grand_genesis
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So this year was the most character defining I've ever had!!..
🕑 Added 2024-12-31 18:01:13 +0000 UTCSo this year was the most character defining I've ever had!! Lots of trials by fire!! Learned a lot about who I am and who I want to be!! Took out the parts that made me unhappy, and also took a step back from the limelight!! đ„°
Thank you for staying with me :3 Happy New Years!!
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Man, truly what a crazy year this has been. Moving out was truly terrifying, but I knew I had to do this. Packed like sardines with everything I owned in my car smushing against the windows and driving at dawn all the way to Las Vegas was so crazy. And then moving in with somebody I barely knew đ
I started off with a lot of industry stuff!! My job was my life back then, so I did some really cool shoots!! One in a mansion, another full nude in full black and white, and then some anime girl one!! I went to some parties and some concerts and went out to experience the nightlife!! And boy, as an introvert was I exhausted đ but it was totally worth it to experience what I never had growing up!! Being wild and fun and a hot goth girl đ„°
Afterwards, I spent a lot of time with relationships. I was poly for a bit, but that wasn't the right dynamic for me. Especially with what I really needed. Spending time with people I found comfort with was good, but I just needed something more focused.
And then I met my soulmate, and everything clicked!! It's so nice to have somebody who fully understood me! Who was like me!! Somebody who made me feel like I was... safe. Loves for me and who I am, not just what I look like and loves me in any shape I'm in. Who says the same fucked up jokes and knew what I want to say when I can't get the words out. Who everything feels effortless with, like I don't have to entertain or put on a mask or feel pressured or hide my feelings!! Who can provide for me and give me a life I always dreamed of. Just a silly simple life for a silly simple girl đ„č
I proposed in our little hotel room with a small song I recorded, and he proposed when we were at Disneyland!! Then I got to be the girl I always was at Trans Prom!! I felt so cute in my green dress and goth outfit đ„°đâš And then we got married!! Nobody else but us, because that's all we need đ„čđ also I had no friends or family to invite LMAOOO đ
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It hasn't been all sunshine and rainbows, I have been really gloomy this year. My depression really hit, because I truly did lose a lot this year. Some of it was of my own doing, to protect myself. And some of it was just because of serious stuff outside of my control. I gained a lot of weight because of it, and that's been really affecting my already low self esteem.
I do my best to be cheery and optimistic, but... I broke. I'm not sure if y'all noticed when it happened, or if anybody did. But I've been piecing together the pieces of the woman I used to be, and I think I've been doing a good job!! It's still rocky, and I struggle to get out of bed and do anything really, but I've been able to smile!! And joke and stream and take care of myself!! That's enough for now, right? đ„ș
I think I've grown up a lot. I've learned what I truly want. And who I really am. What matters to me now is far bigger than my job, what I yearned for, and what I thought I wanted. I learned who truly cares for me, and who just wants to use me. I lived through a lot this year, and though it wasn't as exciting or vibrant as last year, I think that it's was the most important development to set up for the best year of my life đ„°đâš
Here's to 2025!! Happy New Year!! đ„°đâš
