claracosmia
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As per our traditions, nuddie on main when life has made me ..
🕑 Added 2021-10-13 05:28:16 +0000 UTC As per our traditions, nuddie on main when life has made me be away for a bit, fighting fires and ensuring needed rest (firmly, bcs I'm stubborn and still think I can push thru when I can't) 💪🏻 This way we can all be less sad I've been gone if this is what happens when I pop back up hehe plus it helps reinforce to my brain that this is safe (instead of the regular "you haven't posted in 3 weeks they all hate you, delete your acct and burn your pc" commentary) :) Woof well, it would appear I did the thing again where think everyone is only here for arse (which you've proven me wrong on time and time again but mental health a bitch of liar haha) so I don't post bcs I'm too sick and don't wanna be a downer but I do still want to share what's going on etc so was waiting till felt well enough to record video update so at least it's like we're spending more intimate time together but considering I'm still not there I think imma admit defeat and commit to text! I've been writing updates for weeks, I've got like 5 dif google notes going to cover all the shit that's been going on bcs somehow my life went even more off the rails (shocker I know). I'd finally get an update almost done but then three other fires had happened, I'd have to rest a bit, and before I knew it days and days were gone. The last month has been one of the worst of my life, just trying to survive has taken everything, and I ain't had no gentle stroll thru life so that says a lot hah If you've been watching my slow mental collapse on twitter you know losing my pain meds and my best friend (fight, not dead) did not hit me well, but what you didn't see is that I have been chipping away at working on spoopy content for my Cosmianauts here!! Creative darkness I know will bring joy has been the sliver of hope I've been clinging to. It lights my dark days, I literally fall asleep planning designs and stuff in my head to keep the anxiety demons at bay (not... Always helpful, but sometimes). Hoping I'll be able to wrap up some updates and posts soon but in the meantime know I'm still working my lil arse off but I'm really struggling physically and mentally with a plethora of illnesses flared/inadequately medically managed, so I appreciate you being gentle and patient with me so much 😭🥰 More later but the short version is the mini stroke flare overlapped with my 2nd dose vax flare to create excruciating pain & weakness, I was bed bound again for a few days and i didn't handle it well mentally, personal issues (w someone in my support structure) rly messing with me, cPTSD flared from medical and personal stuff, government pulled funding from my main pain med w no warning (the one that was the only reason I was able to do 6m of rehab to learn to walk again) and it's 3k a month w/o coverage fuk me amirite, and then I've been having a very hard time with my best friend, they're my main support but at the present we're not on the terms needed for me to lean on them. Sigh. And during all that here's a fun little example of how physical ailments can spiral fast when you're chronically ill: Allergies flared, caused sneezing fit which partially dislocated a rib, intense pain flare, couldn't sleep, worse pain, tried to reset but just flared/spazzed into neck, massive migraine, can't eat, anxiety flare, seizes muscles more, more pain, can't breathe, super fun time. Been dealing with the severe rib issues for almost two months now, causally getting stabbed if I breathe too deeply, JUST BCS I SNEEZED WEIRD FFS omg like come on universe gimmie a break lol, speaking of breaks I do not get, last week I tripped over Arthur, and injured myself pretty badly, twisted by bad knee, jammed my hip out of its socket it was not a good time SO IT'S BEEN A LOT Anyway in the midst of my t0rture and fog I have had some time to think about how I want to shape our space here and without giving too much away, I really love our community, but I want to level it up even more and make something special here Esp for anyone struggling w chronic illness or neurodivergence💕 Of course if you just wanna stick for the smut that's totes cool feel free to ignore the mushy community stuff, but I do hope you'll join us in helping each other to make our lives just a lil better 🤗 PS trying to catch up on PM's now hold tight I'm still having issues with how OF sorts them I try and always respond to tips asap they're my top priority obvs, but it keeps glitching and burying them so pls bear w me 🥺 PS how ridiculously long is my hair now??
