laxxxmark
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Hey guys…ya know what? Fuck… Sorry fellas I wish I could sa..
🕑 Added 2023-07-01 02:56:56 +0000 UTC Hey guys…ya know what? Fuck…Sorry fellas I wish I could say I got wrapped up with a bunch of Playmates and new a set of golf clubs and said “fuck it” for a week, but no… this one really hurt.
I got clobbered by a relapse I probably should have seen coming and would have bounced back from after a day or 2 but I lost one of my rugby brothers right in the thick of things. Cue aggressive pity party. So sad though- I loved this kid with all my heart. All of it. Fucking gone at 31. Brain anyeurysm they think 🤷♂️
Ya know what really hurt the most during this melée? I don’t mention her ever bc… actually I don’t know why I never mention her…but I had been dating a girl for the last year off and on. Jeni- total California girl from Ocean Beach who had become my best friend and de facto gf over the last year (which by no coincidence was also the best of my adult life) I finally just blurted it out and told her I loved her over a stack of pancakes a few weeks ago and I meant it 100%. She didn’t say it back immediately which is fine: I don’t wanna hear that shit if it’s not real…but she did come around a few days later and it was really great ❤️…I’ve only had this once or twice before
By now, I’ve sort of come accept my role as “Best Ex Boyfried EVER” ….as every single relationship I’ve ever had ended with an amicable and tender break up where the girl would usually take my hand or give me a real big hug and say “sweety…your great. I love you but…your sick” And after that the majority of the time these same girls would call me over the years anytime they were having issues with their current guy, needed a couch or armoire moved, needed bail or for plain old boozed-over booty calls. There was some love there for sure and this had been a nice (but kind of chickenshit) way of avoiding goodbyes which I hate more than just about anything…and it’s a better hand than most addicts are dealt. So I embraced it and do my best with it.
But this one! This was gonna be different! I fucking well got this! Mark LAX doesn’t fucking LOSE! Im a bad motherfucker yo! I’ll kick the fucking shit outve-yeah.….welp. Who am I kidding? I lose more than the fuckin Detroit Lions. I just get back up slightly quicker and have better stories about the scars. And I lost bad this time- 2 days after Jeni and I were enjoying overusing the L word just because….I went to go train and was having a swell liftt…and I just stood up from the drinking fountain towards the end of my sesh and immediately left and got blind fucked up.
I came home 2 days later looking like someone else and….I cried so hard it actually felt OK in a strange way after a while.
Now I’m better but still off…still working with childlike intelligence and dementia at 39 but…I know the drill. Jeni is sticking it out but I couldn’t imagine roping this poor girl into this sort of circus for the rest of our days. 😔
So now! Moving forward…I’m back playing musical hotels for a second and then New York next week. But after that- if anyone has a room for rent, is soberish, can keep it 75% professional and is in Southern California, and would like a large sort of handsome roommate- holler! I’m hilarious, will walk around naked as much as possible and am always making cheeseburgers. A fine roommate. Again, holler.
Now enjoy this large heap of previously PPVd jerkoff footage I’m just gonna leave here. And get ready for more porn collabs! - boys and girls…maybe even a lazy sheep that looked at me the wrong way- Im fucking everything that moves!
Love you guys. I would not be here getting back up as I claim to do so well without all you guys waiting rooting for me.
Mark
