Hey all. Sorry I’ve been so quiet. I’m REALLY struggling rig..
🕑 Added 2022-07-29 00:20:01 +0000 UTC
Hey all. Sorry I’ve been so quiet. I’m REALLY struggling right now mentally and just hate how all my content has been turning out. I’ve deleted over 100 photos and 5 videos I’ve filmed this week because I just can’t handle how I look. I know that how I look, isn’t attractive to you guys either. I got my measurements done yesterday and body fat percentages done as well, and it makes me want to cry even typing this out, but I’m now classified as “Obese” and it KILLS me inside. I’ve gained nearly 100lbs since last year and I’ve had enough. Nearly 50% of my weight is fat, and I’ve lost SO much muscle due to not working out. I need a supportive team more than ever, because I feel so alone right now. My depression is at its lowest and I just NEED to get better. Mentally and Physically.
Please don’t tell me I look “fine” or “sexy” because that’s not what I need right now. I need people to encourage me to work out and be healthy and be my best self. I can hear I’m sexy 10000 times but until I believe it, it won’t mean a thing. I don’t feel sexy right now. I’m on the way to the gym right now, and after that I’m gonna do a livestream on here. So I hope you’ll all join me and help cheer me up.
To put things into perspective to for you guys, I’m at 43% bodyfat, almost 44%. Over 80lbs of me is straight fat, and 100lbs is muscle. I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been and I’m SO mad at myself for getting to this point. You guys deserve to have me at my best self, and so that’s what I’m going to push for. I’m on a mission to lose at least 40lbs and get down to 150ish. I found pics of me at this weight and I look GOOD. I’m still curvy, but like more like Slim Thick like Kim K. Not Voluptuous. I’ll be happy with a flat stomach TBH because right now my stomach hangs over my underwear and it’s so unattractive to me.
I love you all. Thanks for understanding. I’ll see you in a couple hours ❤️
