I learned a lot about myself and my triggers today in this v..
🕑 Added 2021-07-25 11:05:23 +0000 UTC
I learned a lot about myself and my triggers today in this video and I really think you should watch it if you struggle with how you feel/ how you think others feel about you
https://youtu.be/0m8iATgqzcw
I think #5 hit me the most and I didn’t realize how much not saying no was effecting my life
I think over the past four years I really discovered just how fucked up my life was when I was younger and how much it impacted my brain, health and nervous systems
I feel like I kinda do the 5 thing with my videos now, because I feel like I should be producing more content so I’m always asking people what they want to see and then I get upset with myself when they ask for things I haven’t done yet because I feel like what I have isn’t good enough. I used to do that at Costco tho I would take on any extra job or shift, and then be angry most of the time I did it because I always felt like I was unappreciated and nothing I did would ever impress people
Growing up my step dad would randomly spring into an angry rage that the house was dirty and the dishes were dirty (he also had 4 kids and never taught any of them how to clean/ neither did mom the house was always a mess)
So randomly they would both get angry and not talk to any of us but my step dad loved to add throwing dishes and tantrums to the mix (just a small window into my lovely life growing up)
All of this need for attention, validation, and my constant search for love is because I didn’t get any when I was little. Even though I didn’t have parents who gave me love or taught me how to care about myself/ for myself, I can still learn how to be my own parent at 25 (I’ve been trying since I joined Reddit because that’s what I found r/lifeafternarcissism)
Before that sub i didn’t realize that my parents were narcs or that other family’s had parents that loved their kids. I thought it was a parents “job” to raise their kids the way I was raised and I thought it made them tough and strong but that was just a shell I had on to protect myself and others from my crazy parents.
I know if I keep therapy up and watching helpful vids like this I will get better
Chiildhood trauma is no joke and having parents who don’t love you or notice you can really hurt your first years of life when you’re developing
And a lot of people who support me do so because they had similar pasts so this post isn’t just for me, I really hope it helps someone reading this too
I really believe that anyone including me can work on healthy habits and thoughts to overcome the bad ones
Gunna work on re parenting my brain and giving my inner childd what it needs today and then I’ll see what’s up this week
❤️❤️ I do owe you an apology because I get mad at the people who support me on onlyfans because my brain tells me they don’t love and appreciate the content that is souly my job to appreciate and love LOL
This wasn’t the easiest post to right but I know it will help me grow :)
