chaoticmouth
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Some earnest real human content for this Lord’s Day, for tho..
🕑 Added 2020-03-09 00:32:31 +0000 UTC Some earnest real human content for this Lord’s Day, for those who get off on knowing more about who I really am!I used to have an eating disorder that made me skinny. Then I had an eating disorder that made me fat. I spent about a decade losing my mind trying to chase the high of meeting the male gaze. I fucked all the jocks from my high school and every frat guy I could get my hands on and sucked my belly in for every nude I took. I realize now that I wanted to pass, to be desirable in a heterosexual way, because that felt like success. At the time, it was the only way I knew how to be. Don’t get me wrong — my sluttiness and cock addiction was innate. But I was ashamed of who I was and what I wanted, and so I buried that shame in insecure sex and hating my body.
I threw it all out the window when I met my girlfriend. I’m sure it was more gradual, but when I think back it feels like it changed in an instant: the night I met her and she grabbed my wrist and asked my name. She looked at me like she would devour me whole and I was terrified of her and couldn’t let her leave my sight. “I think I’m in love with your roommate,” I (immediately) texted my friend. ”She gets that a lot,” he replied. Despite the many years I pined for women, it was the first time my queerness really smacked me in the face.
In that instant, or maybe in those months before I finally kissed her, I realized that the male gaze could go fuck itself — and who was it for, anyway? I’d never had trouble finding men who wanted to fuck me. It was the fear that I would lose their attention that held me prisoner.
Once I was out I never looked back. I replaced my tidy flats and heels with Doc Martens and stopped wearing wired bras. I bleached my hair and dyed it neon purple. I’ve been attractive for my whole life, and at some points conventionally beautiful, but only since 2017 have I been HOT.
Since then I’ve come to know my sexual identity even more intimately and have found the place for my cock addict soul within my queer hotness. It took some time to practice both at once but now I have it all, and loving my fat dyke body has only made me a better fuck toy. My body is pliant and soft, begging for gropes and slaps, satisfying to pull on and press into and fuck deeply and roughly. I’m not the little doll I once was and some days I miss being little and lithe, but I wouldn’t ever go back to my sorority social chair days.
