januaryembersxo
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I wanted to share something a bit more real and honest with ..
🕑 Added 2020-05-12 18:03:14 +0000 UTC I wanted to share something a bit more real and honest with you guys today! I know many of you on here also suffer with mental health issues. I'm not comparing my struggles to anyone elses, and I of course know there are worse off in this world, especially at this current time! But I think it's important to speak out about these things - especially when social media portray a show-reel of glamorised moments. You may already be aware I've suffered from insomnia since I was about 6 years old. I can go days without sleeping. I failed most of my exams, almost got kicked out of uni, lost most of my jobs because of it. I don't stay away from home if I can help it because I won't sleep until I return home. Only a strong dose of Zopiclone can put me to sleep for a couple of hours. I think I have a mild form of ADHD which might explain the erratic behaviour - I work and work and work without stopping until I crash. My mind never stops. I have a sleep tracker and I have about 15 minutes of deep sleep a night. I can't stay asleep for longer than an hour at a time - on a good night. I get terrible anxiety, I have considered suicide numerous times when I've been on my fourth day of no sleep and feel out of control of everything. I can't handle bad news - when my Grandad died last year, I barely slept for weeks. It controls my whole life. It sounds so trivial typing it out, but to spend your whole life exhausted trying to battle something that everyone else just has and takes for granted, leaves you with very little strength left to take on the other obstacles life throws at you. This turned into a big ramble, which sort of reflects my state of mind. But! thanks to you guys, I can manage my sleep to a point. I sleep when I can now, grab a few hours when possible. You guys have pretty much saved my life from spiralling and descending into complete madness, and have given me a little control back for the moment. I'm still terrified of the future, and a part of me deep down doesn't think I will stick around to see it, but we take it a day at a time 💙 Posts will return to normal now! 🤪 I was just having a funny day after a bad week of sleep, and feeling fragile. But I figured, rather than hide it, why not share it with you, so if you're going through a similar time, you don't feel so alone 💙 I just wanted you to know there's a person on the other end of this all xx
