actually a serial killer, or am i????

Stephanie bayer

I would be Stephanie the Serial Sleeper and would spend my days napping on every bed, couch, and comfy chair. I would never admit about my actual crimes though - you know, plausible deniability!

Kris Rose

Karma Bitch. I'd go around rescuing abused animals and torture the people who did them harm. My pack of dogs would both protect me and also get to have a few snacks from whoever I'm punishing at the time. I'd bring a few pieces home for the kitties of course! My rescued pigs would take care of the rest of the evidence for me. No body, no crime. I'd live on a farm with all my critters and find them homes, but always checking up on them to make sure they're safe... or else!

Dorian Lecter

I would poison and slowly torture pedophiles and human traffickers, and leave them in ways that would publicly shame them post-mortem. They could call me The Belladonna Reaper.

Kristen Genovese

The kitty-kat killer and I would go after people who kill animals

Merina Lewis

I'd steal all the broken hearts and bad feelings and be known as The Heartbreaker Repair Tech. 🧚‍♀️💔💥❤

Lauren Orbach

Lauren the Lurid Library Looter - her devious crimes include breaking into libraries to repair damaged books, slipping banned books back into their places on the shelves, and occasionally hiding behind the shelves to scare would-be book thieves. Books will occasionally disappear to be read, and it drives the librarians crazy, but they are always returned. If slightly late.

Alys Sink

The Cat Lady

Natalie Coleman

Popcorn Pusher - Force evil/corrupt people to eat endless buckets and buckets of popcorn while making them watch their least favorite movies

Jessica Luegering

Crime would be stealing food from wakes and funeral parlors. My nickname is the Casserole Caper

Amy (Izzy) Star

I would do murders based upon books. It would be themed in some way around a classic novel or I could recreate murders from books. I’d leave old library cards at the scene. They could call me The Librarian 📚

Meagan Navarro

The Savage Sweets Slayer- Ruthless Murderer of Baked Goods. Bwahaha

Andre Hall

I love John Waters and Serial Mom was one of my favorites. I get so upset when people/ corporations don’t recycle. My name would be Pussy Willow and I would take them down leaving pussy willows behind. And use found recycled objects to create art on the scene.

Allison Farnen

I would be the “Spooky Little Girl”. With my lustrous, swirling red hair, black velvet sweetheart cut dress, and long, pale legs, I always keeping the boys guessin’, playing little games, and casting crazy love spells all through out town. I prey on all of the innocent men, taking all of their money to buy glamorous clothes and sucking out their souls to keep my skin youthful and porcelain white. All of my crimes would be committed while the song Spooky Little Girl Like You by The Zombies plays.

Janine De Jesus

Definitely stealing antiques and an art thief. I’d steal from museums and return them to their cultures. But I’d keep some antiques for myself And I’d be The Time Traveling Collector

Josephine Doyle

I'd quite like to get in trouble for releasing animals into habitats they once lived in. Eg. Wolves in the UK. They'd call me THE REWILDER 🦇

Nancy Jones

My crime is animal smuggling. I smuggle animals from abusive homes to safety and find loving homes for them. My nickname is Neighborhood Nighthawk.

Denise Pittas

“The Deranged Mouse” code name: Mouse... as in “Quiet as a ..... “ No one and nothing is safe. Broken hearts and hideous laughter left in its quake. Babies smothered in kisses... Gents standing in awe... ladies weeping ..... puppies looking confused... kitty cats exhausted..

Melissa Rith

I’d wear a black hooded cloak and have a device on my hand that when I touched someone with my pointer finger I would inject them with a chemical cocktail that would induce a fatal heart attack. I would be a vigilante because my targets would be sex offenders, murders of the innocent, the corrupt and other wrong doers. And because of my murdering method, ensemble, and targets I’d be called “The Creep Reaper”.

Paula McShane

I steal gawdy jewelry. I am known as the Glamburglar.

Trina Montano

Snow White and the Seven Beasts: The vigilante woman and her loyal companions who prey on those who needlessly harm animals 😤

Andrea Schultz

I am known, notoriously, as Sips. Everywhere I go, I leave only the last sip in a beverage container, and put it back in the refrigerator.

Angelina Lisandrelli

The Sicilian Sausage Snapper

Cherie E Uyema

My “crimes” would be, in honor of Valentine’s Day, going to graveyards, taking excesses from others and redistribute them to lonely and forgotten gravestones. The finishing touch is to include a heart shaped valentine on each stone. My name shall be, The Errant Eros ❤️

Penny Shepherd

I would be a spice stealer and exporter and my name would be the Green Bay Leaf Strangler. She makes a mean stew. Would anyone like some stew?

Randy Ladner

With 2 others I'd become notorious for stealing all of the chocolate and candy we can, especially a certain chocolate bar. We'd be known as the Three Three Musketeers Musketeers.

MichelleShari

Can I send you my address and give you my security code? Just make sure to trip the sensor on your way out so it looks legit

Jade De Baca

I would be the Night Writer... I would kill people by stabbing them with my calligraphy pen and then I would write poems in their blood. Maybe I could even publish them one day...

Jacky Floyd

I would be “the land lady”- I would buy all the land in the cities around the globe that aren’t being used and let strays and shelter animals free to roam and play and live freely!

MichelleShari

Michelle “Lactrodectus” Lee aka the Belladona Black Widow. Known for planting black and white tulips on the grave site and taking bereavement on board the Orient Express, First Class to Prague. For a fee, will assist other wives to Black Widow Rites.

Trung Tran

I'd send glitter bombs to people. Maybe people I follow home after they cut me off in traffic, bad parkers, and people who are rude to cashiers. Oh and rude cashiers. They'd just call me "The Sparkler".

Arielle Mayper

given my terrible propensity for eating entire bowls of almonds and cashews... The Nefarious Nut Annihilator it would be misconstrued. I would be at peace with that.

Jessica shipman

“Maid Marrion” I would break into the homes of tired Nurses while they are at work and clean their entire house always leaving behind a bottle of wine and one white feather

Joe E

The Line Cutter. Stabbing people who cut into lines.

Kimberly Kay Ragsdale

I would break into homes at night and bite off people's nails in their sleep, but would never be caught (only on camera) and be known as the Slippery Clipper Tripper

Hallie Shoffner

Shady Dame Strikes Again - Three men dropped dead in the street after an encounter with Flamenco dancer, The Shady Dame. Witnesses say she was "dressed to kill."

Ann Stolfa

My nickname would be The "Ann"ihilator - I annihilate the messes made by my kids, my cats, my husband, and my boss. :D

Jade

The Cereal Killer- drowning people in a bathtub of cereal and milk.

Carley Arnold

Hacker Hag I’d entice gross trolls with free wifi traps and fling viruses on their systems like mud. My fatal flaw would be that I’m a sentimental old bat about it too, getting sidetracked by telling stories of tech yore— *I remember the old days of dial up, before bitcoin, when the internet was just cats and cheeseburgers...*

Melissa Freitas

I would put on a black hooded cloak to hide my identity and break into people's homes and clean them. I would be known as The Grim Sweeper.

fey meridian

'Awkward Encounter' leaves behind paralized bodies, faces caught in perpetual, uncomfortable confusion.

Abbey Casian

I would be a notorious criminal for kidnapping doggies from kill shelters. I would have a huge farm somewhere in the country where I would keep the dogs spoilt with love. The media would call me the Angel of Hope. *This idea comes from my experience in searching every shelter to find my stolen pug. Having to walk through and see how depressed the dogs are breaks my heart every single time!

Judy K. Zamlen-Spotts

I know that would scare the hell out of me........Boo!

Soojin min

My mother loves flowers and when she was going through cancer treatment I would sneak flowers into the hospital so she would have something nice in her room during her chemo treatment. Sometimes you could notice the gap in between the wild flowers where I picked them for her, or the single stem missing from an existing arrangement 🤣

Judy K. Zamlen-Spotts

Ghost Weight Whisperer...., My crime would be communicating with recently deceased and revealing the true weight of all of their living family, friends and co-workers.

Emma Cipolla

My crime would be fabric hoarding and my name would be Jane the Seam Ripper

Kathryn Elizabeth Clark

The Ripped Bodice. My crime? Reading too many romance novels. ;)

Omen

I would make somewhat cute but twisted things and have contests for people to get them. Then they would find out what they "gifts" really are. I might even start a patreon to get payed up front for doing this. Wait... damnit you are already doing this. Well my name would be Bad Omens

Miss Adrian Lee

I would break into museums and oddity stores to be able to look at everything without all of the crowds. I'd be known as the Solitary Sight Seer.

Avery Gardner

The Silent Stitcher. Embroidering messages of anarchy by the cover of darkness.

Skye Kite

My name for would be “Scoffer Skye” notorious for breaking into people’s house and eating all their cake, but the most sicken part I would leave cretics on their baking skills ... 😂

Olivia Clark

My crime would be kidnapping stray cats to come and live with me! Headlines would read, “Police investigate Catty Cathy as a person of interest in the strange disappearance of local strays!” 😹

Angel

As a kid I would have been The Book Fiend, guilty of reading under the covers with a flashlight way past my bedtime on a school night :) As an adult I’m still a bookworm, but I get tired much earlier. Thank you for sharing your beautiful creations with us!

Hayley Hochstettler

The Operatic Maniac. Last heard in the aisles of Target belting out "I Wanna Dance With Somebody" by Whitney Houston, loudly and out of key.

Cassie Close

I'd be a vigilante, I'd take out bad people like animal abusers and domestic abusers etc but would never kill them, just drop them off tied up in front of the police station with concrete evidence of their crimes. I'd be a prosecutor by day as well to make sure they were in fact prosecuted to the full extent of the law, like a mix between daredevil and Batman. Oh and I'd seduce gross business men with a history of sexual harassment and abuse towards women, steal all their money, keep some to pay my bills and cover pro bono cases I work during the day and anonymously donate the rest to various charities in need. My hair is red so that would be my characteristic they base my name off it, which would be: Red Widow.

Celeste Young

In the vigilante thread, I would take out sexual predators. They would call me the Hard Candy Killer...because I would leave candy wrappers behind (torture requires candy!) ..also have you ever seen that old Ellen Page flick ? :)

Jessica Lincoln

The Chronic Masticator. I’m just a public nuisance that goes around taking bites out of things.

Katie Nelson

I break into people’s houses and snuggle with their dogs. I’d be the notorious Dog Napper.

Johanna

ha ha ha now that you mention it, that also sounds accurate. I need to add "leaving only crumbs in every chip/cracker/cookie box and putting it back in the cupboard" to this list now.

Allison

My single lady name was The Bone Collector :D

Carly Andrus

I would steal creatively made gift baskets. My name would be “Nasty Santa”

Sabrina

Sabrina the Siren I would lure men to their financial deaths by draining their accounts to purchase all the Patreons I desire at the highest tiers.

Ashton Radley

I am an amateur roses gardener and also I LOVE old abandoned or forgotten buildings, I think my name would be The Midnight Rose. I would sneak into old abandoned buildings to admire them and then when I leave I would leave a single rose that I had grown in my own garden. I would definitely take a picture of this and keep it as a souvenir. I love the juxtaposition of old crumbling building with a beautiful fresh rose. Also it would leave behind some beauty in a place otherwise forgotten therefore making me feel like the space has felt a little love - at least just from me!

Stevie Taylor

Sounds like your name is "my boyfriend" haha!

Kerri Waddington

Criminal name...Scary Kerri. Just a simple name (my name) but to see me in your house maybe the last thing you will ever want to see. I save animals from horrible people and horrible living conditions. No one wants to see my face, for it might be the last thing they see.

Michelle Heather Cohen

I would be, "The Gothilizer". At all times u would carry cans of black spray paint and a purse full of heavy eyeliner pencils and dark moody lipsticks. I would stalk the streets, giving people aggressive Goth makeovers, and the city would quake in fear. But their eyebrows and cat's eye makeup would be *on point!*

Alyesha Neufeld

The Death Dealer. Where I make deals with animal abusers where they run for their life and if I catch them they die. They always die.

Rebecca Lailer

Bexter Morgan (my name is Becky but my friends call me Bex).... I'd be a vigalante like Dexter Morgan was except for animals. If someone left their dog chained up all day without food or water, I'd do the same to them!

amanda senter

I'd definitely be a vigilante. I would bring all animal abusers and human traffickers to my own personal criminal justice system. Maybe they get put behind bars.. maybe they get thrown in an endless pit. No one ever finds out who I am or what I do with these garbage people. They just refer to me as the Lady of Dark Justice.

Karmell Mazurek

hmmmm. My crime would be saving mother earth from the disease of mankind. I'd figure out a way to modify and create a zombie virus to wipe out only the humans and not animals. My nickname would be the "Zombie Widow" or "Zombie Queen"...............wipe the slate clean

Carolinian Classroom

The Gorgon, the mysterious yet seductive stealth assassin who uses snake venom to dispatch her kills

Rachel Pop

-*The grim sleeper- crimes undetermined due to bouts of narcolepsy and insomnia. -*Also necrotizing-tootsieits- foot wear related crimes

Stevie Taylor

Ooooh, I'd be 'The Red Dead Redeemer'. (A play on Red Dead Redemption and the fact i'm a redhead). I'd go around punishing other criminals for their heinous crimes. Depending on the level of their crime, sometimes I might take their punishment a bit too far... Hopefully I'd be seen as more of an anti-hero!

Laura Chambers

I would kidnap pets who are being abused by their owners and find new and loving homes for them. My nickname would be the Hairy Godmother

Arazia

The Purrloined Sculptor. Known for stealing small trinkets and using them to make sculptures of cats. One part sneak-thief, one part dawww that is adorable!

Christine McConnell

This is DIABOLICAL!

Summer Rose Barnes

Since im a chef by trade, and a GOT fan as well as silence of the lambs fan since childhood, I'd combine the 3. My name would be Bobbie Flay, because I flay people and cook them.💀🖤🍖🔪

HighfromAustin

The Craft Burglar and I'd take the craft supplies that are rightfully mine! Craft supplies are expensive, you guys.

Cory & Laine

Leveling curses on polluters, litterbugs, and other environmental scoundrels (as well as other "occult crimes"). ==> "The Wicked Witch of the Waste"

Stephanie Dondoneau

Veggie Smacker, I would smack people with long vegetables when they annoy me (think English cucumber).

Kera Buker

When I was a kid My dad used to call me “Kera the Terra” mostly because I would ask for something different for dinner as they were putting the plate of food in front of me.

Kimberley Howes

My crime would definitely be seeing things on Pinterest or your brilliant videos and thinking to myself "that looks easy, I can totally do that!" and realising two days a million attempts later that I cannot. My name would be 'the opti-missed'

Kristina Hinojosa

Kristina the Chiropractor. Crime: cracking backs and twisting necks.

Tori

Tori the whisper. I jump into random conversations and ask an awkward question or one that would cause an argument and sneak away

Bushcrank

The blue jay, who needs designated crossings?

Jessica henry

Creating villages of tiny homes for people with no housing (tiny homes are pretty much illegal in most places) name would be the downsize dame

Nicole B Bohart

Necrotic Nicole.

Leoné Viljoen

Neck Snap, Bone Crackle and Head Pop - The Cereal Killers. 😜 🥣

Alexa

Horror movie copy cat I would wear the masks of all my favorite horror movie monsters that are tattoed on me & duplicate their infamous crimes 🖤

Rex AM

Moonshiner, i'll be known for selling poisoned illegal liquor to Gangsters and other criminals.

Johanna

also I have to add that this is literally the most amazing Valentine basket I've ever seen!!!

Brittany Paulson

Crime: stealing people’s cooking pans Name: The Panhandler

Shanice

My nickname would be Cowboy Lurch and my crime would be annoying pretend finger gun slinging in public with a cowboy walk to match.

Johanna

OOh! My crime would be doing things to slightly inconvenience people. Like, putting an empty milk container in their fridge. Or only leaving one slice of bread in a bag. Un-pairing all of their socks. Emptying a shampoo bottle and putting it back in the shower. And my name in the press would be General Malaise!!

Maggie Jordan

The walking talking Stephen hawkin as a criminal mastermind... I love being an instigator :)

Laura Amoroso

Bloody Cat , killing Cats offenders with paws shaped. Nails

Emily Sickenger

The Crow Queen. I'd be doing petty crimes and general mischief with my ragtag gang of partially domesticated crows.

Kendra

Kendra the Knitting/Crochet Killer. I kill and then knit/crochet skin clothes back together, Killer crafts! :)

Erin Gertsen

Beat Slayer. The Beat Saber champion of the world! 😈

Jennifer A Fox

My crime would be saying hello to people’s dogs while I am on walks but not saying hello to the human owners. My name would be ‘The Attention Bandit.’