I decided I’m going to start keeping a journal about the not..
🕑 Added 2022-06-22 00:17:47 +0000 UTC
I decided I’m going to start keeping a journal about the notable stuff that happens in my life, and posting it on here. Basically like you are reading my diary. HOPE YOU DONT HATE IT! And if you do, I mean. I get it.
LETS BLOW THIS POPSICLE STAND!
11:08am - I am deep cleaning my kitchen, listening to music quite loudly on my Bluetooth speaker.
11:22am - holy Hannah it is HAWT in here. Ugh 🥵 i should open up some windows and the inside door. I’ll just leave the screen door closed (because it’s also slightly covered in vines so semi?ish privacy?ish 🤷♀️ Whatever) Keep cleaning.
11:28am - WOOF! It is still so vur hot in here. There is a mild chance I might perish. I should write my mother a good bye letter, but I don’t know if I have the strength… ANYWAYS. IF I’m being more realistic. I should probably just take my hoodie off.
*>peels hoodie off<*
Oh holy! Totally forgot I wasn’t wearing a shirt, bra, or anything under that. Umm (in a very poorly done shrill british accent) hwell laydeeees it seems you have been let out of the pasture. Don’t wander too faaar.
12:10pm - Hey Ya! By outkast is playing (For full effect , I would play it yourself)
(No don’t worry. I will wait)
K back to the story. SO I’m just scrubbing the back tiles behind my stove top. And let’s just say… I am shaking it like a Polaroid picture. Okay, you get the picture.
12:11pm - “Ummm. Hello?” I hear from a strange voice.
*>I whip to face the source of the voice<*
OH MY GIDDY GODS TROUSERS! HOLY PANTALONIES! Some DHL delivery driver and I lock eyes. His eyes instinctively dart down to the chestnuts. He whips his head 90 degrees to the left, staring into what I can only assume is a void of anxiety. Panic sweeps across his face.
At the same time as him averting his eyes, my hands fly up to cover my New York Titys.
He must have looked in and called because my music was so loud, I wouldn’t have heard a knock. And my dumb doorbell is busted.
“I’m so sorry!” He sputters out
“No oh my god, IM SORRY” I basically yell at him as I run down my hall to go put a shirt on.
I quickly emerge from the hall, with my “relax im hilarious” shirt on (it was the one closest to the bedroom door that was on the floor)
I walk up to the front door. His face still GLUED the direction he turned it to only moments ago.
He tells me “I just have this delivery here that you need to sign for”
Meanwhile his face is ten different shade of red (as i can only presume based on the heat RADIATING from my cheeks, that mine is too) and he is avoiding looking at me, as though the sight of me would start the apocalypse. Which really, it might have. So I get it buddy. I. Get it.
“Oh, um, yeah”
*>I say as I sign one small squiggle with all the speed of a bolt of lighting<*
“Thanks bye!” He says and turns on a dime, briskly walking back to the van.
He starts to climb in, having not glanced at me once since the “incident” (imma call it ‘the incident’ going forward)
I blurt out, “IM REALLY SORRY ABOUT MY BOOBS” before he is fully inside. His whole body tenses up and he hesitates climbing in. Just for a microsecond before hurrying into the drivers seat.
Why the feck did I say that? That was the exact thing I shouldn’t have done. Omgomgomg.
*>panic slams door<* UGH oops I only wanted to close it fast. Now he’s gonna think i was being sarcastic and angry. And he’s already so stressed.
12:13 - Well, cool. I just ruined this delivery drivers afternoon and probably his whole evening.
He peels out as fast as his Kleenex box on wheels can.
—————————-
So today I learned 4 things.
1) Don’t leave your door open with music on too loud to hear a knock.
2) Dont bare titty dance/clean within the line of sight of the front door.
3) Don’t scream an apology at someone if you accidentally flash them. It’s just scary and weird.
4) porn is NOTHING like the real world.
——————————————
Anyways I hope that you learn from this and don’t have to face the same embarrassment that I did today. Or at least that it brought you some form of joy reading about my spiral into acute agony.
BYEEEE 💋
AA
P.S. In other news. I am moving and legally changing my name.
