benjaminkoll
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Good morning guys, after the tops and bottoms story, let's g..
🕑 Added 2024-06-04 15:00:50 +0000 UTC Good morning guys, after the tops and bottoms story, let's go back to the Jacuzzi, relax and talk about something that has happened to me in the last few months ☺️Erections: To give you some context, all my life I have always had easy erections, I would get an erection when I traveled in a car, I would get an erection when I got anxious or nervous, I would get an erection when someone put a camera in front of me... and so on. I even had episodes of priapism, for example one time I was with an erection for five hours that nothing would make it come off, I wasn't even able to come, and in the end it became painful. Another time I was in the Canary Islands one night and didn't want alcohol, so my ex gave me a Red Bull, the second we discovered it had an unexpected side effect on me, I got an erection that wouldn't come down and became visible in my spare summer clothes 🤣
So with all that in mind, the first time I had erection problems was a total surprise to me. I had spent many moments in my life trying very hard not to have an erection (at the doctor's, at the chiropractor's, in locker rooms, on beaches, etc.), and then all of a sudden, when I was 52 or 53, one day I noticed that although I still had an erection, it was not as strong as it had been a week before. Then it happened again and again (I tried to be a top, unsuccessfully) and I decided to go to the urologist. Turns out there was a medication I was taking for my arthritis that was interfering with it (my history with medications and the road to getting a proper arthritis diagnosis is a whole other chapter, so I'll make the long story short). But I did prostate and testosterone tests anyway. My prostate antigen was great, no risk, the prostate size was small and the free testosterone was low, but not much. So the doctor just told me to watch my sugar levels and try to exercise more.
But as if some of it was caused by my mind, just going to the doctor made me feel better and although I wasn't back to full strength, I was about 90% back and considering my age, I felt okay with that.
Fast forward to the end of January this year, I'm 56, Beefdip is about to start, and I've had some pain in the pelvic area for about three months. I went to the doctor again but he said it was probably a harmless infection. He gave me antibiotics, but the pain wasn't completely gone.
Beefdip wasn't a good experience for me this year, I got sick again because of the bad AC and going in and out of places with it, and (unknown to many) I was helping them out again by running social media and communications, something I had been doing as a favor since 2016. Well, this year the shit hit the fan and many other operators decided to do parallel bear events in Puerto Vallarta the same week to try and steal Beefdip's flame, and some of them used very low tactics to get heard. One of the operators with more money hired trolls and all kinds of shitty things online to attack Beefdip and its founder. I had to be on the receiving end of all this and it triggered a lot of past trauma in me (I was bullied for a short period of time in my teens, short but enough to leave a mark in my subconscious) which led me into a PTSD situation once the week was over. I had to jump right into therapy, and one of the first things I noticed is that I was unable to get an erection or have sex at that time.
It was scary, I tell you.
I was very aware that most of my income came from subscriptions and the content that they (you) wanted to see. I was also worried that there was something more serious going on because the pain was increasing. But the therapy helped from the very first session. I noticed that I could get an erection (not a very strong one, but an erection) if I relaxed enough, if I didn't get into my head and start thinking about doomsday scenarios. I was able to regain that ground little by little, but I was not able to come no matter what we tried. And when I did, it was very little, like a drop. I had to go back to the doctor...
And I will continue this story tomorrow. Please let me know if there's anything you'd like me to talk about. I want to go over a lot of things. But I'll try to keep it entertaining as well. Have a great Tuesday 😘❤️
