Some Thoughts About Monogamy, Part 2
I want my partner to e..
🕑 Added 2021-12-01 04:22:52 +0000 UTC
Some Thoughts About Monogamy, Part 2
I want my partner to experience all that life as to offer. When he wants to sleep with someone else it doesn't have to mean that he loves me any less. I’m polyamorous by nature, so I can love multiple people romantically. Many people aren't capable of that, but I am. It’s not a choice, it’s just who I happen to be. I’m made of infinite love. Of course jealousy is a real issue, but it stems from insecurity, so in healthy relationships people accept jealousy as a sign that they need to work on things. I can be very jealous just like anyone else, but I'm usually reasonable about how I handle that jealousy. I don't fly into a rage at the woman who fucked "my" man. I don't become passive aggressive. Jealousy is an opportunity to examine your insecurities and to work hard to overcome them. It's easier said than done of course. But difficult things are often worth the effort. One way some couples handle it is by going to couples' counseling together once or twice a month. I've never done couples counseling but I'm a big proponent of counseling in general.
What’s big for me is this: I do not want to go into a relationship with the expectation of only having sex with that person for the rest of my life. I prefer to go into it with the explicit understanding that we’ll do fun, adventurous things down the line when we inevitably get stuck in a sex rut. I've had a lot of near death experiences and as a result I'm acutely aware of how short life is, and of how important it is to really live it. I am not willing to live in an unhappy, sexless marriage for years. My sex drive is often very strong for a while and then it'll just go away for an entire month (if I'm sick, for example). The pressure to provide a happy sex life for my husband when I'm not up to it for however long kills my sex drive even more. I will happily watch my man fuck someone else if I'm too ill to do it myself. Why not? I'll be like Kris Jenner with her camera, "You're doing amazing, sweetie!" I briefly was in an open relationship with my ex, and during that time I helped him build an effective tinder profile and helped him talk to girls on there to get him laid. It was fun. To clarify one thing: I know this rambling, messy post makes me seem like I'm obsessed with sex, but I would date an asexual person as long as I could have sex with other people. I love you, my asexual friends <3 A big issue for me is that in every single relationship I've ever been in, somewhere between the one- and two-year mark I get bored with our sex life and lose sexual interest in my partner. No matter how much I love and adore him. I start to feel stuck. I find that sex with someone else sprinkled in here and there makes me want my primary partner more. I feel more excited by the prospect of sex in general if I know I'm not limited to my boyfriend (no matter how great my boyfriend is.)
There's also the matter of trust: My boyfriend trusting me to love him and to stay with him even when I'm hooking up with someone else turns me on. That degree of trust makes me feel safe and secure in my relationship. That's a soulmate. If my boyfriend trusts me to go on a roadtrip without him and have sex with one of my friends on the way, then I know my boyfriend really loves me. And maybe he's getting some back home too. Then when I get home we can show each other how much we missed each other. When I feel caged my sex drive dies. My partner trying to control what I choose to do with my body is a turn off. That's not to say that I dislike dominance. I'm a switch. I like a man who can take charge and who can take care of me. But my body will be my own and no one else's. Because of my disability, I've fought tooth and nail my entire life for my body. When you have a disability that literally takes away your ability to control your muscles you quickly learn to value control and body autonomy. I put an enormous amount of trust in my sexual partners by giving them access to this squishy flesh vessel. It's an honor. Just like it's an honor for me to have access to theirs. I'm not opposed to sexual ownership in general--some men want their dicks owned, and that is A-Okay. I'll own my man's dick if he wants me to. Fun. Another option for commited relationships is this: as long as both of us are using condoms when we're with other people and are being STD-tested regularly, then we can fuck without condoms with each other. I said that badly so here it is again: my theoretical boyfriend and I can choose to only use condoms with other people. Creampies of Trust.
A flawed metaphor (it's a work in progress, ok??): If you keep a bird in a cage, cool, you've got a bird to show off. But if you have a bird without a cage and it chooses to sit on your shoulder of its own free will, then that bird really loves you. You can really show that bird off and look like a pirate. That's impressive. The bird might fly outside for a while here and there but it always comes back to you.
People often assume that I must be a very disloyal person, but if you really know me, you know it's not true. I'm the kind of person where my close friendships are forever--I've been friends with my core group of friends (five people) for 15-20 years. They're in my last will and testament. I love my friends dearly and I do as much as I can for them. I choose my friends carefully but once I've chosen them they're my friends forever. Love is important to me. I want true love, romantic love, and stability and commitment and kids and adventure. Maybe I want more than most people dare to ask for.
Who knows, maybe someday I'll decide I love monogamy. Maybe when I'm a mom I'll fall in love with the stability of monogamy. I hope I get to spend my life with someone who wants to explore the possibilities with me.
