The Resigned Dilettante
patreon
Chapter 121: Staring at a canal and contemplating a potential end.
🕑 Added 2025-11-16 15:28:02 +0000 UTC[So I woke up this morning and realized that I had completely forgotten to post this yesterday. Extremely sorry. No excuse. Think I came up with a better title than I would have though.]
[Notice: Next chapter will be on the 20th]
“Buy these from me, would you?” I say, dropping a bundle of mass-produced magic weapons on Greg’s desk. Two of the heavy crossbows and a few daggers with basic enchantments I kept from the trip. “I’ll accept any price you can make a profit from, just make sure their providence can’t be traced back to me.”
“Oh… of course, my lord. Anything to serve.” He smiles greedily, not at the weapons and the profit he’ll make at them, but at me. “Oh, you’re a few days early, but I have this week’s tribute ready for you too.”
“Great…great.” I half mutter, lazily reclining in his chair and propping my head up with my arm.
“…Is there… something else I could do for you, my lord?”
I stare at him, contemplating. I was so riled up leaving Allan after he confessed his disinterest in the mission. I mean, what is that even about? Why is he even helping me if he doesn’t care about it? No, no, don’t get riled up again. It’s too exhausting. As it is, I don’t feel like doing anything, but I feel like doing nothing least of all.
“…Maybe, I don’t know…” I stare blankly, assessing him assessing me. “…You know, you’ve been a good client, Greg. Better than could reasonably be expected. And don’t think I’ve forgotten that I already owe you a boon whenever you’re ready to collect…” I pause to give him the opportunity to ask it, but he just continues to silently stare, evidentially either not ready, or not willing to risk it while I’m in this strange mood. “Anyways, I guess I was just wondering if you had any more little opportunities for me?”
“Opportunities?” he asks, seeming unsteady at my asking.
“Yeah, you know, like the clients you found me. Or not clients. It doesn’t have to be that big. Just… something to do, I guess.”
“I see… well, if that’s all you’re looking for, something to do, I do have a few minor things that might interest you. I wasn’t sure if the time was right, but since you did ask, I am ready to ask that boon of you, my lord.”
“Great,” I lean forward and smile in anticipation, “what is it?”
“Well, let us say that I have a minor rival in the low security section. An old man near death’s door with disputed natural heirs. Should he be removed, I would be in a position to snatch up many of his holdings. It would be especially fortuitous as your Mud Hares have made the requested progress, meaning that… well, I won’t bore you with the details, but I’ll be able to move things around more easily now, and expand more forcibly.”
“Sounds good. Would the body just disappearing work, or should I try to be more indirect?”
“Um… his family does have access to diviners, but nothing robust. I assumed you would be using your… I’m sorry, my lord, are you saying you’re agreeing to it?”
I shrug. “Of course, I trust that you won’t try to betray me in something so minor. Why wouldn’t I?”
“Well… no reason. I guess I just expected some minor hesitation. Consideration for potential consequences.”
“What’s the need? What benefits you benefits me,” and what benefits me benefits the mission. “Just, I get twenty per cent of the net profit for any expansion that results from this. Okay?”
“…As you say, my lord…Forgive me, I know it’s strange of me to ask, but did you maybe get in a fight with Baronet Linhal?”
I stare at him blankly. “…Why would you ask that?”
“Well, you did come in his carriage, so I assume you came from him, and you’re in this strange mood…”
I shrug and lean back again. “I guess I just realized our thoughts aren’t quite as aligned as I thought they were.”
“Pity,” he says in a consoling tone, but I see through the mask to the glee beneath. “On something important?”
“…Yeah, I’d say. I don’t know. He’s seemed so reliable in everything… well, most things. But, now I don’t even know why.” Why am I telling him this? I know what he’s going to do next. Am I seeking it?
“Well… isn’t your family relation enough to explain his help?” He says, trying not to seem too eager to pounce by stating something he assumes that I’ve considered and rejected.
“Heh. Not really.”
“Oh well, I’m sure he has his reasons, even if you don’t understand them…” he pauses for flair, and I struggle to not roll my eyes at how obvious what’s coming next is. “…though, in my experience, reasons that I can’t understand tend to be reasons I won’t like… But that’s just the experience of a lowly merchant. I’m certain it’s different among nobles.”
I grin, wolfishly. “Yes, so am I.”
“Yes…oh, since you did ask about minor opportunities, something else has just come to mind. I know you’ve refrained from gambling more because of Barrnet’s Linhal’s prohibition…” he pauses, just slightly to give me the opportunity to interrupt, which I decide to play along and take.
“My refraining from the activity has nothing to do with Allan. I just haven’t had the time, is all.” I snap, just a little bit more sincerely than I meant to.
He smiles victoriously, but quickly smooths it over. “Oh, well, in that case, I have excellent news. Viscount Monroe, if you remember her from the game where we first met? The one at your cousin’s party? Anyways, she invited me to a game in a few days, but the ante is a bit steep for me at the moment. However, it would be entirely appropriate for me to transfer the invitation to my patron. I had intended to offer it to the Talhals, but if you’re looking for something to do…”
I smile at the suggestion. It’s a perfectly adequate wedge, I suppose, but is he being so obvious about driving it between me and Allan on purpose, or is he really just that clumsy? On that note, why am I letting him manoeuvre me so easily? Why am I looking for things that I know Allan will disapprove of?
“What a marvellous suggestion. What’s the ante?”
“A half medium… gold that is.”
“Ah…That is a bit higher than before. Still, I recently acquired ways to increase my inflow.” I refer to my advanced plant growth spells, allowing me to sell increased quantities of rare herbs. “By all means, make the arrangement.”
“Good, my lord. The game was set for Ulday, which will give you a day to recover before going back to school.”
“Exactly what I need. Thank you… Well, I best be going then. That old man isn’t going to kill himself, heh …Is he?”
“Um… It would certainly be a cleaner approach. Unfortunately, I don’t know of any material to blackmail him with.”
“Usual approach then.”
He looks hesitant for some reason. “You aren’t going to use your Mud Hares for the job then?”
I shrug. “Seems like more of a hassle, no? They could do it, but not subtly, and a merchant worth a boon from me might be important enough to warrant an investigation, low security zone or no. Better to just have him disappear with no trace for divination to follow. Do you have any reason to disagree?”
“…No, I guess not.” I study him for a second, but decide the indecision was odd but benign. He would be more flustered if he meant to betray me.
I was planning on going to the Mud Hares today anyways, a pocket full of herbs and berries. So, I stop by and kill the old man on the way. It’s easy. He’s alone in his office, so I just go in the front door under concealment and slit his throat. The fireplace is going, so I quench it, then stuff him in it and liquify him, trusting the hardy stones to leave minimal trace of exposure. Then I cast a cleaning spell, use lesser firestream to start the fire back up, and leave quietly the way I came.
I find myself staring blankly at the canal where I dropped his corpseball… Did that really help the mission? Killing some random old man? He wasn’t even a noble, so I didn’t bother offering him. I mean, sure, it helped Greg, and so will help me. But… there’s some uneasiness, a hollowness that I feel. It’s a completely alien reaction to a killing. No satisfaction at a job well done in service of the greater goal, and no divine pleasure.
He didn’t even struggle when I killed him. Didn’t even look up. Just slumped forward without realizing he’d been killed… I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I thought I did, but that was a lie, wasn’t it?
Allan was supposed to be my handler, supposed to handle the strategy for fulfilling my mission. But there was no strategy. He was just… I don’t even know what he was doing. Why was he helping me? Towards what? Nothing he has done makes any sense if he doesn’t actually care about the cause. He should have just killed me when we first met.
He can’t be gaining anything from this. Hosting me is costing him time and money, especially teaching me what he has. Why would he do that? Despite what others say about him, he’s not trying to seduce me or anything so crass, or he would have done it by now. So, what does he get out of this if he’s not acting towards something greater than himself?
Can I trust that he’ll keep on helping me?
I guess I have to. Either that or kill him, which… I could, but… I don’t want to.
Ignore want. Should I? Sigh. It would complicate things. My not understanding why doesn’t change the fact that he has helped me. So why shouldn’t I assume that he’ll keep on doing so? Inductively, I should think so. After all, if you listen to some, causation can never be understood anyways. It’s all just constant conjunction, and his conjunction has been constant indeed.
I laugh out loud, causing a passerby to glance up as the sound briefly draws attention past my spell, so I decide to move on – walking along the dreary streets at a sedate stroll. Not really going anywhere, just using the motion to move my thoughts along.
Can I imagine him betraying me?
Not really.
Can I imagine him letting me down? Not being there at a critical moment?
…Yeah. Now that I know that he’s not committed, I can imagine him holding himself back when I need him the most. But, strangely, I can also imagine him holding nothing back to help me. I don’t know why I think that though.
I think I know why I talked to Greg about this despite knowing he’d try to use it to turn me against Allan. It’s because I knew he’d be clumsy about it, and make what I was already thinking seem ridiculous.
So yeah, I think I can still work with Allan, but… I can’t trust him to plan long-term anymore. I don’t know what future he even wants from me. Whether my gaining a position of power would be in line with why he’s helping me. So, just short-term help from now on.
That is, if he’ll even give me that, now that he has found out I’m still making the occasional sacrifice. Or, I guess he hasn’t. Just the one, and a few after. He’ll probably ask though, and I won’t be able to lie.
Who have I even offered since I met him? Just Henry (that was his name, right? The Thrushes’ leader) and Greg’s goons, I think. Well, I guess this will probably lead to him finding out about the Mud Hares being my clients. I have no idea what he’ll think about that. Probably disapprove, but I don’t know why.
Sigh. I might talk to him again before the break ends. Or maybe I’ll wait until the weekend after. I don’t know. Depends on my mood, I guess. For now though, I have some minor work to do, and I know growing the Mud Hares will help my mission eventually. Best keep myself busy.
