***Clip title: You'll Always be Outsmarted***
Domination is..
🕑 Added 2021-12-07 22:43:44 +0000 UTC
***Clip title: You'll Always be Outsmarted***
Domination is as much of a psychological game as anything else. Betas rarely arrive at my feet perfectly moulded into their final form. Not only are most of you simply inadequate at serving to my standards, but you come with your vanilla ego in your back pocket. This vanilla ego acts as an anchor, keeping you tethered to some (unrealistic) expectation of how deep you think you'll go into submission. On some level, then, you hold a belief that you can or will resist my power.
What you've failed to realize is that domination is far more subliminal than what you imagine. So while it is absolutely true that you have the ability to resist, you're completely unaware of the ways I am slowly reprogramming your brain. I know you are aware of the power you hold as a submissive, and I know you will use it defensively when you feel my heavy hand pressing you down, figuratively speaking. That's why a great Domme will never lead with full psychological domination. The trick isn't to tell you to obey me, but rather do the work in the front end to leave you thinking you actually don't have a choice. This front-end work is always subliminal, sub-textual, nuanced. If it weren't consensual, it'd be considered emotionally abusive.
Let me ask you a question: Have you, or someone close to you, ever been in a characteristically emotionally abusive relationship? Before you answer that, we must operationalize the term 'emotional abuse'. For one partner to be rude or mean to the other doesn't approach the threshold of emotional abuse. A dynamic becomes emotionally abusive when the partner seeks to convince their partner that they somehow caused the outcome or deserve it. Let's illustrate: Man X loses his temper and calls his girlfriend a bitch, apologizes, tries his hardest never to disrespect her like that ever again. Man Z loses his temper, calls his girlfriend a bitch, apologizes for it, but tells her if she doesn't want to be called a bitch again then she shouldn't make him angry. See the difference? This is why it seems nonsensical to an outsider that the abused partner does not just leave; the outsider fails to recognize the mindfuck underpinning the dynamic, which is that the abused partner has internalized the notion that *they* are the problem, and by extension, that *they* are responsible for and can control the other persons' actions.
Now, how do such abhorred emotionally abusive individuals find people who will date them? The answer lies in the front-end work they must do to convince the potential partner that they are safe. Imagine if on the first date a man or woman lost their temper, shouted profanities at their date, then told their date that the date is responsible for their outburst? The date would end and would be followed by a quick block and delete. This is because people go into first dates with eyes open and antennas up, constantly scanning for red flags that they should resist. People with emotionally abusive tendencies know this, and are thereby on their best behaviour until they've gained enough trust to start doing the damage.
By this point you should be able to see the parallels I am drawing between romantic relationships and D/s relationships. People go into the dating world with guards up, as do subs when they enter my world. In the vanilla world, people are seeking for hints of red flags or toxicity, of which they wish to resist and avoid. In my world, subs scan for hints that I might be trying to push them deeper into the subspace than they're comfortable going, of which they wish to resist and avoid so as not to violate their vanilla ego. Obviously, I want them out of their comfort zone, and subconsciously they do too. But the vanilla ego will always rear its ugly head with the same old I-love-submission-but-I-would-never-do-*that* lie.
The problem for people in the dating world and subs like you is that while you're scanning for your respective signals, you're actually missing the quiet signs that someone is working you into their web. In the dating world, people rely on cultural tropes to identify "good" or "bad" people. He calls his mom every other day and takes care of his nieces and nephews on a weekly basis? Must be a good guy. Suddenly, this becomes his salient feature while his backhanded compliments become minimized. Similarly, as a sub you rely on BDSM tropes to try to predict how you'll need to defend yourself from being pushed down the rabbit hole. You watch the ways I push my subs to do humiliating things for me, so by the time you're at my feet you've already come up with an exit plan in case it gets too dark. Yet, you're so focused on the external performance of my domination that you're failing to recognize the ways I am starting to make you believe that you owe me full submission.
There are two fundamental differences, however, between the dating world and the D/s world. The first I've already alluded to, which is that the emotional manipulation you experience under a Domme is consensual, whereas in the vanilla world emotional abuse is not (well, *mostly* is not ... that's a thorny subject that I'm not going to unpack here).
The second is that you're far more vulnerable to emotional manipulation than a layperson in the dating world. Anyone can encounter an emotionally abusive person - dating is a lottery. While not everyone would end up in an emotionally abusive relationship, most can at least escape them with adequate social support. Further, emotionally manipulative people are not necessarily emotionally intelligent. Most often, their behaviours are knee-jerk reactions to their insecurities being activated, quite unlike the calculated processes of an experienced Domme.
By virtue of being a sub and having submissive tendencies you actually *select yourself into* an emotionally manipulative D/s relationship. You know what it feels like to be in the presence of people who are able to process information much more quickly than you, who can see the contours of power far better than you'll ever be able to. You know you are not "dumb" and are probably smarter than at least some people you know. But you are also acutely aware that the type of intelligence a Domme possesses is innate - not one you can ever acquire from reading books or life experience. You're attracted to a particular Domme *precisely* because she has the ability to outsmart you. You can sense she is cunning and calculated even if you can't identify exactly how. You are comparatively limited. You have massive blindspots.
And it's precisely because you have these blindspots and she is all-seeing that you're attracted to her like a moth to a flame. Your inability to anticipate the course ahead of you is what selects you into seeking submission in the first place. You don't want to submit because you think she's hot and you like having things put up your butt. You want to submit because you want someone who is *always* one step ahead of you to take control over your mind and actions. And your ego is always going to try to anticipate ways to resist her control, but resistance is futile because her intelligence in far superior. Watching you try to wriggle out of her control is like watching a toddler trying to outsmart an adult. *Très amusant*.
And this is the theme of today's clip: your intellectual inferiority. Go buy the extended clip and try not to cry as I share these truths.
