theferalphilosopher
onlyfans
Hiya, humans. This might be a long one, so buckle up and ho..
🕑 Added 2024-04-04 23:55:47 +0000 UTC Hiya, humans.This might be a long one, so buckle up and hold on to your horses and sow your wild oats. Whatever you need to do. Also, TW. Brief mentions of suicide.
I don’t really know how to start this, so I’m just gonna jump into the deep end. 💦 6 mos ago, when I first started this acct, ppl would frequently inquire as to why I was here. My answer was always the same: 1. I need a creative outlet, and 2. I need to make money in order to survive.
Here’s the longer version:
Until abt a year ago, I was a philosophy PhD student. I’d finished much of my preliminary work (course work, second year paper, which is akin to a masters thesis, etc etc etc). But I was *very mentally unwell*, and I basically fled the state, fled the program, turned off email notifs, stopped teaching. All the things. lol
Prior to my abrupt departure, I’d attempted suicide several times, and been hospitalized on multiple occasions. I was subsequently diagnosed with adhd/autism. I had insurance through school, but when you take a medical leave… you lose your insurance. So, as you might guess, this can really fuck up your ability to take advantage of that time to genuinely heal and recover. lol I was on meds/off meds/on meds/off meds so many times that I really don’t even care to attempt counting. All for asinine reasons, such as losing my insurance while on medical leave.
I’m just going to cut to the proverbial chase and say that, I ended up fleeing for my actual life (lmao). And thus you find me now. In a much better place, but still very much aboard The Struggle Bus. I’m probably the fucking driver, at this point. lol Welcome, my friend. Let’s go for a ride. Hehehe
Anyways. Entire point of the post: I’m here because my brain needs a project. I need smth to do and work on. I want to talk abt random ass shit that crosses my mind. I want to make chaotic philosophy videos and get naked. I want to start doing more lives (I’ve only done one, thus far). I want to start doing more video chats. All the good stuff! I enjoy these things, when I feel motivated.
However, I’m currently struggling with access to meds again. This time, it’s a temporary situation. We’re figuring out dosage and also which meds work best for me. This means that I am going through periods without access, while the pharm orders the new ones. Or while I wait for next appts. (The script is always several days shorter than the span between appts.) I know this probably doesn’t sound like a huge fucking deal, but my brain chemistry says otherwise. And at this present time, I am struggling to remain motivated (to do anything). I am struggling to remain consistent, and engage in activities prior to ~2pm on a daily basis. (Btw, I’m using the tilde to mean “approximately” and not as a negation sign, as it’s used in phil.)
Having said all of that: I’m not going anywhere. I will still be here. I still need smth to work on. I still enjoy being silly and talking abt bullshit while I lotion, or get naked, or play with a dildo, or whatever else I get up to. I just want you to know that *for the time being* I will probably be less consistent, and I wanted you to know why.
I find myself now, struggling with the age old problem, of how to wrap this up. What are conclusions anyways? Jk, they are actually fairly important. lol
How about this: my brain is a chaos sludge puddle rn.
*The End*
PS
Before I started this acct, I had the idea of reading my 2yp aloud, while stripping or doing whatever sexy stuff. Would you be into that? Lmfao It’s not published (so humble), so it’s anonymous and safe. I think. And maybe you’re a weirdo like me, who finds words sexy af. Idk.
PPS
Pic is not current. It’s from grad school. Speak of the actual devil…
