TW crying (happy ones and sad ones)
Woof, this is really ha..
🕑 Added 2022-05-05 20:02:19 +0000 UTC
TW crying (happy ones and sad ones)
Woof, this is really hard to talk about, but I know I need to share it publicly at some point but I'm not ready for that yet. I need a safe space where I know I'm supported first, so obviously I'm sharing it here whilst I work up the courage for publicly bcs I know you've got my back here and I feel safe letting you into this part of my life 🥰
I officially have a diagnosis of ADHD and I have a prescription for medication to help. I haven't talked about this process bcs it's been too stressful and I kept telling myself not to get my hopes up for it to be an answer the whole time so I didn't want to have to explain it all only to be another let down. But wow its been rough. It's went from a yr of slowly realizing I may have it, to fighting for months to get the diagnosis to fighting for more months more to get the meds.
As you know I have many battles on the go at once just trying to get through my day with all my health issues so obviously this was A Blo0dy Lot to handle on top and it's been a rollercoaster to say the least. I captured some of my feels to share so far today. I'll share more when I see how the medication goes but for now this is where I'm at. A ball of relief and joy and pure rage.
But I'm reminding myself I'm allowed that. I'm not going to swallow them like society taught me to, I'm going to cry and rage because it's messed up and this is a small sliver of processessing. The system is messed up and I shouldn't have been missed, I went to university disability supports begging for help in my last yr of uni finally bcs I couldn't cope anymore I knew something didn't work the way they wanted to in my brain, I even managed to get tested for dyslexia but still no one thought to suggest adhd BCS I wasn't struggling enough in the right ways apparenlty... Sigh anyway I'm trying to let it flow through me instead of sticking in my body bcs it wasn't my fault, there's nothing I could have done... Maybe eventually I can share my story widely & use my experience to help other ppl (esp women bcs it's so underdiagnosed for us) get help sooner. Bcs I'll be damned if I went through all that for nothing. But right now I'm recognizing I'm still just at the tip of figuring this all out for myself first.
Even though I have too many feels for my tiny body to process, & I already spent most of yesterday sobbing over everything going on in the world and with my family, this feels like the start of something that could really impact many aspects of my life positively. It's a natural truama response not to get your hopes up but part of me can't help it. I'm putting the energy out into the world this is gonna help dammit, and I know I've got you guys along for the ride and that makes me feel incredibly happy and grateful bcs I wouldn't have even been able to make this discovery without you all (and of course the disabled community on twitter), so I appreciate any good vibes you can send my way for this next step in my health journey, now living in the land of neurodivergence 🎉
