hi everyone, just a quick update! <3
i’ve been dealing with..
🕑 Added 2022-06-03 09:49:40 +0000 UTC
hi everyone, just a quick update! <3
i’ve been dealing with a lot of personal stuff the past few weeks and it’s starting to take a serious toll on my mental health. i have no energy or motivation for anything because of how stressed and depressed i am. my thoughts are racing 24/7 and they’re nothing but negative thoughts and replays of all the events that have happened these past few weeks, i’ve had headaches constantly because of it and i’m so mentally fatigued that it’s effecting me physically as well. i’m losing sleep and when i finally manage to sleep *(which is only possible if i take my panic pill now)* i don’t sleep well. i’m extremely depressed; my mental health overall is the worst it’s been in a while. i have so many things that keep piling on top of each other and it’s becoming unbearable and too much for me to manage all at once, i don’t know what to do. usually i am good at planning things out and managing my stress when i’m feeling this way, but i haven’t had so many things happening to me all at once like this in a long time.
i am incapable of taking an actual break simply because i would feel too guilty and you guys are my top priority.
i’ve done nothing but overwork myself for so long that i’ve gotten used to it, but with all of these other things i’m struggling with, i can’t push myself any further despite me trying my best to do so. i’m going to try and focus on my mental health so i can be at my A game, kick some ass, and make dope content. when i made content on tuesday, it didn’t come out as good as i would’ve liked it to because my life has been nothing but negative and i can’t escape it, it follows me everywhere. i promise i’m trying as hard as i can to find enough motivation in myself to make more content, but things are really difficult for me right now and i’m worried if i keep trying to push myself to make content as soon as possible it will continue to be bad quality, and i don’t want that. needless to say, new content is going to be delayed and i want this delay to be as short as possible, trust me. i still will be responding to messages daily.
i’m at my breaking point and i can barely function, i’m basically incapable of producing content at the moment; but i also want you guys to be satisfied no matter what my circumstances are, so i’m at a stand still.
i feel like the only way my condition right now will get any better is with a lot of help from my therapist, and i don’t have a session with her until next week.
i was trying my best not to make a post about this because i didn’t want you guys to worry about me and i didn’t want to put my problems onto you guys’ shoulders, i wanted to push through it behind the scenes, keep you guys out of it and not make it known that i was really struggling, but things seem to be getting worse and worse. i’ve always wanted to be nothing but transparent with you all and keep you guys in the loop, so i feel like no matter what i would’ve had to make this post eventually.
i’m incredibly sorry and again, i promise i’m trying my best despite everything and i’m giving it all i’ve got, even though i don’t have much to give right now.
i hope you all can understand and wish me luck with this mental battle i’m going through, it’s really tough and i’ve gotten to such low points lately that i was considering doing things that are not good for me just for some temporary relief, and i’m embarrassed because of it.
that’s all, i hope you all have a good day :)
