SmallBeans posts
Posts: 1173
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186. Rough Stuff: Big Brother Baby Boners (Feat. Abe Epperson)
Big Bean Abe Epperson proves why he's head of the network by putting every other embarrassing story ever featured on the show to shame. His shame is so shameful, other peoples' shame should be ashamed. And it's all for the delight of Sarah, Bridgett, and YOU!Go ahead. Be delighted. See i...
Clown School: Class of 2019
For the last nine months or so, we've had a Reward Tier called "Clown School," whereby Patrons could pay fifty bucks to have us provide feedback on a personal project. While we've decided to shutter Clown School for a bit while Off Hours ramps up, we wanted to take a moment to sincer...
OFF HOURS: Writing Livestream!
Thank you to ALL who helped us reach our goal of raising enough funds to launch our new series Off Hours! That includes all the first-timers, veteran Cool Beans, and folks who simply spread the word or are looking forward to it. This bud's for you.WHAT BUD? The bud I mean is that we will be Live...
184. Frame Rate: The 'Burbs (Feat. Daniel Gordh)
The 'Burbs! It's part broad 80's comedy, part white xenophobic fear fulfillment, and all Tom Hanks-ed up! Daniel V. Gordh joins the guys to break down every aspect of this weird, dated, yet at moments brilliant movie. And there's Corey Feldman there as well!SB Merch: https://smallbea...
NEW GOAL: Off Hours, The Show
In case you hadn't noticed, we went ahead and changed our funding goal! Don't believe me? Look to the left of this post slightly and BE AMAZED.See, our goal used to be "Give us $12,000 to make a short to use as a pitching tool to help sell a movie." We weren't joking, that is wha...
183. Frame Rate: Bone Tomahawk (Feat. Jack O'Brien)
Our old boss and host of the Daily Zeitgeist Jack "Potatoes" O'Brien takes a break from fatherhood to watch the most violent, gruesome western ever made and discuss its broader implications with those Frame Rate Fucks. Is S. Craig Zahler a refreshing new voice in suspense, or simply a ma...
182. Pop Culture Petri Dish: Future Food!
From bug-bread (excellent with butter bugs), to lab-grown meat, to unfuckable turkeys, to The Mootrix 2: Electric Boogamoo, Abe and Cristian take a survey of the kind of crap all ten billion of us will be eating the day after tomorrow. Literally. Shit is rough out here, folks. SPONSORED BY FOODINI!M...
We're Finishing Our Screenplay Right NOW!!
It's called Force of Nature. We've been streaming it for a while. Today we wrap it up, and soon we will host a reading with actor friends. For now, the final writing stream is available HERE:https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCN0Vm92-mDeMFHX3QficymQ/live
Rejected Pitches # 847, 848, & 849: Hanna-Barberra
A while back, we were asked to pitch animated series that comically subvert the tropes of a classic (second-tier, that was part of it) Hanna-Barberra cartoon. Something that would be at home in the [adult swim] space.Here are the pitches we came up with, all of which are not currently on your televi...
181. What Dinosaur Real Good? Quetzalcoatlus!
This little buddy, you really just have to see for yourself. Bridgett tells the guys about an animal so improbable they both immediately go violently insane. It's a hoot!Art by the Small Beans community.Wicked Guitar Riff by Abe Epperson.
Calls of Nature: LAST CALL, BRITCHES
UPDATE: This stream will begin at 3PM TODAY, Pacific Daylight Time.If you've been around the Beanfields of late, you probably know that Michael and Abraham are working on their third co-written feature-length screenplay, and streaming the process!It's called "Force of Nature." It'...
Side of Beans: Which Video Game Character Is THE RICHEST?!
As you might expect, despite the rich, refried goodness our beloved Cool Beans keep flowing through the joint (money, he's describing money), it also sometimes bean-hooves the SB Boys to take on side work to make beans meet. WHAT? Just keep reading.Here's a thing! Mike was luckily and awesom...
180. Rough Stuff: Listener Tales of Terror (Feat. You!)
Your favorite purveyors of humiliation Bridgett and Sarah turn to you, the audience, to execute the final phase of what was always their plan: to make a podcast-trap for listeners so they can make fun of them! Enjoy it, listener! Celebrating one year of Rough Stuff.
Call of Nature #11 LIVE NOW!!
About to yet again stream us writing an action screenplay. Check it out for a few hours if you're around!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AjgwxMaEhAsIf you want plot details, they can be found here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/call-of-nature-2-24519712
178. Frame Rate: Synecdoche, NY (Feat. Brooks Brown)
Special Thanks to Cool Bean Zac Shwartz for bringing this episode to your ears by supporting us at the "Pick the Flick!" level! Flick well-picked, Zac. Flick well-picked.Charlie Kaufman's devastating tale of life, death, and ham-fisted direction shows a side of Phillip Seymour Hoffman th...
Going Private: A Failed Cracked Studios Pilot
Hey there, all who would ride and die for Beans and Bean-related puns! Swaim here. Since people responded so positively to our Mar10 post of a Cracked pilot script that never got produced, I thought I'd share another.Going Private was my attempt at a low-budget comedy noir featuring the After Ho...
The SB Vault Is Opening! Hoard Blank VHS Tapes!
As more than a YEAR has passed since some of our pods dropped just on the other side of the Patronage Wall (wow, thanks for keeping us afloat so long!), we here at Small Beans have decided to share some of the choice-iest eps from our backlog with the non-member public (or "laybean") at long...
177. Tales from the Pit: The O. C. Disorder (Feat. Jamie Loftus)
Jamie Loftus joins Michael in the Pit of Odiousness to discuss her dealings with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, the importance of wearing long sleeves at work, Lilo & Stitch merchandise, and how all of these things conspired to make her the hackstress she is t0d4y.Art by Seth Laster.Music by Abe Epp...
Call of Nature #10 LIVE NOW!!!
About to yet again stream us writing an action screenplay. Check it out for a few hours if you're around!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-uaDDbKLHmgIf you want plot details, they can be found here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/call-of-nature-2-24519712
176. The Coen Brothers Brothers: The Ladykillers
MUBI Promotional Offer: https://mubi.com/brothersThe oft-maligned prelude to No Country, Joel and Ethan's grudging remake of the Alec Guinness/Peter Sellers comedy classic The Ladykillers is...wait for it...funnier than you think it is. Abe and Michael unpack it's undeniable flaws, learn a l...
175. BOLD: Allyship 101, The Construction Of Whiteness (Feat. Paul Kivel, Ariel Luckey)
BOLD is a podcast about race and justice in America, and a collaboration between Small Beans and Showing Up For Racial Justice, produced by White People 4 Black Lives. In the second episode, writer, educator, and legendary social justice advocate Paul Kivel helps Dahlia and Michael explain a bit of ...
Happy MAR10, Everybody!
In honor of the date, please enjoy this script Swaim wrote for a never-to-be-produced planned series at Cracked called "16 - Bits." An animated follow-up to 8 - Bits, this series would have parodied popular video games with funny little cartoons. WARNING: For the full effect of the planned s...
Call of Nature #9 LIVE NOW!!
About to yet again stream us writing an action screenplay. Check it out for a few hours if you're around!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCQW5-fnKc4If you want plot details, they can be found here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/call-of-nature-2-24519712
March Q&A Beanus Module: Greg Burke
Greg, Adam and Mike answer Small Beans' questions, shoot the shoot about Escort Mission, their tenures at Cracked, and plans for future collaborations. It's fun to hear old friends catch up!
174. Pop Culture Petri Dish: Your Space-Money's No Good Here
Abe and Cristian examine fictional economies that strive to span galaxies, yet fail to actually function in any conceivable realm of reality. From Trade Federations to the Replicator to Spice-Trade and the Houses, it's alllllll just bullshit. So let's enjoy it!Art by Michael Vincent Bramley....
Call of Nature #8 LIVE NOW!!
About to yet again stream us writing an action screenplay. Check it out for a few hours if you're around!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FN6rmbch5mYIf you want plot details, they can be found here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/call-of-nature-2-24519712
173. What Dinosaur Real Good? Hesperonychus!
The Dino Dream Team of three people who barely know anything about dinosaurs but make up for it with passion is BACK, BABY! Abraham tells Bridgett and Michael about the meanest prehistoric meth-turkey this side of the Mesozoic...Hesperonychus!Art by the Small Beans community.Wicked Guitar Riff by Ab...
Memberbeans: The Interrogation
In honor of our GoldenEye episode of 1Upsmanship, we thought it would be appropriate to share one of our very first sketches, filmed in a breastfeeding room at UC San Diego, and featuring the improvised talent of Brett Rader, Matt Barrs, Ryan Ricketts, and Michael Swaim. Abe Epperson Directed and Ed...
Call of Nature #7 LIVE NOW!!
About to yet again stream us writing an action screenplay. Check it out for a few hours if you're around!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DK9TV7tJYCEIf you want plot details, they can be found here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/call-of-nature-2-24519712
Call of Nature #6 LIVE NOW!
About to yet again stream us writing an action screenplay. Check it out for a few hours if you're around!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K94E2isxkNYIf you want plot details, they can be found here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/call-of-nature-2-24519712
