Meta messages are more important than messages
Everyone se..
🕑 Added 2022-05-08 04:05:02 +0000 UTC
Meta messages are more important than messages
Everyone seems to have learned to communicate directly and clearly, without innuendo. If you want, tell me. If you don't like it, let me know. But even now, in a relationship, it is much more important not what saying to you (a message), but what want to say to you (a meta message).
A seemingly simple phrase in a certain context can be a prick and an accusation, or an expression of resentment and frustration, or a desire to share anger and resentment.
The logical question is: why did I decide at all that someone want to say more than they already say? A person can mean exactly what he says. Can. As a rule, we are talking about such phrases in which there is a contradiction, a paradox or an understatement.
For example:
♦I say, "I want more variety in sex" but I don't specify what kind.
♦I say, "Let's not do this anymore," although the " this" happened by accident and no one is going to repeat it.
♦I say, "It's great that you came" but I look at you with a detached and empty look.
Nonverbal perfectly gives meta messages. Look, posture, eyebrows, body clamps.
You are disenchanted so as not to swear and not to invent:
"What do you mean?" / What do you mean by that? / Do I understand correctly that…
Yes, "words through the mouth" is an excellent principle. Just being in the mode of constant awareness and environmental friendliness is hard, and it is not necessary. This is especially difficult in situations of emotional intensity.
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