I am here because I love findom.
Let’s back up- around 4-5 ..
🕑 Added 2020-09-30 05:55:33 +0000 UTC
I am here because I love findom.
Let’s back up- around 4-5 years ago, I decided to take the plunge and immerse myself in the femdom lifestyle. I felt like I had finally found that I love doing. I found submissives, I played with them, gave them tasks and topped them day and night. But what I was always very careful about was ensuring they didn’t pay for anything until I knew them well. And even then, I would feel anxious about it. I hated the idea of someone trying to buy my affection, and felt that if I let them buy my meal on the first date, or pay for my coffee, or send me any sort of money, they would try to use that as leverage to make me do what they wanted. I feared them trying to flip the switch on me and use gifts as a form of control.
And there was a deeper reason, which had more to do with my reluctance to accept service, was that I was raised to shrink myself and take up as little space as possible. Any sort of service made me feel guilty for making someone else go to all the bother. The patriarchy does that.
But over the course of a few D/s dynamics, I started to grow even more comfortable with service and allowing others to pay for things. I had one sub for a bit who worked at Starbucks, and would always pick some up for me on the way to my apartment- to the point where it became a ritual.
My first real foray into findom was with my current sub, Jess (they/them). I had expressed my growing interest (heh) in findom and it was in talks of becoming a part of our dynamic. They had expressed that they were not too interested in findom as a whole, but like any good sub, they loved pleasing me, and loved when I got excited about something, and so they were eager to try.
Which culminated with us talking over brunch, when I announced over eggs benedict that I wanted to go shopping. My sub nodded, knowing that I meant that they were to drive me there and accompany me with my bags. They then suggested that I shopped on their dime, as this was something we had discussed previously, and offered a modest budget of around $150. Part of me now finds how low it was amusing. But we all must start somewhere.
Now, I do want to make it clear that this was my first real foray into findom, and trying to break out of the baggage I had with money was hard. The first shop we went to was a French Candian retailer, where I could walk between the different floors, looking at the options. But even then, I was nervous, checking price tags and trying to do the math in my head of what would be the best to pick.
“Master,” my sub said under their breath, “Stop worrying about the price tags.”
I flushed, a little embarrassed that I was still caught up with worrying about being too much.
Finally I settled on two dresses, one that was a mustard yellow corduroy overall type dress- cute and casual- and the other was a understated floor length green dress- more formal attire.
I went to the dressing room and tried on the corduroy dress first. It was cute, and my sub agreed when they saw it, but I didn’t feel like it suited my style too much. It didn’t make me happy. So, off with that dress, and on to the other. The material was far softer, which I enjoyed, but the hem was just a touch too long for me.
What cinched it for me was how much sub reacted the moment I walked out of the dressing room with the green dress, it’s materials swishing around my legs and shining every so slightly. I watched my sub go from hunched over in boredom while waiting for me to change- to suddenly sitting up at attention, their eyes going wide as they bit their lip and lowered their head. We had been together long enough to me to recognize when something made them feel submissive. I smirked and stepped on the little pedestal surrounded by mirrors the store had for viewing dresses.
“So, what do you think?” I asked, already knowing the answer, but enjoying making them say it anyways. They nodded furiously.
“Yes. Yes, definitely.”
That made me smile, as I twirled a little bit more just for fun. “Then we better go to the cash register, shouldn’t we?”
I changed, and made them carry the dress to the check out and pay for the dress while I made small talk with the cashier. The woman bagged it and handed it to me, and I immediately passed it off to my sub. I was not about to hold my own bags while I had a perfectly good sub waiting on me hand and foot.
Then, with a quick smile, we were out to the next store.
However, I must mention now that the dress I bought did not take up the entirety of my sub’s budget, and I started trying to think of what I could use the rest of the cash on- it was definitely not enough to buy me another dress of an acceptable quality. Sensing this, my sub offered to increase the limit. Of course, I tried to be the voice of reason, and say that we shouldn’t increase it, but at Jess’ gentle insistence, I accepted an increase. “I want to encourage you,” they said while accompanying me around.
The next shop had more formal wear, which I enjoy far more than casual clothing. When I am not working, I tend to be as high femme as I can possibly be. I browsed the store, glancing at all the options with vague interest until one of them caught my eye.
I don’t tend to shop frivolously. I don’t really buy clothes unless I fall in love with them- and I fell in love with this dress. I immediately tried it on, and admired myself in the mirror, how it hugged my curves and showed off my delicate collarbone.
The only problem was that even with the increased budget, it was out of the price range. I swallowed my desire and handed the dress to Jess to put away, but they had caught my adoration of this dress.
“I’ll buy it for you, it’s not a problem” they said, and I waved them away.
“No, you set a budget, it’s fine. We will keep shopping,” I said. Their face fell a little bit, so I added: “If we can’t find anything I like as much, we’ll come back.”
That seemed to placate them enough, and we then spent the next half hour listlessly looking through other shops, but nothing caught my attention in the same way, much to my disappointment. I felt caught between a rock and a hard place- I wanted that dress dearly, but I had already fudged the negotiations in accepting an increased budget, and I didn’t like that. I felt myself get increasingly agitated as I tried to figure out the best course of action. If the dress was too expensive, then what can I buy? What’s the point of buying something if I didn’t like it? But wouldn’t it ruin the point of our excursion to not buy anything?
Finally, my sub cut through my internal monologue, their voice low and pleading in the way that melts me every time:
“Please, Master. May I buy you that dress?”
I blushed, a little embarrassed that my thoughts were so transparent. “No, it’s okay, it’s fine,” I said, feigning disinterest, but they shook their head.
“Please. I want to buy you that dress. I want to make you happy.”
After a moment’s consideration, I nodded my head.
And that’s the story of my first findom scene.
