akimama
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To everyone,I’m really sorry I haven’t been able to post for..
🕑 Added 2025-06-03 22:18:31 +0000 UTCTo everyone,
I’m really sorry I haven’t been able to post for two weeks.
Lately, I’ve been in a really bad place mentally, with my dad passing, stress from being a new mom and low self esteem that I just haven’t been able to film.
I’ve been stuck in a cycle of self-doubt, to the point where it was painful just to look at myself in the mirror.
The more I kept thinking, “I need to shoot something” or “People are waiting,” the more pressure I felt — and it became overwhelming.
In my videos, I act cheerful. But the truth is, I tend to fall into sadness sometimes.
I also struggle with social anxiety, and I’ve avoided interacting with people as much as I could. My fans have been my most treasured friends. And I’m so thankful for you.
Back when I was in college, people used to ask, “Why is she always so gloomy?”
I barely have any friends now outside of here.
(Even now, it still feels unreal that there are people following me.)
Because of that, I’ve always felt like I couldn’t show my true self.
So I’ve been playing a character in my videos.
And when I fall into a dark place, I can’t even look at my own face — so filming becomes so difficult.
But the reason I keep going forward is because I had a daughter.
I used to believe that if I showed my real self, people would reject me.
But now I feel like I can’t stay hidden in my shell forever — not if I want to be there for her.
I want to reconnect with the world, for her sake.
So little by little, I’m going to start showing more of who I really am.
Tomorrow, I promise I’ll film.
Thank you for reading.
