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Troll: 43. Winter Gala II

🕑 Added 2026-01-09 12:11:51 +0000 UTC

Comments

nugitoBambino

While I do think adding some more little actions and flow is a good idea, this feels over the top tbh. Wouldn't have even noticed it until the reread spurned by the comment (and there was the by-play at the end with the foot stomp/tickle), but on reflection, more movement and descriptors could elevate the scenes (taste of food? how's blaize feeling coming off his weak leg even if he's better? that sort of light callback stuff without clogging the story beats). then again i have an easy time visualizing these scenes and find them really entertaining. While it helps to have the canon characters to fallback on and Blaize's strong characterization from earlier chapters, really, it's just that I find this entire premise and exploration thought-provoking and interesting, which Fable does a great job on. so yeah, room for growth (always for everyone!) but mostly - TFTC!

AnonymousJohn

Author I beg you, please add some dialogue tags or action beats to your writing. Your dialogue is so rote; it legitimately sounds manufactured because it’s just X, Y, X, Y with nothing in between. It’s dryer than charcoal. I know this is an area you struggle with because you’ve mentioned it before. Unfortunately, once you mentioned it, I can’t stop seeing the problem. This chapter is an amazing example of shortcoming. The two characters are literally dancing. Why not break up the conversation with a bit of physical movement? A change in tempo? Why not describe facial expressions and physical reactions to words, instead of just “dialogue block” after “dialogue block”? The text after the line: “What the hell is your point?”, just goes on and on and on. It’s painful to read. It’s the same for the conversation with Malfoy. And this is not a unique example in… any of your stuff. “Plan? What Plan?” is extremely guilty of the same thing. Your actual dialogue isn’t strong enough or personalized enough to convey character moments. It’s very bland, and I think you realize this. Please break up the conversation with more physical movement and description!

Tony

I don't really get the vibe that he excuses her. He explains the thought process of a serial killer and calls her motivation "the thrill of the hunt" as he believes her unique murder method is a form of entertainment to her.

Nightblood

Honestly don’t understand how he’s making excuses for his mother, one of the reasons why I just couldn’t get into this story.

Sly Bayesian Fox

And I love it!!

Fabled Webs

I agree completely. He hasn't done anything to alter Lucius' behavior, and definitely nothing to alter the Wizengamot's introduction of new bills. So the diary would probably be introduced in second year anyway.

Néstor Rocha

A little silly to do this given Lucius is guaranteed ti give the book to Ginny next year. Its a political move against arthur for his raids, wanting arthur discredited by having his daughter found with a dark artifact. Its basically a canon event. Next year just find ginny in the train, stun her quick, get the book and dip. At school is a bit more complicated because of the map bu he can tip snape wholl tip albus. So my guess is blaise a a plan to screw with the malfoy that doesnt actually scree violet out of her black money.

Sumgai101

>“You know, Lord Malfoy. There is only one book that would be worth a king’s ransom.” >"You drive a hard bargain Zabini. Very well, in exchange for the Black vaults, I shall give you what you desire. The Malfoy family album, baby pictures edition"

DarkthShadow

Man really just said "Gimme the Horcrux."


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