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2020….. For those who have been following me for quite some..
🕑 Added 2020-12-28 21:08:22 +0000 UTC 2020….. For those who have been following me for quite some time, you would know the importance of this year for multiple reasons. I’m very open about my mental health and healing, and ive happily shared every struggle and uphill battle in hopes of speaking to someone who is also going through or has gone through such a time. In September of 2019, I tried to take my own life. If you told that girl that her life would significantly shift come 2020, I would not have put my body through what I put it through in 2019. But I had to hit that bottom, I had to lose everything, and I had to rebuild. What I understand now is that everything that has happened to me is for my growth. The difficult times made me many things - stronger, wiser, more relatable, more authentic, more loving, tougher, more creative. I'm no longer denying that portion of my life. Instead, I'm accepting that it has everything to do with the person I am today. And I like that person. She's not so bad. Once I recovered from being in the hospital and returning home from San Francisco, I began my healing journey. And come December 2019, I wrote down my goals for 2020. Scroll to see my goals for the year. The theme of 2020 was discipline. I wanted discipline is all that I do - career-wise, healing wise, and self-love wise. For my career, my intention for 2020 was simply to go all in. Before opening OF, I wasn’t putting out work that I was proud of. So, part of the all-in experience of my work was to start making shit I fucking loved. The motivation behind this was that come 2020, I wanted to be able to tell the people I meeet irl that I do this and im proud of it. Before 2020, I couldn’t do that. This also meant being more authentic to myself, my work, and my relationship with pleasure. More things on this list I wrote exactly one year ago that I was able to fulfill was: Inspiring someone. Connecting more with like-minded women in the industry. Challenging my creativity. The list for self is long and difficult, but I managed to conquer all of it. The balance didn't come until the last two months of the year. It wasn’t until my time in NYC did I realize boundaries needed to be placed on my work in order to balance my life out. November and December 2020 was spent figuring out my boundaries and acting on them as an act of self-love. Through my experience in NYC, I was able to trust myself. Or, feel, for the first time in my entire life, what trusting myself felt like. This is and will forever be an ongoing process for me, but I got a taste for it and that’s all I needed to know that I want to work hard at this for the rest of my life. I said it before but NYC would not have happened without you. There's not a day that goes by when I don't write my Get Your Brain Right crew on my list of things I'm grateful for. NYC was truly iconic and life-changing, and I only have you to thank for it. More and more, I’m able to use my voice. SC has helped a lot with that. You guys encourage me to use my voice daily on there. And honestly just having a space to tell you my thoughts and experiences and you’ll LISTEN and HEAR me has been such a big part of my healing. Every day im on SC, im working on using my voice. This, however, will be an ongoing challenge for I still do struggle with finding the right words to say whether its on social media taking a stance or going up for a debate with family/friends. Just know that you all are helping me every single day with this and I am so beyond grateful to have so many of you in my life who truly, truly care for me and what I have to say. I also learning how to be alone this year! Which, phew! Was scary and lonely at times but I now feel comfortable chillin with myself and my thoughts. That is HUGE progress. And im really proud of this. I haven’t gotten my nose job yet, but believe me when I tell you I will. Your opinions are appreciated, but they do not matter to me when it comes to my face and my femininity. I will be shaving the bump and I would appreciate it, when the time comes in April, for unconditional support throughout the process. More on this later but you'll want to join travel snap in 2021 :D imjustsayin I wrote “I want to document more of my time” before COVID hit so….hopeflly I’ll be able to do that more this upcoming year. I did heal my health. Every day I'm getting better and better. I’m still working at the whole “experiencing pleasure without earning it.” The more my libido spikes from the healthier I'm becoming, the easier I am at giving and receiving pleasure. But, you know, growing up in the catholic system, there is just so much shame still tied to it all. But I’m working at it every day and again, you guys supporting my erotic side helps more than I can even put into words. As for friendships, I’m pretty happy with where everything is! I mentioned this on sc the other day but im happy with where my friendships are and I plan on continuing to put energy into those who put energy into me. That goes for my girl friends and the amazing men I meeet online. I wanted to break this all down for you because I wanted to show you that I hit basically every single goal for 2020. And then some. Write your goals down. Set your intentions. If you put it into the world THE SIMULATION WILL GIVE IT TO YOU. jk. But really. Write that shit down. It’s so powerful.
