Hello my dear friends and fan-mily,
I am going to try to ke..
🕑 Added 2022-10-18 17:00:14 +0000 UTC
Hello my dear friends and fan-mily,
I am going to try to keep this as short as possible (so as to not bore you into a state of mental paralysis), and as serious as possible. I will not cheapen the important issues I must address with feeble attempts at self deprecating humor, as history might suggest I would.
I am not a monster. I have grown and matured over this time of self reflection. So sit back and watch me be all "real and vulnerable" and not "hiding my feelings" behind "dumb jokes". And yes, I do know how to "properly use quotation marks", thank you for asking. No, really. Thank you.
As I presume you may have noticed by now, I elected to take a step back from my online presence. I found that in my attempt to bring joy to others, I was neglecting my own needs. Like sleep and skin care, as I am sure you will probably tell in my next video, from my cold dead eyes, and a face that more closely resembles an avocado you forgot about in the back of your fridge, than it does a human girl. This is not funny, I implore you to take this very seriously.
I have a habit of drowning out my own anxiety and sadness, by focusing all my attention on how I can help others. You know, all healthy choices. Just trying to be a good role model. As all contributing members of society should strive to be. And you know what all the professionals say, ignore the problem long enough, and it will inevitably go 'away'. So, I have devoted my life to the humble act of emotional repression.
*>soft pondering face, an interrupting thought<*
I find it a curious coincidence that repression rhymes with depression.
Anyways, I am the walking epitome of why you are supposed to "put your own mask on first". Or "don't try to breathe under water"
*>rolls eyes/shrug<*
Despite being a quick study, I am stubborn. Very stubborn. I can observe how my attempts to not disappoint ANYONE, has led to me be constantly disappointing myself. Which is the one person I should be most concerned with making proud. I mean, y'all cool n shit, but I'm the only person I actually have to live with and spend all my time around. So no offence, but fuck yo needs, mamas gon look after herself from now on. Man, that was eloquently put. I am impressed with myself. As I am sure you are.
I took a whole week devoted to healing, and thinking of all the ways I would take care of myself moving forward...
And came up with absolutely nothing. Just shooting blanks. I had the inspirational equivalent to erectile disfunction. Inspiration disfunction? Like I'm smacking it and shaking it *>mimes whacking at an invisible ween<* but not even a lil wiggle. So I took more time. Some might say, a gross amount of time, staring into the void, contemplating life, swimming in existential crises and dread.
Then on the horizon there was a light. Just a glimmer peaking over the line between the sky and earth. I was filled with hope, until I realized I had spent another sleepless night and it was just the sun rising. So I got up and went to another counselling appointment, where I was told in the softest manner a psychologist could have even tried to say "you are bad at life, do better."
So I am. It was actually very comforting to know I wasn't the only one that saw my habits as, well, stupid.
So in conclusion, I'm back bitches.
Please be patient with me as I try to catch up on all the tip messages and things that I have fallen MILES behind with. I shall not even attempt to be perfect or even good at my job anymore lol I am a flawed and I am embracing that. Hope you can too. DUCES!
